Shows
Pillow TalksEPISODE 213: What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 3 (Doggy Style, Aging, Leg Hair & More!)Have you ever wanted a peek inside a man’s brain? 🧠
We’re back with Part 3 of one of our most talked-about episode series — answering all the burning, bizarre, and brutally honest questions you’ve always wanted to ask men.
This week, we’re diving into what men really think about everything from doggy style to aging to the internet daddy of the moment, Pedro Pascal.
🎙️ Here’s what we’re getting into:
What are men actually looking at during doggy style?
What do they think when the...2025-06-211h 06Pillow TalksEPISODE 212: Why You Flinch When Your Partner Touches You (And How To Fix It) "The Bristle Reaction”Have you heard of The Bristle Reaction? It’s a term Vanessa coined—and when we posted about it on TikTok, over 8 million people watched. (You can watch that here 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@vanessaandxander/video/7206335375453867306?lang=en)
The Bristle Reaction is that moment when your partner reaches out for a hug or a kiss… and your body instinctively recoils. Even when you love your partner deeply, their touch can sometimes create a sense of tension or irritation—and it’s more common than you think.
We asked our Instagram aud...2025-06-121h 17Pillow TalksEPISODE 211: Ask A Sex Therapist: Penis Pumps, Pegging, + Postpartum SexAsk a sex therapist is back!
Have you ever Googled something about sex and then immediately deleted your search history? 🥵
In this week’s episode, Vanessa (a sex therapist with 20+ years of experience) and Xander (her ever-curious, regular dude husband) answer your most personal, pressing, wait-am-I-the-only-one? questions about sex, intimacy, and everything in between.
Here’s what we’re diving into:
Is it weird if my partner and I don’t kiss during sex? (Pretty Woman, anyone?)
What exactly is pegging?
Is it norma...2025-06-051h 08Pillow TalksEPISODE 210: How To Know When Enough Is EnoughMaybe it’s a gross habit that totally kills the mood…
Maybe it’s a bigger issue that leaves you feeling unseen or disconnected…
This week, we’re diving into a question we hear all the time: Should I be putting up with this in my relationship?
Whether it’s your partner’s lack of ambition, a dead bedroom, constant yelling, or socks in the couch cushions (yep, really) — we’re breaking down how to tell the difference between healthy compromise and straight-up self-betrayal.
...2025-05-291h 06Pillow TalksEPISODE 205: Couples Coaching Session: How To Ask For More Even If You Don’t Know What You WantWe’re back this week with another coaching episode — where we listen to real voice notes from real listeners who are navigating some seriously relatable challenges. From craving more pleasure but not knowing how to ask for it… to dealing with desire differences after kids and trying to orgasm for the first time (yes, ever) — we’re holding space for your stories.If you’ve ever found yourself thinking:
“Is this it?”
“Why don’t I want sex more?”
“How do I even bring this up with my partner?”
You...2025-04-2457 minPillow TalksEPISODE 204: Confessions Of An Overactive BladderIf you’ve ever joked about “peeing just a little” when you sneeze, or you’re the kind of person who always has to know where the bathroom is, this one’s for you.Vanessa is sharing her personal (and super vulnerable) journey with bladder issues: how it started, the surprising symptoms, the anxiety it caused, and the expert-backed tools and tricks that actually helped.We asked our community if they’ve experienced bladder problems — and 62% of women said yes. So if you’re in that group, or just curious to hear...2025-04-1755 minPillow TalksEPISODE 203: Is This Cheating? Part 2Is it cheating if you go to sex club… but just to watch?What about a flirty Snapchat streak with your ex?A prostate massage with no orgasm? 👀This week, we’re back with Part 2 of one of our most talked-about episodes. We asked our community to share the moments, confessions, and curveballs that made them ask, “Wait…is this cheating?”And let’s just say… the gray areas are graying HARD.Here’s what we’re dishing...2025-04-101h 09Pillow TalksEPISODE 201: Couples Coaching Session: They Love Each Other… So Why Does Their Sex Life Feel Stuck?🎙️ Welcome to our very first coaching episode!Ever feel stuck in your sex life — like you know things could be better but have no idea how to fix them? That’s exactly where today’s couple is.In this special, brand-new format, we’re coaching a real life couple, and diving deep into mismatched desire, stress, and the invisible walls keeping them from a more connected, fulfilling sex life.We break down:💬 When one partner feels standoffish about sex – What’s really behind the hesitatio...2025-03-271h 03Pillow TalksEPISODE 200: 200 Episodes Later: Let’s Get Personal! (Ask Us Anything)🎉 We made it to 200 episodes! 🎉It’s wild to think about how far this podcast has come. There’s one thing we know for sure… we couldn’t have come this far without YOU. That’s why for this very special episode, we decided to celebrate by letting you ask us……absolutely ANYTHING.And you didn’t disappoint.From personal confessions to relationship deep dives to behind-the-scenes business secrets, no topic was off-limits.Tune in for an unfiltered...2025-03-201h 14Pillow TalksAll Your Female Orgasm Questions: Answered!What’s the difference between a clitoral orgasm, g-spot orgasm, and cervical orgasm? What’s squirting? How common is it for women to orgasm multiple times in 1 session?Today we’re taking it back to the very first topic Vanessa became known for - female orgasm (Buzzfeed even called her The Orgasm Whisperer)!In this episode, Vanessa is answering some of the most commonly asked questions about female pleasure and giving you top-tier advice on how to start having the best orgasms of your life.Links & Resources:Course: Finishing SchoolThan...2024-10-241h 00Pillow TalksAsk Us Anything: Addressing All Of Your AssumptionsDoes Vanessa wear the pants in the relationship? Are we skipping out on meetings to have sex in the middle of the day? Are we rich??It’s time for another round of Ask Us Anything, and we’re answering all your nosiest assumptions. We’re covering the most personal topics involving our relationship, our business, and even our sex lives.Links & Resources:Course: Your Best Week EverIf you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscr...2024-09-191h 02Pillow Talks“Why Do Guys Do This?” - Xander Explains Male Behavior Part 2Xander’s back in the hot seat answering all your burning questions about male behavior!Why do guys mansplain? Why do they struggle to find things that are right in front of their faces? Why are men always initiating when we’re right in the middle of something like doing the dishes? Why can’t they ever be vulnerable? And what’s with the obsession over the volume of their cum??Get ready for lots of laughter and some eye-opening insights.Links & Resources:Episode 120: “Why Do Guys Do This?” Xan...2024-06-0658 minPillow TalksPartner Having Penis Performance Problems? Here’s What To Do - And What Not To Do“This, uh, isn’t working…” Most of us have experienced a partner having some performance issues in the bedroom, and feeling wildly confused about what to do. How do you react? What do you say? And let’s be honest, most of us women take these moments personally. We get into our heads thinking things like, “Am I not attractive enough? Am I bad at sex??” Today we’re breaking down for you why penis performance issues happen, and how men need you to respond in those extra-sensitive moments. Xander is also hel...2024-03-2845 minPillow TalksThe Body Confidence Episode - How To Feel Good In Your Skin During SexToday, we’re tackling a huge issue that so many people can relate to… feeling uncomfortable in your own skin during sex. We’re diving into the specific things that make you the most self-conscious, and how these thoughts can impact your sex life. Xander clues us in on what most men are really thinking about bodies during sex and we get into a fascinating (and very personal) conversation about our own body confidence issues. If you’re looking for guidance on how to build body confidence so you can stop worrying a...2024-02-151h 11Pillow TalksXander’s Vasectomy Part 2: Answering Your Questions About Pain, Performance, And MasculinitySnip snap! We’re back with part 2 of Xander’s vasectomy journey. (Start with part 1 if you want to hear his story.) This time we’re answering all your questions about the process from start to finish (literally, all 30 “finishes”). Did Xander have any pain during sex after the procedure? Did his sex drive change? Do his balls hang lower? Is his semen a different color, texture, or volume, and does it smell funny now? Did his vasectomy make him feel less masculine? Plus, we share tons of advice about how to talk to y...2024-01-181h 03Pillow TalksYour Funniest Foreplay FailsWe asked you to share your funniest foreplay fails, and you REALLY delivered! Today we’re sharing the dangers of jalapeños, why you shouldn’t chew gum during oral, and some bad Cosmo advice about armpits! But we couldn’t leave it at just your stories; we had to include some of our funniest fails as well. Trust us, you definitely want to hear what happened the very first time Vanessa ever gave someone a blowjob, and the time Xander didn’t really make it to foreplay… If you want to avoid your...2024-01-1150 minPillow TalksXander Got A Vasectomy!Xander got a vasectomy! By popular demand, we’re walking you through the entire process - how and why we decided to go this route, finding the right doctor, the procedure itself (including the truth about how painful it really was…), aftercare, and so much more. We also share some hilarious details about preparing for the procedure (including some truly bizarre pictures), Xander’s rant for the haters, and the post-procedure test that had Xander PANICKING! If you’ve ever wanted the inside scoop on vasectomies, this is an episo...2024-01-041h 11Pillow TalksAm I The Asshole? The Holiday EditionThe first time we did Am I The Asshole it was a major success, so we knew we had to bring it back for a part two! In this special holiday edition, we’ve got more fiery takes on your craziest seasonal stories. We’re talking about in-laws, gift exchanges gone wrong, and a workplace Christmas party with a very important side note. Plus, a special guest joins us to weigh in on whether or not Vanessa is actually the holiday asshole… This is an episode you’ll definitely want to put on in...2023-12-211h 02Pillow TalksEverything You’re Getting Wrong About Intercourse (And How To Get It Right)We all feel like we’re supposed to just be naturally good at intercourse, but there are so many dynamics that can trip us up! What positions are best? How do you MOVE during it? What do you do if one of you can easily orgasm from intercourse, but the other can’t?! We asked our audience what their biggest frustrations are when it comes to intercourse, and we got back some surprising, and some not-so-surprising, answers. We struggled with intercourse early in our own relationship, so we related to a lot of responses. 2023-12-141h 03Pillow Talks“Why Do Guys Do This?” - Xander Explains Male BehaviorToday we’re putting Xander in the hot seat and making him answer all your burning questions about male behavior. Why do they hook boobs? Why are they such big babies when they’re sick? And of course, the age-old question: what's the deal with their marathon bathroom visits? Get ready for lots of laughter and some eye-opening insights. Links & Resources: Course: Art Of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, p...2023-09-071h 03Pillow TalksWhat Do Women Really Think About…? (Masturbation, Butt Stuff, Penis Size, And More!)Our “What Do Men Really Think About” episodes were so popular that we knew we just had to do an episode about what women are really thinking! So we asked our Instagram community to give us topics they’ve always been curious about, and we turned those questions into polls that we asked women to answer.
This week, we’re sharing what women really think about topics like penis performance issues, masturbation, penis size, period sex (wait until you hear Xander’s story about his college girlfriend), and so much more!
Links & Reso...2023-05-111h 11Pillow TalksOur 100th Episode Extravaganza: The Ultimate Round of “Know Ya Boo”Can you believe this is our 100th episode??? We knew we had to do something super special to commemorate the occasion, so we decided to play “Know Ya Boo” (bonus points if you get the Parks and Rec reference). You guys gave us 50 questions, and our job was to guess each other’s answers. The results had us in stitches from start to finish. There’s even one answer that we had to censor. Make sure you listen all the way through to get the scoop on which one of us comes out on top. (Let’s jus...2023-04-201h 09Pillow TalksThe Bristle Reaction: What It Is, How It Happens, And What You Can Do To Fix ItHave you heard of The Bristle Reaction? We recently made a TikTok about this term that Vanessa created, and 8 million people watched! The Bristle Reaction is when your partner comes in for a hug or a kiss, and you feel yourself recoil. No matter how much you love your partner, there are times when their touch can immediately create a sense of tension. We polled our Instagram audience and found out 84% of people have experienced The Bristle Reaction. Even though it’s so common, most people have no idea what to do about it. In fac...2023-04-131h 08Pillow TalksThings That Go Bump (Or Bang) In the NightDo you and your partner go to bed at the same time? In the same bed? In the same ROOM? It’s easy to get stuck in the stereotypes of what a couple “should” be doing, and what it means if you and your partner have unconventional sleep habits. After polling our Instagram audience, we found that many of you are worried that “different” is spelled t-r-o-u-b-l-e, so in this grab bag episode, we address a collection of sleep-related topics that we hope will put your minds at ease. We’ll tell you all about the choices w...2023-03-2351 minPillow TalksBe A Man And Talk About Your FeelingsEver wondered why the man in your life is so emotionally reserved? Ever been frustrated by how unwilling he seems to be to talk about his feelings? You try to work though an issue in your relationship, but he’s stone-faced and tight-lipped, with nothing to add to the conversation. Or worse, after holding all the feelings in for so long, he has a huge overreaction of epic proportions that leaves you both wondering, “What the hell was that?” You’re not the only one who wishes things would change. We asked the...2022-12-011h 17Pillow TalksInitiation: What You And Your Partner Are Doing Wrong - And How To Get It RightInitiation is SUPPOSED to feel sexy and enticing. When we see it on TV, it always looks so easy. One partner looks at the other from across the room, you can see in their eyes how much they want each other, one partner presses the other up against the wall and it’s game on! But for so many of us, initiation feels more like an annoyance than a seduction. We polled our audience on Instagram and discovered that at least half of our audience regularly gets frustrated by their partner’s initiation tactics. Initiation can b...2022-11-171h 04Pillow TalksEverything You Ever Wanted To Know About OrgasmsThere are few things in life we’re more passionate about than orgasms! We want you to understand them, have them, give them, and enjoy them! With so much misinformation out there, it can be tricky to separate fact from fiction. So we decided to create The Orgasm Episode, vulva owner edition! We polled our Instagram audience for all the orgasm questions you want answered. We talk about everything from questions about clitoris size to squirting to wet dreams. Wanna know how to even identify an orgasm? Have you ever asked yourself why it seems so...2022-11-1059 minPillow TalksHow Much Do You Really Want It? The Sex Drive EpisodeDo you want a higher sex drive? Bet you said, “yes!” without thinking twice. 74% of our Instagram audience did. Most of us feel self-conscious about how rarely we desire sex, and believe that we’re supposed to have a stronger libido. But if you’re really honest with yourself, do you truly want more desire? Only 8% of our Instagram audience said they’d do whatever it takes to have a higher sex drive. And we’ve found that whenever we offer sex drive resources to our community, very few people actually use them. (This episode contains a fa...2022-11-0354 minPillow TalksAm I Being Unreasonable?You love your partner, for better or worse, but there’s just that THING that gets under your skin. Maybe it’s something they say all the time, maybe it’s a bad habit that they refuse to address, or something bigger like house duties. Whatever it is, you just can’t seem to “get over it” and you have found yourself wondering, “Am I being unreasonable?” We reached out to our Instagram audience for their biggest pet peeves and frustrations, and damn did you guys have some good ones! In...2022-10-2758 minPillow TalksAre We…Growing Apart?You come home after a long day, you see your partner, but you don’t say anything more than “hi” to each other. Something hilarious happened at lunch, but you don’t see the point in sharing it with your partner. You sit down to dinner, but have nothing to say to one another. You find yourself thinking, “How did this happen? Is this normal? This can’t be what a relationship is supposed to be like…” Well guess what? Not only has 90% of our Instagram audience admitted to growing apart in a relationship...2022-10-2052 minPillow TalksDo You Ever “Owe” Sex To Your Partner?Have you ever had your partner initiate sex and thought to yourself, “I should probably just do it because I’ve said ‘no’ so much”? Or has your partner been the one reminding you of your track record of responses? Or maybe you’re the one wishing your partner would say “yes” a whole lot more often. Spoiler alert: You should never feel pressured (or pressure yourself) to do something you don’t want to do with your own body. But this issue can get surprisingly complex. Intimacy is one of the foundations of a...2022-10-1356 minPillow TalksThe Lowdown On Painful SexHave you ever been having intercourse and thought to yourself, “Oh, this hurts, and not in a good way…”? Research shows that a whopping 1 in 3 vulva owners said this happened to them the LAST time that they had intercourse. But sexual pain is something that is rarely discussed, leaving so many to suffer in silence. Nobody deserves to feel pain during sex. While the source can be complicated, sometimes a few simple tweaks can make all the difference. Let us walk you though what you may be overlooking, so we can take you...2022-10-0644 minPillow TalksAsk Us Anything Part 3: Extra Spicy EditionYou saw the question box. You dug deep and swung for the fences. Now buckle up, because it is our turn at bat and we are gonna get SPICY in this episode! That’s right, it’s time for “Ask Us Anything”- extra spicy edition 🔥 On Instagram we asked you to challenge us with your most personal questions, and boy did you deliver! Our team gave us a list of questions, and we sat down to record without discussing any of our answers first. We really go there, deep...2022-09-2953 minPillow TalksHow To Keep Stress Low And Pleasure High When You’re Trying To ConceiveMost couples believe that trying to get pregnant will be one of the sexiest, most intimate periods of their relationship. But if you don’t get pregnant right away, things can quickly take a turn - worrying that something is wrong, fear that it will never happen, the medical appointments, the pressure, the schedules… With all that stress, it’s no wonder that your sex life can really suffer while trying to conceive. Today we’re sharing 5 ways to protect your relationship during your TTC journey. It’s a heavy topic, but we’ll tr...2022-09-2259 minPillow TalksWhat Do Men REALLY Think About… Part Two! (Lingerie, Boobs, Money, Queefing, and More!)Xander is back in the hot seat today answering the tough questions... What do guys REALLY think about lingerie? Can they handle a woman who makes more money or has a higher sex drive? When it comes to breasts, do they care about size or symmetry? Nipple size or color? We also polled the men in our Instagram community so we could take an even deeper look at the male psyche. And we even talk about the two topics that have caused some serious issues in our relationship. D...2022-09-151h 03Pillow TalksThe Ultimate Butt Stuff EpisodeNo, you’re not having deja vu… Butt Stuff is back!
We originally released a Butt Stuff episode almost a year ago, and it has consistently been one of our top 5 episodes. It has been so popular that we decided to turn it into a course… conveniently named Butt Stuff as well 🤣
In celebration, we decided to re-record a podcast episode with all of your most pressing questions. We cover everything in this episode! Hemorrhoids, hairy buttholes, safety, straight dudes being on the receiving end, and the one big fear that so many of...2022-09-0951 minPillow TalksHot Takes: How We REALLY Feel About Your Most Requested TopicsDefinition of hot take: a quickly produced, strongly worded, and often deliberately provocative or sensational opinion or reaction. You guys are always asking us for our “hot takes” on some of the most divisive sex topics like threesomes, strip clubs, pegging, 69, and even the age old spit vs swallow debate, so we decided to put them all together in one episode! We’re getting real and holding nothing back as we dish on over a dozen hot topics that you sent in. (Spoiler alert: we don’t agree on all of them!) Some of our answers ma...2022-09-011h 02Pillow TalksThe True Story Of How We Built A Sex Therapy BusinessYou’ve asked us over email, Instagram, YouTube, everything short of a carrier pigeon… How the heck did we get into the sex therapy business? And do we manage working and living together every day as a married couple? The time has come for us to share all the details about our business, from how we started to where we are now. You’ll hear about it all… Vanessa floundering to figure out her path. Why we moved to Berlin. Xander’s identity crisis. Our most embarrassing moments, and plenty of business “fails.” We get vulnerable abou...2022-08-251h 05Pillow TalksHow To Overcome Sexual Shame With Our 7-Step ProcessLet’s talk about the thing that keeps you up at night. The thing that you don’t bring up over drinks with friends. The thing that you don’t even admit to yourself if we are being honest. Let’s talk about the shame surrounding sex. Our Instagram audience tells us that 74% of us have experienced it in our lifetime, with 30% currently going through it. (But we’d bet real money that both of those numbers are much higher.) There are so many things that plague us when it comes to sex: body...2022-08-1856 minPillow TalksAre You Roommates or Romantic Partners?Are you worried you’ve lost the spark in your relationship? We asked our Instagram audience, and the numbers were shocking! A whopping 91% said their relationship has gone through a Roommates Phase, and 46% said they’re in one right now. So why does it seem like no one is talking about the Roommates Phase? In this episode we do a deep dive into what the Roommates Phase means, and how to get out of it before it’s too late. Let us help you end the drought and get back that lovin’ f...2022-08-1156 minPillow TalksDoes Your Partner Care Enough About YOUR Pleasure?Do you ever find yourself feeling kinda… disappointed after intercourse with your partner? Or worse, faking it just to “get it over with”? Maybe you’ve tried talking to him about it and telling them you need more, but he got defensive and nothing changed. This episode has been a long time coming! We hear SO many stories from our audience about how men just don’t prioritize female pleasure as much as they should. There are a lot of reasons why there’s such a huge or...2022-08-041h 02Pillow TalksThe Truth About Money and RelationshipsAre you sick of fighting about money in your relationship? Maybe you’ve even thought you and your partner are incompatible because of how differently you both think about spending and saving. Trust us, you’re not alone! This episode is for you if you feel like you need to keep purchases a secret. Or maybe you’re just exasperated by how much money your partner spends. We know how easily that tension and resentment can build. Today we’ll be addressing money issues within relationships advice column style — with real life stories...2022-07-2858 minPillow TalksPutting The O Back In Mom: Reigniting Your Sex Life After KidsAre you struggling to have a great sex life now that you’re a mom? As women, we wear so many hats and have so many identities. We’re wives, girlfriends, daughters, sisters, friends, and mothers. But what happens when these identities feel like they’re in conflict with one another? A whopping 91% of our Instagram followers said their sex life got harder after kids. We heard things like, “It’s hard to feel confident in my new body,” “Everyone always needs something, and I’m tired of giving,” and, “I’m just EXHAUSTED!” 2022-07-2145 minPillow TalksHelp! My Partner Hates Self-Improvement!You read all the books, listen to all the podcast episodes, and do all the meditations and affirmations. But your partner won’t even read a dang Instagram caption! What do you do if you value self-improvement and personal development, but your partner just can’t be bothered - or even flat-out refuses? In today’s episode, we’re giving you the tips and tools to get your partner invested in becoming the best version of themselves. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly...2022-07-1455 minPillow TalksRoleplaying 101: Ditch The Awkwardness And Find Your ConfidenceIn today’s episode we’re diving into something that 74% of our audience have never done - roleplay! Most people think that roleplaying feels awkward and uncomfortable. They worry about not knowing who to roleplay, not being able to get or stay in character, and generally embarrassing themselves. But we think that roleplaying can be a whole lot of fun - and can even be a great way to feel more present in the bedroom! So in today’s episode, we’re going to give you our step-by-ste...2022-07-0749 minPillow TalksThe Sex Act You Should Be Doing - But Probably Aren’tToday’s episode is about one of the most underrated sex acts that you’re probably not doing… mutual masturbation! Even if your face is already beet red, we’re going to do our best to convince you why masturbation isn’t something you should do alone or in secret. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex educ...2022-06-3049 minPillow TalksIs This Your Shit Or Mine?“Should I have to stop hanging out with my ex because my girlfriend said so?” “Is it my husband’s job to say something to my rude in-laws?” We’re answering these spicy questions and many more in today’s episode of Pillow Talks! Most of us get annoyed by things our partner says or does — but is it their problem, or ours? Is it their responsibility to fix, or is it something we need to learn how to live with? Today we’re answering the question, “Is this your shit or min...2022-06-2352 minPillow TalksWhat Do Men REALLY Think About… ? (Vulvas, Emotional Intimacy, And More!)Every day we get DMs from women asking Xander what men REALLY think about everything from pubic hair to emotional intimacy. We decided we had to devote an entire podcast episode to this topic, so we gathered your most common questions and concerns, and put Xander in the hot seat. We also asked the men in our Instagram audience for their feedback. We’re giving you an invaluable peek inside the hearts and minds of men all over the world. Topics include: Cellulite How many sexual partners a woman has had...2022-06-1643 minPillow TalksThe 69 EpisodeLove it or hate it, 69 is one of the most infamous sex acts. We just had to give it it’s own episode, especially since today is also 6/9. We’re sharing how we really feel about 69, plus 6.9 amazing tips for having the most fun in this position. You also do not want to miss the hilarious stories our audience shared with us! But that’s not all! It’s also the 1 year anniversary of the Pillow Talks Podcast! We asked you for your favorite moments and jokes from the year, and we’re shari...2022-06-0948 minPillow TalksAsk Us Anything Part 2: MORE Of Your Burning Questions, AnsweredWe were WRONG. Well, Vanessa was. She thought there was no way our last Ask Us Anything episode would be popular, but it ended up being one of our most listened-to episodes! So we decided to do a Part 2 with more of the most asked and most interesting personal questions we’ve gotten. We’re talking about: What we fight about What we won’t do sexually Vanessa’s ultra-personal therapy update What our families think about us being in the sex therapy business What we keep privat...2022-06-0253 minPillow TalksHow To Spice It Up In the Bedroom: Exploring Kink For BeginnersHave you ever read a romance novel or watched a sex scene and felt turned on by reading or seeing something kinda kinky that you’ve never even thought of doing in the bedroom before? Maybe you like the sex you’re having now, but you’ve heard of some naughty things that make you a little…curious. This episode is your introduction to kink: what it is, why you might want to experiment with it, and how to actually go about trying it in a safe, healthy way! If yo...2022-05-2656 minPillow TalksHow To Get Your Man To Take Control In The BedroomYou’re innocently folding the laundry, just minding your own business, when your partner comes up behind you, brushes your hair away from your ear and whispers “I want you. NOW.” They order you to take off your clothes. They push you down onto the bed, and ravage you from head to toe. We’ve all had this fantasy, right? It’s SO sexy to think about your partner taking control. But what is it about this control fantasy that’s so appealing? You might be surprised to find out...2022-05-1953 minPillow TalksThe Art of Flirting (In a Long Term Relationship)“Why should I have to flirt with my partner? We’ve been together forever!” A lot of us in long-term relationships feel hesitant to flirt with our partner. It feels awkward, clunky, or just plain unnecessary. But flirting is an amazing way to ignite that spark you once had and remind you of those exciting early days of your relationship. Most importantly: flirting can make both of you feel SO good about the way you see each other. We know it can feel daunting t...2022-05-1254 minPillow TalksI Don’t Know How To Say This, But...You know that thing you really want to tell your partner but you just... don’t know how? Maybe you’re nervous, you really don’t want to hurt their feelings, or it feels like the time is never right. Well, you’re not alone! Our Instagram audience hit us with alllll the things they wish they could tell their partner, and we’re giving them our best advice for how to keep it real while avoiding the dreaded “we need to talk” opener. If you enjoyed t...2022-05-0547 minPillow TalksThe Truth About Squirting (And Why Men Are Obsessed With It)Squirting: is it real? Where does it come from? IS IT PEE?! In this episode, we are doing a deep dive on the mystery of squirting: specifically what it is, why it happens, and how we all became so obsessed with it. Join us for a very educational episode and learn why this topic gets Vanessa so fired up! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of wha...2022-04-2849 minPillow TalksHow To Get Out Of (And Prevent) Dry SpellsCan’t remember the last time you had sex? Or maybe you remember the exact day and it’s been... too long. It’s time to talk about one of the most-dreaded issues that comes up in relationships... DRY SPELLS! You might find yourself wondering if there’s an end in sight. Has your relationship cooled off for good? When you do have sex again, is it going to be awkward or bad, leading to yet another dry spell? Or maybe you’re scaring yourself because you don’t even mi...2022-04-2149 minPillow TalksWhat Penis Performance Problems REALLY MeanYou’re having a steamy makeout session with your partner, things are getting hot and heavy and leading to sex, but your partner just can’t get or stay erect. (Or maybe their erection isn’t the problem, but their orgasm is.) What does it mean?? For most women, we think the answer lies within ourselves. We’re not hot enough. We’re not experienced enough or lacking technique. Something is wrong with our body, not theirs. What you THINK these performance issues mean vs. what they REALLY mean a...2022-04-1457 minPillow TalksThe Hygiene Episode: What To Do If Your Partner Isn’t Taking Care Of ThemselvesIf you’re like many people, hygiene seems pretty basic. Take a shower, brush your teeth, wear deodorant, what’s so hard about that? So you may find yourself confused about why your partner can’t seem to take good care of themselves. How can your partner expect you to want to kiss them, have sex with them, or even be attracted to them in the first place if they haven’t kept up basic hygiene habits? In today’s episode, we’re tackling the topic you’ve been dying for...2022-04-0739 minPillow TalksBusting – And Confirming! – The Wildest Sex MythsIs squirting really just pee? Can pineapple make your vulva taste and smell sweet? What the heck is the deal with belly button sex?? We turned to Instagram to ask, “What’s something you’ve heard about sex and aren’t sure if it’s true?” Some of these urban legends are funny, some of them are damaging and harmful, and some of them are actually true! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relat...2022-03-3146 minPillow TalksHow To Get Your Partner To Open UpDo you find yourself wishing your partner would share more about their emotions, or at least just more details about how their day went? If your partner never opens up to you, it can leave you feeling pretty damn lonely. You may even find yourself feeling suspicious about why they won’t share more with you. In this episode, we’re giving you practical tips on how to get your partner to “open up”, once and for all. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your we...2022-03-2459 minPillow TalksHow To STOP Getting Distracted During Sex!Have you ever been in the middle of some HOT sex and all of a sudden you start thinking about something completely unrelated? Maybe you need to get a babysitter for next weekend or you totally forgot to send that email to your boss. Regardless of what you’re distracted by, it can be so frustrating and you can end up feeling powerless to your thoughts. You may even feel self-judgment or shame that you’re not able to stay focused during sex. In this episode we’re giving you lots of pract...2022-03-1751 minPillow TalksAre You Sexually Compatible?“Are we sexually compatible?” This haunting question comes up in the majority of relationships at some point. So what does it actually mean when it starts to feel like you’re not sexually compatible?? Is your relationship doomed? The answer is - it depends! In this episode, we’re digging into sexual compatibility using an exciting new model Vanessa developed! Plus, we’ll even share our own “rankings” for how compatible (and incompatible) we are. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable s...2022-03-101h 01Pillow TalksThe Ask Us Anything Episode: All Your Burning Questions, Answered!So how DID Xander propose? How often do we really have sex? You’re about to find out in this “ask us anything” style episode, where we answer your most frequently asked, burning questions. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode41 2022-03-0354 minPillow TalksWhen Your Partner Wants Sex But You Don’tWhat do you do when your partner initiates sex, but you’re not in the mood? This can be one of the trickiest moments to navigate in a relationship. You might find yourself freezing up, worrying about hurting your partner, or even feeling irritated at them for initiating in the first place. In this episode, we walk you through exactly what to do. You might even be surprised by our suggestions! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of total...2022-02-241h 01Pillow TalksIf You Had To Ask, Does It Even Count?You wish your partner would do something thoughtful for you, and you definitely DON’T want to have to ask them to do it — because if you did, it wouldn’t really count as something thoughtful anymore! Right?! This episode is the remedy for this all-too-common complaint. We’re giving you steps to take toward more intentional, joyful moments for both you and your partner. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of...2022-02-1753 minPillow TalksYou Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First?There are two types of people: those who need to feel connected before having sex, and those that need to have sex in order to feel connected. In a cruel twist of fate, relationships typically have one of each type of person. This can lead to a stand-off situation that often manifests in long dry spells or straight up bad sex. In this episode, we give our surprising (and perhaps controversial) answer to what comes first — emotional or physical connection, and talk about how to end the ‘stand-off’ once and for all. If you...2022-02-1046 minPillow TalksThe Truth About Why We’re Child-FreeOne of the most frequent questions we get is, “Do you have kids?” Followed closely by “why don’t you have any?” While it hasn’t always been an easy journey, we’ve gotten to a place where we’re really comfortable and confident in our choice to be child-free. So today’s episode is all about how we got there! We get deeply vulnerable and yes, tears were shed. We’re answering your burning questions and discussing how we decided to be child-free, the way we told our families and how they reacted, and the feelings that com...2022-02-031h 10Pillow TalksCan We Come Back From This?What do you do when your partner says something hurtful that you just can’t shake, even months or years later? Is it something you can grow and heal from or is it simply a deal breaker? This advice-column style episode dives into the “grey area” of relationships. We’ll hear stories from members of our community who are sharing their most harrowing ‘can we come back from this?’ moments and give our best advice on how to move forward. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double...2022-01-271h 04Pillow TalksFine, I’ll Just Do It Myself: The Danger of Weaponized IncompetenceHas your partner ever done a task so poorly or asked you so many questions that you finally just said “fine, I’ll do it myself!”? This is called weaponized incompetence, and while your partner may not mean for it to be, it can be harmful in a relationship. In this episode we’re going to talk about how to identify weaponized incompetence, how it shows up in OUR relationship, and what to do if you or your partner are doing this. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full...2022-01-201h 20Pillow TalksI Want You To Want MeWe all want to feel desired, but so often in relationships we get into a place where it feels like one partner wants the other more. If you’re the higher desire partner, you’re probably feeling lonely and scared - scared that your partner might not be into you, and scared that you’ll get rejected if you initiate any kind of sex or intimacy. In fact, you may even be withholding affection for fear of being turned down! If you’re the lower desire partner, you might be feeling ashamed, l...2022-01-131h 01Pillow TalksThe Episode We Almost Didn’t ReleaseFull transparency: we didn’t know if we were going to release this episode. We’re talking about everything from how we processed the chaos that is the holidays to whether we upheld our “Holiday Classic” sex pact. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Check out the show notes at vmthera...2022-01-0655 minPillow Talks5 Ways To Make 2022 Your Most Intimate AND Nasty Year EverThis episode is all about making 2022 the best year of your relationship yet! Get our five favorite sustainable and actionable tips for making your relationship a priority next year. Links & Resources: The Sex Challenge Ultimate Foreplay Guides Sex Position Playbook Mental Load Workbook Follow us on Instagram Get on our email list If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of...2021-12-3047 minPillow TalksShould We Open Our Relationship?Have you ever thought about opening up your relationship? Have WE ever thought about opening up our relationship? Some see it as a necessity to fully express their sexuality while others think it might be the perfect salve for a hurting relationship. One thing’s for sure, open relationships are subject to a lot of misconceptions. Tune in to find out what open relationships are all about, and find out if WE are taking the steps toward this relationship structure. Links & Resources: The Sex Challenge If you enjoyed this epis...2021-12-2350 minPillow TalksSex With Other People...AroundHaving sex when there are guests around (or when you are a guest in someone's home) can be a major source of anxiety — but sometimes you just HAVE to do it! Today, we're going to walk you through how to respectfully, discreetly get down wherever you're spending the holidays. Links & Resources: Follow us on Instagram! We share so much behind the scenes content and you can participate in our Instagram polls for the podcast! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of t...2021-12-1649 minPillow TalksAnxious? Avoidant? What Your Attachment Style Says About You (And Your Relationship)Attachment Style Theory looks at the ways we respond to other people based on the way we responded to our earliest relationships: our relationships with our parents. In this episode we're talking about what each style means for the people who have it, plus how the styles relate to each other. Links & Resources: Golden Rules of Communication If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on be...2021-12-0954 minPillow TalksSo Your Partner Told You Their Fantasy... And You're Not Into ItDo you have a fantasy you've always wanted to explore? Maybe your partner does as well, but it doesn't 'match up' with yours. In this episode we're diving into a five step process for dealing with different fantasies in relationships. Links & Resources: Top 7 Fantasies PDF If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you...2021-12-0236 minPillow TalksYour In-Law Holiday Survival GuideIn-laws are tricky. Holidays are tricky. Put them together and you've got some truly stressful situations. In this episode we are once again going 'advice column-style' to help some of our audience members sort out their frustrations. We're talking a lot about boundaries and communication, and even if you have typically stress-free holidays, this episode is definitely entertaining. Links & Resources: Love Languages Videos If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest st...2021-11-2455 minPillow TalksAre You Good In Bed?We turned to our Instagram audience @vanessamarintherapy to ask them "what makes someone good in bed?" and they DELIVERED. They also opened up on telling us what makes someone bad in bed. Do you really know what actually makes sex good? Listen to find out some major themes we noticed. We'll unpack our findings and give you practical advice to sharpen your skills in the bedroom. Links & Resources: Confidence in the Bedroom Masterclass PDF of our findings for this episode! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to...2021-11-1850 minPillow TalksAre You Too Needy?When you hear the word 'needy', it's probably the last thing you would ever want to be described as; being needy is so steeped in shame! Today we're going to talk about what neediness is - and what it isn't - and some genuinely helpful tools for addressing neediness. Links & Resources: Simple Daily Check In (Free Guide) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed b...2021-11-1144 min
Pillow TalksButt Stuff: The SequelThe follow up to episode 23: Butt Stuff (if you haven't listened to that episode yet, go ahead and check it out)! Today we're talking about how to actually do butt stuff — step by step — as well as what not to do. Check out the show notes here: https://bit.ly/3BHpDeM2021-11-0443 minPillow TalksButt Stuff!What makes anal play so great anyway and why are people so intimidated by it? Well, we're answering those questions and talking about how to break through some of the objections surrounding this topic.
👉 Butt Stuff 🍑 (only available inside of DEEPER)
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode23 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2021-10-2850 minPillow TalksHow To Not Pass Sexual Shame Onto Your KidsIn this episode, we're talking about how to cut through the shame, awkwardness and embarrassment that we've been taught to have when talking about sex; specifically when it comes to talking to your kids. Links & Resources: Episode 8: Has Purity Culture Harmed Your Sex Life? How To Overcome Religious Shame YouTube — The Ultimate Guide to Talk to Your Kids About Sex If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of wh...2021-10-2156 minPillow TalksCowgirls, Doggies, and ______ Oh My!Trying new sex positions is a really fun way to spice up your sex life, but it can feel super intimidating to even get started when you're already in a comfortable routine.In today's episode, we are addressing your concerns and helping you gain the confidence to dive right in and add to your repertoire! LInks & Resource:Pick up your copy of the Sex Position Playbook! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical re...2021-10-1443 minPillow TalksShould We Break Up?How do you know if or when to end a relationship? To see if we could help answer that question, we reached out to our Instagram community for story submissions and were overwhelmed with the number of responses from people wondering whether to continue or end their relationships. These submissions cover everything from not getting 'butterflies' anymore to feeling "emotionally starved". Today, we'll be sharing some of the stories we received, walking you through these nuanced and complex situations, and offering our best advice for how to move forward. Links and Resources: 2021-10-0749 minPillow TalksHow To Have Amazing Sex With A Brand New PartnerAwkward, fun, nerve-wracking, and exciting: all words that our community used to describe first-time sex with a new partner. There can be a lot of high expectations and common misconceptions about first times, so today we're going to be helping you navigate the waters of getting it on with someone new. Even if you're in a long term relationship, there are tips on communicating with your partner about sex. And of course, we had to share the embarrassing details about our first time! Links & Resources: Podcast Episode: No Your Pa...2021-09-3058 minPillow TalksHow To Get That New Relationship Energy BackWe all want to feel wanted. That's why we're talking about something that can totally change your relationship for the better, and it's something you've already done..."dating" your partner! We've heard from our community (and this is something we as a couple have gone through as well) that when you've been together for years, even decades, you can go through phases where you feel more like roommates than romantic partners. Maybe you have kids and you know you're on the same team, but romance has taken a back seat to parenting and j...2021-09-2353 minPillow TalksHow To Allow Yourself To Receive In The BedroomIn order to enjoy sex, we have to receive. Whether it's time, attention, love, or energy, there are so many aspects of great sex are tied into receiving. Your ability to receive can affect many things, like your ability to be present in the moment, feel pleasure, be emotionally connected to a partner, and especially to orgasm! In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander talk about how you can get more comfortable with the idea of receiving in the bedroom. Links & Resources: Free Guide: 10 Ways to Feel More During Sex...2021-09-1648 minPillow TalksNo, Your Partner Didn't Make You Feel That Way - Your Feelings Are Your ResponsibilityFeelings. Is there anything that makes you feel more uncomfortable? It's hard enough to process your own feelings, so when your partner does something that brings up big feelings for you, it's so easy to blame them for the way you feel. But the unfortunate reality is we can't actually blame other people for how we're feeling! In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander discuss why our feelings are our own responsibility, and give their best tips for navigating challenging emotions. Links & Resources: Free Guide: The Simple Daily Ch...2021-09-0952 minPillow TalksThe Secret To Feeling More Pleasure In The BedroomHave you ever found yourself thinking, "Sex just feels so blah. I don't get what the fuss is all about"? This is one of the most common complaints we hear from women! So many women want to FEEL MORE in the bedroom, but they just don't know how. In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander unpack why the key to feeling more pleasure in the bedroom is to start with masturbation. Links & Resources: Free Guide: Best Way To Have Your First Orgasm Video: Masturbation In Relationships? - A SE...2021-09-0247 minPillow TalksHow To Navigate Different Political, Social, And Religious Beliefs In Dating And RelationshipsPolitics, religion and social issues are already such divisive topics, so what happens when you disagree about them in a relationship? Should differing beliefs be deal breakers? Are they enough to end a relationship over? In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander tackle these thorny questions! Links & Resources: Video: How To Make Up After A Fight Free Guide: Simply Daily Check-In For Couples Course: The Relationship Care Package! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your...2021-08-2654 minPillow TalksHow To Handle Rejection When Your Partner Says No To SexAnytime you ask for something you want, it’s a vulnerable experience. You're putting yourself out there, and in the position to be turned down. Which is why initiating sex is one of the most vulnerable things we do in our relationships. In today's episode we are talking all about how to deal with sexual rejection, so you and your partner can feel way more confident initiating with one another. Links & Resources: The Art Of Initiation If you enjoyed this episode, make sure...2021-08-1954 minPillow TalksHow To Let Your Partner Love Your Body - Even If You Don'tBody confidence is something that affects everyone, whether it's an occasional thing or a daily struggle. Usually we think of it as a personal issue - feeling self conscious, or having critical and judgmental thoughts towards ourselves. But there's another aspect to body confidence that actually has a huge impact on how we show up in our sex lives and relationships: our ability to let our partner love our body. In today's episode, Vanessa and Xander discuss how to let your partner love your body and share their best tips for re...2021-08-1249 minPillow TalksHow Vanessa Turned Her Orgasm Struggles Into A Sex Therapy Business!When you hear the words “Sex Therapist”, you probably think of someone who knows exactly what they want and how to get it in the bedroom, right? So what happens when an aspiring sex therapist is struggling with her orgasm? In this interview-style podcast, Vanessa tells her own personal orgasm journey, and how it inspired her to start a business teaching thousands of women how to orgasm. For full show notes: https://vmtherapy.com/episode11 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2021-08-051h 02Pillow TalksCommunication Breakdowns: We Coach Real Couples Through Their Worst Fights So You Can Get Better At YoursGood communication is really hard. We'll be the first to admit that in the heat of the moment it can be really tough to validate your partner's experience, use clear and empathic language, and also ask for your needs to be met. We make a living teaching couples how to have good communication and we STILL struggle with this. So in this episode, we're roleplaying some of our listener-submitted arguments, and breaking down their communication breakdowns. Links & Resources: Video: 5 Communication Tips For Couples 2021-07-2946 minPillow TalksHow Often Is Everyone REALLY Having Sex? And What's Healthy For Your Relationship?Everyone wants to know what the magic amount of sex is to keep their relationship healthy. So many of us think that if we hit a certain quota, it means out relationship is successful. So we decided to do a little experiment to see what the sex lives of our followers really look like. We created a sexual frequency and satisfaction survey, and we've now had 12,000 people respond! If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hil...2021-07-2253 minPillow TalksHas Purity Culture Harmed Your Sex Life? How To Overcome Religious ShameDid you grow up in Purity Culture? Purity Culture teaches that it's important to wait until marriage to have sex, because people who wait are more pure, wholesome, and desirable. It also has a lot to say about dressing modestly (especially for girls), pleasure being sinful, & masturbation being evil. In this week's episode, we're breaking down the effects Purity Culture can have on your sex life- and what you can do to counteract it. Links & Resources: Video: Religion And SEX - Navi...2021-07-151h 00Pillow TalksWhat Makes a Great Kiss? And What to Do if You Don’t Like the Way Your Partner KissesWhen was the last time you had a truly amazing kiss? The sad reality is that most couples just don't really kiss anymore! A lot of us, if we're really honest with ourselves, feel a little insecure about our kissing technique. And if we're even more brutally honest, a lot of us don't really like the way our partner kisses. There's a lot of sex advice out there about oral sex technique and sex positions, but you rarely hear discussions of kissing technique. In this episode we're back to...2021-07-081h 03Pillow TalksThis Is Why Your partner Won't Work On Your Relationship With You - And How To Finally Get Them To!Do you think that relationships should be effortless? Or that having to work on your relationship means there's something wrong? Or does your partner think these things? A lot of people think that they should only need to put effort into their relationship to solve serious problems. Or they wait until things are bad to start putting in effort. But your relationship CAN NOT survive without effort. In this episode, we reframe work in a completely different - and much more helpful, effective, and...2021-07-0156 minPillow TalksHow to “Let Go” During SexWhat’s keeping you from letting go in the bedroom? People we polled said that body image, kids, and to-do lists all contributed to having a difficult time staying present during sex. People tend to feel that “letting go” is the main thing that could make sex better and more pleasurable. But for many of us, just letting go is a lot harder than it sounds! In this episode, we talk about what “letting go” during sex could look like, and whether that’s actually something we should be striv...2021-06-2451 minPillow TalksWelcome to the Pillow Talks Podcast with Vanessa + XanderMeet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d ha...2021-05-2503 min