Shows
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tEaster Brunch With Father Santore LivestreamA 2 hour, unhinged livestream rant about ecological succession in lawn slaughter, book reviews, the deranged texas anti-plant bill (SB 1868), and more, all done while wearing a priest outfit.
2025-04-202h 01Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tFighting Invasive Buffelgrass in Arizona & Restoring Desert EcosytemsA conversation with Tony Figueroa, Senior Manager for the Invasive Plant Program at the Tucson Audubon Society (no affiliation with the National Org) about preventing Buffelgrass and Stinknet from smothering fragile Desert Ecosystems in Arizona. We also discuss why some in the "online permaculture community" (oh gahd) have such an aversion to any and all glyphosate use due to a misunderstanding about how it's used. Other topics include using an electric chainsaw to vandalizeCallery Pears and Crepe Myrtles and other hotricultural atrocity street trees, Why Texas is so uptight, how an invasive arugula-like plant is invading the desert near Gila...
2024-03-041h 32
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tTalking Peyote & Conservation in South TexasIntro ends and conversation starts at 43:00.My guest today is Joe Ben Walker from the indigenous peyote conservation initiative and we talk all things peyote in South Texas. We discussed the Peyotero System, How licenses are monitored, how the DEA keeps track of licenses, how habitat is being severely threatened and destroyed by land clearance, and how peyote came into use among modern Indigenous Americans (not just the tribes that lived where Peyote grew). This was a very enlightening conversation and one that needs to be listened to by anybody interested in the long term conservation of this threatened...
2022-06-151h 35Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tTalking Evolution, Cloud Forests & NightshadesA Conversation with Dr. Stacy Smith from University of Colorado Boulder about the genus Iochroma and Plant Evolution. A 24 minute intro followed by 90 minutes of talk about evolution, selection pressures and why plants evolve the way they do. I haven't had this much fun on a conversation in a while.
2022-06-011h 57
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tAn Interview with Carlos ”Aztekium” VelazcoIn this episode we talk Northern Mexican Botany with the wonderful Carlos Velazco, author of numerous papers describing the floristic relationships of Northern Mexican Plants as well as the Nuevo León field guide to plants. The last thirty minutes we spend talking about the discovery of the incredibly cool and bizarre cactus, Astrophytum (Digitostigma) Caput-medusae.
2022-05-252h 02Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tNamibia, Resurrection Plants, Welwitschia, Caucasians in South AfricaA long rant about Namibian Botany, Dark Humor, Myrothamnus flabellifolius the resurrection plant, Welwitschia habitat etc.
2022-05-201h 36Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tNuevo León Botany, Gypsum Endemics, Cactus PoachingOne long rant about Nuevo Leon plant communities, gypsum endemics, cactus poaching, high elevation "sky islands", Mall Security Guards at US Customs, Herbarium vouchers, etc
2022-04-211h 39
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tA Conversation with Kerry Knudsen, LichenologistIn this episode we talk with Kerry Knudsen, a blue-collar-construction-worker turned lichenologist. We spend a good first half of the podcast talking lichens and the last half of the podcast talking philosophy, and why it's important to be aware of - if not at least occasionally immerse yourself in - the non-human world known as "the rest of the biosphere (for chrissakes)".
2022-04-061h 34Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tTexas Sandsheet, Sand Endemics,Twitter Fights with FurriesIn this episode we discuss the rare and endangered Texas Almond, a sand endemic. We also discuss the trough urinal at Taqueria Jalisco by the Pilot Station in Falfurrias, whether Tetragonotheca rrpanda can be grown in West Texas, and being kicked in the groin for exuding "forced-positivity".
2022-04-051h 12Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tUndescribed Buckwheats, KILL YOUR LAWN, Limestone Erotica, Rod Blagojevich, etcIn this episode we talk about the notorious Bristol Mountains Buckwheat which is still formally undescribed despite being known of for a decade and a half. We also talked about limestone geology of the Mojave Desert as well as why people should kill their lawns and why we should film a show about it. This episode also contains a cut at the hilarious Rod Blagojevich Cameo regarding the brad nailer and the $40 for pizza.
2022-03-141h 23Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tHow Do Fungi Bang (and evolve)?Generic Recombination is the means through which mutations (and evolution/speciation /phenotypic variation) occur, leading to changes in an organism's adaptation to and tolerance of its environment. In flowering plants, meiosis occurs in megaspore mother cells (in ovules aka seeds) and in microspore mother cells (in pollen grains that are produced within the anthers). A pollen grain then lands on a stigma and germinates, fertilizing an ovule and producing a seed (which is a new and different genetic individual). In fungi, it's a bit different - and a lot weirder. In this episode we explore how it's different and how i...
2022-02-191h 20
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tLichens Are Weirder Than HelllA ninety minute conversation just scratching the surface of the bizarre-ass phenomenon of lichens, with Matt Berger aka Sheriff Woody. This is a talk about fungi enslaving/farming algae and cyanobacteria and the extremely weird shit that these symbionts can do, occupying some of the harshest terrain - hot or cold - on planet Earth. If you don't find this conversation fascinating you're a dick.
2022-02-021h 33
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tRants About Peyote Conservation, Cryptogamic Crusts, PeritheciumIn this episode we listen to a 50 minute rant about peyote conservation in South Texas, the importance of the hundredth Meridian and the humidity differential and the differences in habitat it causes, as well as what the hell a Perithecium is and some of the vertical-rock-wall cacti of Nuevo León.
2022-01-2950 min
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tLegume Phylogeny DungeonThe family Fabaceae is one of the most ecologically successful and diverse plant families in the world, especially in arid and subtropical regions. In this episode we talk Legumes - their ecology, floral morphology and evolution - with Marty Wojciechowski at ASU. We talk about the 50kb inversion, psychoactive and poisonous secondary chemistry, subfamily classifications elucidated by molecular phylogenetics, how mimosoids lack Rhizobium root affiliations (bummer) and a bunch more interesting sh#t. Plant in the thumbnail photo is Schotia afra.
2022-01-201h 51
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tMycoheterotrophy, Resurrection Plants, Orchid BiogeographyIn this episode we talk with Tom Givnish, a well-known research botanist at UW Madison about a diverse number of topics including plants that can completely dry out and not die, how orchids came to be the most diverse and largest plant family on Earth, what my dad's mafioso cousin has in common with achlorophyllous,non-photosynthetic plants and Tepuis in Venezuela, among about other twelve other fascinating topics.
2021-12-252h 47Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tOrchid Crash Course - Phylogeny, Taxonomy, Morphology & what the sh1tAfter a 40 minute opening rant, we explore the nuances of the Orchid Family - the most species-rich and diverse family of flowering plants, and we touch on a few of the things that make this family so ecologically successful. This is a good crash course for anybody interested in learning about this plant family and understanding the differences between the five subfamilies Apostasioideae, Vanilloideae, Cypripedioideae, Orchidoideae and the largest subfamily of them all - Epidendroideae.
2021-12-212h 29
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tElusive Milkweeds of South TexasIn this episode we rant about Asclepias prostrata, the rare and elusive prostrate milkweed of South Texas Thornscrub, as well as obscure subfamilies of the Legume Family, Cops & Dildos, and Old Peyotes. What exactly does the New Legume Phylogeny Working Group DO at their annual Pea Dungeon meet-up? Also, "why you gotta do dat"?
2021-12-091h 24Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tPsychedelic Therapy and Its Practical Applications for SocietyJahan Khamsehzadeh, Ph.D. is a psychedelic therapist who's been actively conducting legal, guided Psilocybin sessions in Jamaica for the past 4 years. He's trained within the Mazatec mushroom tradition and mentored for a year at the Center for Consciousness Medicine comprehensive guide program. He's also done workshops with the San Francisco Psychedelic Society. He has authored a book due out in April entitled "The Psilocybin Connection : Psychedelics, the Transformation of Consciousness, and Evolution on the Planet - An Integral Approach". For more information, visits Jahan's website at www.PsychedelicEvolution.org For more information on Psilocybin Therapy, vis...
2021-12-041h 53Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tWhat the sh*t is mRNA & how‘d it get into my nanoparticlesIntro music by etsywitch.In this episode we discuss the ever-annoying American culture war and then move on to the science behind mRNA vaccine technology and why viruses are so cool in regards to watching evolution in action (vaccines themselves will act as a selection pressure on viruses, but can the viruses cope and evolve or will they become extinct? Tengo miedo! ). We talk about the history of this technology and just what the hell "mRNA" is and how you can pick it up at jewel-osco along with your ipass for the Illinois toll roads nice. This i...
2021-11-271h 42
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tA Conversation about the Wild Sh1t going on in South African ”Daisies”Note : Interview starts around minute 24:00Recording quality on first 9 minutes of interview is lousy but improves after there after so sit still and wait it out ya schmuck. The sunflower family, Asteraceae, does some wild things - morphologically, evolutionarily and ecologically speaking - in the Southern Part of the African continent, especially in the tribes Calenduleae (think trichomes & stinky, oily glands), Gnaphalieae (paper daisies), and Arctotideae (the infamous "beetle daisies"). In this episode, I speak with Nicola Bergh, the curator for the family Asteraceae at the Compton Herbarium at Kirstenbosch Botanic Garden in Cape Town, to...
2021-11-081h 48Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tA Conversation With The Naked BotanistIn this episode we spend 150 minutes talking with David Gwynne-Evans covering some of the epic highlights of the Cape Floristic Region's Flora. Even if you are unaware of, oblivious to, or disinterested in this region of South Africa's plant life you will find this episode interesting. The whole landscape of this region is like a giant plant Evolution class and we cover multiple topics letter of interest to anyone who's fascinated by the ecology and evolution of Earth's plant life.
2021-11-032h 42Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tA Conversation Having Nothing To Do With PlantsMike Brodie is a photographer, truck driver, artist, freight train rider, and diesel mechanic. In this episode we sit down with him to talk about modern American culture, youth subcultures, travel, and the human condition.
2021-10-272h 12
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tSouth Africa Follow Up, Rantings, Etc.In this episode we talk about some of the plant families found in South Africa and the ecological success of the Mesembryanthemaceae, as well as what the hell is going on with the mess of valvate tepals, adnate anthers, and pollen presenters that is a Protea flowerhead...but first, we dapple 20 minutes of cultural observations into the mix.
2021-10-081h 31Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't2 hours of South Africa RantingOne long disjointed rant between three filthy botanists covering the past three weeks of botanic surveys/rectal exams in the Northern and Western Cape Provinces of South Africa.
2021-09-261h 51Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tMonocot Taxonomic Clusterf*ckIn this episode we talk with Chris Pires, Chief Science Officer at the New York Botanic Garden, about the taxonomic clusterf*ck that is the order Asparagales - the order of the Iris Family, the Orchid Family, the Agave Family, the Onion/Amaryllis Family, and many more obscure families located on distant and disjunct parts of the world. We also talk about how analyzing DNA made it possible to sort out this mess as well as where the larger clade of Monocots themselves fits into the flowering plant tree of life. Disjointed ranting in this episode notably comes AFTER the...
2021-09-022h 00Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tDeconstructing TaxonomyToday's episode is inspired by the bRaVE individuals (all of us) who participated in the massive back-and-forth online shitposting last week regarding the inherent colonialism of using the binomial naming system of taxonomy, plant systematics and the study of evolutionary relationships among plant taxa.This episode sponsored by Decolonial Colon Cleanse, the at-home kit for decolonizing Colo-rectal and gastrointestinal issues. Order online at www.DecolonialRectum.com
2021-08-181h 11Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tIntro to the Rise of Flowering PlantsIn this episode we speak with Peter Raven, former director of the Missouri Botanical Garden, about our current understanding of the rise of angiosperms and what the floristic landscape may have looked like prior to their appearance in the fossil record.
2021-07-311h 16
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tWyoming Rare Plants with Walt FertigA criminally underrated state for rare plants and plant ecology, Wyoming has a number of rare taxa and bizarre habitats. In this episode we talk with a botanist who spent twenty years in the state documenting, inventorying and becoming acquainted with the flora in the high deserts and alpine plant communities. We speak specifically about the Yellowstone Abronia, Abronia ammophila; the Blowout Penstemon, Penstemon haydenii; and the Desert Yellowhead, Yermo xanthocephalus, as well as about conservation, climate change and Western Botany in general.
2021-07-192h 14
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tYellowstone Botany & Wyoming Rare PlantsPlants that grow on sinter (silica) and travertine (calcium carbonate) deposits of hot springs, a really bizarre central Wyoming endemic known from only two locations (Yermo xanthocephalus) whose closest relatives occur in the prairies of the Midwest, and many other topics plus the usual 90 minutes of unattenuated disjointed ranting.
2021-07-131h 42Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tHiking Through The Great Basin w/ Matt BergerIn this episode we have an hour long conversation with Matt Berger about a loop "trail" (there actually was no trail save for that created by wild horses) created through the mountain ranges of the Great Basin in Central Nevada and the plans seen along the way along with information on how anybody can do these long-distance hikes (especially when everything else in life has gone to shit).Follow Matt on Instagram @sheriff_woody_pct and on Inaturalist via username Sheriff_Woody_PCT
2021-07-051h 45Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tBuckwheats and Bail BondsThis episode begins with a 56 minute rant concerning the crime spree caused by the meeting of the Eriogonum Society in Elko, Nevada, followed by rants on the silica "sinter" deposits occurring throughout Nothern Nevada as a result of the intermittent series of hot springs and geothermal activity, which are in turn a result of the extensional tectonics and the fact that Reno and Salt Lake City are moving away from each other and the crust is stretching and thinning. The last seven minutes before our conversation with Ben Grady starts include a rant on illegal squatted gardens and how activists...
2021-06-301h 42Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tThe Nitty Gritty of DNA sequencing to understand Plant EvolutionIn this episode we speak with Bruce Baldwin about sequencing the DNA of plants to understand how closely we're distantly related they are and how they have evolved. At least an initial understanding, no matter how small, of how DNA is structured will help you understand this podcast but is not necessary. The first 40 minutes are just ranting anyway. Your contributions support this content. To support Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, consider donating a few bucks to the venmo account "societyishell" or the PayPal account email crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt@gmail.com... Or consider becoming a patreon supporter @ :
2021-06-222h 20
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't20 Minutes of Rambling and 60 Minutes of MelastomataceaeIn this episode we speak with Darin Penneys, Ph.D about his work with an incredibly diverse plant family that few in the temperate zones are familiar with - Melastomataceae. I first fell in love with this family when seeing some of the incredible diversity that it showed in the cloud forest of the Dominican Republic, and upon further inspection became enormously enamored and fascinated with it, and you should too, you prick. From an ecological and evolutionary standpoint this family in the same order as guava and eucalyptus will blow your mind, so get into it.
2021-06-111h 30
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tArrests at the Buckwheat Conference, Chicago West Side Heroin Dissuasion, Lithium Sleazebag Deli PlattersIn this episode of Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't we talk with Naomi Fraga about the devastation to be imposed on 90% of a rare plant's population and the mining company sleaze bags who are trying to greenwash it. We also talk about the BLM whistleblower who first brought attention to the mining company's attempts to circumvent environmental impact reports as well as the vandalism and subsequent rodent damage that occurred at this plant's population last year. Joey also rants about the first time he saw someone shoot heroin on the west side of Chicago in 1997. Within the first 20 minutes of...
2021-06-011h 26
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tMilkweeds that Dupe Insects, Greenhouse Conservation, Customer Service HellIn this episode we talk about milkweed plants that dupe kleptoparasitic flies into pollinating them, greenhouses and conservatories as bastions of ex-situ conservation, floral mimicry and bat pollination among members of the coffee family, and why customer service is a psychological experiment in human torture.
2021-05-201h 21Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tThe Evolution & Ecology of PsilocybinIn this episode we speak with Dr. Jason Slot, Associate Professor at Ohio State University, who is a mycologist currently studying the evolution of psilocybin production in Fungi. The last half hour of the conversation focuses largely on mycorrhizal fungi. Some fascinating stuff in this conversation. For more info or to read more about the evolution and genomics of entheogens, check out : www.entheome.org
2021-05-052h 08
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tBack Inna Bay,Volcanic Carrots of Oregon, A conversation with Damon TighePsilocybin Therapy, Woody tells us about Apiaceous endemics of the high desert, Damon Tighe tells us about observing fungi and insects and sexually transmitted ladybug diseases, growing oyster mushrooms on everything, and studying weordarine organisms of Lake Merritt.
2021-04-222h 12
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tBaker Cypress, Research Natural Areas, & A Conversation with Julie KiersteadIn this episode we ramble about a rare Northern California Cypress species known only from twelve populations and figure out just what the hell that spot on the map that says "Research Natural Area" means, with a bit of insight from Julie Kierstead, former Forest Service Botanist for the Shasta-Trinity National Forest who has identified 5 "new" species in Northern California which were previously unknown to science.
2021-04-091h 53Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tTwo Hours with Peter RavenA 2 hour conversation with one of the most prominent botanists of the 20th Century, Peter Raven, in anticipation of his new autobiography, Driven By Nature.
2021-03-282h 06
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tHidden Agave - A Conversation with Jeremy SpathJeremy Spath has spent the past twenty years growing - and propagating from tissue culture - species in the genus Agave. He's traveled throughout Mexico in all kinds of habitats - from desert scrub to subtropical cloud forest - exploring the variations that evolution and environment have crafted from these botanical masterpieces of rosulate geometry. In this episode we shoot the shit about all things Agave, including habitat, tissue culture, hybridizing them, in the subtle nuance of leaf margin, leaf blade, spines, and teeth.
2021-03-211h 36
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tWest Texas Cacti, Desert Brassicas, AL Scorch, Pollinator ApocalypseTwo hours of rambling conversations about Desert Brassicas, West Texas Cryptic Cacti, Dust Storms, Pollinator Poisoning via Agriculture, Al Scorch personal injury lawsuit scams, etc.
2021-03-192h 07
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tTexas Blackout, Cloud Forest Blueberries, Tropical MistletoesRants about hating Ted Cruz, Pine Forests of Hispaniola, Watching Plants Melt during the Texas Blackouts, etc
2021-02-252h 16
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tBaby I Wanna Be Your Karstic DogRecorded in the Dominican Republic while exploring Dogtooth Limestone Karst formations and contracting urushiol-induced atopic dermatitis, here we rant about the endemic Flora of the Dominican Republic, why Dominicans drive like maniacs and why it's comforting. We talk high elevation neotropical cloud forests with the climate of Northern Coastal California, we talk low elevation coastal plain tree cacti and getting stung by cool endemic wasps.
2021-02-092h 08Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tMycorrhizae, Ericoid Roots, Orchids, Meathead Psychology, etcListen to 80 minute rant on Ericoid roots and fungal symbiosis with a guest appearance by Peter Bernhardt. We also briefly talk about the germination of orchid seeds, the huge importance and understudy of the Fungal Division Glomeromycota, and why a moron would spend 4 grand to get his truck lifted.
2021-01-251h 31
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tPLANT SYSTEMATICS with Michael SimpsonMichael Simpson is a Professor Emeritus of Botany who is the Author of one of the best textbooks available on the evolutionary history, grouping and Identification of plant species - Plant Systematics. Taxonomy, Evolution, & Diversity of Plants on Earth? What are phylogenetics? What is a "biogeography dungeon" and why is it fascinating as shit to be trapped inside? What causes one to go down a wormhole of obsession with the various forms that plants can take?
2021-01-201h 49
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tGeologist Robert MaddenDr. Robert Madden is a geologist and teacher based out of Perth, Western Australia.
2021-01-151h 52Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tEvolution, Speciation and Child LaborRants on the wonders of plant evolution, ecotypes, speciation, and whether an awareness and fascination with such could have prevented some members of the mayonnaise militia from being radicalized. Plenty of book recommendations and other disjointed rants.
2021-01-111h 29
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tTalking Railroads & Mexico with Linda NiemannLinda Niemann is an author, ex-railroader/brakeman and former English professor at Kennesaw State University. She is the author of the books Boomer, Railroad Voices, Railroad Noir and Cosas: Folk Art Travel in Mexico.
2020-12-221h 26
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tBlazing East to South TexasRants on Cactus Phylogeny, Teddy Bear Cholla, Neobuxbaumia Dungeons of Oaxaca, transporting plants in storage bins, over-crowded hiking/wilderness areas, how idiotic the word "natural" is, crazy cat ladies and cat colonies on ecologically-sensitive public lands, and how Great Basin National Park is declaring a war on Christmas by refusing to string lights up on Pinus longaeva, as heard through the voice of Jerry Woznowski.
2020-12-192h 01Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tInterview w/climatologist Daniel SwainA fascinating and educational 68 minutes that breaks down the mechanisms of California's weather and where it might be headed in the future.
2020-12-101h 08
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tCalifornia Dystopia, Butano Cypress, Seed-Collection, Edibles & Trash TvetcRants about California Dystopia, Proper Seed Collection, Drought, Butano Cypress (biogeography rant), etc
2020-12-082h 03
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tUnderground Orchids, Australian Botany, Proteaceae Floral MorphologyA conversation with my friend the Professor and Author Dr. Peter Bernhardt about the floral morphology of many of Australia's incredible terrestrial orchids and members of the ancient angiosperm family, Proteaceae. Two hours of un-edited conversation about some the strangest plants in the Southern Hemisphere.
2020-11-262h 25
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tTexas Flora - A Conversation w/Michael EasonA 2 hour conversation with Michael Eason about Texas Flora. Michael Eason is a botanist, author, photographer, and Texan.
2020-11-222h 37
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tRhyolite, Fuckface!From West Texas to the Mojave the entire Southwest is in a drought in mid November of 2020 oh, but that does not stop us from doing some vegetative botany and fucking around with the wonders of the volcanic rock known as rhyolite, builder of numerous desert mountains,you prick.
2020-11-161h 56
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tSouth Texas Soliloquy, Cactus Rescue, Tough Broads, etcLong disjointed rants on native plants of South Texas, plant propagation, rescuing cacti that are in the path of the proposed border wall, ppeyote gardens, indigo snakes, Etc
2020-10-301h 50
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't160 minutes of Sunflowers w/ Bruce Baldwin(Re-upload because the first file was corrupted and cut out at 3 min...) Probably the episode I'm most excited about so far - a talk with the kind, humble and brilliant Bruce Baldwin, an expert in the largest (second in number of species only to the Orchid Family) and most ecologically successful plant family in the world, the Asteraceae, also known as "composites" because of their composite flowerheads, consisting of many tiny "florets" (which are the true flowers). We cover a lot of stuff here, and the last five minutes of the episode seem to wrap up a pot...
2020-10-222h 40
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't160 minutes of Sunflowers w/ Bruce BaldwinProbably the episode I'm most excited about so far - a talk with the kind, humble and brilliant Bruce Baldwin, an expert in the largest (second in number of species only to the Orchid Family) and most ecologically successful plant family in the world, the Asteraceae, also known as "composites" because of their composite flowerheads, consisting of many tiny "florets" (which are the true flowers).
We cover a lot of stuff here, and the last five minutes of the episode seem to wrap up a potential answer to the modern human predicament that we're in. But prior t...
2020-10-222h 40Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tAn Interview with Tom Givnish2 hrs of conversation about Adaptive Radiation, Hawaiian Lobeliads, & Calochortus Evolution
2020-10-141h 53
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tEast Texas Sandy Coastal Plain & Ft Worth Dry PrairiesEast Texas botany, Ft Worth Botanic Garden /Home Depot Garden Center, Longleaf Pine Forest, Rio Grande Valley Border Patrol Sleaze, Limestone Dry Prairie Endemics, Complaining about the heat, etc.
2020-10-141h 53
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tMichigan Upper Peninsula Geology, Missouri Prairie, Texas Limestone RemnantsPSA - your donations enable this here content. If you can throw a couple bucks to venmo address "societyishell", I would appreciate the hell out of it. The tank is running low at the moment and could use some re-ups. In this episode, CPBBD traverses 20 degrees of latitude to bring you lognwinded rants on the following topics :-stromatolites-banded Iron formations & the Great Oxygenation Event of the Proterozoic -Michigan Serpentine -"conservative species" and the Floristic Quality Assessment-Silphium albiflorumand much more. Feel free to email crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt@gmail.com with plant...
2020-09-291h 27
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tI-80 Cross Country Botany, Maskless Rednecks, Ambrosia ExplorationA brief week-long trip East after fleeing the state of California (which is all on fire again) brings us into contact with a cast of prairie species and the unique nature of the Ambrosia dungeon (subtribe Ambrosiinae of the Heliantheae tribe of the Asteroideae Subfamily of the Composites) as well as some monster feral Cannabis plants, along with an exposé of the increasingly polarized and anti-intellectual, shit-for-brains nature of the modern American cultural hellscape ™.
2020-09-041h 46
2020-08-201h 51
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tBotanist Michael Dillon & South American NightshadesA 90 min conversation with retired Field Museum botanist Michael Dillon about the genus Nolana and South American botany.
2020-08-021h 54Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tA ConversationAbout Mycology with Christian SchwarzA forty minute profanity-laced trade on the flux of events and garden destruction by semi-conscious contractors followed by a graceful interview concerningmmycological affairs with the wonderful Christian Schwarz. This episode more than most is filled with f-bombs so the more vanilla and easily-offended may have a hard time listening. Christian Schwarz interview starts around minute 40 for those wishing to skip the initial ranting.
2020-07-312h 08
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tDarlingtonia, Flu Klux Klan, Illegal GardeningThe focus today is on Darlingtonia, trolling the Flu Klux Klan, Social Justice Warriors attacking science by obsessing about racist Eugenics programs from 100 years ago, and Illegal Gardening.
2020-07-191h 40
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tCoral Pink Sand Dunes Milkweed, Southern Utah Botany, Vertic Limestones, Shitting in Kyle's Firepit(the intro song recording quality is horrible. Skip to 2:30 rather than leave me an obnoxious comment about it Fuckface). Coral Pink Sand Dunes Milkweed, Southern Utah Botany, Vertic Limestones, Shitting in Kyle's Firepit.Ten days studying the Floristics of the Colorado Plateau and Jurassic Sedimentary Rocks, we take a look at the genera of Fabaceae here including Pediomelum, Sophora, Peteria, etc. We also enjoy some time in Central Nevada with a milkweed named after renowned botanist Alice Eastwood (a botanical gangster if the ever was one)
2020-06-231h 57
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tPhantom Orchids & Sneaking to the Botanic GardenRants about Cephalanthera austiniae, the phantom orchid, and disjunct populations of Opuntia fragilis. Sneaking in to the Botanic garden after hours. This podcast sponsored by Eucerin.
2020-06-121h 40
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tPropagation as a Means of Refraining From Homicide90 minutes of ranting on plant propagation, metabolism, and Chiranthodendron pentadactylon from the chocolate subfamily of the Mallow Family.
2020-05-171h 39
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tA Conversation with Matt CandeaisMatt Candeais is a botanist from Buffalo, New York, currently residing in Illinois and working on his PhD. He is the man behind the In Defense of Plants "podcast.
2020-05-012h 16
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't"I Was a Teenage Eco-Fascist"A thirty minute rant mocking the "eco-fascist" chant among science-blind social theorists and leftwing bloggers (why do fellow lefties not criticize these nitwits?), Sonoran Desert Parasites, Mojave Euphoria during a pandemic, Desert Tortoises, Orocopia Sage, etc. Email crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt@gmail.com to complain or send unsolicited, un-pleasant nudes.
2020-04-182h 16
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tPandemic Southwest BotanyJoin us as we take a look at some limestone endemics of Death Valley and then Gypsum endemics of Nevada and Utah. Learn why the state of Arizona is akin to a "people of Walmart" calendar. Arctomecon humilis, Pediocactus sileri, Astragalus holmgreniorum, Diplacus rupicola, toilet humor and rants against cows.
2020-04-011h 31
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tA Conversation with Matt RitterA real nice conversation with Matt Ritter, an author and professor at California Polytechnic State University about botany, plant ecology, human society in which we also wax philosophical about a wide variety of topics and what the shit.
2020-03-111h 47Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tCoronavirus & SunflowersAn astute comparison of adaptative radiations in Asteraceae with the novel coronavirus COVID-19. Plus, Carl Zimmer kicks Mike Pence in the cock. 90 minutes of rambling with Isaac Lichter, and why coming out of the closet drives the quality of one's art and writing to hell.
2020-03-071h 54Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tCoronavirus & SunflowersAn astute comparison of adaptative radiations in Asteraceae with the novel coronavirus COVID-19. Plus, Carl Zimmer kicks Mike Pence in the cock. 90 minutes of rambling with Isaac Lichter, and why coming out of the closet drives the quality of one's art and writing to hell.
2020-03-071h 54
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tParasitic conifers & Amborella(New Caledonia 2)This is the second episode on New Caledonian botany, with continued fanatic ranting on the wonders of ultramafic geology and botany as well as musings on the futility of eating jackfruit and the pondering of what Dengue Fever must feel like.
2020-02-141h 35
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tNew Caledonia, Disjointed Ranting, Conifer Dungeons, Biogeography of Southern Hemisphere Lineages, MosquitoesDid I contract Dengue Fever yesterday on Moo Mountain whilst hiking to a relict population of Araucaria humboldtensis? Was New Caledonia submerged for 20 million years and then recolonized by numerous ancient lineages of plants? Will I be broke after returning from my visit here?
2020-02-021h 38
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tPlant Breeding, Fern Sex, Dark Humor, South Africa, A Conversation with Martin GranthamA conversation with a botanical wizard, explorer, conservationist, and plant propagator, my friend the illustrious Martin Grantham. 3 hrs long but worth a listen. We explore comedic misanthropy, a brief analysis of the human condition, our behavioral affinities with violent chimps, Fern sex and how they do it, South African flora, and the idea that one does not really know plants until they've grown them.
2020-01-023h 02
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tChilean Fog Deserts, Biogeographical Islands, Nolana Diversity, Candy Diets2 hours of pontificating on the beauty of fog deserts plus pondering how the fuck Sheriff Woody is able to hike 1,000 miles on a diet of candy and potato chips. Eriosyce recondita and cactus poachers, lomas formations, Fog islands brought to you by the Humboldt Current plus rants on shoulder surgery and the killing of street rats by Lewy.
2019-12-252h 13
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tBotanizing Deserts on Foot with Sheriff WoodyA conversation with an expert plant explorer in a fleabag hotel room in Arica, Chile.
2019-11-301h 37
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tMushrooms Mushrooms MushroomsA 20 minute disjointed and profane rant followed by a 90 minute conversation with mycologist Alan Rockefeller. Oooooh how bout Dat.
2019-11-222h 05
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tShort Run/Podcast in a CanI fucked this episode up by using the wrong mic setting, so it sounds like I recorded it in the public shower stall in the Honk Kong Airport bathroom. Meh, whatever, it's still a decent rant. You'll be fine.
2019-11-1553 min
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tBiogeography & Death of a MilkweedAssorted ramblings on biogeography, a work ethic for Anthropocene, Irreverence for modern society, Biophilia, "Woke" Leftism vs Sociopathic right-ism, and the silly and idiotic destruction of a population of the endangered prostrata milkweed.
2019-11-031h 54
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tSouthwest Australian Flora cameo by Foot Rot.m4aRants about why it's OK to cry, Foot Rot, Plants that smell like hell and the combination of Continental annexation to Antarctica and extremely nutrient-poor, ancient soils that have led to an exquisite species richness in the Australian Flora. For some nice reading on this subject matter, including a free textbook ON SW Australia plant diversity, check out :https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=1140CFj-8oTS9PtOcnQIpVx2dg7V9I2_i
2019-10-172h 12
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tClimate Deniers, Rio Grande Milkweeds and Cartel BiospheresRants on Climate Deniers, Obsolete Racist Grandfathers, El Cielo Biosphere Reserve, Foxtail Pines, the Hong Kong Airport and many more. 2.5 hours worth of profane pontifications on evolutionary biology, the human condition and bad air days.
2019-10-022h 31
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tGypsophiles, Rare Sumacs, Societal Jabs, Arguing with morons, etcA long episode dedicated to rare Sumacs of West Texas, brutal heat, gypsophiles, refugial canyons in obscure mountain ranges, the phenomenon of arguing with idiots, trolls and shit-posters, and the wonders of Taquerias in South Texas.
2019-09-102h 46Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tRock Daisies, Peyote, Sky Islands and Taqueria PalenqueA gentle, sweaty meander through the Southwest in August, ending in a bath in the salsa bar at Taqueria Palenque in Beautiful Mission, Texas.
2019-08-252h 28Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tSouthside Chicago & Sonora, MexicoKankakee Mallow, Chiggers, Southside Prairies and Railroad Botany... At minute 45:00 starts a long diatribe on Sonoran Sky Islands (recorded in-situ inthe camper of ye Olde shit-box truck) and the wonders of the Legume Family, with multiple appearances by herps such as Black-Tailed Rattlesnakes, a Sonoran Desert Toad (DMT exudate), Ridge-nosed Rattlesnakes and Caesalpinia pulcherrima
2019-08-072h 44
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tExtinct Redwood Forests and Sensitivity Training for Rude GeologistsGeologists laughing at Earthquakes, Coyotes as Redneck Antidotes, Extinct Redwood Forests of Nevada and Oregon, Tony flowers in volcanos, Heat Stroke, Calochortus Lily Bonanza, White Sensitivity, and Rico's Tacos.
2019-07-192h 08
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tRedwood Lilies & Midwest BotanyLong rants about redwood lilies, a dip into Northern California geology as cross-dissected by Interstate 5, pontificating on lunatics of the left and the right, and a finale about Prairie Botany and the encouraged destruction of the American Lawn.
2019-06-302h 09
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tMore Milkweed Dungeons in Nevada and UtahMilkweed Morphology and an exploration of the passive-aggressive liberal "white voice"
2019-06-202h 13
2019-06-041h 25
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tConvergent Evolution, Carnivory, and the Milkweed from Serpentine BarrensReal nice and quick banger Intro to Carnivory and the Piney Woods of the North Carolina Acidic Coastal Plain, plus a cameo by the mysterious and elusive Serpentine Milkweed from Northern California Coast Ranges
2019-05-291h 13
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tDeath Valley Limestone, Invasive Species, Herbal EnemasA trip to Death Valley Limestone , an herbal poultice for invasive species long-winded rambling and the longest attempt to exit the podcast so far.
2019-05-171h 55
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tAssaulted by Stinkbells and Obsessed with Monkey FlowersStinkbells Lilies, Fritillaria agrestis, the Futility of Life in Modern Civ, Calico Monkeyflowers, etc
2019-04-191h 51
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn'tRare Manzanitas & The Best Taqueria in the Salinas ValleyA trip to Pinnacles National Park, confused European tourists, the hemorrhoid of differentiating between two morphologically-identical genera of annual tarweeds, and the best goddamn taqueria in the Salinas Valley (Soledad Brother).
2019-04-031h 33
Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't"Superblooms" are relicts & understanding Invasive SpeciesBut for real - how could you not like The Spinners?
2019-03-291h 08