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The Allender Center | Dr. Dan Allender
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The Allender Center Podcast
“Make Sense of Your Story” with Adam Young, LCSW
Today Dan and Rachael welcome longtime friend and Allender Center Facilitator Adam Young, LCSW, to the podcast for a deeply moving conversation about the unexpected plot twists that shape our stories—and how they can become sacred invitations to connection, healing, and transformation. Adam, who is a counselor, author, podcast host, and an NFTC Certified Instructor & Facilitator with the Allender Center, joins us to talk about his new book, Make Sense of Your Story: Why Engaging Your Past with Kindness Changes Everything. He vulnerably shares about a life-altering moment that brought him...
2025-05-02
47 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Food, Sex, and Shame, Part 2
In part two of this conversation, Dan and Rachael continue their exploration by addressing the profound link between shame, food, and sex. Shame is often leveraged by evil around our core needs for nourishment and intimacy to isolate and create deeper wounds, making it difficult to engage these areas with openness. Dan emphasizes, "Knowing your story’s vulnerability to how you have been harmed, but also how you've used food and sex," is crucial. Rather than allowing shame to silence or control us, Dan and Rachael encourage listeners to confront it with boldness. Whil...
2025-03-28
40 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Story Work: What It Is and Why It Matters with Adam Young, Cathy Loerzel, and Dan Allender
Have you ever wondered what we mean when we say “your story” and why it matters? In this special episode, Adam Young, Cathy Loerzel, and Dan Allender sit down together to unpack the basics. Whether you’re new to this conversation or you’ve been on the journey for a while, this is a perfect place to start—or to revisit the foundation of story work. We’re thrilled to co-release this episode with The Place We Find Ourselves Podcast. Grab a cup of coffee, find a cozy spot, and join us as we explore the transformative power of eng...
2025-01-24
32 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Tending to One Another’s Stories in Marriage with Dan & Becky Allender
To celebrate the forthcoming release of The Deep-Rooted Marriage, co-authored by Dan Allender and Steve Call, Dan and Becky Allender reflect on their own marriage story — its unique dynamics, the challenges they’ve faced, and the redemptive journey they’ve walked together. They open up about how their family-of-origin stories shaped their relationship in ways they didn’t initially realize and the intentional work it took to build new, healthier ways of connecting, particularly over the past decade. Whether you’re married, dating, or reflecting on other relationships in your life, we think Dan and Becky’s vul...
2025-01-17
46 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Creating a Better Marriage Through Story with Becky Allender
Becky Allender sits down with Rachael Clinton Chen for a one-on-one conversation. Becky reflects on how she and Dan have experienced profound transformation in their marriage, particularly since the Allender Center was founded in 2011. It was during this time that they began practicing the fundamentals of story engagement within their own relationship—a journey that not only changed their lives but also inspired the Marriage offerings at the Allender Center. No matter what season you’re in—whether your relationship is new or you’ve been married for decades like Dan and Becky—there’s always something new to learn...
2025-01-10
35 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Reflections on the Year with Dr. Dan & Becky Allender
As we near the close of the year, Dan and Becky Allender are continuing a podcast tradition: sitting down to reflect on their experiences and inviting you, our listeners, to join them in this meaningful practice. Dan and Becky share their own reflections—what they’ve learned, what they’re grieving, and what they’re celebrating—as they prepare to transition into a new season. They’ve also shared a few practical ways you can reflect on your year: Scroll through your photo gallery. Notice the moments that brought you joy, growth, or even challen...
2024-12-27
42 min
The Allender Center Podcast
The Complexities of Christmas
With Christmas just around the corner, it’s easy to get lost in the comforts of gifts, gatherings, and familiar holiday carols. Yet in today’s podcast, Dan and Rachael remind us that the true celebration of Christmas means embracing the profound disruption Jesus brought to the world—a call to love, bless, and challenge the status quo, even in a world often defined by hatred and division. This conversation invites us to see Christmas as more than a season of comfort. It’s a time of transformation, calling us to step into the work of love, justice...
2024-12-13
44 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Advent and the Light
As we continue through the season of Advent, this week's episode of the Allender Center Podcast invites you to linger in the profound mystery of light and darkness found in John 1. Dan and Rachael reflect on the richness of this passage, offering insights into the paradox of the light that reveals all yet remains unseen by many. “In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” (John 1:4-5) Through their conversation, Dan and Rachael explore why...
2024-12-06
34 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Advent and the Word
As we enter the season of Advent, Dan and Rachael invite us to reflect on the opening of John’s Gospel: “In the beginning was the Word…” From there, they move to John’s closing declaration: “Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.” Through this framework, they delve into the meaning and weight of the Word — and of words themselves. Words are not just for speaking, but also for listening. (We often forget tha...
2024-11-29
36 min
The Allender Center Podcast
The Culture of Spiritual Abuse
When confronting spiritual abuse, it can feel more straightforward to focus on a specific person or leader who may have caused harm. But it’s also important to address the systems and cultural contexts that, in their most obvious forms, promote abuse—and in their more subtle forms, allow it to happen or refuse to confront it. In this episode, Dan and Rachael dive into the painful realities of spiritual abuse and the systems that uphold it. They explore how cultural powers—such as patriarchy, white supremacy, capitalism, and purity culture—often intertwine with Chr...
2024-11-22
38 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Checking In, Part 1
This week, we’re checking in with you, dear listeners, in a candid and vulnerable episode. Days before the U.S. Presidential Election, Dan and Rachael share the emotional weight they’re carrying, touching on the intense anxiety, anger, and grief of this turbulent season and honestly acknowledging, “We’re not doing well.” Together, they explore practices that help them stay grounded and find hope. We hope that this conversation possibly helps you navigate similar feelings in uncertain times, or, at the very least, reminds you that you are not alone. Editor’s Note: Dan and...
2024-11-01
37 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Narrative Focused Trauma Care with Petra Malekzadeh
Today, Dan and Rachael are chatting with Petra Malekzadeh, who is the Narrative Focused Trauma Care Facilitator Training Coordinator at the Allender Center, as well as an Instructor and Advisor. She also led a thriving story group ministry at her church for several years before joining us. You’ll hear about what drew her to the work of the Allender Center and, in particular, the work that she has done to understand the role of shame and step into a more fullness. We invite you to chat with Petra at our upcoming NFTC Level I Cof...
2024-04-27
41 min
The Allender Center Podcast
The Cost of Engaging Stories of Sexual Abuse
This week’s conversation dives into a difficult but essential topic: addressing past experiences of sexual abuse. We understand the weightiness of this subject and approach it with sensitivity and care. At the Allender Center, this work is central to our mission, and while it's undeniably challenging, we've also witnessed its profound goodness. Our journey toward healing doesn't involve bypassing the pain but rather moving through it. Dan and Rachael navigate the complexities of addressing sexual abuse, acknowledging the costs - both internal and external - that survivors face. They compassionately explore the impact trauma has on th...
2024-03-15
36 min
The Allender Center Podcast
The Foundations of Narrative Focused Trauma Care
What exactly is Narrative Focused Trauma Care? It’s grounded in the belief that healing is not only possible but also essential to the unfolding gospel story within and around us. This holistic approach integrates psychology and theology to holistically engage the heartbreaking impact of trauma and abuse with compassion and care through story. The Allender Center specializes in training people to understand their own stories in order to more deeply enter the lives of those they are called to love and serve. We come alongside to equip and develop skills for wading into the difficult waters of...
2024-03-01
38 min
The Allender Center Podcast
The Heart of Narrative Focused Trauma Care
We believe that healing, wholeness, connection, and flourishing are not just possibilities - it’s what we’re made for. We’re meant to know and to be known. Join Dan and Rachael as they guide you through a profound exploration of Narrative Focused Trauma Care and its theological roots. This conversation shares some of the "why" behind our healing and training offerings at the Allender Center. They delve into the Genesis narrative, illuminating the intersection between beauty and brokenness, tracing the shattering of shalom, and recognizing the lasting impact of trauma. Dan introd...
2024-02-23
39 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Reflections on the Year with Dan and Becky Allender
It’s become an annual tradition for Dan and Becky Allender to reflect on their year on the podcast, and today, we get to hear their personal reflections on 2023. They discuss the loss of dear friends this year, the fragility of life, the heartache of crises happening around the world, and the impact of disappointment on some of their personal plans and dreams. In the midst of grief, they also express gratitude for the goodness they have experienced this year. As we listen, themes of simplicity, aging, and the awareness of life's brevity eme...
2023-12-29
37 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Bonus Episode: The Healing Power of Understanding Your Story with Adam Young, Cathy Loerzel, and Dan Allender
You have a story and that story matters. Your story in your family of origin significantly affects the way you think, feel, and act in the world today. This is why Dan Allender says, “It is time to listen to your story.” What if healing begins by listening to your story? By reflecting on—and engaging—the experiences in your growing-up years, you can better understand why your brain has been shaped in the way that it has. These are the topics that Dan Allender, Cathy Loerzel, and Adam Young explore in today’s bonus podcast ep...
2023-12-11
40 min
The Allender Center Podcast
“Strong Like Water” with Aundi Kolber
We’re so pleased to be joined by therapist and author Aundi Kolber, known for her acclaimed works "Try Softer" and, most recently, "Strong Like Water." As a licensed professional counselor specializing in trauma- and body-centered therapies, Aundi's expertise is deeply informed by her personal journey of healing from complex childhood trauma. Aundi candidly shares her personal journey of healing, from confronting the profound extent of her past trauma and discovering healing methods that nurture a sense of safety, self-care, and self-compassion. She shares: “Part of my own journey, and I think my writi...
2023-10-20
48 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Celebrating 500 Episodes: Listener Questions
Welcome to a very special episode of the Allender Center Podcast! We can hardly believe it, but today marks a monumental milestone – our 500th episode! 🎉 Join your hosts, Dan and Rachael, as they come together to celebrate this incredible journey with you, our listeners, and to answer some of your questions about the inner workings of the conversations that happen here on the Allender Center Podcast. As a heartfelt thank you for your support, we're doing something extra special: Head over to theallendercenter.org/500 to not only listen but to WATCH the live recor...
2023-09-22
51 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Connecting Through Prayer with Jill Dyer
Join Rachael and Dan in this podcast episode along with Jill Dyer, Facilitator Care Coordinator at the Allender Center, to delve into the transformative power of prayer as a part of the healing journey and connecting with God and ourselves amidst harm and trauma. We understand that the thought of prayer can evoke different reactions. While it may bring comfort to some, it could also trigger further trauma and avoidance for others. With this in mind, this discussion explores various forms of prayer that authentically emerge from within, going beyond structured words and embracing our e...
2023-08-04
46 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Returning to Unresolvable Conflicts
In relationships, there are conflicts that cannot be resolved with a clear “right” or “wrong.” In fact, the Gottman Institute’s research cites that nearly 70% of relationship conflicts are unresolvable. Earlier this year, Dan and Becky Allender talked through unresolvable conflicts from their perspective of over four decades of marriage. Now, we’re revisiting the topic with our other co-host, Rachael Clinton Chen, and her husband Michael Chen, who have been married since 2019. Rachael and Michael explore the complexities of unresolvable conflicts in marriage and share their personal insights about navigating these challenging situations. They both emphasi...
2023-07-07
50 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Creating Safety in Relationships
In a world that can feel overwhelming and unsafe, we all long for safe havens in our relationships. But how do we create that safety? On this episode of the podcast, Rachael Clinton Chen chats with Dan and Becky Allender about their journey to intimacy and understanding in their marriage. Dan and Becky have been married for decades, but they both say that the real transformation in their relationship has happened only in recent years. They credit much of this breakthrough to doing story work and understanding their own family of origin stories, as well...
2023-06-30
47 min
The Allender Center Podcast
The Spirituality of Craft with Melissa and Jordan Dowell
From gardening to cooking, acting to playing an instrument, building to writing, painting, and more – there's a profound connection between creativity and the spirituality of crafting. The act of making, building, and tending to something carries a healing and integrating power to our bodies, minds, and souls. In this episode, we are thrilled to have Melissa Dowell and Jordan Dowell as our special guests. Melissa, not only the Allender Center's Product Development Manager but also a talented theater actor, and her husband Jordan Dowell, a graduate of The Seattle School, an exceptional fine furniture maker, and the fo...
2023-06-09
48 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Betrayal in Marriage
We all have experienced betrayal in our relationships. We typically think of betrayal as an affair or deception, and some of us may be quick to say, “That doesn’t apply to my relationship.” But what today’s conversation points out is that betrayal is actually anything that disconnects us from our partner and places something else above that person we love most. These moments of betrayal can lead to hurt, disappointment, shame, and a loss of trust. How do we navigate those moments of betrayal when we feel so wounded? And, whether you’re the one who...
2023-02-18
46 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Attachment Stories in Marriage
Attachment is an emotional bond we feel with another person who responds to our needs. This begins as an infant as we attach (or fail to attach) to our caregivers then extends into our adult life, often showing up in the ways we relate to others. In today’s episode, Dan and Becky Allender are joined by Steve and Lisa Call from Reconnect Institute to examine how our attachment styles emerge within the context of marriage, how to identify and name those attachments, and how to learn and heal in our most intimate relationships.
2023-02-11
43 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Family of Origin with Dr. Dan Allender and Adam Young
So much of our beauty and brokenness — so much of what makes us who we are today — is tied to our family of origin. The ways in which we act, react, and interact with others are directly tied to our childhood origin stories and the hurt that we all inevitably experienced – no matter how perfect (or imperfect) our families were. Why should we spend time going back to name the hurt we experienced growing up? Is it worth it to stir up those memories, talk about painful experiences, and potentially upset our loved ones? Dr. Da...
2023-02-04
46 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Unresolvable Conflict
According to the research of the Gottman Institute, nearly 70% of relationship conflicts are unresolvable - meaning, there is no clear right or wrong resolution. After recently celebrating their 46th wedding anniversary, Dan and Becky Allender come together to talk about conflict, particularly within the context of marriage. Throughout any relationship, conflict is inevitible - and it can look different in different seasons or settings. You’ll hear Dan and Becky highlight two traps that are easy to fall into: conflict avoidance (don’t go there!) and indifferent compromise (just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it y...
2023-01-21
45 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Act Justly, Love Mercy, Walk Humbly
Wendell Moss, lead instructor and facilitator at the Allender Center, joins Dan Allender on the podcast this week to discuss the crucial passage of Micah 6:8: “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” (NIV) Why are justice, mercy, and humility bound together in this passage? And how do they intersect with one another? Listen to this deep dive into the way that these three elements interplay and create a charge that, as follo...
2023-01-14
48 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Intentions for the New Year
Welcome to a new year of the Allender Center Podcast! This week, Dan and Becky Allender reconvene to look forward with anticipation and expectation. Dan asks, “What do you want the year to hold? I think most people speak first of events... But I think one of the things that so seldom seems to be the primary category: who do you want to become?”
2023-01-07
37 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Meditation on the Year
Happy New Year! As we close out 2022, Dan and Becky Allender sit down to reflect about the things they learned this year and what they wish to bring with them as they go into the new year. Listeners and friends, thank you for listening to the Allender Center Podcast this year. We are grateful every time you press “play,” and are thankful for all of your comments, feedback, and encouragement. We look forward to meeting you here again in the new year with new episodes!
2022-12-31
35 min
The Allender Center Podcast
The Nature of Disappointment
As we enter the holiday season with anticipation, there are times when we will also feel, well… disappointed. How do we honor disappointment without being bound by it? Dan and Becky Allender talk through their experiences with disappointment, how the body reacts when faced with disappointment, and the ways in which we can tend to our disappointments and still find hope.
2022-11-26
37 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Holiday Madness
As nature slows down, many of us are gearing up for a busy holiday season - beginning with Thanksgiving next week. Dan and Becky Allender unpack some of the nostalgia that surrounds the holiday, the tensions that arise from unmet expectations or clashing opinions, and what we can mindfully bring to the Thanksgiving table - and what can be left at the door.So as we enter into this season of “holiday madness,” as Dan puts it, we hope you can pause to consider what this time of year means for you, and how you...
2022-11-19
36 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Engaging Triggers in Marriage
We recently wrapped up the Allender Center Marriage Conference with Dan and Becky Allender and Steve and Lisa Call of The Reconnect Institute. So as our team is reflecting on that incredible event and gearing up for next spring’s Marriage Enrichment Retreat, we thought we'd go back into the archives to revisit this conversation between the Allenders and the Calls. In this episode from 2020, the two couples talk about engaging triggers in a marriage. Whether you are married or not, we hope this topic will help you in any of your close relationships with a spouse, fr...
2022-10-29
28 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Does Time Heal All Wounds?
Does time really heal all wounds? After recently celebrating their respective 70th birthdays, Dan and Becky Allender sat down to look back over the decades with a different awareness, considering the trauma, the joy, the losses, and the blessings. They also explore the saying that “time heals all wounds” and explain why trauma does not honor time. The good news is that, instead of hoping that the passage of time will allow us to heal, we can step in and own our stories and begin to experience the redemption and restoration that God has for us.
2022-10-22
37 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Desire and Disappointment
As we transition into the fall season, Dan and Becky Allender take a moment to reflect on their summer: the desires they had, the disappointments they felt, and the surprising lessons learned when things didn’t go as planned.
2022-09-03
33 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Replay and Rest: Imagination and Hope
In the third and final episode in our “Replay and Rest” series, we’ll revisit a conversation between Dan and Becky Allender as they reflect on the profound depths of rest we are invited to in Psalm 131. We know that rest is of the utmost importance in order to recover from the toll that stress takes on our bodies, our minds, and our hearts. Here at The Allender Center, we are practicing what we teach and many of our team members are taking reduced work hours and vacation time during the month of July. In that spirit, we are...
2022-08-05
22 min
The Evolving Leader
Product-Market Fit with Dan Olsen
This week on the Evolving Leader podcast, co-hosts Jean Gomes and Scott Allender talk to Dan Olsen. Based in Silicon Valley, Dan is a consultant, speaker, host of the monthly Lean Product & Lean UX Meetup and author of bestselling ‘The Lean Product Playbook’. The Lean Product Playbook 0.00 Introduction2.28 Tell us about your background and what fuels your passion for product development?3.50 Why do products fail and why do organisations keep on building things that we may not want? 5.14 Can you give us your definition or poor product fit?
2022-07-06
57 min
The Allender Center Podcast
The Origins of Dr. Dan Allender’s Work
In the first of this two-part series, Rachael Clinton Chen interviews Dan Allender about the origins of his work in helping people address and heal sexual abuse. You’ll drop into Dan’s story in the mid-1980s as he was finishing his doctoral studies. He was asked a question by one of his clients: “What do you know about sexual abuse?” At the time, this very prevalent issue was not being addressed in secular culture, let alone by the church. Listen to how Dan grew into his unique role as a therapist, teacher, and innovative leader to help...
2022-05-21
37 min
The Allender Center Podcast
The Connection Between Supremacy and Sexual Abuse
In the second episode of our series about sexual abuse, Dan and Rachael are joined by Linda Royster, licensed therapist and teaching staff at The Allender Center. Linda defines supremacy and the misuse of power as it relates to sexual abuse, violence, and racism, and how it is in direct opposition to true Shalom.
2022-03-19
41 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Rituals & Rhythms for a New Year
How do we begin to process this past year and look forward to a new year when so many things feel beyond our control? In this special New Year’s Day edition, husband and wife duo Dan and Becky Allender discuss establishing rituals and rhythms that can keep us grounded and centered as we enter 2022.
2022-01-01
29 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Collective Healing: 10 Year Celebration
As we continue to celebrate the 10th Anniversary of The Allender Center, we have two special guests from The Allender Center team joining Dan and Rachel this week: Linda Royster from the Training and Pastoral Team, and Sam Lee, the Director of Facilitator Development. Linda and Sam candidly share their experiences as BIPOC leaders on The Allender Center team pursuing the work of defining and healing trauma.
2021-12-04
45 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Friends from the Beginning: 10 Year Celebration
When Cyndi Mesmer agreed to participate in the very first Training Certificate program in 2011 (now Certificate in Narrative Focused Trauma Care Level I), she anticipated a laid-back conference where she would gather a few insights and make small talk with other attendees. Instead, what she and fellow facilitator Scott Gibson encountered would change the course of their lives, relationships, and therapeutic practices. So today on the podcast, as we continue to celebrate 10 years of The Allender Center, Dan and Rachael engage Cyndi and Scott in conversation about how they first came to be involved with The Allender C...
2021-10-01
42 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Stories from 10 Years of The Allender Center
No story is without its share of joy, anticipation, trials, and victories, and the same can be said about the founding of The Allender Center. This year we are celebrating 10 years as a center and place where people have found healing from trauma. It has been an immense honor to be able to hear and walk with you through your stories of harm into restoration. Today, Dan and Rachael share memories and tales with Becky Allender and Jeanette White, Interim Senior Director, both former guests of the podcast and founding members of The Allender Center. You’ll get to he...
2021-09-04
43 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Engaging Our Stories with Adam Young
For the final episode in our series on engaging stories, Dan and Rachael talk with therapist, podcast host, and Allender Center facilitator, Adam Young. Many of you may be familiar with Adam from his podcast, “The Place We Find Ourselves,” and throughout this conversation you’ll begin to hear more about Adam’s story and how a life-altering encounter with his father set him on a path to become a mental health counselor. Follow along as Dan and Rachael engage his story by asking key questions, from how he experiences beauty to how he lives as someone attuned to and in th...
2021-08-27
49 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Engaging Our Stories with Gwen St. John
Today is the start of a series of episodes we’ve been eagerly waiting to share with you. We're going to be engaging the stories of some of our dear friends and colleagues in order to help you—our listeners— get a better sense for how to look at and read your own story. In this episode, Dan and Rachael talk with Gwen St. John, a therapist and long-time Allender Center facilitator, about how her experience growing up shaped who she is today as someone with high sensitivity, and how this led her to become a “reader of people and the...
2021-08-14
34 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Providing Hospitality: A Conversation with Becky Allender
Continuing a conversation about hospitality, Dan invites his wife, Becky Allender, back to the podcast to recount a personal, life-changing experience that changed their perspective of hospitality. Sometimes it is assumed hospitality is setting a ‘perfect plate’ for guests, however, we need to remove ourselves from the idea that hospitality is simply entertainment. How are you engaging others at the grocery store, in your neighborhood, or at work? What does it mean to offer care and welcome from the heart? Throughout the episode you’ll hear more of Dan and Becky’s stories as well as how they are actively...
2021-07-23
26 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Trauma-Informed Care with Abby Wong-Heffter
This week on the podcast, Dan begins the first of two conversations with special guest Abby Wong-Heffter, a teaching staff member at the Allender Center and coordinator of the Concentration in Trauma & Abuse at The Seattle School. Together they dive into the topic of trauma and the parts of Abby’s story that reveal how she found her way to becoming a trauma-informed therapist.
2021-07-03
28 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Encountering Grief: Jeanette White
Dan and Rachael continue a conversation about grief on the podcast, this week engaging Jeanette White, Interim Senior Director of The Allender Center. Jeanette, a dear friend and colleague of our hosts, graduated from The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology with an MA in Christian Studies in 2007 and has been an essential member of The Allender Center since its founding in 2011. As you listen to their conversation, you’ll hear them discuss in more depth Jeanette’s story and the two sides of grief—one that is messy and hard, and the other that opens your heart and eyes to the...
2021-05-14
40 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Encountering Grief: Mary Ellen Owen
This week on the podcast, Dan and Rachael begin a new series that takes a deeper look into the topic of grief. In this particular episode they engage in conversation with special guest Mary Ellen Owen, who is a core member of The Allender Center team as well as a mental health therapist with over 20 years of experience. Rachael describes her as a woman with wild depth and someone well acquainted with grief, both in her own life and the lives of those she serves. So, what are we talking about when we talk about grief? Over t...
2021-05-08
40 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Calling & Character: Priest, Prophet, King
In this episode of the podcast, Dan and Rachael are joined by Cathy Loerzel, Executive Vice President of The Allender Center, to begin a conversation about a particular aspect of The Allender Theory: prophet, priest, and king/queen. During the conversation, they invite you into each of these three categories and to consider what it means to have been given a kingdom in which you are a priest, prophet, and king/queen. Listen to a podcast series with Cathy Loerzel about “The Complexities in Leadership” Listen to Dan and Rachael talk about “The Particulars of Spiritual Abuse” on the podc
2020-10-09
32 min
The Allender Center Podcast
How Are You Doing? Checking in with Dan and Rachael
Since it has been a few weeks since Rachael and Dan hosted together on the podcast, they decided to sit down and check-in both with each other and the state of the world before launching into more of our regularly scheduled fall content. It’s been a hard season and a hard year. Feeling scattered, fragmented, numb, and isolated are normal. Yet, at the same time, we must also continue to ask ourselves the question: Who do we want to become, how do we want to live in this crazy period? Resources: Listen to a podcast se...
2020-10-02
32 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Relationships between Married Couples and Single People
“We all have something to offer and we all have something to learn from each other in all of our various stages of life and relationships.” -Beau Denton As the month of conversations about marriage draws to a close, Dan and Becky invite Beau Denton and Ashley Wright on the podcast to talk about how single people and married people can relate better together. Beau was a former Content Creator for The Seattle School and played an integral role in synthesizing podcast episodes, and Ashley serves as the Director of Marketing and Communications for T...
2020-09-25
27 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Rituals to Redeem Your Marriage
Dan and Becky Allender invite Paul and Sara Steinke into a conversation about creating and living rituals in marriage, particularly in this era of COVID-19. Paul is the Vice President of Students and Alumni at The Seattle School and Sara is a private practitioner, yoga instructor, and poet. Throughout the episode, they talk about the presence of ritual in their relationships, the specific kinds of rituals they practice to enhance and grow their marriage, and the difference between creating a ritual and a habit. Resources: Purchase a bundle of our new marriage offerings, including our Marriage C...
2020-09-18
35 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Reconnection in Marriage with Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Steve Call (re-release)
Revisiting an insightful conversation between Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Steve Call, a therapist and Affiliate Faculty member at The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology, about how unaddressed hurt and shame can harm meaningful connections in marriage and practical tools to help rebuild connection where it has been lost.
2020-02-13
39 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Ending and Beginning: Regret
Continuing a conversation about entering a new year, Dan and Becky Allender talk openly about their experiences with anxiety and worry and the tendency many of us have to let worry overtake our anticipation of the future.
2020-01-10
21 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Ending and Beginning: Regret
As we enter a new year, Dan and Becky Allender address the issue of regret, and how so often our regret inhibits us from reflecting on the past.
2020-01-03
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Complexities in Leadership, Part One
In this episode of the podcast, Dan is joined by Cathy Loerzel, Executive Vice President of The Allender Center, to talk about the realities and complexities of being a leader. Dan believes that people who are good leaders are also reluctant leaders, a th
2019-11-08
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Becoming an Anti-Racist, Part One
Dan and Wendell Moss, a member of The Allender Center Teaching Staff, begin a conversation about the implications of the phrase “I am not a racist” and what it means to instead become an “anti-racist.” We invite you to join us and ask: Are we will
2019-10-11
21 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Facing Failure, Part 3
Dan and Becky Allender reflect on what it means to experience failure and address it in a way that allows our lives to grow, both relationally and individually.
2019-09-20
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Aging, Part Three
Dan and Becky Allender have a conversation about what it means to embrace aging by owning limitations, moving forward in kindness, and holding both the levity and gravity of aging together.
2019-08-30
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
A Summer of Play, Part Three
Dan and Becky Allender reflect on what deep, meaningful play reveals about living as people who are captivated by the radiance of God.
2019-07-12
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
A Summer of Play, Part Two
Dan and Becky Allender wrestle with some of the obstacles and demands that often keep us from engaging in play, or that relegate it to an afterthought or addendum to the rest of our lives.
2019-07-05
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
A Summer of Play, Part One
Dan and Becky Allender kick off a new series all about the beauty and necessity of play by exploring the categories of risk, exploration, and restoration.
2019-06-28
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Imagination and Hope in Psalm 131
Dan and Becky Allender conclude our series on Psalm 131 by reflecting on a hope that is grounded in our deepest desires, that does not fear suffering, and that anticipates the fullness of redemption that God intends for each of us.
2019-06-21
21 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Calm and Quiet in Psalm 131
Dan and Becky Allender reflect on how Psalm 131 invites us to calm and quiet our bodies, minds, and hearts, so that we can navigate the loss and chaos around us in a new way.
2019-06-14
23 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Family of Origin: Redeeming Triangulation
Dan and Becky Allender continue discussing triangulation in family of origin, and remind us that no matter how deep the harm, and no matter how costly the healing, our stories are not yet done being written.
2019-03-08
25 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Family of Origin: Triangulation
In this third episode of our Family of Origin series, we turn to the crucial category of triangulation. Dan and Becky Allender look back on their own families and the history of their marriage to help us unpack how these dynamics continue playing out deca
2019-03-01
21 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Reconnection in Marriage, Part One
Dan is joined by Dr. Steve Call, whose new book shares key findings from Steve’s years of experience helping couples reconnect. Together Steve and Dan explore the hurt and shame that must be addressed if we hope to cultivate meaningful connection.
2019-02-01
21 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Starting a Year with Intention and Care
Dan and Becky Allender reflect on the year ahead, wondering about the themes and desires they feel for the coming months.
2019-01-04
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Looking Back on the Year
Dan and Becky Allender invite us to look back on the past year, to remember the highlights and low points, the delights and challenges, and to wonder what themes Jesus has been growing in us this year.
2018-12-28
21 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Home for the Holidays, Part Three
Dan and Becky Allender conclude our holiday series by talking about something that will be all too familiar for most listeners: family conflict.
2018-12-21
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Home for the Holidays, Part Two
Dan and Becky Allender continue their conversation about the holidays by discussing the deep sense of disappointment that so often leads to conflict.
2018-12-14
20 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Home for the Holidays, Part One
Dan and Becky Allender reflect on the benefits and drawbacks of nostalgia—which can help inform our desire for goodness in the present, or can set up unrealistic expectations that inevitably lead to disappointment.
2018-12-07
21 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Four Years of The Allender Center Podcast
Dan Allender, Rachael Clinton, and Beau Denton celebrate more than four years and 200 episodes of The Allender Center podcast. As they reflect on their favorite moments so far, they dream together about how the conversation might continue in the future.
2018-10-19
19 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Parenting Adult Children, Part Two
This week, Dan and Becky Allender continue their conversation about parenting adult children, particularly when the relationship is so broken that it seems beyond repair.
2018-08-10
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Parenting Adult Children, Part One
This week, Dan and Becky Allender start a two-part conversation about parenting adult children. How can we engage complex dynamics with curiosity and a hope of change, rather than maintaining the status quo or reenacting past harm?
2018-08-03
21 min
The Allender Center Podcast
An Epidemic of Loneliness, Part Three
This week, Dan and Becky Allender conclude our series on loneliness by discussing how the journey away from the shame of disconnection begins with an act of confession.
2018-07-27
23 min
The Allender Center Podcast
An Epidemic of Loneliness, Part Two
This week, Dan and Becky Allender continue their conversation about loneliness by looking at the particular ways it shows up in marriage and other intimate relationships.
2018-07-20
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
An Epidemic of Loneliness, Part One
This week, Dan and Becky Allender kick off a three-part series on loneliness. They begin by wrestling with some of the differences between sporadic, situational loneliness and chronic, existential loneliness.
2018-07-13
23 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Summer Hospitality, Part Two
This week, Dan and Becky Allender continue discussing the dynamics of hospitality by exploring what it means to be a good host as we welcome friends and relatives into our homes this summer.
2018-06-22
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Summer Hospitality, Part One
This week, Dan and Becky Allender dive into the dynamics of hospitality and what it means to be a good guest or host. As we visit the homes of others, how can we enter their world with gratitude, humility, and delight?
2018-06-15
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Dan and Becky Allender: Hiding No More, Part Two
This week, Dan and Becky Allender continue their conversation about Becky’s new book, Hidden in Plain Sight. They reflect on the nature of calling and on the beautiful, wild invitation to step into new terrain while many others choose to coast through life.
2018-02-02
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Dan and Becky Allender: Hiding No More, Part One
This week, Dan and Becky Allender talk about Becky’s new book, Hidden in Plain Sight. Becky shares about her writing process and about finding the courage to step from a lifetime of hiding into a beautiful and compelling new story.
2018-01-26
21 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Writing a New Story in 2018
This week, Dan and Becky Allender look ahead and wonder about the desire, hope, and fear that comes with moving into a new year. Dan and Becky reflect on the themes and trajectories that will shape their year ahead, inviting you to join them in pondering the story your life will tell in 2018.
2018-01-05
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Opening Up to Receive and Give
This week, Dan is joined by a longtime friend, Cary Umhau. Cary is the author of Burning Down the Fireproof Hotel, and her work has focused around connecting communities. In sharing her own story, she encourages listeners to remember the importance of seeing another and being seen by another. In this season of thanksgiving, Cary and Dan also discuss practical ways we can all give to those around us. They invite listeners to learn more about an initiative called Breadcoin. Happy Thanksgiving from The Allender Center. We are privileged to be a part of this work and...
2017-11-24
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Race and Trauma, Part Three
This week, Dan, along with friends and colleagues — Susan Kim, Abby Wong-Heffter, and Wendell Moss — conclude their conversation around race and trauma. Susan, Abby, and Wendell take time to discuss the obstacles and the cost they have faced in stepping into honest conversation around race. The four together name the ways in which The Allender Center is only beginning to step into this conversation and their desires for the future.
2017-11-17
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Race and Trauma, Part One
This week, Dan is joined by three friends: Wendell Moss, Susan Kim, and Abby Wong-Heffter. Together, they begin a conversation around race and trauma, inviting listeners to engage as learners. The episode includes an honest conversation about race in light of the Allender Center’s history. Finally, the four address a few of the common myths around racial trauma.
2017-11-03
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Story Writing: Revealing What You Could Not See (Part 4 on Story)
This week, Dan and his wife, Becky Allender, conclude their series on Story. Dan introduces Becky’s new book, and she reads an excerpt from it, recounting a painful story of loss. Through the conversation that follows, we learn how writing our stories and sharing them with a caring community can truly transform our lives. The episode concludes with an invitation to discover the power of writing and reading our own stories. If you feel a pull to know more about how your story, in all of its beauty and heartache, shapes and influences every dimension of yo...
2017-09-23
21 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Story Themes: How Particulars Form Threads (Part 3 on Story)
This week, Dan and his wife, Becky Allender, continue a series on Story. They dialogue about how their own particular upbringings and life events formed distinct themes in their lives. The episode presents a challenge to us: Have we taken time to consider the themes of our own stories? And have we considered how these themes affect those around us?
2017-09-16
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Irritation or Intrigue: You Choose (Part 2 on Story)
This week, Dan and his wife, Becky Allender, think back to the way in which one of their brief interactions led not only to confusion but to a deeper sense of irritation toward each other’s stories. As they recognized and named their everyday stories, those that too often get overlooked, they were able to move past avoidance and gain understanding and empathy. The episode ends with this encouragement and challenge: we all have a choice to make in each of our relationships—to approach another’s story with a sense of irritation or with genuine intrigue. What we choose...
2017-09-09
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Reflection and Transition: A Summer Reprise
This week, Dan and his wife, Becky Allender, reflect on their summer experiences to glean wisdom as they prepare to move into the fall. During their conversation, they ponder some helpful questions. How should we approach transition? Why does God invite us to reinvent our plans? What have we gained from our last season that we can bring to the next?
2017-08-26
23 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Celebrating 100 Episodes: Dissociation in Marriage
As we gathered listener feedback about the first 100 episodes of the Allender Center Podcast, one of the questions that stood out was about how we respond to dissociation in our relationships. So this week, Dan is joined by his wife, Becky Allender, to talk about how they have experienced the effects of dissociation in their marriage, ultimately choosing connection over isolation.
2016-10-29
23 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Dan Allender and Tremper Longman on the Nature of Friendship, Part Two
This week, Dan continues the conversation with his long-time friend, Dr. Tremper Longman. Dan and Tremper share about how their friendship and collaboration have expanded the work that they each do individually, inviting both of them to new opportunities and new encounters with the goodness of God. And they invite us to consider how our own friendships might lead us into deeper engagement with God’s ongoing work in the world.
2016-04-02
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Dan Allender and Tremper Longman on the Nature of Friendship, Part One
This week, Dan is joined by his long-time friend, Dr. Tremper Longman, in a conversation about ping-pong, college, and the nature of friendship. Dan and Tremper invite us to consider how our friendships might draw us into deeper and more life-giving participation in the kingdom of God.
2016-03-26
23 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Marriage: Becoming One Flesh, Part 1
This episode marks the conclusion of our six-part Marriage series, a conversation between Dan and Becky Allender. In case you missed any of it, you can still catch up on past episodes, including Leaving (Part One, Part Two), Cleaving (Part One, Part Two), and Part One of Weaving.
2015-11-14
23 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Marriage: Becoming One Flesh, Part 1
On this week’s podcast, Dan and Becky Allender continue our six-part Marriage series, which began with Leaving (Part One, Part Two), moved to Cleaving (Part One, Part Two), and ends with Weaving—what it means for a couple to weave together as one flesh. To put it another way, we’re talking about sex.
2015-11-07
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Marriage: Cleaving and Soul Connecting, Part 2
On this week’s podcast, the fourth part of our ongoing Marriage series, Dan and Becky Allender continue talking about the idea of a couple cleaving together, by looking at the contempt and bitterness that can take root and create so much division in a relationship.
2015-10-31
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Marriage: The Trials of Leaving, Part 2
This week on The Allender Center Podcast, in part two of our Marriage series, Dan and his wife, Becky Allender, continue to talk about what it looks like to leave our families of origin and grow in love and loyalty for one another.
2015-10-17
22 min
The Allender Center Podcast
Design of Desire: God’s Engagement with Desire
So far in The Allender Center Podcast’s Design of Desire series, Dan has discussed the war against desire and the idea that God-given desire fosters creativity. On this week’s podcast, Dan continues the series by confronting the idea that not all of our desires are healthy. How does God deal with conflicted desires that are deeply legitimate at times and that, other times, swing into madness?
2015-09-19
20 min
The Allender Center Podcast
An Interview with Susan Cunningham
On this week’s podcast, Dan sits down for a conversation with Susan Cunningham, a therapist, poet, and facilitator with The Allender Center.
2015-06-20
23 min