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Restore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Reviving Marital Sex and IntimacyHave you ever felt like your sex life was struggling? Since intimacy challenges are very common between husband and wife, you are not alone. But what can we do to revive it?Listen in as we explore a few common mindsets of husband and wife and how they could be having a negative impact on the sexual aspect of your marriage. Discover how life-coaching ties into the reviving process and 5 easy tips that can help. Schedule a FREE Discovery Session at www.shellie.andersoncoaching.com.2024-06-1828 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.The Rush of ForeplayDo you remember your dating years and how awesome it was to make out? It was such a rush! The often drawn out experience really allowed for so many emotions and sensations to build up in our bodies. We often enjoyed it so much that we usually looked forward to next time, and were even craving it. When we were dating, make out sessions seemed to last much longer than they do once you get married. When sex is introduced into the relationship, couples seem to just rush to the pleasure part of orgasm. This leaves behind the ma...2024-05-2030 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Inducing IntimacyBook your FREE Discovery Session at www.shellie.andersoncoaching.com today!Have you ever thought of inducing and intimacy in the same sentence? I hadn't either, until recently, when I heard a song on the radio that really caught my attention. The male singer talked about birthing lyrics and inducing songs. Interesting concept coming from a man who cannot physically birth babies.Listen in on today's episode, where we will take some awesome notes from these intriguing lyrics and apply them to intimacy. These insights can really help a husband and wife when they are opera...2024-05-1429 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Your Sex Life Is An IllusionBook a FREE Discovery Session at www.shellie.andersoncoaching.com. Have you ever thought that your sex life is an illusion? While dating life was fun and spontaneous, married life and the sexual aspect of it seems to be a lot different than what you thought it would be.This is where our lovely expectations come face to face with reality. Things have changed and shifted, and we may end up feeling like we were being played all along and that we are now just being used. But sex in marriage doesn't have to feel this...2024-05-0634 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Married Sex is a ScamBook your FREE Discovery Session at www.shellie.andersoncoaching.comHave you ever thought that married sex turned out to be a scam? If so, you are not alone. Husbands feel scammed when the quantity of sex is not as high as they had hoped for. Wives feel scammed when the quality of sex is not as high as they had hoped for.Both spouses feel scammed for different reasons. This will leave each spouse attempting to solve the problem with approaches that will meet their own needs, but not both spouse's needs. So, w...2024-04-2928 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Mandatory Pleasure For MenSign up for a FREE Discovery Session at shellie.andersoncoaching.com. Have you ever wondered why men seem to enjoy and want sex so much more than their wife? While many might assume that its simply because their testosterone levels are higher, it's not the only reason.The arousing shenanigans of procreation actually requires the man to have "pleasure in the process" in order for it to be successful; it's mandatory. But this is not the same for women. The sweet spot of their most pleasurable nerve endings doesn't automatically line up the same way, an...2024-04-2330 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Less Rhetoric, More SexBook your FREE Discover Session today at www.shellie.andersoncoaching.comHave you ever wondered what approach a husband takes when he is feeling in the mood for sex? Often, there is no strategic approach at all. And even more often, the approaches they do try often fall short.Listen in on today's episode where we look closer at a not-so-obvious trap about rhetoric that seems to be at the root of the many faulty approaches and quick fix attempts. Discover 3 tips for having a better discussion about sex that benefits BOTH the husband and the...2024-04-151h 02
Richest Men in TownEpisode #139: Nick and Shellie Anderson-"Do the Work"In This Episode:The wait is over. After a bit of a break this summer, the guys are back with the highly anticipated debut of Season 6 of The Richest Men In Town. To kick things off, Tyler and Mike are excited to bring back Nick Anderson. Nick has been on a couple of times (check out Episodes #16 and #40) but this time the guys mix it up a bit by inviting his wife Shellie to join him on the program to tell her story...and what a story she has! Her faith journey has been an arduous...2023-09-042h 46Restore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Husbands Are Being Fed Garbage About IntimacyHave you ever really taken the time to stop and think about the information that is out in the world about sex and intimacy? Sadly, so much of it is just garbage. Even a husband with the best intentions, who is trying to improve things with his wife, can end up reading articles or books, or watching videos, that have incorrect and outdated information about the female arousal system, that use feminism as a buzzword and a mask, and then give limited solutions that go against the ethical standards of the helping professions.It's time to...2023-08-0129 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.A Spouse's Sexual SovereigntySometimes in marriage, we may feel the tension of a power struggle, especially when it shows up in the sexual aspect of our relationship. At times, we may feel like we are just our spouse's sex slave, with little say in how the experience is going for ourselves.But it doesn't have to be this way. We can choose to focus on the freedoms that we actually have in our marriage when it comes to our intimate and sexual experience. We need to remember that we very much have a say in what we want that very per...2023-07-0317 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Ep 151 Part 2: My Husband's ResponseWhat do you think about "quickies"? You and your spouse probably think about them differently.In this Keep It Fresh Friday podcast, Nick talks about the reality of quick sex and how he has changed his thinking about sex over time.Listen to this episode where Nick talks about his reaction to my podcast this week, episode 151, "A Quickie in the Office". He addresses sexual intimacy and how men can change their thinking about their own, and their wife's desires.What you'll discover:•Why quality is WAY better than quantity, for women AN...2023-06-1614 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Ep 150 Part 2: My Husband's ResponseDo you ever wonder what happens when your, or your spouse's, arousal becomes dormant?In this Keep It Fresh Friday podcast, Nick talks about the reality of deliverance from arousal traps and learning together with your spouse about each other's Intimacy Trek and how a good marriage can become an incredible marriage.Listen to this episode where Nick talks about his reaction to my podcast this week, episode 150, "A Couple's Fight at a Restaurant". He addresses arousal traps and how men can change their thinking about their own, and their wife's, arousal.What...2023-06-1015 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Ep 149 Part 2: My Husband's ResponseDo you ever wonder how your spouse REALLY thinks about you when you blame them for how you feel?We (Nick and Shellie) still blame each other all the time for how we feel; however, we know this is low level thinking and almost always untrue. Knowing this changes everything and helps us turn frustrations into learning opportunities. It's not easy, but it makes marriage WAY more Meaningful.People usually blame others to justify their feelings of anger, sadness, grief, boredom, or any other emotion. Do we even care anymore about the fake reality we...2023-06-0216 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Part 2: My Husband's ResponseDo you ever feel like your spouse doesn't give you the credit you deserve?Welcome to the club! I bet all of us can relate to some degree. Often, when we feel like we are not getting the credit or the affirmation we feel we deserve, we can resort to some tactics out of desperation, like playing the victim, blaming them, trying to control their behaviors, or acting self-righteous. We may not even realize we are doing this.Sadly, these attempts are what actually lead a spouse to do the opposite and treat us like t...2023-05-2515 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Creating Comfort in Sex TalkHave you ever found that you were finally feeling "in the mood" to be intimate only to get derailed by something your spouse said? This is such a common scenario, but one that often happens unnecessarily.The challenge comes when we hear certain words or phrases that we don't like and then we make those words mean something negative... either about our spouse, our self, or about intimacy. This happens in our brain and is at the heart of life coaching skills. Listen in on today's episode where we discuss 4 steps to take to make thi...2022-12-1232 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.5 Days, 5 FightsHave you ever felt frustrated when you are fighting with your spouse? Like you wanted to reconnect but somehow your efforts weren't producing the results you wanted?You are not alone. Sometimes, when things are not going well in the marriage, we will have negative thoughts that derail our best efforts and can take us even further down the negative rabbit hole. In this situation, our stress levels can make it challenging to call on our higher brain to think differently and to think better.Listen in on today's episode where Nick and Shellie get rea...2022-08-2941 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Independence and IntimacySometimes, in marriage, we can start to become so dependent on our spouse that we forget that we are responsible to continue to be our own person. We each have our own thoughts, feel our own emotions, and can even experience the same situation differently. In honor of our nation's Independence Day, we are focusing today's episode on the concept of independence and how it relates to intimacy. While me might easily dismiss that these two are related, the more we accept it and understand it, the more we will feel like ourselves in the relationship.2022-07-0513 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.You Don't "HAVE TO" Do AnythingPart of the beauty of being an adult is that you get to make decisions for yourself. An adult brain has abilities that a child’s brain doesn’t, like being able to think about our thinking. As adults, we get to use this ability to our advantage, or disadvantage, depending on which way we approach it. When we get stuck thinking that we “have to” do things, it can trigger us to feel quite terrible. This shows up in marriage as well. We think we “have to” be a good spouse, that we “have to” do the dishes, or that w...2022-01-101h 00Restore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Ascending TogetherMarriage doesn't have to be a place where there is constant competition or power struggles. Why not both rise up together? In today's world, marriage is hard enough. We can easily be bombarded by the many messages out there that only contribute to more conflict in one of the relationships we treasure the most.But there is no need for all of that. With the start of the new year, why not pick a theme for your marriage where both husband and wife can reach new heights by working together and lifting one another up? Now that sound...2022-01-0330 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Get Your Mind Out of the GutterHave you ever heard the phrase "get your mind out of the gutter?" I'm guessing that most of us have. Unfortunately, there is often a huge assumption made when that phrase is said. And the assumption is this: that there are inappropriate and immoral sexual thoughts of the worst kind taking place.But what if that is simply not true? What if a person was thinking a sexual thought about their spouse, in a way that was completely appropriate, and caused them to feel closer as a result? If that's the case, maybe we should get our mind i...2021-12-2751 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Healthy Holiday BoundariesThe holidays can be stressful sometimes. Even though we love our families and extended relatives, spending an increased amount of time with them can really increase our frustration levels. This often leads to over-reactions, things said in the heat of the moment, and even some regret later on. Setting up personal boundaries ahead of time, before these family events, can be one of the best things we can do to keep relationships healthy and thriving. In today's episode, we are going to talk about personal boundaries that never need to spoken, although spoken boundaries are sometimes required. Bound...2021-12-2053 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Causes and Consequences of a Sexless MarriageHave you ever found that physical and sexual intimacy seems to be slipping by the wayside? Sometimes, we may find that we are not as engaged in the sexual aspect of our marriage simply by default. We have been caught up in all of the busy-ness of doing all the things that need to be done, and have ended up too tired or too stressed to focus on intimacy.Not to worry. This is common and just one of the many factors that can contribute to a lack of intimacy. In today's episode, we are going to disc...2021-12-1342 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Experiencing an Unspoken AfterglowDwelling in love is a phrase that comes from the scriptures. And as we strive to dwell in love with our spouse, and put in the mental work to love them without fear, we can experience something we may not have considered before.This episode is a spiritual one. Many of my clients come to me wishing their husband would be different... less focused on sex and more focused on spiritual things. But what if these two things could be combined in a way that we never thought of before? That would be amazing!Listen in a...2021-12-0642 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Whole Messages vs. Partial MessagesToday we are going to explore a type of communication called Whole Messages. We are going pull this valuable information from a book called "Messages, The Communication Skills Book."Couples can easily fall into the trap of using Partial Messages when they leave out important information when they are communicating with one another. Fear is often what drives us to communicate in this way, creating confusion, a sense of suspicion, and often mistrust. Many negative emotions accompany this type of communication, and does not help create the understanding or closeness we long for.Listen in as...2021-11-2938 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.A Simple Shift for Developing DesireHave you ever loved your husband so much, but didn't have much desire to be intimate? Have you ever thought you weren't "normal" because your desire wasn't very high? Well, most women think their hormones are off, but what is often overlooked is how we are actually thinking about intimacy.And since we have a high level of control over the thoughts we choose to spend time thinking, we can have a major impact on our desire. Desire is an emotion that gets triggered by our thinking. So if we are thinking negative thoughts about our spouse or i...2021-11-2254 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Humor and the HeartWhen our heart is feeling heavy, is humor our first go-to when we want to feel some relief? Probably not. Humor is one of those things that can really contribute to us feeling better, but is often underestimated.Well, not when it comes to Life Coaching! We never underestimate the power of humor. We see using humor as a skill, and anyone can use it. In today's podcast episode, we will explore this in more detail as we discuss three questions that will help us look at our challenges in marriage, intimacy, or life in gener...2021-11-0932 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Making TimeWe have all heard of the many little things that couples do to keep perspective, especially those who have been together for a long time, like "let the little things go, find the humor in life, and focus on the good. There's so much great wisdom to keep in mind -- from wise couples who have made it. But what about something that's easy & fun?What about planning a trip that's just for you two . . . without kids or work or any other distractions?What if you just planned on doing that once a year . . . every year.2021-11-0220 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.The Arousal FlowerDoes it ever seem like women's physical/sexual arousal is often a mystery? Well, it's no wonder considering what is often portrayed in movies, TV shows, the internet, and magazine articles. We grow up being surrounded by media that mixes Emotional Desire with arousal, causing all kinds of confusion, but that also portrays only one type of arousal...Sponateous arousal. Spontaneous arousal is the instantaneous drive that shows up out of nowhere, and this is the type that most MEN experience... NOT most women. Then we run into the issue where women start to believe that they, too...2021-10-2538 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Cleaning Up Contaminated CommunicationBefore most of my live workshops, I often hand out an anonymous questionaire for people to fill out about their marriages and intimacy struggles. Without fail, challenges with communication always end up as one of the answers.Have you ever wished communication was better between you and your spouse? If so, then this will be a fabulous episode for you! Listen in as we explore what it means when our communication becomes contaminated... with assumptions, negative thinking patterns, and blame. We will explore one of the most obvious red flags that can act as a signal to us...2021-10-1954 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Vanilla Buttercream Massage OilAre you wondering if this episode is going to be about different sensual massage oils? Well, this particular episode is actually going to discuss how lowering stress fuels the fire inside, the fire of sensual desire. Lowering stress had such an amazing effect on me personally this week, that I knew we needed to share the amazing effect that happens naturally when we do this.High stress is one of the main blockers to feeling a natural desire for intimacy. This is why being able to lower it is so valuable. As Nick and I worked together to lo...2021-10-111h 09Restore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.The Fly Swatter StoryDid you ever consider that a fly swatter could be the source of so much happiness? Well, I had never considered it... until this past week. As I was tackling my list of things that needed to be done, a few pesky flies seemed to hover over me, and I became very annoyed.In today's episode, I want to share with you some of the little blaming thoughts that were taking place that are related to these pesky flies, and also to my husband, Nick. What we may not realize is that these blaming thoughts, that sometimes sit...2021-10-0437 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Getting GoldenWhat does it mean to be "getting golden?" When we think of the word gold, we often think of the shiny metal. Gold is known to have kept its value over time, and is considered to be precious, vibrant, and of great worth. So, what might happen if we were to approach our marriage in this same way, viewing it as something golden... something that is precious, vibrant, and of great worth? In today's episode, we are going to take a closer look at this word "golden" and discuss ways that the fall season can inspire us to b...2021-09-2745 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Finding Perspective in FriendshipsHuman beings are created to be social. Wait, what? That's right! We are meant to have a social life and to interact with others. And today we are going to take a closer look at how our social life is a internal part of our personal development, as well as the development of ourselves as a couple.Listen in on today's episode as we explore the beauties of creating a social life that adds value, meaningfulness, and FUN into our lives. As we define what it means to be social, we can start to expand what it means...2021-09-2048 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Courage in MarriageDid you know that there are some major fears that hold us back from achieving the things we want? These fears even show up in our relationships, and of course, even in our marriage. Having courage will help!Listen in on today's episode where we take a deeper dive into courage, and how it's just a little bit different than being brave. We will discuss how our fears affect intimacy, first within ourselves, and then with our spouse... and how courage can help us navigate it. There is no need for fear to continue to hold us back...2021-09-131h 02Restore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.The Talking StickThere is an awesome communication tool that has been used by Native Americans for a long time, called The Talking Stick. I learned this technique almost 20 years ago during some of my classes required for the Marriage, Family, and Human Development degree. It's a pretty simple technique, and it ensures that good listening techniques are being used, like not interrupting and reflecting. This helps to nurture communication that is both clear and uncontaminated, and to ensure that true understanding is taking place. While I lay out the ground rules for using the talking stick, Nick shar...2021-09-0749 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Name CallingWhen was the last time you called your spouse a Poopy-face or a Pickle-butt?Probably not too recently. Name calling in our marriage may still show up, but perhaps it may sound different or the words may be more sophisticated.Maybe we call our spouse a selfish pig, a lustful animal, or a cold-hearted prude. Maybe we call our spouse these things in our mind and never actually say the words. And maybe sometimes, we have just gotten to that point where we have resorted to name calling because we just don't know what else to...2021-08-3057 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Just When Things Were Going So WellToday we are going to dive a little bit deeper into one of the many intimacies that can contribute to a more meaningful connection to our spouse, which is Affection. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate YOUR level of affection towards your spouse?In this episode, we will explore how Affection is defined in more detail so that husband and wife can be on the same page, and so that things are not left unclear about what affection looks like for each spouse. We will also explain that affection is separate and distinct from se...2021-08-231h 08Restore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Clarity in LightIn today's episode, we will explore one of the coaching principles from the High Performance Coaching Model that Nick has been trained in, which is Clarity. We will explore how clarity is related to light, bringing both the negative and the positive things of our lives into view. With a view that is not cloudy, chaotic, hazy, or overshadowed by the mists of darkness, we can more easily see how to make small little changes for big impact.We will also explore how clarity, light, and being the salt of the earth are all connected and how th...2021-08-161h 03Restore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Fear of the AffairMany wives have a fear that their husband will have an affair. Many husbands have this exact same fear. Today, we are going to dive into some of the key take-aways from a book called "Anatomy of an Affair" by Dave Carder, to help us with this topic.The author studied the elements that often lead up to an affair, and he outlines them in his book. Listen in, as we are going to list some of the things he suggests that we avoid thinking, feeling, and doing, in order to decrease our chances of an affair occ...2021-08-0941 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Living Free to ThriveNick takes over the podcast in this episode as he discusses a topic that he has quite a bit of insight on. His passion for living free has been close to his heart for many years. Are we just going through the motions of surviving in robotic fashion or are we really thriving? Listen in and see how it applies to you and your marriage today.2021-08-0244 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Contention in CouplesI'm guessing that most of us have heard the phrase "contention is of the devil." But why is that? Contention is different than disagreement, and understanding that difference can make a big difference.In today's episode, we will talk about some of the main elements that make contention more damaging than disagreement and what we can do when we feel contention towards our spouse. We will also explore three ways to communicate our own opinions that are different from our spouse's in a way that is healthy, respectful, and free from contention. We will finish up the...2021-07-261h 02Restore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Awaken the LionRemember the movie, "The Never-ending Story?" The Nothing destroyed relationships and hope through fear and despair. In this podcast, Nick talks about how to awaken from our paralyzed state of fear and worry about what others think about us and how to become free to act on what we know to be right and true, regardless of worldly consequences. Roar like a lion and help others do the same. This is how we conquer evil and suppression of our best selves. Love conquers all fear!2021-07-2040 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Anxiety AwarenessAnxiety is something that effects people all over the world. Many people have anxiety without even really knowing they have it. And some people think that their anxious thoughts are highly intelligent and very beneficial. Even people with major anxiety might not realize just how debilitating it is or just how much it is running their life.Listen in on today's episode where we are going to dig a little deeper into what anxiety is, what it isn't, and what we can do about it. We will explore the 8 different types of anxiety disorders as defined in the...2021-07-1235 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Arousal of the SensesDid you know that there are two different styles of arousal? One is called Responsive Arousal which is what the majority of women experience. The other is Spontaneous Arousal which is what most men experience.These two styles of arousal come about in different ways. And the goal of marriage is not to make them the same, but rather to come to a more complete understanding of the differences and to know how to work with the uniqueness of each.This is where the senses come in. With my family having Covid for the past to we...2021-07-0523 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Dark ThoughtsWe all have some deep dark thoughts that we would never want to reveal to another, especially to our spouse. These are the thoughts that we would be embarrassed to share... the ugly thoughts and messy thoughts, and even the thoughts where we horriblize the love of our life, making them our enemy.The most important question we need to ask ourselves is "what do we do when these thoughts show up?" In today's episode, Nick and I share some of the dark thoughts we have had ourselves in the past, how they were affecting us when le...2021-06-281h 08Restore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage."Dream Advocates" for YOUR MarriageHave you ever heard of a Dream Advocate? If not, you won't want to miss this episode. In today's podcast, Nick and Shellie will discuss the concept of having a Dream Advocate... and one that is dedicated to YOUR marriage. We all have hopes and dreams of what we want our marriage to become, and learning to apply life coaching skills with a Dream Advocate can help keep you on track to fulfill those dreams!We will also explore one of the challenges that many people face as they attempt to improve marriage on their own. Even peopl...2021-06-211h 14Restore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.To Be "In Motion" in MarriageWhat does it mean to be "in motion" in our marriage? This phrase comes from one of the definitions of the word agency. Our ability to make choices is key to how we are functioning in this world and how we are feeling about our life experience. When we are in the opposite mode, and being more passive in our lives, we find that we can easily fall into victim mentality and blame. Listen in as we discuss one of the most famous couples in history, and how their blame led to a lack of clear communication. And d...2021-06-141h 03Restore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Dream DayWhat is Dream Day? I had always envisioned that my husband, Nick, and I would work together one day, and that we would help improve marriages as we each shared our own unique skills. I mainly thought that this would happen far off in the distant future, after Nick had retired. With the latest state of the world and with all of the changes taking place, we both saw the opportunity to make this dream come true far earlier than we ever could have imagined. Dream Day is the day we realized this and made the decision to go for...2021-06-0750 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.A Turned-Off Turn AroundThis week, I am going to share with you a personal story of something amazing that happened when I found myself not really "in the mood" for intimacy. Now, while nothing really major or negative was taking place between my husband and myself, the level of my Emotional Desire was pretty low. But I wanted to share something amazing that happened, that turned things around so quickly! Nick said about 4 sentences to me, and Thought Work came into play in a major way. Experiencing his Thought Work, as well as my own, had an awesome affe...2021-05-2432 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Happy Podcast-iversaryIt's been ONE YEAR since I started the "Restore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage" podcast!!! And today, we are going to celebrate. Creating something from scratch and sticking with it is a form of devotion and dedication, much like marriage is. And just like I am involved in the spirit of commitment and devotion, so are you!!! In today's episode, I am going to share three of the main lessons I have learned by starting this podcast and its impact on my own life and how it can impact yours, as well. These three lessons can be very valua...2021-05-1727 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Adulting from GuiltHave you ever felt guilty about how you're doing as a spouse, a parent, an employee or friend? Guilt is one of those sneaky emotions that can creep in and do quite a bit of damage if left unchecked. In today's episode, we will explore some of the other negative emotions that often tag along with guilt, teaming up to cause confusion inside of our brain. And all too often, we are making important adult decisions from this place of guilt, which is not an ideal place to be making our decisions in life. Listen in as we explore how...2021-05-1033 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Fix Your Spouse by Fixing ThisHave you ever just wished that your spouse would change? Have you ever wished that things could just magically be fixed? Well, in today's episode, we are going to explore a beautiful phenomena that occurs when we simply work on fixing just one thing. All too often we leave our relationship on auto-pilot and then wonder why things aren't going the way we had hoped. We even get trapped in thinking that our spouse is the one that needs to do all of the changing and all of the fixing of things... or that there are just so many thin...2021-05-0335 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Adventures with the Holy Ghost3 - 2 - 1, and blast off! This is the launching episode for my new video course called "Adventures with the Holy Ghost." Don't you just love that title? Most people would never put the words 'adventure' together with the Holy Ghost. But what happens when we do? The possibilities are endless as well as amazing! As a life coach, I am trained to be able to find the unintentional thinking patterns that often hold us back from accomplishing the things we want to in our lives, even when it comes to the relationship we have with the Holy Ghost. And...2021-04-2647 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Holding a GrudgeWe have all done it from time to time. We have all held a grudge. Sometimes they don't last very long, and other times they may have lasted several years. We may even be holding a grudge against someone right now, at this very moment. How does that feel and show up in our bodies? How does that show up in our marriage and intimacy? The stress that comes when we are holding onto the resentment and anger from events of the past, can take a lot of the energy that we may want to be using for something more f...2021-04-1929 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Anniversary ExpectationsThis past week, my husband and I celebrated 19 years of marriage! Traditional gift giving lists tell us that we should give each other gifts of jade. But we did not have this expectation of each other. Unfortunately, many of us have very specific expectations in our mind of how these milestone celebrations "should" go, and then we feel angry when they don't. This often creates feelings of resentment, and feeling misunderstood or uncared for on these special days, which is probably the opposite of how we wanted to feel. So, what are we to do? Listen in as I descri...2021-04-1232 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Marriage Under ConstructionWe have all seen the scaffolding that surrounds a building when it's being constructed. We sometimes even get a chance to see the bare bones of what makes the building strong and able to withstand the storms it will have to endure. And it's interesting that we never expect an unfinished building to be able to cover us when its raining or shield us from the strong winds, because we acknowledge that it is still under construction and incomplete, and cannot perform at its best under those conditions. And yet, when it comes to our marriage and intimacy, we oft...2021-03-2928 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Marriage MaturityDo we ever think that our spouse acts in ways that are less than mature? If so, then this episode is for you. Listen in as we discuss how maturity is defined and see how we measure up. We will explore the many ways that these definitions can give us clarity on how WE are being mature, or less than mature, when it comes to the way we are thinking, feeling, reacting, and behaving. Are WE approaching our spouse in ways that are mature? We will explore three simple ways to increase our own level of maturity. And do you kn...2021-03-2229 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.43. Jealous of Your SpouseDo you know the signs of being jealous of your spouse? This is not something we usually think about or even realize may be at work, slowly sabotaging our marriage. In today's episode, we will explore two clues of jealousy so that we will know how to recognize it, and then intervene when it shows up. We will discover how the words covet, envy, and jealousy are connected and then consider that the commandment to not covet is a caring and considerate preventative measure, allowing us to keep our relationships on solid ground. And finally, we will end with a be...2021-03-1530 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.42. Moodiness in MarriageHave you ever felt like your spouse was just too moody? Have you ever felt like your spouse's mood had too much of a negative effect on you? Well if so, you won't want to miss this episode. Listen in as we discuss how moodiness is defined, the good and the bad, the negative and the positive. And just maybe, moodiness will start to cross your mind in a whole new way. Challenge your own thoughts on how moodiness effects you and your marriage and decide now how you want to handle it moving forward. 2021-03-0834 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.41. Popcorn Pet PeevesWhat do you do when you know you have some habits or quirks that really seem to bother other people, especially your spouse? We all have pet peeves that we find annoying with each other. But it's important to remember that these little annoyances are just that... little, and minor in the big scheme of things. Knowing how to handle these little annoyances can add up to feeling a lot better about your marriage. Today, I will share with you how my popcorn eating habits annoyed other people, including my husband, and how a conversation with a friend about pet peev...2021-03-0123 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.40: Sharing WonderHave you ever been bugged by something your spouse does? On my family's latest road trip across Texas, I was reminded of something my husband does that has bothered me every time we start off on a long adventure. Leaving this unaddressed in the past has just led me to feeling negative for the first few hours of the trip. But this time, I decided to let love lead the way and seek genuine understanding of this particular mannerism. Listen in as I explain the 3 steps we can take to approach these little pet peeves with a sense of wond...2021-02-1524 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.39. The Emotion of AngerWhat do we do when anger shows up in our marriage? Do we handle ourselves in a way that is mature enough to allow our relationship to continue growing, even when we are feeling angry? When we feel the emotion of anger, we often react, or overreact, in a way that we later regret. Sometimes, our reactions even add a layer of hostility to the relationship, where we actually seek to hurt one another, keeping us stuck in a negative cycle. And when the notion that something has "gone terribly wrong" in our marriage simply because anger has shown up...2021-02-0230 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.SMART Couples Goals and Overcoming ObstaclesIt's the beginning of a brand new year, and this is when we seem to hear quite a bit about making new year's resolutions and setting goals. And then we find that by the end of January we have already left them behind. Many times this is simply because we are missing a few key ingredients to creating an awesome goal with greater staying power. Listen in on today's episode where we will discuss why adding Massive Action to your marriage and couples' goals could make all of the difference. We will also review to SMART goal making system that...2021-01-1130 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Marriage Skills for 2021I think it's safe to say that the year 2020 challenged everyone in their own way. With so many changes and uncertainty, we all tried to manage the covid world the best that we could. And now that we are headed into the new year, we have a chance to reflect on how we did and how we showed up. With this type of reflection in mind, we also get a chance to take what we learned and apply it moving forward. In today's episode, listen in as we explore 3 lessons learned from 2020, and the responsive 3 marriage skills that can help...2021-01-0531 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.The Star, the Solstice, and the Stillness of the SoulThis particular episode is in celebration of a special trifecta... the Winter Solstice, a Bethlehem Star, and yes, my birthday :). Listen in as I share a few different ideas about how people all over the world celebrate the special energy of the solstice, where the longest night of the year brings new opportunities to appreciate both the light and the dark in all that is around us. As we explore the composition of stars and how they are different than black holes, we can learn how to radiate and shine more brightly in our own lives. The light that shi...2020-12-2135 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Marital BlindnessListen in on today's episode where are going to explore the four different categories we move information about ourselves into. We will dive into the concept of the Open Self and the Blind Self that come from the book "Messages" that helps us understand ourselves better so that we can communicate more effectively. The more we understand how we are living from the Hidden Self and the Blind Self, the more we can start to move the information we discover about how we function in this world into the category of the Open Self, which is where intimacy can be...2020-12-1533 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.A Rare NativityToday we are going to explore an exquisite little Christmas book called "A Rare Nativity," by Sam Beeson. This book is similar to the famous carol of The 12 Days of Christmas, but with a fascinating twist. Listen in on how this book can inspire us to look inward and self reflect, and how we can apply some of the lessons to our marriage. As we go through this episode, I will share a recent experience where I got mad at my husband pretty quickly in the middle of an enjoyable family event. Find out how this story inspired me turn...2020-12-0729 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.33. Invisible Gifts of the MagiThe Christmas season is upon us. This busy time of year can sometimes have us feeling a bit stressed out, and we may find it easy to lash out at our spouse as stressors start to pile up. But as we take the nativities out and start to decorate our homes, we can look to the magi, or the wisemen, for a few examples of some gifts that could really make a difference in our lives and in our marriage. But these are not the obvious gifts that we have grown up learning about... these are the more subtle and...2020-11-3030 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.32. Cherish Your MarriageCue the music, "Cherish the Love" by Kool and the Gang from the 80's. This is the song that was constantly on my mind as I was working on this particular episode about what it means to cherish our spouse and our marriage. Listen in as we discuss the two main categories that cherishing happens. As we take the time this week to really ponder on the wonderful things our spouse has said or done in the past, we can store and treasure those memories in a special place in our mind, and keep them safe from unexpected attacks, anch...2020-11-2425 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #31: Some Have Compassion, Making a DifferenceThere are a lot of different messages being put out in the world today. A celebrity's t-shirt caught my eye recently because it had the phrase "Blame Everyone" in bold letters written across the front. We all face hard times and go through our challenges. And we all suffer, as well. Sadly, when blame is our go-to, it keeps us as the victim if no one else makes the changes we are seeking. And this is a very disempowering way to live. But what if we choose to use our higher brain, and try to take the higher road of com...2020-11-1634 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #30: Footsies Under the Thanksgiving TableBuckle up everyone, the holiday season is quickly approaching. This is the time of year that most of us really look forward to and anticipate with excitement throughout the months. But along with all of the excitement, a great deal of stress can come with it. With so much that we want to accomplish, it can be easy to feel overwhelmed. Listen in on today's episode to discover 4 areas to focus on that can help relieve some of the stress. And we know that too much stress can make it challenging for us to feel close to our spouse and l...2020-11-0930 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #29: Two Left Feet in the Marriage DanceHave you ever heard the expression of having two left feet when it comes to dancing? Well, in today's episode we are going to explore what this expression means and how it applies to our marriage and to intimacy. We will discuss what happens in our marriage when we operate with two metaphorical left feet, leaving us in a position of where we can more easily stumble and become unbalanced. We will always be faced with new situations in marriage that will trigger us to think and feel a certain way about our spouse. But hopefully after listening to toda...2020-11-0222 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #28: Faith-Filled Thoughts for the Future of Your MarriageWhen our brain is running on autopilot, it can end up focusing on thoughts that are not so beneficial to our marriage. If we are not careful, these types of thoughts that lack faith will be the driving force of the actions we take, which will shape what our marriage looks like in the future. These are not the actions that will bring us the results we are longing for in our relationship. But the good news is that we can make a shift and change our thinking to faith-filled thoughts. We can do this on purpose and deliberately. As we...2020-10-2628 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #27: Romance and Arousal at The French LaundryIn today's episode, we are going to explore the concept of romance and how it affects our arousal. While many husbands often think that"romance is too much work," the wives are often thinking something similar, wondering why they should have to do all the work, as they long for romance to spark their arousal. But as we shift our thinking just a little bit, both husband and wife can challenge themselves to look at romance with a new perspective. Listen in as we explore some of the aspects of romance, like gazing into each others eyes, that can rea...2020-10-2040 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #26: An Interview with my Husband: Nick AndersonSince the last episode was called "Dealing with a Difficult Spouse, part 2," Nick had actually joked that I should call today's episode "MY Difficult Spouse." Funny guy. People often ask me about certain episodes of the podcast and quickly follow up with these two questions: "Does Nick know you talked about that?" and "Is he ok with it?" Today, I answer those questions by asking him directly. Listen in as Nick shares his perspectives and experiences as a husband, and what it's like being on the other side of someone who is using Life Coaching skills to do their own T...2020-10-121h 58Restore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #25: Dealing with a Difficult Spouse, Part 2We all have times when we feel our spouse is difficult. This episode is the second part of this topic, which was also covered in Episode #3. It is not always easy to see how we fall into the traps of viewing our spouse as a challenge and how it holds us back from the feelings we really want to experience in our marriage. Listen in as we go into some specific examples of what happens to us on a personal level when we continue to do this and how to stop viewing our spouse as the problem that needs to...2020-10-0529 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #24: Communication Tips & Responses to CriticismWe see a lot of people getting easily offended these days. This can happen in marriage as well. We hear something that our spouse says and view it as a criticism. This may make our blood boil and want to fire back with a criticism of our own. But what if we learned to respond in a way that is much more mature and shows that we are not being defensive? We do so by looking for that one little drop of truth in what they are saying. We can all do that. Our spouse may be surprised by our new...2020-09-2825 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #23: The Dopamine-Intimacy ConnectionHave you ever thought of yourself as the good spouse and your other half as the bad spouse? Sometimes this will show up in how you view them when it comes to intimacy. Listen in on today's episode as we discuss just a little bit about the science behind the chemical dopamine. All life coaches from The Life Coach School learn about this important neurotransmitter and how it works in our brain, especially in the brain-to-body system. Dopamine is a primary component in pleasure seeking and motivation, and therefore a primary component in our desire, or lack of desire, for...2020-09-2126 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #22: Personal IntimacyIn today's episode, we will explore one of the twenty different types of intimacy, Personal Intimacy, from a Life Coaching point of view. Now, this might not mean what you think it might mean. Personal Intimacy has to do with being familiar with your own deepest thoughts and feelings about intimacy. Many people do not know themselves in this way, and sometimes even avoid doing so. This also has to do with knowing your deepest wants for intimacy, knowing how your style of emotional desire is defined, as well as your physical arousal. Knowing ourselves in this way is some...2020-09-1433 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #21: Intimacy's Mysterious Missing IngredientHave you ever felt like something was missing from the intimacy you experience with your spouse? This happens to all of us at some point or another. But what is it that's missing? It can often seem like a mystery! If we find ourselves blaming our spouse for what we think is missing, then this podcast is for you. The missing ingredient is... probably not what you think. It's a much deeper connection that we sometimes overlook. Listen in as we explore what this mysterious missing ingredient is and challenge yourself to get it back to the forefront of intimac...2020-09-0742 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #20: The Offense and Defense of MarriageJust like sports teams don't usually win with only defensive strategies, life is very much the same. But living life and experiencing marriage can start to feel exhausting if we are mainly using defensive tactics. When we are on the defense, we are constantly trying to make up or regain lost ground. We may even feel more frustration piling on, like we aren't moving forward, even though we are investing quite a bit of time and effort into the relationship. The way we can start to correct this is by making a switch in how we use our time and...2020-08-3137 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #19: Emotional Hide and SeekDo you remember the game Hide and Go Seek? As adults, we play this game more with our emotions than we do physically. We try to run and hide from emotions we think might be too scary or overwhelming for us and we hope they never find us. We push back against them, going to great lengths to keep them far away. But this usually just leads to an anxious build up of the negative emotions, and we can become exhausted trying to keep them at bay. Listen in on today's episode to find out what to do with our e...2020-08-2529 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #18: Finding Joy When You're a Hot MessDoes it ever seem impossible to feel joy in the middle of complete chaos? It might seem like a stretch to even try to imagine it. Last week, school started... COVID style. Three of my kids are doing distance learning from home and the other two are being homeschooled. So, you could say that things have been a little chaotic. Add some strong personalities to the mix and joy seemed completely out of reach. Listen in as I get honest about being a hot mess in the beginning of it all and how I turned it around to feel joy. ...2020-08-1729 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #17: When Our Past Affects the PresentWe have all faced hard times and challenges in our past. Many of us have struggled in relationships that were not as healthy as they could have been. And while we have physically moved on from those past experiences, we may find that the thought of them creeps back in from time to time. What then? Listen in as we explore how to keep those old negative thoughts from robbing us of current happiness. Not only will it help us in the present moment, but it will also help us create what we want for our future. 2020-08-1025 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #16: The Ripple EffectHave you ever found yourself more on edge with your spouse, even though what was going on in that moment didn't really warrant it? This happens all the time, especially when unresolved stress from one area of our lives trickles down into the others. If we don't know how to intervene, we can find ourselves in a negative cycle that just keeps going and going, effecting all of the areas of our lives, with more and more stress. I don't know about you, but that does not sound like fun to me! Listen in to learn about one simple stra...2020-08-0330 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #15: Marriage PioneersWhat does it mean to have a pioneering spirit, and how does it apply to marriage? Listen in as we define some of the awesome and creative attributes of what it means to be a pioneer in the world we live in today. When we decide to be the trailblazers in our marriage, we can start to tap into the courageous side of ourselves as we challenge some of the negative thoughts we may have about our spouse. By listening to this episode, you will do as the pioneers did... explore new territory, although it may be the territory of y...2020-07-2724 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #14: A Hidden Source of EnergyHave you ever felt like there was too much to do? You you ever felt like you have just run out of energy too quickly? If so, then this episode is for you. As a mother of 5 kids, I can totally relate. But today we are going to explore a resource of energy that just might come as a total shock. This hidden energy source can be a total game changer, especially if you ever find yourself thinking that you are "just too tired" to be intimate. Listen in to find out where to find this hidden source and how to...2020-07-2027 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #13: Going Through a Dry SpellHave you ever gone through a dry spell in your marriage, when intimate activities came to a halt for a while? Have you found that during those times you were thinking negatively about your spouse and about yourself? Not to worry. This is totally normal and it happens to the best of us. Listen in as we discuss 4 things we can learn when we go through a dry spell so that we can be better equipped to reduce them in the future.2020-07-1227 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #12: Crying in Applebee'sToday's episode will be just a little bit different. As we are just coming out of Independence Day weekend and celebrating our freedoms, I am going to tell you the story of how my husband and I met and fell in love... and how celebrating independence can be a reminder of marriage. I get asked about our love story quite often and it's a story I love to tell. Listen in to find out why I cried in an Applebee's restaurant and how it turned out to be an awesome experience. 2020-07-0525 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #11: The Communication ScaleCommunication seems to be a big topic when it comes to marriage. There is no doubt that communicating effectively can be a challenge for many of us. Join me in this week's episode where we will explore the awesome tool of using a scale to help us articulate in a way that's clear and simple. This effective tool is not complex, and can easily be used in many different areas of our lives including food choices, movie preferences, business projects, and possible vacation spots, just to name a few. We can use the communication scale in conversations with our exte...2020-06-2830 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #10: Adam of Eden and His Superhero PowersAs a way to celebrate Father's Day, I thought it would be fun to look at the first man on planet earth, Adam, and see if we could find any similarities to the popular superheroes of today's blockbuster movies. We often see superheroes as having great strengths and abilities that seem far beyond human capacities. But as we take a deep dive into what power really is, we discover that Adam has real power too, it just may look different than what we might have thought. Listen in as we discuss the seven super powers that can be found fro...2020-06-2133 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #9: Reframing RejectionHave you ever felt like you were avoiding a particular discussion in your marriage because you thought you might get rejected? Have you ever said yes to doing something simply because you thought that if you said no, you might get rejected? In marriage, our fear of being rejected can play out in many different ways. Why does it have such a hold on us? In this episode we will take a look at the real definition of what it means to reject something to see how it can change how we think about it. As we allow its true...2020-06-1437 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #8: How Fun and Adventure Can Enhance IntimacyIf you could rate the amount of fun and adventure you are having in your marriage right now, on a scale of 1-10, how would you rate it? As a life coach, I love to ask my clients this question. Sadly, the number is usually on the low side. In this episode, we discuss a few of the traps couples fall into when it comes to feeling like the fun is missing and what to do about it. As we dive into the meaning of the word adventure, we start to expand our vision of what it means to face...2020-06-0731 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #7: Pre-PARE-ing Yourself for IntimacyHave you ever thought that preparing ourselves for intimacy could be a thing, or that it could be helpful? What would that even look like? In this episode, we will look at the two parts of the word pre-pare to further expand our understanding of what that process might look like and unlock some deeper applications for intimate lives. Listen to the Parable of the Mango to see how the process of preparing can make an important difference.2020-05-3133 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #6: The Impact of Influence on IntimacyThere is a lot of talk these days about influence and influencers. But how does influence work in marriage and intimacy? In this episode, we will explore the definition of influence to broaden its capacity to enrich our lives. There are a few common pitfalls that many couples fall into when they are trying to influence their spouse. We explore how to get out of those traps and how genuine influence can spark our desire for intimacy. Husbands and wives, be sure to listen to this call to action to be able to really tap into the potential for influ...2020-05-2434 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #5: Defining IntimacyHow do you define intimacy? In this episode, we will take a look at the many definitions of intimacy so that our awareness of it can expand our approach to it. As we explore the Latin roots of the word intimacy, we will start to see just how much our mind is involved in the experience. We will also discuss a few of the traps couples fall into with intimacy. As we read a scripture about Adam and Eve, we will embark on a little journey of asking new questions that can inspire us to expand our ideas on inti...2020-05-1733 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #3: Dealing with a Difficult SpouseWhen we are faced with a challenge in intimacy, it can be very easy to blame our spouse. We often turn to blame in an effort to avoid facing something within ourselves that may be in need of our attention. In this episode, we will look at some of the ways that we view our spouse as the one who makes it difficult for us to be happy with how we experience intimacy. We will also explore the many sides of ourselves that need to be balanced, how to communicate what we are experiencing, and how a scripture in Gen...2020-05-1139 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #4: Eve- Savage TrailblazerThis episode is a tribute to Eve, the mother of all living, and to all mothers and women as we celebrate Mother's Day. I love the story of Eve, and love to talk about what she felt in the garden of Eden as she sat pondering about the fruit of the tree of knowledge. The story in the Bible talks about Eve's thoughts and feelings. Interestingly, the feeling that Eve describes is the same feeling that many of my clients say they are missing. But her emotion does not just come from thin air. It comes from within herself. Eve f...2020-05-1132 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode #2: Challenging Assumptions About IntimacyIn my Life Coaching practice, I have found that many clients struggle with how they think things "should" be when it comes to intimacy. When they are faced with a challenge and find that things are not going as they "should be" in reality, they often think that something has gone majorly wrong. But what if nothing has gone wrong at all? What if how things are going is exactly how they are supposed to be going so you can start to understand more about yourself? This episode will talk about some of the assumptions that can hold us back...2020-05-1140 minRestore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.Episode 1: How Life Coaching Can Help Your Marriage and IntimacyIn the first episode of the podcast "Restore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage," you will hear how life coach, Shellie Anderson, approaches the topic of marriage and intimacy. You will learn why Shellie loves life coaching, the benefits of it, and how she hopes to teach you some of the life coaching skills to help you navigate your own struggles with intimacy. She also talks about the importance of keeping spiritual morals in tact while trying to tackle the difficult topic of intimacy. She talks about a few of her own struggles with it earlier on in her marriage and how...2020-04-0624 min