Shows
Almost FortySome Struggles Can Last Your Whole Marriage - With Stephanie RiggStephanie Rigg joins Kylie to explore the complexities of attachment styles, particularly for women navigating relationships in their late 30s. From the pressure of biological clocks to the challenge of bridging knowledge into action, Stephanie offers practical wisdom on self-worth, making difficult relationship decisions and how the predictive brain can hijack your nervous system and turn a small trigger into a full blown relationship emergency. Unlock Almost Confidential here đź’› We also go into long-term relationships and what happens when insecure cycles become deeply entrenched over years, plus the question I get asked constantly: what do you...
2026-02-011h 01
On AttachmentWhy Anxious & Avoidant People Are Drawn to Each OtherIn today's episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on the common question of why those with anxious attachment patterns are typically attracted to those with avoidant attachment patterns (and vice versa). As we know, this is a very common relationship pairing - which can be confusing when you feel like the challenges of that dynamic are at odds with your preferences and desires. As we'll cover, oftentimes this is driven by subconscious patterns that propel us to recreate the familiar in a way that reinforces our core beliefs about ourselves and others. Further Links & Resources...
2023-11-0820 min
The Adversity Advantage with Doug BopstStephanie Rigg On The 4 Attachment Styles & How To Feel Secure In A RelationshipToday’s guest is relationship coach Stephanie Rigg. Stephanie is also the host of the popular relationship podcast “On Attachment”, where she delves deep into all things attachment theory, love, relationships & intimacy - sharing her wisdom and experience to help you start making real changes in your life & relationships.  Today on the show we discuss: the four different types of attachments in relationships (including which are most common), why improving your self worth is more important than knowing your attachment style, the signs that you have an anxious or avoidant attachment style, what you can do earl...
2023-07-311h 09
On Attachment#91: How to Navigate Boundaries with an Ex-PartnerEver been caught in that tricky situation of setting boundaries with an ex? Navigating this territory can be a daunting task at the best of times, and especially so when co-parenting or shared responsibilities are at play. Â In today's episode, I'll be sharing some strategies for establishing and upholding boundaries with ex-partners that allow you to prioritise your wellbeing. I'll also share some tips on how to handle emotions that may surface during interactions with an ex, how to manage people-pleasing parts that want to keep everyone happy, and how to extract yourself from addictive but ultimately u...
2023-07-1320 min
On Attachment#90: Breaking the Cycle of SituationshipsEver been stuck in a situationship, that in-between space where you're more than purely casual but not truly committed? In today's episode, we're unboxing this modern dating conundrum. We're peeling back the layers of why we find ourselves in these non-committal scenarios, particularly exploring the attachment drives that can both lead to and exacerbate this dynamic. More importantly, we'll explore how to opt out of this challenging cycle and pave our way towards healthier relationships.Join the waitlist for Healing Anxious Attachment https://www.stephanierigg.com/healing-anxious-attachmentÂ
2023-07-1120 min
On Attachment#89: How to Care Less About Others' Opinions (For the Recovering People Pleaser)Are you feeling stuck in the perennial battle between seeking external validation and staying true to your authentic self? In today's Q&A episode, I'm sharing some thoughts on how to detach from unhealthy people-pleasing behaviours that ask us to trade our authenticity for belonging and approval. This episode challenges you to take a deeper look into your people pleasing tendencies, learn to channel them more intentionally, and cultivate self-worth and self-respect. The goal? To build an internal foundation that allows us to handle criticism and rejection without losing our sense of self. Listen in as...
2023-07-0613 min
On Attachment#88: The Anxious Dater's Guide: How to Remain Grounded in the Early Dating PhaseIs your anxiety getting the better of you in the early stages of dating? Well, take a deep breath and let's journey together through this episode where we unravel the common anxieties in early dating, particularly for those with an anxious attachment style. We'll delve into the raw aspects of why this period can trigger our deepest sensitivities and how we can make this an empowering voyage of self-discovery. From learning to stay grounded, boosting confidence, to finding joy in the dating process, this episode is a treasure trove of insights and advice.This episode g...
2023-07-0425 min
On Attachment#87: The Art of Secure Relating with Stan TatkinIn today's episode, I'm delighted to be joined by the one & only Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT. Stan is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of PACT (a Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy), as well as being a prolific author of several best-selling books such as Wired for Love and most recently, In Each Other's Care. In this episode, Stan joins me to chat with me about how we can experience conflict within relationships in a safe way and really build secure foundations in our relationships. We'll cover:How launching into self-protecting patterns ca...
2023-06-2950 min
On Attachment#86: 3 Tips for Building Self-TrustIn the absence of self trust, we see a lot of other dominoes fall in terms of self worth and self respect. This is something almost everyone I work with struggles with to some degree and it’s a challenging piece of the puzzle when it comes to our personal growth in relationships. In today’s episode, I’m sharing 3 tips for building self trust to help you to go out into the world and make aligned choices.We'll cover:Knowing yourself and your valuesTrusting your own boundariesFinding others to sense check ...
2023-06-2716 min
On Attachment#85: “Am I Being Unreasonable?” (Part 2)In today’s episode, I’m continuing my series of answering your questions around the “reasonableness” of certain expectations and requests in relationship, with the goal of helping you build the muscle of discernment and capacity for self trust in navigating these nuances for yourself  We'll cover:Is it unreasonable to talk about the future - marriage, moving in, trips away?Is it unreasonable to want my partner to come back within 24 hours after a fight?Is it unreasonable when I ask my partner to think more about me in the relationship?Is it unreasona...
2023-06-2217 min
On Attachment#84: 5 Reminders If You're Going Through a Break-UpUnless you’ve married your high school sweetheart and lived happily ever after, you have likely experienced a breakup in your life. In today’s episode, I’m sharing 5 reminders and ways to support yourself while you're going through a break-up.We'll cover:The break-up is going to be hardFinding other support peopleProcessing the break-up in anxious and avoidant waysNot making meaning or assumptionsUse the code JUNE50 for 50% off 3 masterclasses or the Higher Love Course - https://www.stephanierigg.com Highlighted Links...
2023-06-2020 min
On Attachment#83: How to Navigate Addiction to Drama with Dr Scott LyonsIf you’ve ever caught yourself wondering why you keep attracting the same type of person, this episode is for you. Today I’m joined by Dr Scott Lyons, a holistic psychologist, educator and author, to talk about addiction to drama, and why we may subconsciously seek out chaos and intensity in our lives and relationships (even when we think we're trying to avoid it). We'll cover:Understanding the addiction to dramaCommon characteristics of someone addicted to dramaBig emotions don’t equal vulnerabilityWhat the so-called “spark” really isFinding people who know how to loveF...
2023-06-1549 min
On Attachment#82: “Am I Being Unreasonable?” (Part 1)One of the things I’m most often asked is “How do I know if I’m being unreasonable in my relationship?”. This can be a really tough enquiry to determine for yourself, particularly when you’re getting a lot of pushback and self-trust may be lacking. In today’s episode, I’m offering my take on your specific examples as to whether certain expectations, requests or situations are reasonable (or not), to help you to be able to build your discernment muscle and ultimately feel equipped to make that decision for yourself in your relationships.We'll cove...
2023-06-1322 min
On Attachment#81: The Gift of Anxious-Avoidant RelationshipsSo much of the content around attachment theory focuses on the challenges that anxious-avoidant pairings can present. And while those challenges are undoubtedly very real, there are also real gifts within an anxious-avoidant dynamic when the individuals involved are prepared to meet in the middle. Today I’m sharing what those gifts can look like, and tips on making the most of your anxious-avoidant relationship so that it can become a space for healing.We'll cover:How different attachment styles respond to stressLeading with compassion and careThe work that needs to be do...
2023-06-0818 min
On Attachment#80: How to Get an Avoidant Partner to Open UpThis week, I’m answering the community question, “How do I get my avoidant partner to open up?”. I’ll dive into how to pave the way for more genuine, authentic connection and what that looks like for people with avoidant attachment styles and anxious attachment styles within relationships.We'll cover:Preferences of wanting to receive informationTrust wounds in avoidant partnersSelf-serving behaviour that could be impacting this issueInsight into their experienceUse the code JUNE50 for 50% off 3 masterclasses or the Higher Love Course - https://www.stephanierigg.comÂ
2023-06-0618 min
On Attachment#79: 5 Reasons Why People CheatA couple of weeks ago, I shared my thoughts on if “once a cheater, always a cheater” is true, and today I’m continuing the conversation around the reasons why people cheat in a relationship and getting curious around what’s driving these behaviours. For some people this may be a challenging episode to listen to, so please make sure you’re in the right mindset to listen.We'll cover:Wounds around worthinessDisconnection and lonelinessFeeling like it’s the easy way outBeing seen through rose coloured glassesUse the co...
2023-06-0126 min
On Attachment#78: Understanding Your Origin Wounds with Vienna Pharaon (@mindfulmft)In today's episode, I'm joined by Vienna Pharaon. Vienna is a licensed marriage & family therapist, creator of the hugely successful @mindfulmft Instagram account, and recently published author of The Origins of You. Vienna has the gift of conveying complex and emotionally dense topics with such nuance. Today she joins me on the podcast to talk about origin wounds and how they impact patterns in relationships as adults and how we can honour our pain and experience.We'll cover:What happens when you hide behind a façade of being "fine"The five origin wounds (w...
2023-05-3052 min
On Attachment#77: "How to enjoy being single when I really want a relationship?"When you really want a relationship, enjoying being single can be something incredibly challenging. In today's Q&A style episode, I’m diving into how to enjoy being single when all you really want is a relationship.We'll cover:Owning your desire for a loving, healthy relationshipBeing grateful in the presentWhat it means to actually enjoy your life being singleUse the code PHOENIX for $150 off the Higher Love Course - https://www.stephanierigg.com/higher-loveHighlighted Links ...
2023-05-2515 min
On Attachment#76: 5 Communication Mistakes You're Making (& What to do instead)In today's episode, I’m sharing five communication and conflict mistakes that I often see people making in relationships and what you can do instead to bridge a positive connection with your partner.We'll cover:Why we shouldn’t avoid the hard conversationsWhat happens when we suppress our emotionsHow to express your desires with your partnerWhy we shouldn’t expect our partners to be mind readers Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious...
2023-05-2323 min
On Attachment#75: Is "once a cheater, always a cheater" true?Cheating within relationships can cause so much pain, grief and sensitivity around betray and infidelity. In today's Q&A style episode, I’m sharing my thoughts on if people can really change if they’ve cheated in the past and advice for people in the situation with concerns that their partner may not stay faithful.We'll cover:Learning from mistakesThe messy feelings that lead to infidelityTending to needs that aren’t being metExpressing self awareness and regretHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiou...
2023-05-1813 min
On Attachment#74: Helping Men Thrive in Life & Relationships with Connor Beaton (@mantalks)In today's episode, I'm talking with NY-based coach, teacher and speaker, Connor Beaton about the challenges men are facing in our modern society. Connor and I talk through how understanding the experience of men better, we can cultivate healthier relationships and happier and more fulfilled lives. Note: while On Attachment aims to be as inclusive as possible, this conversation is focused primarily on male-female relationships and the dynamics that can arise therein. We know that's not everyone's experience, so feel free to take from this episode what resonates with you, and leave what doesn't.Â
2023-05-1657 min
You Love & You Learn Podcast#19 - Are We Too Attached to Our Attachment Style? w/ Stephanie RiggIn this episode I sit down with Stephanie Rigg to talk about attachment and how our attachment styles can affect how we show up in our relationships.
We cover:
an overview of the four different attachment styles
Stephanie’s compassionate definition of what attachment is and is not
if it’s helpful to label yourself or your partner’s attachment style
how to use your attachment style to benefit you and your relationship
taking responsibility for your own inner work
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Check out more of Stephanie’s work:
Her top-ranking podcast, On Attachment
Her Instag...
2023-05-1653 min
On Attachment#73: Why We Want to Believe in "The One"In today's episode, I'm unpacking the concept of "the one". When it comes to relationships, many of us have absorbed the conditioning that there is some perfect person out there for us - and our only job is to find them. This can lead us down a rabbit hole of doubt, comparison and low self-worth.We cover:why the idea of "the one" is unrealistichow it can lead us to doubt our perfectly normal, healthy relationshipthe unexpected reason why we might seek out "the one"Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3...
2023-05-1110 min
On Attachment#72: 5 Tips for Loving Someone WellIn today's episode, I'm sharing 5 tips on how to love someone well. So often, we think we are being loving towards someone - when really, we are pursuing our own agenda of loving them with strings attached. We love in order to get something in return, and then feel secretly resentful when things don't go our way. So instead, I'm sharing how to love someone in a way that feels pure and open-hearted.We'll cover:the importance of gratitude voicing appreciation and recognition of someone's contributionhow to accept someone rather than control or change themtaking responsibility f...
2023-05-0920 min
On Attachment#71: "Is he avoidant or just not that into me?"In today's episode, I'm answering the question of "How do I know if someone is avoidant or just not that interested in me?" This is a question I get A LOT - and the answer might surprise you.  I'm going to share a common misconception about avoidant attachment in early dating, as well as some hard truths about why we seek out people whose behaviour leaves us questioning whether they're interested or not. Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Fr...
2023-05-0412 min
On Attachment#70: 5 Tips for a Healthy, Balanced Nervous SystemIn today's episode, we're talking all about nervous system regulation in the context of emotional wellbeing. As many of you know, I'm a big advocate of incorporating bottom-up, somatically focused tools and awareness as part of the bigger picture of growth and healing. And a key piece of that work is understanding how to understand and support your nervous system. We cover:why a healthy nervous system isn't about being calm all the timehow to expand your comfort zone and resilience in a safe, sustainable wayhow to make a daily practice out of nervous system regulationhow t...
2023-05-0222 min
On Attachment#69: "When is taking a break in a relationship a good idea?"In today's episode, I'm answering the community question of "when is it a good idea to take a break in a relationship?" This can be a really tricky situation, particularly where one person wants to take a break and the other doesn't. In this episode, I share:things to consider & discuss before taking a breakdo's and don'ts of taking a breakexamples of where a break can be healthy & productivenavigating boundaries around taking a break (e.g. around duration, exclusivity, and intentions)Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously A...
2023-04-2813 min
On Attachment#68: How to Talk About Sex with Vanessa & Xander MarinIn today's episode, I'm joined by Vanessa & Xander Marin.  She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience, he’s a regular dude, and they recently co-authored their first book Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, which became an instant NYT bestseller. We cover:The five conversations you need to be having about sexNavigating mismatched libido & (perceived) sexual rejection in relationshipsHow emotional intimacy (or lack thereof) impacts sexual intimacyWhat to do when sex becomes a heavy, high-pressure topic in your relationshipHow to bring back fun, play & lightness to your sex li...
2023-04-2650 min
On Attachment#67: Why Healthy Relationships Can Feel BoringIn today's episode, I'm answering the question of why healthy relationships can feel boring - especially if you're someone who's accustomed to drama and chaos in your love life. We'll cover:why unhealthy relationships are so addictivethe principle of intermittent reinforcement how to navigate discomfort around stable relationshipshow to get your needs for novelty & excitement met in a healthy way without sabotaging your relationshipHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Fi...
2023-04-2114 min
On Attachment#66: How to Leave a Relationship (When You Know You Need To)In this episode, we're talking about how to leave a relationship from the perspective of knowing that you need to. Break-ups are hard - no matter the circumstances - and most of the advice tends to be directed toward people who've been broken up with, rather than those doing the breaking up. We'll cover: why waiting for the "right time" is an illusionhow to support yourself as you prepare for a break-upgrappling with guilt around hurting someonehow to cultivate healthy boundaries throughout the break-upHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts Th...
2023-04-1921 min
On Attachment#65: "Can a relationship between two anxiously attached people work?"In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of "Can a relationship between two anxiously attached people work?". I get variations of this question a lot - basically, why wouldn't anxious and avoidant people save themselves the trouble by sticking to their own kind? Well, as always, it's not quite that simple... We'll cover:why anxious and avoidant people tend to be attracted to each otherthe truth behind why "opposites attract"what happens when two anxious or two avoidant people dateHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 S...
2023-04-1416 min
On Attachment#64: The Role of Criticism in Anxious-Avoidant DynamicsToday's episode is all about the role of criticism in anxious-avoidant dynamics. Both anxious and avoidant people have been known to deploy criticism as a strategy to manage fears and self-protect in relationships - but this will often look different (and be motivated by different drives) on each side. One thing's for sure: no matter how it shows up, criticism is really harmful to relationships - so if this is something you struggle with, you've come to the right place. We'll cover:how anxiously attached people use criticism as a protest behaviour criticism as a way to...
2023-04-1223 min
On Attachment#63: "How to deal with an all-consuming fear that my partner will cheat on me?"In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of how to navigate an all-consuming fear & paranoia around a partner cheating - particularly in circumstances where that fear is seemingly unwarranted.We'll cover:the importance of nervous system regulation when we experience intense fear & paranoiawhen to talk to a partner about our fearsthe link between fear of cheating and low self-wortha liberating truth about control in relationshipsHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious...
2023-04-0719 min
On Attachment#62: Understanding Your Nervous System with Sarah BaldwinIn today's episode, I'm speaking with Sarah Baldwin - a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and Trauma Coach who is trained in Polyvagal interventions and is on the training team at the Polyvagal Institute. Sarah specialises in somatic trauma healing, attachment work, parts and inner child work and nervous system regulation. We cover:why nervous system regulation is the missing piece in so much healing workunderstanding the different states of your nervous systemthe connection between attachment and nervous system regulationhow to distinguish between anxiety and intuitionand so much more!You can find Sarah Baldwin o...
2023-04-0555 min
On Attachment#61: What to Do When You're Feeling Stuck in Your RelationshipIn this Q&A episode, I'm speaking to the common conundrum of what to do when you're feeling stuck in your relationship. This often happens when we've been trying for some time to make changes (or hoping that our partner will make changes), but we're just not seeing any progress. I'll share an unexpected way that you can shift out of low self-worth and hopelessness, and into a more empowered, self-confident state that will allow you to navigate whatever is happening in your relationship with clarity & trust. Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 S...
2023-03-3114 min
On Attachment#60: 5 Reasons You're Not Getting Your Needs Met (& What to Do About It)In this episode, we're talking all about needs - specifically, looking at some common reasons why you're not getting your needs met in a relationship. It's easy to feel defeated and hurt when our needs are going unmet, but oftentimes there's far more that's within our control than we might think.We'll cover:the importance of identifying your needshow to communicate your needs to your partner mindset blocks around receiving and how these stops you from getting what you needwhat to do if your partner can't or won't meet you in your needsHighlighted L...
2023-03-2927 min
On Attachment#59: "How should I bring up moving in together with my avoidant partner?"In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of how to bring up wanting to move in together with an avoidant partner. This episode will be super helpful for anyone in this same situation, or who is otherwise wanting to have a "what are we?" type chat with their avoidant partner.We'll cover:mindset shifts for the anxious partner in approaching these conversationshow to own your desires and feel comfortable voicing themhow best to approach these conversations with an avoidant partnerwhat to do if you're not on the same pageHighlighted Links
2023-03-2317 min
On Attachment#58: From Anxious to Secure: 6 Shifts You'll Notice As You HealIn anticipation of the upcoming launch of my signature program Healing Anxious Attachment, today's episode is all about what changes you can expect as you heal your anxious attachment. I'll be sharing 6 shifts that you'll notice as you do the healing work and become more secure within yourself and in your relationships.We cover:learning to observe your anxious thoughts rather than be ruled by themnot feeling the urgent need to fix and problem-solve your relationshiptrusting that conflict isn't a matter of life or deathbuilding your self-worthlearning to enjoy your own companyMake sure...
2023-03-2220 min
On Attachment#57: The Difference Between Privacy and Secrecy in RelationshipsIn today's episode, we're talking about the difference between privacy and secrecy. Depending on where you sit on the attachment spectrum, you may have a complicated relationship with privacy - both your own and others'. We'll discuss where the line is between privacy and secrecy, and what to do if you find other people's privacy uncomfortable or triggering.We cover:what's the difference between privacy and secrecy?anxious attachment and the need for information to eliminate uncertaintythe trust woundavoidant attachment and protectiveness around privacyimportant caveats where there has been a known breach of trust...
2023-03-1712 min
On Attachment#56: 5 Ways to Support a Fearful Avoidant PartnerIn today's episode, I'm sharing 5 ways to support a partner with a fearful avoidant (AKA disorganised) attachment style. The fearful avoidant attachment style is often considered the most complex and challenging of the attachment styles, characterised by a conflicting push-pull between wanting intimacy and fearing it.We'll cover:the betrayal wound and the importance of honesty & openness in building truststriking the right balance between compassion & firm boundarieshow to make the fearful avoidant feel loved & appreciatedHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
2023-03-1423 min
On Attachment#55: "I can't help but hope that my ex comes back. How do I let go so I can move on?"In this Q&A episode, we're talking all about moving on after a break-up. Specifically, what to do when we want to move on, but deep down we're still very much hoping our ex will reach out and want to rekindle.We cover:the importance of allowing ourselves to feel our feelings after a break-upwhy we don't need to emotionally let go before moving onhow to take action to support yourself after a break-upYou can download my free guided meditation on finding closure & letting go here. Highlighted Links
2023-03-0911 min
On Attachment#54: From Honeymoon Period to Power Struggle: Navigating the Stages of RelationshipIn this episode, we're talking all about the stages of a relationship - specifically, what happens when we transition from the honeymoon period of a relationship (fuelled by chemistry, romance and infatuation) to the power struggle (where all our flaws and wounds come to the fore).We'll talk about:what each stage of a relationship looks likewhy the transition from honeymoon period to power struggle feels like a bait & switchhow anxious-avoidant dynamics overlay onto this dynamichow you can make the most of the power struggle stage & use it to grow closer as a couple
2023-03-0821 min
On Attachment#53: "I'm anxious, he's avoidant. Is it weird that I want more sex than him?"In this episode, I'm answering the question of "I'm anxious, he's avoidant. Is it weird that I want more sex than him?" We cover:anxious-avoidant sexual dynamicsthe sexual honeymoon period and what happens afterwardwhy avoidant partners withdraw sexually how anxiously attached people use sex for validation Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit...
2023-03-0215 min
On Attachment#52: 6 Tips for Avoidant People in Becoming More SecureIn today's episode, I'm offering 6 tips on how avoidant people can become more secure in their relationships. We cover: the importance of getting to know your inner worldlearning to feel safe with healthy interdependency increasing your tolerance for disharmony and conflictgetting curious about your triggers before acting on themcommunicating with words rather than actionsthe benefits of co-regulation for your nervous systemHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Lif...
2023-02-2823 min
On Attachment#51: How to Initiate Hard Conversations with an Avoidant PartnerIn today's Q&A episode, I'm sharing tips for initiating hard conversations with an avoidant partner. This is a question I get a lot - how to express needs to an avoidant partner, how to set boundaries, how to share feedback. These conversations are already intimidating for many anxiously attached folks, and when combined with the sensitivities of the avoidant partner, can be a perfect storm. We cover:how to set yourself up for success in initiating hard conversationsthe importance of a regulated nervous systemtips for reaching a mutually beneficial outcomehow to cultivate greater s...
2023-02-2318 min
On Attachment#50: Navigating Perfectionism in Anxious-Avoidant RelationshipsIn this episode, I'm talking all about perfectionism - but probably not in the way you've heard it spoken about before. Perfectionism is often thought of as a personality quirk - a commitment to high achieving and having things a certain way. But when it comes to relationships, perfectionism can be a powerful protective strategy that keeps us from being seen and known as our authentic selves. Â We cover:how anxiously attached people hold themselves to standards of perfection as a way to gain and keep someone's interesthow avoidantly attached people use perfectionism & criticism as a d...
2023-02-2220 min
On Attachment#49: "My ex moved on immediately post break-up and I can't help but take it personally."In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of "My ex moved on immediately post break-up and I can't help but take it personally." This is a really common pain point for people post-break-up, so don't beat yourself up if you're in this situation (or have been there in the past!)We'll cover:why it's normal to feel hurt by a partner moving on faster than we dowhy it's so important to monitor the stories we tell ourselves post break-upreasons why people process break-ups differentlyhow anxious vs avoidant people tend to move through the break-up...
2023-02-1613 min
On Attachment#48: 5 Questions to Assess the Emotional Health of Your RelationshipIn today's episode, we're talking all about emotional health & safety in relationships. If you've ever wondered what "emotional safety" actually means, look no further - we'll be discussing some guiding principles and questions you can ask to assess how emotionally healthy your relationship is. And most importantly, what you can do to improve the emotional state of your relationship - because let's face it, this is going to be a work in progress for most of us. We cover:voicing needs, concerns & boundariesnavigating life's challenges as a teamability to safely & effectively repair after conflictfeeling loved, cared fo...
2023-02-1418 min
On Attachment#47: "We've been together a year and I've just seen he's still using Tinder. Can trust be rebuilt?""We've been together a year and I've just seen he's still using Tinder. Can trust be rebuilt?" Today's episode is a community Q&A, and I'm answering a hard question about rebuilding after discovering a breach of trust. We'll talk through:Things to look for when deciding whether to stay & rebuild after infidelityThe importance of the other person taking ownership & responsibility for the harm caused What it really takes to rebuild trustRecommended resourcesFor a deeper dive on deciding whether to stay or go, check out Episode 19 of the show (Should I...
2023-02-0913 min
On Attachment#46: 5 Tips for Rebuilding After a Long-Term Relationship EndsIn this episode, I'm sharing 5 tips for rebuilding after a long-term relationship ends. Let's face it: break-ups are painful at the best of times. But when the relationship was a long-term one, it can be even more challenging to navigate our "new" life without our ex in it. I'll be sharing tips to support you through the life cycle of your break-up - from the initial grieving process all the way through to re-entering the dating world. We cover:How to grieve your break-up in a healthy wayWhy it's important to have support people around youUsing y...
2023-02-0720 min
On Attachment#45: "How do I tell my partner they are avoidant so we can do the work?"In this episode, I'm answering a question I receive all the time which is: "How do I tell my partner they are avoidant so that we can start doing the work?" We cover: The importance of being honest & self-aware about our intentions in introducing a partner to personal development workNavigating anxious attachment tendencies around the saviour complex, over-functioning and taking responsibility for what's not oursWhy "the work" might look different for everyone How to approach conversations about relational growth in a productive, balanced & healthy wayHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Tra...
2023-02-0215 min
On Attachment#44: 5 Reasons You Might Struggle to ApologiseIn this episode, we're talking all about apologies - and specifically, why they might feel so hard sometimes. Being able to apologise is so fundamental to healthy repair, but for many of us, can feel inexplicably challenging. After listening to today's episode, my hope is that you'll have greater clarity around why apologies can feel so hard, and how to address the underlying resistance so you can foster greater connection and emotional maturity in your relationships. What we cover:Why apologies can feel so hardWhat to do when we feel unseen and misunderstoodThe difference b...
2023-01-3116 min
On Attachment#43: "How do I navigate the tendency to lose myself in a long-term relationship as anxiously attached person?"In this week's Q&A episode, I'm answering a community question about the (very common) tendency to lose oneself as an anxiously attached person in relationships. I'll talk through why this happens so often and easily, and what you can do to counter it. Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here J...
2023-01-2610 min
On Attachment#42: 5 Similarities Between Anxious & Avoidant PeopleWe often speak about the many ways in which anxious and avoidantly attached people differ in their relationship styles. But in this episode, I'm flipping the script and highlighting some similarities between these so-called conflicting styles. We cover relationship fears, boundaries, vulnerability, conflict and more - and my hope is that you'll walk away with a greater capacity to approach yourself and the people in your life with curiosity and compassion. Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to H...
2023-01-2327 min
On Attachment#41: Is It Possible to Go from Anxious to Avoidant after Heartbreak?In this episode, I'm answering the community question of "I used to be anxiously attached, but after discovering my husband's infidelity, I find myself being avoidant with potential new partners. How do I find the healthy middle ground?" We talk about changing attachment styles, fear, betrayal and how we can start to create more safety more ourselves after we've been hurt. Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
2023-01-1910 min
On Attachment#40: 5 Pieces of Unhelpful Relationship Advice (& What to do Instead)It's easy to feel overwhelmed and confused with the vast amounts of (often-conflicting) relationship advice going around - which is why in this week's episode, I'm calling out 5 pieces of unhelpful relationship advice, as well as some more constructive alternatives. I'll give my take on common advice like "never settle", "you have to love yourself first", and "when you find the one, you'll just know!". Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel S...
2023-01-1724 min
On Attachment#39: 5 Pieces of Life Advice for 2023In our last episode of 2022, I'm sharing 5 pieces of life advice to help you enter 2023 with intention, inspiration and clarity around who you want to be and what you want to create in your life. Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here Join my email list 💌 Explore my library of free guid...
2022-12-3016 min
On Attachment#38: The 3 Stages of Healing Anxious AttachmentIn this week's episode, I'm sharing a trend I notice in people with anxious attachment as they move through their healing journey. I'm sharing my observation of three key "stages" or mindsets that people typically fall into, and which mindset will set you up for the most success in meaningfully shifting your anxious attachment style. Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional R...
2022-12-1421 min
On Attachment#37: Anxious Attachment & InconsistencyIn this week's episode, we're talking all about anxious attachment & inconsistency. Inconsistency is a real point of sensitivity for anxiously attached folks, and we'll be talking through what that can look like, where it comes from, and some tools and reframes to support you in navigating the ebbs & flows of relationships from a more secure base. Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love Additional Resources
2022-12-0624 min
On Attachment#36: Q&A: Healing Anxious Attachment, How to Manage Texting Anxiety, Identifying & Expressing Needs, & Dealing w/ Boundaries from Avoidant PartnersThis week is a Q&A-style episode, where I'm answering your questions all about anxious attachment! We'll cover what it actually means to "heal" anxious attachment, how to manage anxiety around texting someone, how to identify and express needs as an anxiously attached person, and how to deal with being on the receiving end of an avoidant partner's boundaries.Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
2022-11-2925 min
On Attachment#35: 5 Tips for Dealing with Regret & Self-BlameIn this week's episode, I'm sharing 5 tips to help you process feelings of regret, shame and self-blame about things that may have happened in your past relationships. Regret can be so crippling, but it can also present us with a powerful opportunity - to reflect, to learn, and to do better next time - and today's tips are going to help you make the most of your regret rather than letting it get the better of you.Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal...
2022-11-2215 min
On Attachment#34: "What If I Outgrow My Partner?"Today's episode is exploring the topic of what to do if you want to heal & grow... but your partner doesn't. This can be a really challenging experience, and is particularly common for those in an anxious-avoidant dynamic. Fortunately, this doesn't have to mark the beginning of the end of your relationship - and in this episode, I'm sharing some mindset shifts and tips so that you can focus on your growth and trust that the rest will take care of itself.To join my Black Friday Sale waitlist, click hereTo join my Healing Anxious Attachment...
2022-11-1520 min
On Attachment#33: What Causes an Insecure Attachment Style?In this episode, we're unpacking some of the common origin stories of each insecure attachment style. We'll look at what causes anxious attachment, dismissive-avoidant attachment and disorganised/fearful avoidant attachment, with a particular focus on early childhood and family systems. Key themes discussed include inconsistency, emotional neglect, and chaotic home environments, and how each of these can shape the attachment blueprint of a child.To download my free Attachment 101 guide, click here. Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
2022-11-0820 min
On Attachment#32: Q&A: Dishonesty & Avoidant Partners, Boundaries Around Space, Trust & Privacy, Sexual Rejection & moreIn this week's episode I'm answering your questions - with a particular focus on anxious-avoidant relationship dynamics. We're discussing why people with an avoidant attachment style might use evasiveness or dishonesty as a distancing strategy, how to communicate boundaries around space with an avoidant partner, how to navigate trust & privacy, how to approach the topic of exclusivity in early dating, and what to do when your partner rejects your sexual advances.Resources:Free guide: Attachment 101Sex & Attachment MasterclassHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal...
2022-11-0116 min
On Attachment#31: 5 Tips to Improve Your Relationship Communication SkillsThis week, I'm sharing 5 tips to improve your relationship communication skills. Communication is one of those areas of relationships where most of us are running on a less-than-ideal autopilot. Fortunately, you can learn new communication skills quickly and easily, so that you start seeing immediate returns on investment in your relationship. In this episode, we cover things like validating your partner, how to ask for what you need, and how to connect with your partner in moments where you're feeling overwhelmed rather than lashing out or shutting down.Highlighted Links Free Br...
2022-10-2516 min
On Attachment#30: 6 Signs You're Becoming More SecureThis week, we're diving into 6 signs that you're becoming more secure in your relationships. Often our attention is focused on what's wrong in our relationships - on where we need to be working to improve. So it's a refreshing change to be able to share with you some of the signs that the work is paying off, and you're becoming more grounded, confident and healthy in the way you relate to others and yourself. We cover things like pausing before responding, not taking things so personally, not tolerating bad behaviour, and being more direct in giving feedback a...
2022-10-1818 min
On Attachment#29: 5 Ways to Improve Your Self-WorthThis week, we're talking all about self-worth. Self-worth is something I get asked about a lot - so I know how much people struggle with feelings of unworthiness and low self-esteem. To that end, I'm offering you 5 ways to start building up your self-worth so that you can feel more confident and comfortable in who you are and what you have to offer. Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in L...
2022-10-1115 min
On Attachment#28: 5 Signs You Need Better BoundariesWhen it comes to building healthy relationships, all roads lead back to boundaries. In this week's episode, I'm offering 5 signs that you might need better boundaries. The truth is, most people have poor boundaries - whether that looks like saying yes when you really mean no, taking responsibility for other people's problems or emotional states, burning yourself out or failing to follow through on the boundaries you do set, this episode will point you in the direction of where your focus needs to be.Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help...
2022-10-0418 min
On Attachment#27: 5 Reasons You Might Be Attracted to Unavailable PeopleIn this week's episode, we're talking 5 reasons why you might be attracted to unavailable people. I'm constantly being asked the question of "Why do I attract unavailable people?" - but my response is always to ask instead "Why are you attracted to unavailable people?". We'll talk about negative core beliefs, family of origin dynamics, difficulty receiving support, saviour complexes, and more.SIGN UP FOR THE BETTER BOUNDARIES MASTERCLASS HEREHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to...
2022-09-2819 min
On Attachment#26: Attachment & Sex Q&A: Casual Sex & Anxious Attachment, Sex in Toxic vs Healthy Relationships, & Talking About Sex w/ Avoidant PartnersIn this week's episode, I'm answering your questions around how attachment styles influence the way we relate to and experience sex. We talk about whether casual sex is a bad idea for anxiously attached people, why sex in toxic relationships can feel so much more exciting than in secure relationships, and how to talk to an avoidant partner about sex and sexual desires.If you want to go deeper on this topic, make sure you sign up for my LIVE 90 min masterclass on Sex & Attachment. Click here to save your seat.An...
2022-09-2023 min
On Attachment#25: 5 Dating Tips for Anxiously Attached PeopleIn this episode, I'm sharing 5 dating tips for anxiously attached people. Many anxiously attached people have a tough time in the dating process - becoming attached too quickly, overthinking, second-guessing, and having an uncanny ability to look past red flags and become invested in someone's potential. This episode will offer you some tips and guidelines to counter these very common patterns, so you can approach dating from a place of self-worth, self-respect and self-confidence. Resources:Â Sign up to the Sex & Attachment MasterclassFollow me on InstagramHighlighted Links Free Break-Up T...
2022-09-1419 min
On Attachment#24: Special Episode: Behind the Scenes of our Relationship (w/ my partner Joel)In this episode, I'm joined by my partner Joel to answer all of your questions about our relationship. We share everything from how we met to how we navigate conflict, our differing attachment styles and love languages, and what makes our relationship work.If you enjoyed this episode, I'd be so grateful if you could leave a 5-star rating and a review! It really does help so much.Resources:Follow me on InstagramSign up for my course on break-ups, Higher LoveHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That...
2022-09-0736 min
On Attachment#23: 5 Questions to Ask Before Getting Back with Your ExIn this episode, we're talking about whether it's a good idea to get back together with your ex - and under what circumstances. I offer you 5 questions for reflection before you make a decision, which will help you find clarity on whether it's really what you want or whether you are acting from fear, scarcity or unworthiness. Click here to sign up for Higher LoveHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to...
2022-08-3020 min
On Attachment#22: 5 Reasons Why Anxiously Attached People Struggle with Break-upsIf you're someone with an anxious attachment style, there's a good chance you've really struggled to cope with relationship break-ups at some point in your life. And while break-ups are hard across the board, anxiously attached people tend to have an especially hard time wading through this emotional experience. In this episode, I'm sharing 5 reasons why break-ups are so challenging for anxiously attached people. We cover things like the abandonment wound, the saviour complex, fear of uncertainty, and loss of identity in relationships. Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That He...
2022-08-2419 min
On Attachment#21: Break-Up Q&A: The "No-Contact" Period, Jealousy & Low Self-Worth, Feeling Blindsided, & Dating MindsetIn this episode, I'm answering all your break-up related questions! We're covering whether and when to break a "no-contact" period, how to navigate jealousy and comparison around an ex's new partner, what to do when you feel blindsided by a break-up and have no closure, and more.Further resources:Click here to sign up for my break-up course, Higher LoveFollow me on InstagramHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal...
2022-08-1726 min
On Attachment#20: How to Find Closure After a Break-UpIn this week's episode, we're talking all things closure: what it is, why it's so elusive, and why certain people are more affected than others by an ending that lacks closure. I'll also share some tips on steps you can take if you're finding yourself wanting (but struggling to find) closure after a break-up, so you can take back control and let go with grace. Links:Click here to sign up for my break-up course, Higher LoveFollow me on InstagramHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 S...
2022-08-0921 min
On Attachment#19: Should I Stay or Should I Go?In this episode, we're diving into the challenging topic of how to know whether and when to walk away from a relationship that isn't working. I offer you five guiding questions that will lead you to greater clarity, insight and awareness in making the decision of whether to stay and keep trying, or whether it's time to go.Click here to sign up for my break-up course, Higher LoveHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After...
2022-08-0315 min
On Attachment#18: Relationship Red Flags & Green FlagsIn this episode, I'm sharing with you 5 of the red flags that I see in relationships, along with their healthier, "green flag" alternatives. We'll talk through things like knowing where you stand with someone, communication of needs and concerns, trust and commitment, how integrated you are into each other's lives, and how you approach conflict (and repair). To join my upcoming masterclass on How to Navigate Anxious-Avoidant Relationships, click here.Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free...
2022-07-2621 min
On Attachment#17: 5 Differences Between the Fearful and Dismissive Avoidant Attachment StylesEver wondered what differentiates the fearful avoidant and the dismissive avoidant attachment styles? In this episode, I'm breaking down 5 key differences between these two types. We cover things like level of emotional attunement, relationship to boundaries, shame and guilt, and openness to personal development work.Click here to sign up for my live masterclass "How to Navigate Anxious-Avoidant Relationships"Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in...
2022-07-2018 min
On Attachment#16: Anxious Attachment, Conflict & CommunicationIn this episode, we're talking about anxious attachment, conflict & communication. We'll dive into why anxiously attached people struggle with identifying and communicating their needs, how to navigate conflict aversion fuelled by a fear of abandonment, and tools to navigate communication and conflict in your relationship in a healthier, more adaptive manner so you can avoid the cycle of resentment and rupture. Â Click here to join the waitlist for the next round of my signature program, Healing Anxious AttachmentHighlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That H...
2022-07-1321 min
On Attachment#15: 5 Ways to Support an Anxiously Attached PartnerIn this episode, we're diving into 5 ways to support an anxiously attached partner. This is a follow-up to our previous episode which discussed how to support an avoidant partner. We'll discuss things like openness and transparency as an antidote to uncertainty, how to manage your need for space in relationship with an anxious person, how to give them reassurance and help them to feel loved, and more. Click here to join the waitlist for the next round of my signature program, Healing Anxious Attachment.Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts...
2022-07-0418 min
Noah Kagan PresentsFrom Corporate Lawyer to Relationship Coach (w/ Stephanie Rigg)Stephanie Rigg is a former corporate lawyer down in Australia, but after some soul searching (and Google searching) she became a relationship coach to help people have better and healthier love lives. I randomly found her on Instagram and she was the first relationship coach I ever saw that wasn't woo-woo and had solid, unique advice. Now, she makes more money being a relationship coach than she did as a lawyer, and her online course, Healing Anxious Attachment, has helped hundreds of people process their anxious attachment styles so they can move toward more secure...
2022-07-0155 min
On Attachment#14: 5 Ways to Support an Avoidant PartnerIn this episode, we're diving into 5 ways to support an avoidant partner - so that you can cultivate greater understanding and connection, and build a safe, secure relationship. We'll touch on whether it's a good idea to tell your partner that they're avoidant, how to communicate your needs in a way that your partner can receive them, how not to communicate with an avoidant partner, and how your partner's love languages might differ from yours. Highlighted Links Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up F...
2022-06-2220 min