Tony Overbay LMFT - Podcast Details

Shows

Waking Up to NarcissismDeath by 1,000 Cuts: Still Standing After All 9 Lives (and Then Some)How many times have you been told you were too sensitive? Or accused of overreacting? Maybe you’ve heard things like, “It’s not a big deal,” “You need to calm down,” or “It was just a joke—why are you making this such a thing?” And each time, you questioned yourself. Was it really that bad? Were you imagining things? Because on their own, the comments, the criticisms, the passive-aggressive digs might seem small—hardly worth mentioning. But they kept happening. Over and over. Until you stopped trusting your own perception. That’s the nature of death by 1,000 cuts. It’s not the sev...2025-06-171h 01

The Virtual CouchShift: Managing Your Emotions So They Don’t Manage You by Ethan Kross - Virtual Couch Book Club w/Marla Christiansen, APCCMarla Christensen, AMFT, APCC, and Tony Overbay, LMFT, delve into Ethan Kross's "Shift: Managing Your Emotions So They Don't Manage You" for another installment of the "Virtual Couch Book Club." They explore emotional awareness, sensory shifts, and cultural influences on emotional well-being. Practical techniques, such as distant self-talk and the Whoop framework (Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan), are covered, offering listeners actionable strategies for emotional management. Tony opens the episode by explaining how common parental phrases, such as "it's not a big deal" or "just don't worry about it," can unintentionally hinder emotional expression in adulthood, setting the stage for...2025-06-0323 min

Waking Up to NarcissismTell Me About Your Mother": Untangling Childhood's Hidden Traps with "The Good Daughter Syndrome" Author Katherine FabrizioAre you constantly trying to please your mother but never feeling good enough? Do you take responsibility for her emotional well-being? If you've ever found yourself stuck in these patterns, this episode is essential listening — and men, don't skip this one! Host Tony Overbay discovered he might have a little "Good Daughter Syndrome" himself.In this illuminating conversation, psychotherapist Katherine Fabrizio https://daughtersrising.info/ shares her 35 years of experience working with daughters of difficult mothers, including her own journey breaking away from practicing therapy alongside her controlling mother. With refreshing candor and hard-earned wisdom, Katherine reveals:...2025-05-1749 min

The Virtual CouchTrapped by Trauma Bonds: A Guide for Those Suffering and Those Watching from the OutsideHave you ever watched someone you care about repeatedly return to a relationship that's clearly hurting them, despite all logic and reason? Or found yourself unable to break free from a partner who alternates between cruel indifference and intoxicating affection? Tony Overbay, LMFT, comprehensively examines all of the factors at play in hopes of shining a light on understanding and ultimately healing from one of psychology's most misunderstood phenomena: trauma bonding.Tony explains how the same mechanisms that kept B.F. Skinner's rats frantically pressing a lever for unpredictable...2025-05-1522 min

The Virtual CouchPick Me Behaviors, Emotional Immaturity, and the Cost of Not Knowing Yourself: Is True Honesty in Relationships Possible? Tony and Mackie Overbay Live QADo you avoid difficult conversations, hoping problems will magically disappear? Do you convince yourself you don’t need to write things down, because of course you’ll remember later? Or maybe you catch yourself trying to be everything to everyone… and slowly losing yourself in the process?Join Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Tony Overbay and his daughter Mackie, a licensed esthetician, and cosmetologist, and host of the podcast “The Mind, the Mirror, and Me,” for a lively and insightful live Q&A. Together, they explore the sneaky ways magical thinking and emotional immaturity show up in...2025-05-0627 min

The Virtual CouchLearning to Life Without Training Wheels: Exploring Faith, Identity, and Emotional MaturityHave you ever found yourself wondering, How can someone possibly believe that? Or maybe you've questioned your own beliefs after bumping up against someone else's certainty? You're not alone.In this episode, Tony Overbay, LMFT, dives into the complexities of perception, truth, and emotional maturity. He explores how individuals often encounter differing viewpoints—especially in today’s social media-driven world—and how those experiences can lead to frustration, confusion, and even self-doubt.Using concepts like Umwelt and the importance of distinguishing between objective facts and subjective experiences, Tony offers insigh...2025-04-041h 07

Waking Up to NarcissismLearning to Life Without Training Wheels: Exploring Faith, Identity, and Emotional MaturityHave you ever found yourself wondering, How can someone possibly believe that? Or maybe you've questioned your own beliefs after bumping up against someone else's certainty? You're not alone.In this episode, Tony Overbay, LMFT, dives into the complexities of perception, truth, and emotional maturity. He explores how individuals often encounter differing viewpoints—especially in today’s social media-driven world—and how those experiences can lead to frustration, confusion, and even self-doubt.Using concepts like Umwelt and the importance of distinguishing between objective facts and subjective experiences, Tony offers insigh...2025-04-031h 07

The Virtual CouchMental Health Unplugged: From Narcissism to Personal Growth - Mackie Joins Tony for a TikTok Live QATony, a licensed marriage and family therapist, author, speaker, and podcast host, welcomes viewers to an engaging TikTok Live session. Joined by his daughter Mackie, Tony answers questions on various topics including relationships, mental health, and narcissism. They discuss the concept of the shadow self, the 'Let Them' theory, handling emotional triggers, and the importance of differentiation in relationships. Tony offers advice on dealing with controlling siblings, building clientele as a therapist, managing ADHD and its effects, and overcoming trust issues in relationships. They also touch on practical self-care tips and the journey of personal growth, using real-life examples...2025-03-181h 06

The Virtual CouchUniversal Lessons from Grief: Ashlee Boyson, Author of One Day - A Child’s Journey Through Grief and LossWhen Ashlee Boyson answered her door at age 28 to find detectives bearing unimaginable news—her husband murdered, an affair revealed—she became a widow with five children, including a six-week-old baby. In this powerful episode of the Virtual Couch, Tony Overbay, LMFT, explores how this defining moment led Ashlee to become not just a survivor but a guide for others navigating grief's complex terrain. Her groundbreaking book "One Day: A Child's Journey Through Grief and Loss," illustrated by her daughter Bostyn, takes a revolutionary approach by deliberately omitting facial expressions and colors—creating space for authentic emotions rather than prescri...2025-03-1250 min

Waking Up to NarcissismHealing by a Thousand Stitches - Growth Through Narcissistic or Emotionally Immature RelationshipsIn this episode of The Virtual Couch Presents: Waking Up to Narcissism, host Tony Overbay explores the transformative journey of healing from relationships with emotionally immature or narcissistic partners. With the popularity of the 'Death by a Thousand Cuts' series, Tony introduces a new perspective—'Growth by a Thousand Stitches.' The episode features real stories from listeners who have found strength and self-worth through small, impactful victories. Tony delves into various categories such as reclaiming simple joys, embracing self-care, setting healthy boundaries, and rediscovering personal identity. This episode is filled with hope, tangible steps towards healing, and inspiring te...2025-03-0242 min

The Virtual CouchFrom Fairy Tale to Real Life: A Marriage Therapist's Raw Take on the Journey from "I Do" to "What Now?"Every couple starts their marriage journey with hearts full of hope and eyes bright with optimism. But what happens when the fairy tale meets reality? In this compelling episode of the Virtual Couch, marriage therapist Tony Overbay takes listeners on an intimate journey through the evolution of marriage, sparked by his observation of a young newlywed couple, Hannah and Cody, during a recent podcast interview.Drawing from over 20 years of experience as a marriage therapist, Tony bridges the gap between those magical early days and the complex reality that many couples face years into...2025-02-2048 min

The Virtual CouchThe Self-Care Paradox: Why Putting Yourself First Isn't Selfish and Is “Healthy Narcissism” a Thing? Live QA w/Tony and Mackie OverbayWhat happens when you walk face-first into a wall at the movies? For therapist Tony Overbay, it led to a deep discussion about relationships, self-worth, and the challenges of being true to yourself in a world that often demands conformity.In this engaging episode of The Virtual Couch, Tony is joined by his daughter Mackie for their regular Sunday night Q&A session. After sharing a humorous story about his movie theater mishap (complete with butterfly stitches), they dive into profound conversations about relationships, mental health, and personal growth....2025-02-171h 21

Waking Up to NarcissismThe Evolutionary Superpower of Highly Sensitive People: How HSP Differs from Autism (and Does it Matter?)Have you ever been told you're 'too sensitive' or that you need to ‘get over it,’ or ‘don’t worry about it,’ but that only causes you to worry more, or feel less connected to others, or even yourself? Or have you been told that your sensitivity must mean you're on the autism spectrum? Or are you on the autisim spectrum and can you also identify with many of the characteristics of Highly Sensitive People? With over 2.2 million views and hundreds of comments on recent viral videos about Highly Sensitive People (HSPs), it's clear this topic strikes a nerve. Drawing fr...2025-02-131h 09

Waking Up to NarcissismTrisha Jamison, Host of the Q&A Files Podcast on Overcoming Emotional Immaturity for Better RelationshipsHave you ever tried selling a grand piano on Facebook Marketplace? Our latest episode of the Q&A Files kicks off with some personal tales of downsizing and the hilarious adventures that come with it. Join us as Trisha Jamison, a board-certified functional nutritionist, and Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist and seasoned podcaster from The Virtual Couch, and Waking Up To Narcissism, discuss these issues for Tony's podcast, The Virtual Couch. Trisha and Tony discuss emotional immaturity and narcissistic traits and offer a path to healthier relationships. We share our own jo...2025-02-0751 min

The Virtual CouchTrisha Jamison, host of the Q&A Files Podcast on Overcoming Emotional Immaturity for Better RelationshipsHave you ever tried selling a grand piano on Facebook Marketplace? Our latest episode of the Q&A Files kicks off with some personal tales of downsizing and the hilarious adventures that come with it. Join us as Trisha Jamison, a board-certified functional nutritionist, and Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist and seasoned podcaster from The Virtual Couch, and Waking Up To Narcissism, discuss these issues for Tony's podcast, The Virtual Couch. Trisha and Tony discuss emotional immaturity and narcissistic traits and offer a path to healthier relationships. We share our own jo...2025-02-0451 min

The Virtual CouchAnxious or Avoidant? Why Your Relationship Patterns Repeat & How to Change Them (Part 1)Are you tired of repeating the same relationship patterns? Whether it's constant worry about abandonment or a tendency to keep people at arm's length, these behaviors - known as attachment styles - aren't set in stone. In part one of this two-part series, therapist Tony Overbay examines the science of attachment theory, tracing its development from John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth's pioneering "Strange Situation" experiment to current research demonstrating how people can actually change their relationship patterns. Through clinical examples and accessible explanations, Tony breaks down how early experiences with caregivers create blueprints that i...2025-01-3046 min

The Virtual CouchLive Q&A with Tony and Sydney - Navigating Mental Health: Highly Sensitive People, Narcissism, Emotional Immaturity, ADHD, and “Good Therapy”In this special bonus episode of The Virtual Couch, host Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist, is joined by his daughter Sydney for a live Q&A session originally aired on TikTok. The duo addresses a variety of mental health topics, including ADHD management, the importance of setting realistic New Year's resolutions, and how to navigate emotional boundaries in relationships. Listeners can learn about the differences between CBT and ACT therapy, how to handle emotional immaturity and narcissism in relationships, and practical strategies for dealing with ADHD, such as medication and increasing emotional tolerance. Tony and Sydney...2025-01-201h 21

Waking Up to NarcissismTwas the Season of Emotional Strain: Merry Narcissistic Christmas and Happy Emotionally Immature New Year!Tony explores the complex dynamics of narcissism and emotional immaturity in a special “Holiday Edition” of the “Death By a Thousand Cuts” series. Through stories shared by listeners, Tony delves into how such behaviors can overshadow festive occasions, creating a lingering emotional toll. He also highlights the importance of awareness and growth, encouraging listeners to participate in healthier, more fulfilling holiday traditions. Featuring a unique narrative inspired by 'Twas the Night Before Christmas,' written by Claude AI, this episode sheds light on the subtleties of narcissistic manipulation and control during what are typically hoped to be seen as celebrat...2024-12-1944 min

The Virtual CouchI Feel Like... No, Wait, Actually I Think That… The Hidden Language of EmotionsTony exposes something that will forever change how you hear conversations - including your own. That moment when someone says, 'I feel like you don't care' might not actually be about feelings at all..."Have you ever said "I feel like this isn't working," when what you really meant was, "I think this isn't working - and I'm scared"? In this eye-opening episode, Tony delves into the subtle but powerful difference between thoughts and feelings, revealing how this common confusion shapes our relationships in unexpected ways.Through engaging stories...2024-12-1242 min

Waking Up to NarcissismUPDATED Death By a Thousand Cuts Ocho (8) - Healing, Growing, and Thriving Through Emotional WoundsTony Overbay, LMFT, explores how seemingly minor slights and manipulations in relationships can accumulate to cause significant emotional harm. Welcome to the 8th installment of Waking Up to Narcissism’s “Death by 1,000 Cuts” series. In this episode, Tony delves deep into the subtle yet severe world of emotional abuse. Whether you're dealing with a narcissistic partner, emotionally immature family members, or challenging work colleagues, this episode is full of relatable stories and practical advice to help you understand and navigate these treacherous waters. Tony shares listener-submitted poems and limericks that per...2024-12-0358 min

The Virtual CouchSmiling But Sad: Decoding Persistent Depressive Disorder, Dysthymia, “Eeyore Syndrome” w/BONUS Medication Analogy and Thanksgiving Talk TopicsTony delves into smiling depression, medication, and natural ways to improve brain chemistry, Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD), formerly known as dysthymia- and much more! NOTE - Tony is not a doctor, and he shares a helpful way of how medications work that was explained to him, including what neurotransmitters are. What roles do serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine, GABA, and glutamate play in one's mental health, and why do so many of the medications involve “reuptaking,” and what does that mean? Tony’s advice is not to be viewed as a replacement for medical advice; he strongly recommends that people meet regula...2024-11-2853 min

Waking Up to NarcissismDeath By a Thousand Cuts Ocho (8) - Healing, Growing, and Thriving Through Emotional WoundsTony Overbay, LMFT, explores how seemingly minor slights and manipulations in relationships can accumulate to cause significant emotional harm. Welcome to the 8th installment of Waking Up to Narcissism’s “Death by 1,000 Cuts” series. In this episode, Tony delves deep into the subtle yet severe world of emotional abuse. Whether you're dealing with a narcissistic partner, emotionally immature family members, or challenging work colleagues, this episode is full of relatable stories and practical advice to help you understand and navigate these treacherous waters. Tony shares listener-submitted poems and limericks that per...2024-11-2700 min

Waking Up to NarcissismYour Pain, Their Power: How Narcissists Feed on RelationshipsEver wonder why a narcissist seems to feed off your emotional pain? Do you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth in relationships while the other person maintains the upper hand? Tony Overbay, LMFT, discusses the complexities of narcissistic relationships and emotional immaturity. Tony explores concepts like the false self, the one-up, one-down dynamic, and antagonistic attachment styles in depth. He uncovers how narcissistic traits manifest in relationships, causing deep emotional trauma and affecting whole families. Learn about the destructive patterns of predation, competition, and parasitism in narcissistic behavior from the article “Understanding the Narcissists Antagonisitic Attachment Style” by J...2024-11-2151 min

The Virtual CouchAnxiety, Aging, and Emotional Autonomy: I Was "This Many Years Old" When I Learned My Parents Were Regular PeopleHave you ever wondered why your aging parent suddenly needs to arrive an hour early for everything? Or why, after knowing them your entire life, they suddenly appear to be trying to exert control and order at a level that you’ve never experienced? In today’s episode of The Virtual Couch podcast, Tony Overbay, LMFT, takes us on a fascinating journey through the human brain, starting with the incredible story of Phineas Gage - the man who survived an iron rod through his head and lived to tell the tale (though he wasn't quite the same person afterward).2024-10-2848 min

The Virtual CouchNavigating Societal Expectations, Faith Crisis and Personal Growth - the Allegory “Off the Beaten Path”Tony Overbay, LMFT explores themes of faith journeys, parental expectations, communication, differentiation, and self-discovery through an allegorical story titled 'Off the Beaten Path: Finding Love and Self in a World of Conformity.' The narrative follows a young man named Ansel, who grapples with societal expectations, familial pressures, and his journey toward self-acceptance. Through meaningful encounters and introspection, Ansel learns to embrace his individuality amidst traditional, religious, and cultural norms. This episode also highlights the importance of personal integrity the challenges of navigating faith and family systems, and encourages listeners to explore their unique talents and values. Tony invites...2024-10-2335 min

Waking Up to NarcissismNavigating Societal Expectations, Faith Crisis and Personal Growth - the Allegory “Off the Beaten Path”Tony Overbay, LMFT explores themes of faith journeys, parental expectations, communication, differentiation, and self-discovery through an allegorical story titled 'Off the Beaten Path: Finding Love and Self in a World of Conformity.' The narrative follows a young man named Ansel, who grapples with societal expectations, familial pressures, and his journey toward self-acceptance. Through meaningful encounters and introspection, Ansel learns to embrace his individuality amidst traditional, religious, and cultural norms. This episode also highlights the importance of personal integrity the challenges of navigating faith and family systems, and encourages listeners to explore their unique talents and values. Tony invites...2024-10-2335 min

Waking Up to NarcissismWhen Advice Goes Wrong: The Impact of Inaccurate Guidance in Narcissistic RelationshipTony Overbay, LMFT, discusses the potentially harmful effects of an article titled “What Is Disarming A Narcissist? 12 Simple Ways To Do So” (https://tinyurl.com/2u8d7sjb) that oversimplifies interactions with narcissists. He distinguishes between Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the broader spectrum of emotional immaturity, emphasizing the small percentage of diagnosed cases of narcissistic personality disorder. Tony critiques the casual and inflated use of the term 'narcissist' and clarifies that real narcissism and emotional immaturity come with significant implications in relationships. He breaks down the common traits of emotional immaturity, such as anger management issues and lack of acco...2024-10-1449 min

The Virtual CouchNavigating Life's Curveballs: Mackie Overbay on Hashimoto's, Health Challenges, and Embracing UncertaintyMcKinley “Mackie” Overbay, host of “The Mind, the Mirror, and Me,” and Tony Overbay, LMFT, return after a significant hiatus to discuss numerous life updates, including their recent move to Arizona and Mackie's health journey with Hashimoto's disease. They delve into the struggles and triumphs of losing 55 pounds, the importance of self-love, and the necessity of balancing mind and body health. The conversation touches on the challenges of diet, exercise, meditation, and maintaining consistency. It's a candid look at personal transformation, resilience, and the importance of understanding and caring for oneself amidst life's unpredictable challenges.00:00...2024-09-231h 05

The Virtual CouchPathological Kindness: When Caring, Trying, and Empathizing Too Much Can Be Bad For Your HealthDo you find yourself constantly putting others' needs before your own? Have you ever wondered if being "too kind" could actually be harmful to your relationships and well-being? In today’s crossover episode - Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explores the complex concept of pathological kindness in relationships. Through a listener's letter from 'Cleo,' Tony delves into the challenges faced by those who prioritize others' needs to their detriment, often rooted in childhood experiences of being the family peacemaker. Cleo's story highlights issues with her emotionally inconsistent partner, Ray, unveiling the struggles of living with so...2024-09-1149 min

Waking Up to NarcissismPathological Kindness: When Caring, Trying, and Empathizing Too Much Can Be Bad For Your HealthDo you find yourself constantly putting others' needs before your own? Have you ever wondered if being "too kind" could actually be harmful to your relationships and well-being? In today’s crossover episode - Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explores the complex concept of pathological kindness in relationships. Through a listener's letter from 'Cleo,' Tony delves into the challenges faced by those who prioritize others' needs to their detriment, often rooted in childhood experiences of being the family peacemaker. Cleo's story highlights issues with her emotionally inconsistent partner, Ray, unveiling the struggles of living with so...2024-09-1149 min

Waking Up to NarcissismEmotional Survival Tips: Responding to Crisis in Narcissistic RelationshipsTony Overbay, LMFT, delivers an emergency bonus episode addressing a heartfelt listener email. The episode discusses cognitive dissonance, gaslighting, emotional abuse, scapegoating, and trauma bonding often experienced in relationships with narcissists. Tony breaks down the listener's experiences, offering insight into their struggles, including emotional manipulations and prolonged emotional trauma. He emphasizes the importance of recognizing these abusive patterns, seeking help from therapists specializing in narcissistic abuse, and prioritizing self-care and self-compassion. The episode revisits key concepts like whole object relations, object constancy, and cognitive dissonance, encouraging listeners to strive for emotional intelligence and balanced relationships.2024-09-0341 min

The Virtual CouchShame: The Self-Absorbed, Selfish, Uninvited Guest at Your Self-Esteem Party (and how to get them to leave!)Tony Overbay, LMFT, tackles an emotion we've all felt but rarely discuss: shame. Have you ever wondered why shame feels so personal, so all-consuming? Could it be that shame is actually... selfish?Inspired by a pivotal scene from the Apple TV series 'Presumed Innocent', Tony unravels the tangled web of shame and guilt. He asks: What if our shame is holding us back more than we realize? Is it possible that by focusing on our shame, we're actually being self-absorbed?Tony dives deep into the origins of these complex...2024-08-0747 min

Waking Up to NarcissismDo Healthy Relationships Even Exist? A Journey Through Narcissism, Nice Guy Syndrome, Emotional Immaturity, and…MAGIC!Have you ever wondered, during the 'waking up' process—whether to your own emotional immaturity or to the narcissistic traits in a partner—'What does a healthy relationship even look like?' Tony Overbay, LMFT, explores the subtle (and not-so-subtle) differences between narcissists, the emotionally immature, and those with 'nice guy syndrome.' He explains the need to understand and embrace complex emotions and introduces the MAGIC Connection, a powerful framework for understanding and cultivating healthy relationships. Whether you're navigating a problematic partnership, questioning your own behaviors, or simply curious about what makes relationships tick, this episode serves as a ro...2024-07-301h 02

Waking Up to NarcissismExplaining the “False Self,” aka Why Good People Get Trapped In Bad RelationshipsHave you ever found yourself trapped in a toxic relationship, unable to break free despite knowing it's unhealthy? You're not alone. In this gripping episode, Tony Overbay, LMFT, unravels the psychological maze of destructive love.Journey with Tony as he introduces the concept of the "false self" - the masks we wear to fit in. But what happens when someone never develops their own mask, instead shape-shifting to meet others' expectations? Through the captivating story of Farrah and Gil, Tony illuminates why smart, capable people get stuck in cycles of toxic love.2024-07-1756 min

The Virtual CouchBreaking Free from the Mirror: Developing a Secure Sense of SelWho are you? How do others view you? And why do we care so much about what others think of us, especially when they probably aren't spending as much time thinking about us as we think they are? When they do think about us, they see us through their own lens. It’s time to discover who you are. So, how exactly do you do that?Tony Overbay, LMFT, reads a heartfelt letter from a long-time listener, Jamie, who struggles with issues in her marriage and recognizes patterns from her childhood that affect how sh...2024-07-1249 min

The Virtual CouchShame, Certainty, Memory and Healing: An Updated Approach to Treating Betrayal TraumaTony Overbay, LMFT, and Marla Christensen, AMFT, APCC, dive deep into the complexities of betrayal trauma, focusing on the emotional and cognitive challenges faced by both partners. They explore how the betrayer's shame and fragmented memories often lead to staggered disclosures, which can further traumatize the betrayed partner. Over time, understanding the flawed nature of memory, the impact of shame, our desire to alleviate discomfort at almost any cost, and the human need for certainty is crucial. By developing emotional regulation, better communication skills, and a deeper understanding of oneself and each other, couples can approach the formal disclosure...2024-06-0544 min

Love, ADHDNavigating ADHD Treatment, Medication, Julie and Tony Get PersonalJulie Lee and Tony Overbay, LMFT, scrap an episode they were planning on and instead get personal about their experiences and thoughts surrounding ADHD, medication, and handling societal perceptions. They share personal anecdotes related to the challenges of ADHD medication, including shortages, dosage adjustments, and the stigma attached to taking medication. They touch upon the impact of medication on daily functioning and quality of life, exploring the complexities of treatment options, including antidepressants and stimulants. They emphasize the importance of individualized care, and the potential benefits of early treatment and address misconceptions surrounding ADHD medication and addiction. Through their conversation...2024-05-0333 min

The Virtual CouchHaving the Courage to Connect: How to Develop Independence Within a RelationshipTony Overbay, LMFT, discusses the critical role of differentiation in personal development and relationship growth. Sharing the story of a couple, Lisa and Mike, Tony illustrates how unresolved childhood dynamics can lead to emotional stagnation and superficial interactions in adulthood. He delves into the concepts of differentiation and emotional maturity, drawing on the theories of psychologists Murray Bowen and David Schnarch to explain how individuals can maintain their sense of self while fostering deep, meaningful connections with others. Tony offers actionable insights on embracing individuality, managing emotional reactivity, and the importance of self-soothing for achieving a balanced and fulfilling...2024-04-2450 min

The Virtual CouchDeath By a Thousand Cuts VII - The Rise of the Emotionally Mature!In the 7th installment of the "Death by a Thousand Cuts" series, Tony Overbay, LMFT, presents a compelling crossover episode between The Virtual Couch and Waking Up to Narcissism. This episode delves into the complex journey of healing and empowerment for individuals who have survived relationships characterized by emotional immaturity, narcissism, and controlling behavior. Through a blend of personal narratives and expert analysis, Tony shares the nuanced and significant harm inflicted by the 'Death by a Thousand Cuts' phenomenon—a metaphor highlighting the cumulative effect of repeated emotional injuries from narcissistic and emotionally immature partners....2024-03-201h 15

Waking Up to NarcissismDeath By a Thousand Cuts VII - The Rise of the Emotionally Mature!In the 7th installment of the "Death by a Thousand Cuts" series, Tony Overbay, LMFT, presents a compelling crossover episode between The Virtual Couch and Waking Up to Narcissism. This episode delves into the complex journey of healing and empowerment for individuals who have survived relationships characterized by emotional immaturity, narcissism, and controlling behavior. Through a blend of personal narratives and expert analysis, Tony shares the nuanced and significant harm inflicted by the 'Death by a Thousand Cuts' phenomenon—a metaphor highlighting the cumulative effect of repeated emotional injuries from narcissistic and emotionally immature partners....2024-03-201h 15

The Virtual CouchSpoiler Alert: “NO!” to the question “Is God Disappointed in Me?” — Author Kurt Francom’s New Book!Tony Overbay, LMFT, welcomes Kurt Francom, the executive director and podcast host of Leading Saints ([Leading Saints](https://www.leadingsaints.org)). Kurt's first book, "Is God Disappointed in Me: Removing Shame From the Gospel of Grace," is available on Amazon ([Amazon Link](https://amzn.to/49BYUCk)). In a candid admission, Tony shares his emotionally immature reaction upon discovering Kurt's book through a third party, revealing the concocted narratives in his head about their relationship, with Kurt unknowingly cast as the villain. The revelation of Tony's oversight in missing a crucial recording sent by Kurt months earlier brings to light...2024-03-0553 min

Waking Up to NarcissismTransforming or Transgressing? The Thin Line Between Emotional Growth and WeaponizationTony Overbay, LMFT, discusses the misuse of self-help and philosophical principles by the narcissist and the emotionally immature. Tony uses Stoicism and the teachings of Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, and Seneca as a backdrop to show how seemingly safe topics like self-care, hobbies, and reasons to focus on the here and now can be weaponized and used as manipulation tactics by the emotionally immature and those who exhibit strong narcissistic traits and tendencies. Tony also provides examples of addressing these misinterpretations and outlines the importance of personal growth, self-reflection, and accepting one's imperfections to achieve a healthier mindset and better...2024-03-0346 min

The Virtual CouchA New Perspective on Modern Parenting: Living in the Present (aka Herding Cats)Tony Overbay, LMFT, offers an in-depth exploration of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and The Nurtured Heart Approach (NHA) to provide a fresh perspective on mindful parenting. The discussion centers around the transformative power of NHA's "Stand 1," which advocates for focusing energy on celebrating children's successes rather than engaging in negative behavior. Additionally, Tony explains the ACT principle of "acceptance," emphasizing the importance of embracing our present experiences without judgment to cultivate a compassionate and supportive family environment.The episode also delves into the Buddhist "First and Second Darts" metaphor, teaching parents how to...2024-02-2043 min

The Virtual CouchLive Relationship QA w/Sydney Overbay IIThis description and the show notes are brought to you directly from AI, Sydney, and I truly wouldn't sound so silly! This dialogue-based presentation dives deep into the complexities of mental health and interpersonal relationships. With therapy experiences, personal observations, and explored topics ranging from narcissism, ADHD, and addiction to marriage and parenting, Tony and his co-host Sydney guide the audience through poignant discussions. Key concerns include asserting oneself in relationships, dealing with alcoholics, recognizing psychopathic traits, and handling personal issues such as adult ADHD and depression. The conversation also delves into the potent combination of medicine and therapy...2024-02-161h 12

The Virtual CouchUnraveling, Unpacking, Understanding The Purpose of Therapy – When to Begin and Is There an End?Tony Overbay, LMFT, dives into an article by Dr. Richard Friedman titled 'Plenty of People Could Quit Therapy Right Now.' Tony reads the article and comments in real-time, talking about the many different reasons people come to therapy, the importance of the therapist/client relationship, and what to do if you don’t feel a connection with your therapist. He discusses why talk therapy works and provides additional personal insights, bringing in his background in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). He shares some of the challenges he has with the more popular CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy modality. Th...2024-02-1447 min

Waking Up to NarcissismEmbracing Popcorn Moments: Finding Strength in Non-ReactionTony discusses "Popcorn Moments" - those crucial instances where choosing not to react to narcissistic or emotionally immature behavior can be the most powerful response. This episode dives into how strategic non-engagement can be vital for personal growth and self-realization. Through listener emails and expert discussion, Tony sheds light on the significance of these moments in understanding and dealing with manipulative dynamics.You will learn about the importance of recognizing gaslighting, the empowerment that comes from setting personal boundaries, and the liberating process of differentiation. Tony offers advice on how to turn potentially draining...2024-02-1347 min

The Virtual CouchWhy We Care What Other People Think: Unraveling Our Need for Approval and ValidationTony Overbay, LMFT, tackles the timeless question, "Why do we care so much about what others think?" Offering insights on halting the cycle of worrying over others' opinions, Tony emphasizes the importance of staying true to oneself (and ponders, "Who am I, really?"). He explores finding that sweet spot between valuing the world's input and heeding our inner voice—the one who truly knows us best. Tony illustrates that while the opinions of others can offer some worth, there's a limit to their significance. Ultimately, we have the fantastic opportunity to be captains of our ships, navigating through rough se...2024-02-0746 min

The Virtual CouchLive Relationship QA w/Sydney Overbay I(Description provided by AI, i.e., we’re really not this stuffy) On this TikTok live session, a father-daughter duo - Tony, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and his daughter, Sydney- discuss complicated familial relationships, drawing from a real-life scenario. They elaborate on the perspective of a 15-year-old girl attempting to navigate difficult relationships with her father and his new girlfriend after the death of her mother. The pair extract valuable lessons and give insightful advice about seeking validation, getting emotional support, and making the necessary decisions for one's emotional well-being. They also discuss inherent human behaviors and th...2024-02-0254 min

Waking Up to NarcissismUnmasking Family Roles in a Narcissistic/Emotionally Immature HouseholdTony Overbay, LMFT, dives into the hidden dynamics and assigned roles within dysfunctional and narcissistic family systems. The podcast outlines the roles of the Enabler, the Hero, the Scapegoat, the Lost Child, and the Mascot, all of whom are developed as coping mechanisms to manage family stress and chaos. Each role is reviewed in depth, including the implications for the individual's development, identity, and potential for later life challenges and relationships. The episode also emphasizes the importance of recognizing these roles, seeking therapeutic support, and redefining one's identity beyond these imposed familial expectations.00:00 Introduction...2024-01-3145 min

Waking Up to NarcissismUnderstanding the Impact of Narcissistic and Emotionally Immature ParentsTony Overbay, LMFT, discusses the impact of narcissistic or emotionally immature parents on their children. Drawing from a personal letter sent in by a listener, as well as clinical cases and research, Tony explores the hallmarks of narcissistic and emotionally immature parenting and how these behaviors shape children's emotional development and future relationships. This episode emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and adjustment in parenting to break harmful patterns and create secure attachments.00:00 Introduction and Welcome00:10 Understanding Narcissistic and Emotionally Immature Parents00:27 Promoting the Host's Other Platforms and Activities01:22...2024-01-2356 min

The Virtual Couch"Sacred Rest” Author Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: How to Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, and Restore Your SanityDid you know there are several different types of rest beyond just sleeping? Coming from a 'we don’t know what we don’t know' standpoint, today’s episode has the potential to be both a game-changer and life-changing as we unveil how identifying and fulfilling these diverse types of rest can revolutionize your health, happiness, and productivity. Tony Overbay, LMFT, interviews Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith about her book 'Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity' (https://amzn.to/3TFp6GZ). They discuss the critical distinction between sleep and rest, amplified through Dr. Saundra’s 'Seven Types of...2024-01-041h 14

The Virtual CouchYes, We're Talking New Year’s Resolutions (and Goals, and Kale) – But Stick with Me, It's Not What You Think!Tony addresses why so many New Year’s resolutions don’t last and explores the concept of value-based goals and the importance of aligning them with personal values for the sake of authenticity and lasting change. He discusses the shortcomings of the SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound) goal-setting method. He plays clips from an interview with his friend Neal Hooper about their discoveries on incorporating Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) into the goal-setting process. Neal introduces the elements necessary for genuine progress and fulfillment - the 'why' and 'how' of making SMARTER goals. Drawing from the principles of A...2023-12-2848 min

The Virtual Couch24 Life Lessons From 24 Years: Mackie Overbay's Special Birthday EpisodeIn this special bonus episode of The Virtual Couch, Tony shares the latest episode of “The Mind, The Mirror and Me,” a podcast he co-hosts with his daughter Mackie Overbay. Mackie shares 24 life lessons she's learned in her 24 years of life in honor of her birthday (today! Wish her a happy birthday at @beautybymackie on Instagram). From discussing the importance of setting boundaries to embracing change and adaptability, she discusses different emotional growth and well-being aspects. The episode encourages listeners to introspect on their lessons and take things in stride, emphasizing that no one has life entirely figured out, and t...2023-12-2541 min

Waking Up to NarcissismUnderstanding the Complexity of Apologies & The Difficulties of HappinessTony Overbay discusses some individuals' challenges when attempting to issue sincere and effective apologies. He discusses our evolutionary predisposition to spot danger and make comparisons, making happiness and contentment difficult to maintain. Tony explores the concepts of self-compassion, mindful self-reflection, and effective apology skills, which he believes are critical for personal growth and emotional maturity. He helps listeners understand how growing up with emotionally immature or narcissistic parents can shape an individual's understanding of taking responsibility for one's actions. He provides insights into why narcissistic individuals in particular, struggle with apologies and explains the steps to deliver a genuine...2023-12-0646 min

Love, ADHDUnderstanding the Differences and Similarities Between ADHD and AnxietyIn the 11th episode of Love ADHD, Tony Overbay, LMFT, and Julie Lee are joined by a special guest, Mackey Overbay, a licensed cosmetologist and host of “The Mind, The Mirror and Me” podcast, to talk about the differences and the similarities between ADHD and anxiety. They also share personal experiences, debating if conditions like sleep, focus, bowel problems, or muscle tension relate more to ADHD or anxiety. The discussion underscores the importance of understanding one's symptoms and getting a proper diagnosis, especially as ADHD symptoms can often be misdiagnosed as anxiety, particularly in adult women. The chart Tony, Mackie, and J...2023-12-0140 min

Waking Up to NarcissismAbuse, God, and Self-Discovery with Ryan Anderson, PhD., LMFT, and Author of ‘The Choice to Leave Abuse’How does abuse impact an individual’s spirituality and relationship with God? And how critical is it for a spiritual leader to be non-judgmental, empathetic, and compassionate when someone comes into their office talking about abuse? These critical questions are at the heart of today’s episode. Tony Overbay, LMFT, engages in an insightful conversation with Ryan Anderson, PhD, LMFT, and author of “The Choice to Leave Abuse.” This episode explores the complex issue of abuse, especially within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS), and addresses many common misconceptions about the role of the authority figure in a chu...2023-11-2900 min

Waking Up to NarcissismAbuse, God, and Self-Discovery with Ryan Anderson, PhD., LMFT, and Author of 'The Choice to Leave Abuse'How does abuse impact an individual's spirituality and relationship with God? And how critical is it for a spiritual leader to be non-judgmental, empathetic, and compassionate when someone comes into their office talking about abuse? These critical questions are at the heart of today’s episode. Tony Overbay, LMFT, engages in an insightful conversation with Ryan Anderson, PhD, LMFT, and author of "The Choice to Leave Abuse." This episode explores the complex issue of abuse, especially within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS), and addresses many common misconceptions about the role of the authority figure in a...2023-11-2959 min

Waking Up to NarcissismToo Smart for Their Own Good: Why Narcissists Love Conspiracy TheoriesEver wondered why some highly educated people fall for outlandish conspiracy theories? Dive into the latest episode of 'Waking Narcissism' with host Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist, as he tackles this intriguing question. This thought-provoking episode explores the unexpected relationship between education, narcissism, and susceptibility to conspiracy theories, based on insights from Mark Travers, PhD's article 'Educated Narcissists Fall for Conspiracy Theories.'https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202310/why-educated-narcissists-fall-for-conspiracy-theoriesTony starts by differentiating between narcissism and emotional immaturity, shedding light on how these distinct traits influence an individual's worldview. Discover...2023-11-2147 min

Waking Up to NarcissismWhy Do I Keep Losing My Crap, My Mind, and My Memory? Understanding Amygdala Hijack in RelationshipsHave you ever felt overwhelmed by intense emotions in a relationship, struggling to understand why your reactions seem out of your control? Especially if you, and most people in your life, view you as kind and caring rather than reactive and angry. Chances are that you’ve experienced the “amygdala hijack,” a survival technique that often seems to come out of nowhere but can be especially harmful in relationships with narcissistic or emotionally immature people, as they often are the ones causing your brain to scream “fight, or flight!” Today, host Tony Overbay, LMFT, dives deep into the phenomenon of the amy...2023-11-1550 min

Waking Up to NarcissismDeath by a Thousand Cuts - Episode 6: The Camouflaged Wounds - Seeing the UnseenIn installment 6 of the "Death by a Thousand Cuts" series - "The Camouflaged Wounds - Seeing the Unseen," Tony Overbay, LMFT, addresses the complex issue of covert abuse in relationships, often described metaphorically as 'Death by a Thousand Cuts'. Tony explores how small, often overlooked actions can accumulate significant emotional distress. The episode challenges listeners to recognize the subtle signs of an unhealthy relationship, where one's sense of self is slowly chipped away by a partner's emotionally immature or narcissistic behavior.In a more light-hearted tone, reflecting on the appeal of choose-your-own-adventure books, Tony...2023-11-081h 01

The Virtual CouchProcessing the Unthinkable: Hours After Lewiston, Maine Neighborhood Mass MurderLast Wednesday evening, October 25, 2023, Tony Overbay, LMFT, and Joshua Shea traded text messages as they often do on Wednesday to discuss whether or not they were going to meet virtually early Thursday morning as they continue to work on various projects around their best-selling book, “He’s a Porn Addict Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions.” The text conversations took an abrupt turn as Josh was alerted by an emergency broadcast on his phone and through social media that 40-year-old Maine National Guard reservist Robert Card went on two shooting rampages, killing 18 people and woundi...2023-10-301h 01

Love, ADHDMore Than a Feeling: Making 'Scents' of ADHD’s Sensory SensitivitiesDo you ever find yourself entranced by the scent of fresh-baked cookies a little more than most? Or maybe you're someone who feels on edge because of certain textures or loud noises? If so, you will want to tune into this eye-opening episode of "Love, ADHD" with your hosts, Julie Lee and Tony Overbay. In this episode, they dive deep into the world of sensory sensitivities, an often overlooked aspect of ADHD that can seriously impact daily life. Julie, a former second-grade teacher, talks about her experiences in the classroom and as someone who suspected she had ADHD. She highlights...2023-10-2725 min

Waking Up to NarcissismWhen 'Your Reality' Becomes a Weapon: Unpacking One of the Narcissist's Favorite PhrasesHave you ever wondered how your perception shapes your relationships and what happens when it clashes with someone else's? In Episode 93 of the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast, host Tony Overbay cracks open this intricate topic by differentiating between 'perception' and 'perspective.' Not just a play on words, these two concepts wield significant power over your emotional and relational health. Tony unpacks how recognizing this distinction can be a game-changer, especially when dealing with emotionally immature or narcissistic individuals. Listen for real-life examples, including a compelling listener letter that illuminates the struggles of dealing with a partner who...2023-10-2547 min

Waking Up to NarcissismBONUS - Alone...But Not Really - Embracing Solitude from The Mind, The Mirror and Me Podcast w/Mackie OverbayTony welcomes his daughter Mackie, host of "The Mind, the Mirror and Me" podcast, via this special bonus episode to talk about the important role that solitude can play in raising one's emotional baseline. Follow Mackie at https://www.instagram.com/beautybymackie/ or Tony's new "Waking Up to Narcissism" Instagram account at https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ or his regular account at https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/ and you can subscribe to the podcast on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/5wchHyGlddGo7fAHVsZgRe?si=cb634082a4aa482a or Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mind-the-mirror-me...2023-10-0655 min

Waking Up to NarcissismNever Settle: Embracing Respect and Navigating Relationships with Emotionally Immature PartnersIn today’s episode of "Waking Up to Narcissism," Tony Overbay, LMFT, examines relationships affected by narcissism and emotional immaturity. A listener shares a story about their partner's over-the-top reactions, including a helicopter rescue on a hike. The conversation then shifts to characteristics of healthy relationships and the pitfalls of dealing with emotionally immature partners. Another listener's letter prompts a promise to dive deeper into the challenges faced when partnered with a narcissist.The episode also references an article, "10 Things to Never Settle for in Relationships," by Bruce Y. Lee, MD, https://www.psychologytoday.co...2023-10-0354 min

Love, ADHDTony's ADHD StoryIn this inaugural episode of "Love, ADHD - Where Genius and Scatter Meet," host Julie Lee interviews co-host Tony Overbay, LMFT, as he shares his personal story of discovering ADHD in his mid-40s. Julie also opens up about her recent diagnosis, revealing how it shed light on various aspects of her life, including her career and sensitivities to rejection. Tony shares his transformative experiences with Acceptance Commitment Therapy and Ritalin, pivotal in reframing his approach to ADHD. Together, they delve into the complex mental health issue, discussing how medication and therapy have significantly impacted their lives for the better.Ge...2023-09-2226 min

Love, ADHDLove, ADHD - Where Genius and Scatter Meet!Jump headfirst into the world of ADHD with Tony Overbay, licensed marriage and family therapist, and Julie Lee, keynote speaker and author in the unprecedented podcast Love, ADHD. These co-hosts are two for two. They’re two friends, two decades apart, and both were diagnosed with ADHD as adults. With Tony’s clinical expertise in the field of mental health and Julie’s work cultivating human connection within communities, they take listeners on a journey that fuses humor, insight, and raw honesty. Love, ADHD is a celebration of ADHD's brighter side, proving that sometimes unforeseen paths lead to the best destinati 2023-09-1701 min

The Virtual CouchDiscovering Self-Assured Motherhood with Rachel Nielson, Host of 3 in 30 Takeaways for MomsRachel Nielson joins Tony Overbay from the 3 in 30 Podcast for Moms to share the details of Rachel’s time-sensitive once-a-year program, “Self-Assured Motherhood” (SAM). SAM is a 9-month course for women “ready to stop second-guessing themselves and to start bringing the best of themselves to their motherhood.” They discuss the need for boundaries in relationships. Rachel shares her personal stories about infertility and adoption and talks about how important it is to support and understand people going through tough times. She stresses parents' role in a child's life and talks about her approach to positive parenting based on John Gottman's...2023-09-1355 min

The Virtual CouchBalancing Heartbeats, Hashtags and Postpartum Depression: Modern-Day Motherhood w/Gayane Aramyan, LMFTTony welcomes Gayane Aramyan, LMFT (https://www.therapywithgayane.com/, https://www.instagram.com/therapywithgayane/), for an enlightening exploration of contemporary parenting. Tony expresses that he genuinely “doesn’t know what he doesn’t know,” as a seasoned (translation “old”) father whose parenting experience hails from a less digital era, as he engages in a candid dialogue with Gayane, a mother of a 3-year-old. They delve into the labyrinth of information that's now at the fingertips of every parent, sifting through the myriad of resources to discern the invaluable from what is sometimes best described as “noise.” Gayane offers a poignant firsthan...2023-09-0750 min

Waking Up to NarcissismEchoes of Enmeshment: Differentiation in a World of Narcissism and Emotional ImmaturityIn this episode, we delve deep into understanding what it truly means to be differentiated, especially when navigating relationships with emotionally immature or narcissistic individuals. Through the lens of Amelia's personal journey with Mark, we unravel the subtle nuances of emotional manipulation and the transformative power of self-awareness. Drawing parallels with the differentiation concept, we explore how emotions and rationale are the yin and yang of our psyche, each holding its unique place in striking a balance. The contrasting tales of Mark and Lisa's marital dynamics further spotlight how the practice (or absence) of differentiation can profoundly shape relationship...2023-09-0636 min

Waking Up to NarcissismGaslight, Golden Child, and Growth: Understanding Narcissism vs Emotional ImmaturityIn this bonus episode of the "Waking Up to Narcissism Premium Q&A Podcast," host Tony Overbay, LMFT (host of the award-winning Virtual Couch podcast), dives deep into the core differences between narcissism and emotional immaturity. Sparked by a heartfelt letter from a listener, Tony breaks down the rare instances of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and contrasts it with the more common issue of emotional immaturity. He elaborates on the diagnostic criteria for NPD, the significance of whole object relations, and object constancy in maintaining emotional bonds. Highlighting an article by Eleanor Greenberg, the episode further discusses the truth...2023-08-3039 min

Waking Up to NarcissismBoundaries and Bucket Lists: Reclaiming Emotional PowerIn episode 85 of "Waking Up to Narcissism," host Tony Overbay, LMFT, dives deep into the complexities of relationships entangled with narcissistic traits. The journey begins with a relatable tale about a personalized gift basket, highlighting the significance of emotional connection, safety, and understanding in partnerships. Tony frames a healthy interaction between his wife and him through his Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation, emphasizing the essence of curiosity, good intentions, and open communication. A heartfelt poem titled "Desperate Voice" paints the raw emotions of a loveless marriage, furthering the episode's core message of the longing for genuine intimacy. Tony...2023-08-2345 min

The Virtual CouchIntroducing The Mind, The Mirror & Me: Be Afraid and Do It AnywayTony introduces a brand new podcast to The Virtual Couch Podcast Network, "The Mind, The Mirror & Me." Tony co-hosts the podcast with his daughter Mackie Overbay, a licensed cosmetologist and mental health advocate. Fear, anxiety, and embracing change take center stage in this inspiring episode of "The Mind, The Mirror, & Me." Host Mackie and her therapist dad, Tony, dive deep into their personal journeys, sharing how they overcame anxiety and took courageous leaps in their careers and life. Tune in to discover practical strategies for navigating discomfort and embracing life's transitions, including the empowering...2023-08-2139 min

Waking Up to NarcissismThe Power of Temporary Connections: Understanding Bridge PartnersTony answers a listener's question about the uncertainty of coming out of a controlling relationship and suddenly recognizing you can be anything you want to be and not knowing where to begin. He then takes on the concept of a “Bridge Partner.” Finding your way through life's relational complexities often introduces us to pivotal figures who can be considered "bridge partners." These unique individuals act as connectors, helping us transition from one emotional or relational state to another. Their role is invaluable; they guide us from places of uncertainty, emotional vulnerability, or even pain to a clearer understanding of ours...2023-08-1452 min

Waking Up to NarcissismDeath By a Thousand Cuts 5 - The MusicalIn the enlightening fifth installment of "Death by a Thousand Cuts," we delve deep into the nuanced world of relationships marred by emotional immaturity and narcissistic behaviors. A dedicated listener, Emma bravely shares her journey of being trapped in a cycle of constantly appeasing her partner, losing touch with her own needs, and struggling with self-worth. Alongside her story, the episode unpacks numerous anecdotes from our listeners. These tales underscore the often-overlooked emotional traumas that accumulate over time, from seemingly trivial disagreements over movie nights and cooking preferences to the more significant dynamics of feeling unheard and dismissed. With...2023-08-0752 min

The Virtual CouchEmbracing Change, Discomfort, and Connection in Parenting w/Mackie OverbayTony welcomes his daughter Mackie Overbay, a licensed cosmetologist and new podcast host, to the Virtual Couch. They delve into the multifaceted parenting journey as children transition into new stages of life. They unpack the generational disconnect, emphasize the ever-changing relationship between technology and mental health, and stress the importance of understanding, adaptability, and open communication. An eye-opening discussion explores discomfort's role in self-confrontation, highlighting that with the right tools, every interaction can be an opportunity to self-confront and grow rather than driving a disconnect in relationships.The conversation expands beyond conventional wisdom, offering...2023-08-0255 min

The Virtual CouchYou're Not Broken, You're Human: Exploring Rising Depression Rates w/Nate Christensen, APCCIn this candid episode of 'The Virtual Couch,' host Tony Overbay, LMFT, is joined by his colleague, Nate Christensen, APCC. Together, they dissect the trend highlighted in a recent article titled "U.S. Depression Rates Reach New Highs" https://news.gallup.com/poll/505745/depression-rates-reach-new-highs.aspx while discussing their theories and experiences dealing with mental health in their therapy practices. Tony starts by explaining his theory that the brain, constantly analyzing for threats, signals us through anxiety and depression that it's time to address negative aspects of our lives. Both Tony and Nate emphasize that these signals, as tough...2023-07-2752 min

Waking Up to NarcissismI Want to “Lean In” Into Healing, Growth, Discomfort…But Somebody Needs To Convince My Body!In the latest episode of "Waking Up to Narcissism," Tony Overbay, LMFT, delves into the complexities of building emotional resilience, a key to overcoming past trauma and wounds that may go back to childhood. Contrary to popular belief, changing habits takes time but requires consistent and intentional effort over an extended period. The conversation turns to the importance of emotional intelligence and understanding its role in how we react or respond in situations, especially in relationships where our past experiences and wounds can often trigger impulsive reactions.Tony emphasizes that the path to improved...2023-07-2552 min

The Virtual CouchGrief to Growth: Aurora Florence and Jeff Dickamore on their Movie ‘Too Soon’Join host Tony Overbay, LMFT, on The Virtual Couch podcast as he sits down with filmmakers Aurora Florence and Jeff Dickamore, the creative minds behind the groundbreaking romantic comedy, "Too Soon." In this captivating episode, they delve into the making of their film, their unique funding approach through WeFunder, and their vision to redefine the independent film landscape."Too Soon," tells the story of a young widow and widower who cross paths on the day of their spouses' funerals. Jeff and Aurora share their passion for creating a film that defies conventions and tackles...2023-07-191h 07

The Virtual CouchBuilding Bridges, Not Walls: Exploring the Four Pillars of Connected ConversationsTony Overbay, LMFT, delves into his Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation and introduces the acronym BASE to help listeners better remember the pillars during conversations. He also shares a new "pre-pillar" or becoming more grounded before entering the 4 pillar framework. The "pre-pillar" is based on Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication, emphasizing the need to discern concrete observations from subjective judgments. The BASE acronym is Benefit of the Doubt, Accept Their Perspective, Seek First to Understand, and Embrace the Conversation. These foundational pillars, when applied, can revolutionize how we communicate, fostering deeper connections and healthier r...2023-07-131h 04

The Virtual CouchShauna Roberts, LMFT on Anger, Therapy, and the "Tale of Pierre Santray!"Just a few days ago, my friend and former colleague Shauna Roberts, LMFT, suffered an A-Com Aneurysm - a swelling within the anterior communicating artery in the brain that has ruptured.From her daughter, “Miraculously, she made it past emergency surgery where they, amongst other things, put in a coil stint to stop the bleeding. She is currently intubated at St. Luke’s in Boise, where her body is sedated.Her Neurosurgeons have told us it is a miracle that she made it to surgery, to begin with, which we ar...2023-05-3149 min

Waking Up to NarcissismSanity over Spouse: Crafting Calm Amidst ChaosToday we dig more into the age-old question, "Should I stay or should I go?" And if I'm staying, what are some strategies to help maintain one's sanity? Tony unpacks a poignant email from a listener, shedding light on the subtle nuances of gaslighting - a common manipulation tactic used by narcissists. Through this exploration, you'll learn to identify these underhanded strategies, empowering you to take a step back and view the situation through an informed lens.Tony also shares a captivating story about letting go of the need for validation from a narcissistic...2023-05-2937 min

The Virtual CouchIntroducing "Murder on the Couch" - True Crime Meets Therapy...Follow Today!Murder on the Couch, a True Crime Meets Therapy Podcast co-hosted by Tony Overbay, LMFT, host of the award-winning The Virtual Couch podcast, as well as Waking Up to Narcissism, and Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A Premium Podcast and his daughter Sydney Overbay, CD (college dropout) is Available Now! Go follow, subscribe and sign up wherever you listen to podcasts. You can find Murder on the Couch on Spotify at https://open.spotify.com/show/6GJQeJxx4elDlcaW21JsvU?si=6787814df8d1409e or Apple Podcasts here https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/murder-on-the-couch/id1684487066 2023-04-2500 min

The Virtual CouchTherapy, Narcissistic Leaders, and Healthy Ego - Kurt Francom Interviews Tony Overbay on Leading SaintsTony Overbay, LMFT, was interviewed by Kurt Francom, executive director of LeadingSaints.org and the Leading Saints podcast host. They covered the topics of therapy, treating people struggling with turning to pornography as an unhealthy coping mechanism with love, not shame, working with people navigating faith journeys, and the difference between healthy ego and narcissism and what that looks like in church leadership positions. This episode is also available on the LeadingSaints podcast in 2 parts. Part 1 https://leadingsaints.org/part-1-therapy-narcissistic-leaders-and-healthy-ego-an-interview-with-tony-overbay/ and part 2 https://leadingsaints.org/part-2-therapy-narcissistic-leaders-and-healthy-ego-an-interview-with-tony-overbay/ If you are interested in being coached in Tony's upcoming "Magnetic Marriage...2022-09-142h 03

The Virtual CouchHow the Narcissist Slowly Destroys Ones Sense of Self - Death by a Thousand Cuts, Part 2Tony Overbay, LMFT, gives more examples of how narcissists slowly destroy their partner's sense of self, using the "death by a thousand cuts" phenomenon. Narcissists will employ a consistent and relentless amount of small, hurtful phrases and actions that may feel like they aren't a big deal to those who haven't experienced the pattern. But to the victim of narcissism, it feels like they are slowly dying or "bleeding out" from the number of cuts to the psyche, ego, and heart. Plus, Tony breaks down an emotionally-immature review for Waking Up to Narcissism. A listener shares an incredible poem that...2022-03-2156 min

The Virtual CouchA Marriage Therapist's 11 Tips for a Happier MarriageAfter working with well over 1,000 couples as a marriage therapist, Tony Overbay, LMFT, gives his top 11 tips to a happier marriage. If you are interested in learning more about the 4th round of Tony's "Magnetic Marriage" course, please visit http://tonyoverbay.com and send him an email through the contact form. With the continuing "sheltering" rules spreading across the country, PLEASE do not think you can't continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference often as soon as 24-48 hours. And i...2022-03-0942 min

The Virtual CouchSetting Boundaries w/the NarcissistTony Overbay LMFT shares an example of gaslighting that led to setting a healthy boundary. Tony then tackles the topic of boundaries. What are healthy boundaries, and why are they so difficult to enforce? Tony refers to Kier Brady LMFT's article "5 Type of Boundaries For Your Relationship," http://www.keirbradycounseling.com/relationship-boundaries/ as well as Dr. Robert Glover's information on boundaries from his book "No More Mr. Nice Guy." Please find out more about Tony's Magnetic Marriage program by contacting him through http://tonyoverbay.com or by visiting http://tonyoverbay.com/magnetic. With the continuing "sheltering" rules spreading across the...2021-11-0240 min

The Virtual CouchHow to Rebuild Trust w/ Geoff Steurer, LMFT Host of From Crisis to ConnectionGeoff Steurer, LMFT talks with Tony about how to rebuild trust in a relationship even after situations that couples believed they would a) never stand for in their marriage and b) believe healing was even possible, like infidelity and betrayal. Geoff is the host of the podcast "From Crisis to Connection" and co-author of the book, "Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity." You can find Geoff at https://www.geoffsteurer.com or on Instagram: @geoffsteurer or Facebook: @geoffsteurerMFT - Sign up for Geoff's Trust Building Bootcamp by following this link https://www.geoffsteurer.com/a/1...2021-08-3155 min

The Virtual CouchAcceptance Doesn't Mean Apathy - Tony Overbay's ACT Presentation at the Mentally Healthy Saints Virtual SummitKurt Francom, podcast host, and executive director of Leading Saints, takes over The Virtual Couch to share a recent interview that Tony did for their "Mentally Healthy Saints Virtual Summit." The topic of Tony's presentation was "Acceptance Doesn't Mean Apathy," where Tony shares Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) principles in the context of religious leadership. You can gain full access to the Mentally Healthy Saints Virtual Summit for two weeks by signing up at http://leadinglds.org/tony Leading Saints is a non-profit (501c3) organization that creates content (podcasts, written articles, virtual/live conferences, etc.) to help religious leaders become be...2021-06-041h 23

The Virtual CouchTony Overbay and Joshua Shea Co-Authors of "He's a Porn Addict...Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions"Tony Overbay, LMFT interviews Joshua Shea about their newly released book "He's a Porn Addict...Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions" now available on Amazon https://amzn.to/33fk0U4. The book debuted in the number 1 spot in the Sexual Health Recovery category and has received numerous positive reviews from professionals in the mental health and recovery fields.Tony and Josh talk about what led to the creation of the book, the process of finding a publisher, and then they read their respective answers to questions such as "Finding out he's addicted to porn...2019-12-111h 10

The Virtual CouchTake Control of Your Parenting, More on the Nurtured Heart Approach to ParentingLearn tangible, positive ways to help you take control of your parenting today! In this solo episode, Tony Overbay, LMFT, goes into detail, with personal examples, of how to actually implement the Nurtured Heart Parenting approach with your small, or teenage children. Tony dives into the three stands of the Nurtured Heart Approach: Stand 1, refuse to be drawn into energizing or rewarding negativity, hide your buttons! Make the responses to tantrums, episodes and broken rules boring, predictably boring! Stand 2, absolutely energize and nurture success, making the building of "inner wealth" the goal. Do it, relentlessly do it! I WILL energize...2019-11-1800 min

The Virtual CouchWhat’s Up with your Parents…and How to Improve that Relationship BONUS From Becoming, A Podcast for TeensDo you have kids, ever plan on having them, or were you once a kid yourself? Have you ever asked yourself at any time over the last few years, "What up with kids these days?" This episode will answer that question, and so many more! In this special bonus episode, Tony Overbay, LMFT, was interview by Tawni Beardall and Erica Peterson, hosts of the popular podcast "Becoming, A Podcast for Teens." The following description of this episode comes directly from their website https://becomingforteens.podbean.com/"Tony Overbay has always wanted to do a podcast episode just for teens...to...2019-10-1000 min