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Burn & RaveB#*LSHIT BLITZSometimes when you get to drinkin a little to hard you loose track of the days. Or weeks. But fresh outta rehab the boys are back and okay as ever. Tonight, Ryan gets generic and Sam commits a felony- oh boy! Later, Sam fondly recounts molesting a dying man. Ryan talks empty-nesting while Sam hooks up with yet another lady of the night at the local watering hole. Then we wrap it all up with quick convo on how you, yes you can monetize your genital warts. Tune in, you’ll be sorry you did!!!Support the sho...2024-10-3123 minBurn & RaveFast Trash NascarRyan’s gonna drive your Ms. Daisy ass right the f#ck back to 1919 with a trip to Hearst Castle! Do you want to get away with any crime? Of course you do! And the answer is a Kanye mask and semen. Then we tame some stallions so the boys can teach YOU how to kick-flip YOUR horse. Have you been thinking about getting into 4 wheelin? Not anymore! Cause that sh*t is boring. Then Ryan gets economical and Sam talks burger joints. Mmmm…burgers. All this and more! Right from the comfort of your own shi...2024-07-1831 minBurn & RaveDrama What?There once was a man from Nantucket and he loved himself the sh!t outta some Burn and Rave Podcast! Sam goes to the big city to try his hand at comedy. Then Sam discusses driving through tears. Ryan figures out how to get his dogs to pay their way. Also, who’s humpier: a camel or a dromedary? A drama-what??? Is camel style the new doggie style? Inquiring minds like mine want to know.Additional Hot Takes Include: McHenry ShawarmaBum Dog Training ProgramsGummi Bear Root Canals& Ryan drops another Top 10:Top...2024-07-0426 minBurn & RaveThe Straw That Broke The Mule's BackTwo brainless morons, special sauce, lettuce, & cheese. Straight out the gate Ryan demonstrates his tenuous grasp on the English language and they invent a way to put even the most notorious drug cartels out of business. Sam follows up with some new “jokes." Then he updates us on his downtown swinger friends. Ryan regains control of the ship with some good old barnyard ballin’ until Sam takes us on a deep dive into the seedy underbelly of Modesto's best dive bar. Get the popcorn ready. This is a good one.Tune in, vibe out...2024-06-2032 minBurn & RaveThe Masks Are OnThe comedy podcast you love not telling anyone about is back and worse than ever. Ryan starts us out with some helpful summer driving tips then transitions seamlessly into astrology, denouncing Capricorns in the process. Then they play the who’s got a better name game: Sam or Ryan? (Hint: Not Ryan)Lastly, they roll the whole thing up with a Christmas offering: 12 days of taking advantage of your wife. Sprinkle in some Swedish nonsense, play some ABBA, and light the whole thing up. Ooh yeahhhhhhh.Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this...2024-06-0627 minBurn & RaveHello Me, It's Me Again Lucky you! Tonight the boys try out some new joke material. Then Sam’s tells a joke so funny HR wants to hear it. How bad did Sam screw the pooch? Tune in and find out.Ryan opens up about his love of pearl necklaces. Is Sam schizophrenic? Who said that? Holy sh$t, that’s a lot. Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this episode responsibly!Remember:"Do not go gentle into that good night,Old age should burn and rave at close of day;Rag...2024-04-2519 minBurn & RaveC U Next TuesdayIf cocaine could make a sound, this would be it. So roll up a dolla bill and get your ears ready for an ass-blast of psychological trauma! Sam finds his hidden talent (Hint: it has three holes and you stick your fingers into it), and Ryan stabs some kids. Sam also explores the virgin field of forensic fecal analyses. And finally, Sam shows Ryan where the bad man touched him. Oh yeah, there’s another top 10 list!Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this episode responsibly!Remember:"Do not go gen...2024-04-1121 minBurn & RavePT LosersStill here? Well great! Cause so are Sam and Ryan. Here’s what to expect from this circus: the age old tradition of “Jokes before hoes” is discussed and then Ryan breaks down the reasons gen Zer’s will never make captain. Then the boys give you some simple pointers on how to find easy blackmail targets and why PT Cruisers are not optimal vehicles. Ryan’s sausage squirts him in the eye and there’s another top 10 list! How do they do it?Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this episode responsibly!2024-03-2828 minBurn & RaveAshes to Ashes, Butt to ButtSit back, relax and pop a couple quaaludes cause Sam and Ryan are on a roll! Let the smooth sounds of their intergalactic b$&lshit train cause you to question your very existence. Sam talks Bro Code. Ryan needs an Uber Piss. And what the f&$k is “butt to butt”? Find out in this episode of BNR. Oh, and the boys hate some cute ideas to help you preserve your family’s legacy.Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this 100th episode responsibly!Remember:"Do not go gentle into that good ni...2024-03-0721 minBurn & RaveLook, Mom, We Made It! (100th episode)In this historic 100th episode episode, Ryan finally admits to his long-lasting crush on Sam who can't recall if he left his balls out to defrost or not. Meanwhile, Ryan contemplates one last ditch effort at selling his body parts on the interwebs before dazzling us with another Top Ten List of Cars to Buy in 2024.Other topics include: baby exoskeletons, water cremation, human taxidermy, and the dream that kept Ryan awake.Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this 100th episode responsibly!Remember:"Do not go gentle into that good night,2024-02-2224 minBurn & RaveBad Hair Ryan & Good Throat SamRyan explains what a menace he was as a teen (and still is) and Sam gives arguably the greatest marriage advice every husband needs to hear.We also get to the bottom of Ryan's bad haircut, why dental hygienists ask so many questions, and finally, Ryan shares Top Ten Reasons Sam Can't Own a Cat. #MeowTune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this episode responsibly.Remember:"Do not go gentle into that good night,Old age should burn and rave at close of day;Rage, r...2024-02-0816 minBurn & RaveMcShit BurgersSam and Ryan's investigative reporting expose a Coca Cola Cow Connection that may be at the heart of the obesity and diabetes epidemic in the US, so their logical next step is to look for ways to exploit cattle for their own gain.We also learn about Ryan's crippling fear of heights, who would be assassinated first, and how Joe, as a a dairy DJ, gets cows crunk. The boyz of Burn & Rave also settle the ancient argument over what's better: meatballs or meatloaf? They also discuss Sam's handstand pilgrimage.Tune in, vibe...2024-01-2527 minBurn & RaveKeeping Tit ProfessionalIn this long-awaited new episode, the geniuses at Burn & Rave invent Tent Pants (TM/COPYRIGHT) and Cat Hats (ALSO, DON"T STEAL OUR IDEAS, ELON!)In politics, we solve the world's geopolitical crisis with our new venture Burnouts for Borders, a non-profit, border security company. In science news, Ryan explains the Earth's rotation and Sam explains why his mom is dizzy.Also, Ryan learns how to send an email in our new segment: Corporate Doozies and Don'ts.Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this episode responsibly.Remember:"...2023-12-1425 minBurn & RaveHorse Head in the BedIn this episode of Burn & Rave, Sam explains ekphrastic poetry and the boys reveal some performance tips that could help you win the next poetry prize!Additionally, these geniuses discuss the world of horses, Ryan's nasal period, andSam introduces Ryan to Chapstick.Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this episode responsibly.Remember:"Do not go gentle into that good night,Old age should burn and rave at close of day;Rage, rage against the dying of the light."Send your thank you letters...2023-11-3032 minBurn & RaveCHUD KidsIn this quintessential episode of Burn and Rave, we learn why Ryan's favorite teacher was his favorite teacher. (Hint: It's not what you think. It's worse.) We also learn about narcissistic parenting and why Sam is always wrong.Also, Ryan has a plan to eliminate deadbeat dads through his non-profit Chud Kids program. Meanwhile, Sam gets invited to a pineapple party.Let the games begin. Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this episode responsibly.Remember:"Do not go gentle into that good night,Old age should burn a...2023-11-0242 minBurn & RaveThe Art of Joking OffThe Burn and Rave crew breaks down their need for a lot more sax, they engage in a messy joke off, and Ryan explains why he loves the slow lane.Sam explains his biggest flex while Ryan finally learns to flex his kegel.Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this episode responsibly.Remember:"Do not go gentle into that good night,Old age should burn and rave at close of day;Rage, rage against the dying of the light."Send your thank you letters, fan...2023-10-1924 minBurn & RaveShark and BarkListen, just don't tell anyone.In this episode, Ryan and Sam discuss reverse heightism, Ryan's rabid dog, shark baby hybrids, dog paternity tests, and Sam's near death experience (as well as being hit on by a GILF) at his favorite watering hole. Ryan also won't STFU about his Tonka truck, and they offer a bulletproof way to decrease crime and car jackings.Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this episode responsibly.Remember:"Do not go gentle into that good night,Old age should burn and rave a...2023-10-0531 minBurn & RaveGuaca-Glory-Holy-Lizzo-MoleIn this earth-shattering episode, Sam and Ryan breakdown the Lizzo story and get to the banana of things. In the science portion of the show, Ryan explains what happens when male genitalia is removed. Sam has different ideas. Also in this episode . . .Do dogs make good dental hygienists?Do bad people smell worse than good people?Is bowling the new math ? Inquiring minds like mine want to know!Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this episode responsibly.Remember:"Do not go gentle into that good night,Old age...2023-08-2424 minBurn & RaveSlack-Jawed JokelsSam and Ryan joke each other off in this all new episode. Other topics include: pizza rat, how to use an air fryer, Sam's gorgeous feet, peanut butter, and the 1% of wisdom Ryan imparts to his children.Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this episode responsibly.Remember:"Do not go gentle into that good night,Old age should burn and rave at close of day;Rage, rage against the dying of the light."Send your thank you letters, fan mail, media awards, or sick burns...2023-07-2716 minBurn & RaveGouillabaisseSam investigates Ryan's Google search history and Sam shares his list of the most hated people. They also invent BNR bouillon cubes. Available soon in our shop. Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this episode responsibly.Remember:"Do not go gentle into that good night,Old age should burn and rave at close of day;Rage, rage against the dying of the light."Send your thank you letters, fan mail, media awards, or sick burns to burnandravepodcast@gmail.comFollow us here: I...2023-07-1322 minBurn & RaveNES on FireRyan got ripped off . . . or did he? Perhaps he invested in the greatest NES knockoff in the world. Tune in to decide. Additionally, in this episode, Ryan and Sam incubate a few new ideas: A Post-Mortem Firewood Company and Uber Hearses. They also discuss the Zen of Road Rage.Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this episode responsibly.Remember:"Do not go gentle into that good night,Old age should burn and rave at close of day;Rage, rage against the dying of the light."S...2023-06-2922 minBurn & RaveDumber Summer GamesIn this extra special episode, Ryan teaches Sam about old Chevy trucks and Sam teaches Ryan about using the gym. Parenting during the Covid era, the origins of the dinosaur hoax, and Ryan's numerous head injuries are also on the menu at this award-unwinning podcast diner, which is guaranteed to nourish you (or make you sick) on your long and windy road trip through life. Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this episode responsibly.Remember:"Do not go gentle into that good night,Old age should burn and rave...2023-06-0124 minBurn & RaveSwaddle Grand ChampionIn this special parenting edition, Ryan and Sam debate who's the best baby swaddler and they break down the fundamental differences between Gen X (the best) and Gen Z (not the best) . Sam explains Gen Z speech to Ryan to help him better engage his offspring, and Ryan shares his extensive knowledge of the Zodiac. We also learn that Sam was recently attacked by a three-legged dog (that now has two legs left), and Ryan explains the BEST way to prevent such an attack in the future.Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this e...2023-05-1826 minBurn & RaveBoomers with Bud LightIn this emotionally vulnerable episode of Burn & Rave, Ryan unloads on Sam and then introduces him to the Barf Bag. Ryan also discusses the history of hot rods and where to get the best gow jobs. (Ryan likes cars.)Meanwhile, Sam explains human's energy pipelines and how to become superhuman.They also Shark Tank the idea of Ball Polishing Boutiques, and Sam tells a joke that he will probably regret. Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this episode responsibly.Remember:"Do not go gentle into that good night,O...2023-05-0421 minBurn & RaveDiddler on the RoofIn this informative episode that's guaranteed to make you smarter, Ryan and Sam explore a new contracting business: "Diddler on the Roof," for all of your roofing needs and more.Additionally, Ryan explains blunts and shares some rock and roll irony while Sam explains the origin story of male contortionists.The two also debate whose blood is more enticing to vampires: Sam's or the guy who's filled with Mike & Ike's and exhaust fumes? Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this episode responsibly.Remember:"Do not go gentle into that...2023-03-2328 minBurn & RavePirate Muscle Hot RodsSam and Ryan use their artificial intelligence to test ChatGPT's actual intelligence by asking it to do our jobs and write a script for our award-winning podcast. Can AI do it better than us? Can AI last as long and give our audience the ear orgasms they have come to expect?Spoiler: It sure can and we will be unemployed soon.Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this episode responsibly.Remember:"Do not go gentle into that good night,Old age should burn and rave at c...2023-03-0914 minBurn & RaveLoFi Larva LibationsIn this episode, Sam tries to tell Ryan a story about a shot at LoFi Labs and it doesn't go well, but spoiler: it does come to a very satisfying end . . . eventually. So hang on tight.Detours include a trip to Worm Sommelier University and a lesson on how to handle peer pressure at 47. We explain how tequila is really made, and sadly we learn that Ryan was whataped? To help spread awareness and to help stop the virus of unwanted man-on-man massages, we explain the difference between a back massage and seggsual assault when b...2023-02-2323 minBurn & RaveFlat Bottom GuyYou may have heard of Flat Earthers, but have you heard of Flat Assers? Ryan is a charter member. On this episode of the award-winning Burn & Rave podcast, Sam explains the importance of butter and bread in bed, the boys get to the bottom of the Bottom's Up Coffee Shop empire, and in their theology segment they discuss the origins of man, Adam and (St)Eve. In local news, the BNR geniuses debate the merits of Hustler Hollywood vs. Modesto Suzie's, and they explain the singular most important reason for a high school student to j...2023-02-0929 minBurn & RaveDon't You Be My NeighborIn this rain-soaked episode, we learn that Ryan is the real My Pillow guy and quite possibly the world's most competitive serial killer. He hates lawn tractors, Sam's hot dog d*ck pillows, and apparently everyone around him, but has Ryan gone too far this time? Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this episode responsibly.Remember:"Do not go gentle into that good night,Old age should burn and rave at close of day;Rage, rage against the dying of the light."Send your thank you letters, fa...2023-01-2627 minBurn & RaveDisco DicksWe've created a party in our pants, and you're all coming!In this long-awaited, brand spanking new episode of the Burn and Rave podcast, we invent competitive hitchhiking and Sam saves Kanye's reputation. Ryan helps Sam understand the emotional significance of snot rockets and covalent bonds while Sam extols the virtues of exhuming bodies for their implants. Tune in, vibe out, share, and enjoy this episode responsibly.Remember:"Do not go gentle into that good night,Old age should burn and rave at close of day;Rage, rage a...2022-12-1534 minBurn & RaveLiL NOASSATALL & Yung DWARFYIn this fascinating new episode, we learn that Ryan has tinnitus and malfunctioning glutes, but Sam is just the doctor he needs. Also, the new BNR studio drapes double as a Rorschach test and Ryan fails (or passes). We aren't really psychiatrists, so you can decide.Ryan opens the mail bag and reads a fan post. Meanwhile, Sam opens the male brag and explains periods and margins. We also learn that Sam's family plays hopscotch on Ryan's blood and Ol' McDonald is a rapper, but not nearly as good of a rapper as Ryan. 2022-12-0134 min