Shows
Substance, not PsychobabbleDavid Lea: Creating Harmony in RelationshipsThis week, we welcome David Lea to Substance, Not Psychobabble. He is a relationship coach, a trauma specialist, and an expert on masculine and feminine energy. He explores the healthy and unhealthy masculine and feminine in us all, and teaches us how to bring our polarized parts into harmony within us and our relationships. David's message resonates with strength and clarity: your relationship issues aren't about the relationship, they're about YOU. And the good news is: you can do something about it. When we do our inner healing work, the masculine and feminine energies within us heal, and our...2025-05-051h 32Substance, not PsychobabbleThe Four Books You Must Read at the Start of Every YearAs we wind down a year, let's plan to start 2025 with our best foot forward. This week, we explore the four books you should read at the start of every year. They're refreshers and reminders of what a sound, mentally healthy life looks like. (No, my book isn't in the top four, but it did receive an honorable mention. ;-))
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To order the Toolbox: https://www.amazon.com/Toolbox-Tools-Build-Relationships-Repair/dp/1736381318/ref=sr_1_1?crid=S4J2K5DQ2...2024-12-1628 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleIs It True? That You Can't Love Someone Until You Love Yourself?The old saying goes, "You can't really love someone until you can love yourself." This week we unpack this and ask ourselves, "Is this really true?" Can we only love someone if we’ve learned how to love ourselves? Are we capable of love if we’ve never formed it within? Let me know what you think! thepodcast@vanessalondino.com And write to me here if you want to be featured on “Ask V!”
Link to purchase the Toolbox for Valentine's Day: https://www.amazon.com/Toolbox-Tools-Build-Relationships-Repair/dp/1736381318/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3831V3QHDOZ5C&keywords=vanessa+londino&qid=1707711857&sprefix=vanessa+lon%2Cap...2024-02-1225 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleListener Requested: When Is It Time to “Break Up” with a Friend?This week I address a question a listener sent me on Instagram. Heather is facing a dilemma with a friend who's really changed. She feels distant and even mistreated. So the question arose: how long do we stick in there with someone and when is it okay to say, “Enough is enough?” We look at dramatic changes in personality from a psychological lens, and we also examine what it means to be a friend and who do we really need in our lives?
Click here to schedule a time to call in and "Ask V!” thepodcast@vanesssalondino.com
Click here to ord...2024-02-0544 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleHow to Break the Chain of DysfunctionChances are, we're going to be spending some time around family this time of year. Some of those old triggers come back, and before we know it, we're acting like we did before we ever stepped foot in therapy. Don't despair! The chains of family dysfunction are thick and strong, but you can break them. This week we take a look at how they develop and how to break free.
The article I referenced: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-parents-rsquo-trauma-leaves-biological-traces-in-children/
Purchase the Toolbox: https://www.amazon...2023-12-0443 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleWho Do You Let Into Your Life?The nature of human beings is: we internalize the voices we surround ourselves with. As we start winding down this year and enter into the holiday season, it's a good time to consider: whose voices are allowed in your life? Whose messages have you internalized to be your own? This has a remarkable impact on our mental health.
To order the Toolbox: https://www.amazon.com/Toolbox-Tools-Build-Relationships-Repair/dp/1736381318/ref=sr_1_1?crid=KQW80JOB4TXC&keywords=vanessa+londino&qid=1700455403&sprefix=vanessa+londino%2Caps%2C168&sr=8-1
To learn more about...2023-11-2048 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleJared Bentley “When Men Seek Therapy”This week, Jared finally caved and accepted my invitation to interview him on the podcast. Yes: Jared, the editor, who is also my beloved husband. His story is compelling, and his voice is real and genuine. Our relationship started with all the usual joy and happy anticipation, but Jared had developed a habit that was holding him back and keeping us outside of the intimacy we both wanted. In this episode, Jared walks us through his decision to seek therapy and how the ripple effect of this work has changed every part of his life and transformed our relationship.2023-08-281h 10Substance, not PsychobabbleThose Pesky EmotionsFolks have some interesting ideas about human emotions! "They're all irrelevant." "Emotions do not represent truth." "Your emotions are not valid." No, they're not. Well, sometimes they do. And yes, they are. Today we dive into the role of human emotions, what we can learn from them, how to work with them, and we take a look at four different personality patterns that cause us to undervalue or overvalue our emotions. What we need is balance. In this week's episode, we get intimate with those pesky things we call emotions.
The Finnish study (I mistakenly said it...2023-01-161h 00Substance, not PsychobabbleThe Yearly Inventory: Part IIIOur third week of taking our yearly, personal inventory... this week we look at the Fun & Play in our lives, our Finances, and our Home Environment. All three areas will have a direct and significant effect on our mental health.
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https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact2022-12-1956 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Yearly Inventory: Part IIThis week we dive deeply into inventorying our life's work, our community engagements, and our holistic health. Let's ask ourselves how we're doing in these areas. It's so easy for us to turn on auto-pilot and just live day to day without much conscious thought. The yearly inventory gives us a chance to stop the craziness of life and ask ourselves: how's it going? In various dimensions of life, we need a focused amount of time to look at where we've come and plan ahead. Growth happens on purpose.
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https://www...2022-12-1250 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Yearly Inventory: Part IThis week, after sharing some details about a significant breakthrough I experienced, we dive into our annual, year-end inventory. We examine two dimensions of human experience: our spirituality and our love/intimacy in relationships.
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https://www.amazon.com/Toolbox-Tools-Build-Relationships-Repair/dp/1736381318/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=vanessa+londino&qid=1670208641&sprefix=vanessa+lon%2Caps%2C152&sr=8-12022-12-0558 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleListener Requested: Breaking Free From People PleasingNancy wrote me about a month ago requesting an episode on how to do the hard, hard work of breaking the habit of people pleasing. Nancy, this week is for you! People pleasing is a behavioral coping mechanism rooted in our response to fear. We fear rejection, anger, and abandonment, so we train our brains to anticipate and prioritize what others want and give it to them. We do this regardless of what WE need or want, and the effect on our mental health is catastrophic. We become distanced from ourselves, we lose our self-respect, and we don't really...2022-11-141h 04Substance, not PsychobabbleAn Issue That Affects All of UsIn direct and indirect ways, the debate surrounding transgenderism affects all of us. We have family members, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances who identify as transgender. We hear terms like "dysphoria" and "cis-gendered" tossed around online and sometimes around the dinner table. We see celebrities, politicians, and thought leaders polarize themselves on both sides of this issue, and we feel forced to take a side. We're going about this the wrong way... the path forward is not through angry answers but by honest questions. Classic psychotherapy seeks to understand, and instead of uniting around understanding, we're dividing along ideological lines. This...2022-11-071h 05Substance, not PsychobabbleDolly Josette: REAL Sexual HealingWhen Marvin Gaye released "Sexual Healing," he crooned and moaned his message into our heads that we could be healed through sex. This week, our guest Dolly Josette leads us into a discussion on how this truly happens. So many of us live without an integrated sexual self. We've banished sexual knowledge of ourselves and sexual pleasure to the outer realms of our consciousness because we've been wounded, traumatized, or simply because we've never been taught. Our sexuality goes underground, out of sight, and we carry on day to day without this vital part of us in our conscious...2022-10-311h 06Substance, not PsychobabbleListener Requested: Dysfunctional Family Roles, Part 2This week, we continue our exploration of dysfunctional family roles by unpacking the remaining roles: the Scapegoat, the Counselor/Caretaker, the Mascot, and the Lost Child. Our roles develop in an attempt to survive: this is the role we must play if the family unit is going to stay intact. As I've mentioned before, the big problem with roles is that you're rarely allowed to be anything else. Learning our role, admitting what we felt as children, and offering ourselves a conscious choice now - as to how we will behave - is healing. If you want to go...2022-10-241h 19Substance, not PsychobabbleListener Requested: Dysfunctional Family Roles, Part 1A listener of the podcast requested an episode on dysfunctional family roles. It was too much information for one episode, so I've broken it up into two. This week, we take a look at why and how we develop our dysfunctional roles and we dive into the role of "The Hero." Next week we'll round things out by exploring "The Scapegoat," "The Mascot," "The Lost Child," and "The Counselor." We'll also look at what growth looks like for each role. In the presence of chronic dysfunction, our roles emerge to protect us and and to protect the family system.2022-10-1756 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleSit In ItIn the wake of my recent nuptials, I embarked on a bit of an emotional roller coaster of joy and sadness that the big day was over! In this episode, I walk you through the experience of complex emotions and the decision I had to make: to sit in it. This week, we tackle one of the hardest skills in the mental health toolbox: the ability and discipline to sit in our emotions and allow them to pass, to really feel them and not medicate, undervalue, or minimize them. This ability - to actually and really feel our feelings...2022-10-1047 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Big, Bad DTRSo many of the struggles we run into in our relationships happen because we don't really know where the relationship stands. We think a relationship is closer, safer, or even more distant than it actually is. We trust when maybe we shouldn't, and we totally miss the golden opportunities for connection that are staring straight at us. This week we dive into how we can organize our relationships in our minds and hearts in such a way that the time and energy we invest will be going to good use.2022-10-0350 minSubstance, not PsychobabblePerhaps the Greatest Loss of AllThis week we explore the devastating loss EVERYONE endures and how to regain what we've lost. Hardship in life changes us. We dive into the changes that occur, the loss of childhood innocence, and how we can be mentally healthy people who know how to recapture the essence of who we are and how to live. This week, our focus is on the treasure of simplicity.2022-09-261h 00Substance, not PsychobabbleThe Inner DialogueSomewhere along the path of our lives, we lose contact with our inner voice. We stop listening to ourselves with curiosity, and we experience a high amount of shame when the wisdom and the pain that live within us speak up. Our episode today focuses on listening and cultivating an inner process you can count on for your whole life. We all receive signals from the body on a daily, even hourly basis. How well we listen to our own bodies will largely determine how we heal.2022-09-1946 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleIf You Would Only Do This One ThingGrowing mentally stronger involves many dynamics and tasks: self-knowledge, honesty, integrity, and accountability. This week we focus on the one dynamic necessary to make lasting change: celebrating small wins. Too often, we save celebration for momentous affairs, but the truth is, when it comes to mental health and growth, we need to keep our eyes on our every day changes, not the pot of gold at the end of the proverbial rainbow. Growing in mental health is all about the process. This week, we unpack why celebrating small wins is absolutely essential.2022-09-121h 00Substance, not PsychobabbleThe Narcissist's ToolboxThis week, we unpack the toxic behaviors that people with a narcissistic personality structure use to control and manipulate. While narcissistic personalities can be "larger than life," they have relatively small toolboxes. Meaning: they don't have a lot of tricks up their sleeves, just the same damaging ones they use time and time again. Once we know what they are, we can be better prepared when we see them coming. We'll examine each tool in detail and then move into how we can protect ourselves from the manipulation.2022-09-0559 minSubstance, not PsychobabblePatrick Hayes: Redefining SuccessPatrick is a talented visionary and entrepreneur in the Nashville design and construction world. His artistry graces the walls of some of the most famous homes in Nashville, but Patrick's journey toward self-satisfaction couldn't rest on work and success alone. He engaged the fight for his own heart when he entered therapy. Instead of merely expecting his hard-earned success to satisfy him, Patrick went deeper. This is a story about how a busy entrepreneur wove healing into every aspect of his life and lives with a different understanding of what success really is.2022-08-2958 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Grief No One Tells You AboutWe usually associate grief with death, but the truth is: life is a series of griefs. We are always in the process of grasping and grabbing hold of what we want AND letting go. This week, we dive into grief with a different perspective. Sometimes we have to grieve people while they're still living. We aren't grieving their passing; we're grieving that the relationship will never be exactly or even remotely what we want. We're grieving lost connection. We're grieving what can never be, and we're letting go of the fight to make it what we want. Sometimes the...2022-08-2246 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleStinkin' Thinkin'This week we unpack the patterns of thought that get us into trouble. Using Aaron Beck's classic examples of "cognitive distortions," or distorted ways of thinking, we begin to see how our irrational thoughts can be driving our lives in unproductive ways. Clear-minded thinking is an essential for mental health and mental strength, but sometimes we don't catch the tricky thought traps we've fallen into. By learning what basic cognitive distortions are, we can learn to catch those thoughts and transform them into rational thoughts before they take hold.
Purchase The Toolbox here: https://www.amazon.com...2022-08-1559 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleStay Centered in Your CoreThis week we explore the important topic of how to stay centered in ourselves amidst the ever-changing landscape of life. We'll look at what it feels like when we aren't in our "core" self, what takes us out of it, and how to get back to our center and stay there. A life uncentered is a life adrift and distracted from being who we truly are. This week's episode will give you the tools to understand what knocks you off course and how to get back on.
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https://www.a...2022-08-0844 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleYou Have the Right to Remain SaneSometimes the most frustrating conflicts we have in our relationships are because we don't know what our rights are. We argue when we should be calmly stating our boundary. We overstep onto others' rights and wonder what we did wrong. This week, we unpack seven core "rights" in relationship and why they're so important. Knowing our rights gives us solid ground to stand on. We can build our relationships without apology or confusion.2022-08-0151 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleNow I'm MadThis week, we dive into a recent research study that has absolutely rocked the mental health world. University College London has just released an article based on a multi-year research study in which they conclude THERE IS NO SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE THAT DEPRESSION IS CAUSED BY A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE. This is big news. We read the article together, and I break it down for you. It's time to start understanding depression and moving past this harmful, uncompassionate misinformation.
The article: https://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/2022/jul/no-evidence-depression-caused-low-serotonin-levels-finds-comprehensive-review
The study published in Nature: https://www.nature...2022-07-251h 01Substance, not PsychobabbleLife is Not an Ice Cream Sundae with a Pony RideThis week we look at depression and anxiety from a different angle. We all struggle at some point with these things, but what if our expectations are off? What if we, by expecting our lives to be easy and happy, are setting ourselves up for disappointment and dismay? Most of grew up learning that if we were "good" people we'd have good lives. We are shocked and unprepared when life comes at us with its unfairness and harsh reality. In this week's podcast, we reset our expectations where they should be. We are learning to live life on life's...2022-07-1855 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleListener Requested: an Episode on ListeningThis week, I created the podcast based on an email recommendation from AnneMarie in Colorado. She wrote about her struggles with listening and a history of harsh communication that made it unsafe. This week, we unpack the fundamentals of being a good listener and what gets in our way. We look at listening as part of relationship instead of something we "should" do. It's a response born out of safety and respect. Once we understand our blocks to really listening to others, we can learn this all important skill.
To purchase the Toolbox, click here:
https://www.amazon.com/Toolbox-Tools-Build-Relationships-Repair...2022-07-1146 min
Substance, not PsychobabbleGetting Your Priorities Right: Tina ParolIn this episode, I have the pleasure of interviewing Tina Parol, a Nashville hit songwriter. Tina walks us through her joint journeys of making music and pursuing mental health. Tina is, in every essence of the word, an overcomer. Through difficult decisions, life circumstances, and trial and error, Tina learned that the strongest thing she can be is mentally healthy. In her own words, "When I moved to Nashville, I cared more about my music than I did my life. Now, I care more about my life than my music career." Tina is a walking example of what a...2022-06-2755 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleIs this field doing more harm than good?This week I tackle an important and difficult question: is the field of psychotherapy doing more harm than good? Are we, as therapists, actually helping people? Or is our field, our expensive, time-consuming field, doing harm? Are we giving people the tools they need to live their lives with joy and meaning, or are we merely kicking the can of emotional pain down the road? We have to ask these questions. We have to step back and assess whether or not therapy is worth it. I believe it is, but only if we are proactively and intentionally addressing our...2022-06-201h 02Substance, not PsychobabbleLeaving ToxicNo one escapes it. At some point, we have to deal with toxic people. Toxic people are those whose presence in our lives represents more harm than good. To be in relationship with these people means consistent and significant hardship. This week, we'll answer some important questions: how do I know if someone is toxic? What are the characteristics of a toxic person? How do I leave the relationship, if needed? What kind of boundaries do I need to set?
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B...2022-06-1357 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleIt's Never Too LateThis week we explore the things we put off. We often tell ourselves, "It's too late for that," but it's almost never too late to transform your life into a life you love. It's almost never too late to move a relationship toward greater connection and facilitate healing. Our lives are works in progress, always reflecting our inner world. When we realize that it's never, ever too late to be who we want to be, to love who we want to love, or to grow in ways that are meaningful to us, a world of opportunities and options opens...2022-06-0656 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Path to a Meaningful LifeVictor Frankl famously wrote about his experience in the concentrations camps of the Holocaust. His book, "Man's Search for Meaning," is a harrowing and profound journey from the gates of Hell to finding meaning in the worst of humanity. This, he claims, is what redeems our struggles from the pointless suffering of mankind to a sacred event: the discovery of meaning. This week, we unpack this. What is it that causes us to live with meaning or without it and how can we be people who discover the meaning of OUR lives and live with that integrated sense of...2022-05-2355 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Truth About Self-CareThis week, we dive into what it really means to take care of ourselves, otherwise known as "self-care." We look at what it is (reconnection and restoration) and what it's not (selfishness and self-indulgence). The subject of "self-care" has become all the rage, but we're missing the point if we think it means giving ourselves momentary pleasure or indulging our whims. Self-care has the astounding power to reset us and prepare us for the work that life demands. This week, we talk about what it is and how to get the most out of it. 2022-05-161h 00Substance, not PsychobabbleThe Essence of ShameThis week we explore the topic of shame: what it is and how to get ahead of it in our lives. Most of us believe shame to be solely a "bad" emotion, but we'll take a look at when shame is actually productive and when it's tearing us apart. We'll discuss the dysfunctional ways we cope with shame. Finally, we dive into how to understand our shame so it's not controlling us any more. Shame is a universal experience, but it doesn't have to have control over us.
(Sorry about the delay in release t...2022-05-0946 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleConflict: The Long and the Short of ItConflicts are inevitable, but so few of us know what to do when conflict arrives in our relationships. We avoid it. We panic and acquiesce. We take over out of fear. We people please. We just break down and scream and fight. This week, we look closely at the tools we need to make conflict work FOR us. This means we are gaining more insight and understanding about the person with whom we're in conflict. It doesn't need to be a bad word. We don't need to dread it. We just need to know what to do... This week...2022-05-0248 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Way of Transformation: Dr. Brian HooperThis week, our guest is Dr. Brian Hooper. Brian is a licensed clinical pastoral therapist and an ordained Lutheran priest. Earlier in his life, in the process of coming out, Brian learned what it meant and what it costs to become the authentic self. His spirituality served as the bedrock of his growth toward the True Self, and in this episode, Brian expertly weaves his understanding of psychology with a deep, universal, and accessible understanding of the spiritual nature of all humans. Brian shares wisdom gained from years of rigorous study and a life lived with integrity. The result...2022-04-2551 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleMental DisciplineThis week, we focus on the daily work we must do to keep our minds clear and grounded. Mental health doesn't just take place in therapy sessions and light bulb moments. It's a day-to-day focus of disciplining our minds to think thoughts that are congruent and supportive of our mental and emotional health. We discuss how to distinguish between what *feels* true and what *is* true. We look at false beliefs and negative thoughts and talk about how and when they originated. Then we talk through how to halt negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. This week's...2022-04-1846 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Body KnowsOur mind can justify anything, but the body never lies. This week's podcast focuses on the inherent wisdom of the body and why and how to listen to it. In the myriad of life decisions we all must make, the body is a safeguard. It warns us when danger is present - both emotional and relational - and our only job is to listen to it. Mental and emotional health is holistic; this means we incorporate the body's innate wisdom into our overview of health. This week's podcast focuses on the wisdom of the body and why we should and...2022-04-1149 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleYour Emotional DietA diet is not a weight loss strategy. It's a word that describes what we take in - day by day - that either fuels us or drains us. The Emotional Diet is a list of the emotional needs you have to live an optimum, emotionally "healthy" life. From the need to be heard to our shared need for community to our deep need for validation, we all share the same emotional needs, in different amounts, at different times. This week, learn what needs you have and ask yourself: are these being met? You need vitamin C. And you...2022-04-0454 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleHealed People Heal People: Angela WittenbergIn this episode I interview Angela Wittenberg. Angela is the founder and Executive Director of Hananiah House, a nonprofit that provides housing, support, care, guidance, and healing to women who have recently been released from prison. No stranger to prison work, Angela has been actively involved in a maximum security prison here in Nashville for many years. She's brought a 12-step meeting (ACOA) to the prison, taught anger management classes, and served as as volunteer chaplain. The community knows Angela as counselor, mentor, teacher, fellow traveler, and confidant. Personally, Angela and I became close friends as she sponsored me in...2022-03-2856 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleYou Know You're Healing When...How do we know when we're making progress? What are some markers of healing? Today we look at seven distinct ways you can know you're on the healing path. We know we're healing when 1. we stop comparing ourselves to others, 2. we stop beating ourselves up, 3. we bounce back more easily, 4. the victim narrative isn't attractive to us anymore, 5. our True Self is present in more areas of our lives, 6. we stop insisting on feeling no fear before we take a risk, and 7. we have in inward smile. The work we're doing should be working. Today we look at markers...2022-03-2151 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Psychology of CultsThis week, we take a deep dive into cultish ideologies and how subtly they can migrate into our belief systems. I'll unpack my own history with cults and the roles that dogma and fear play in our indoctrination into belief systems that can easily be identified as cultish. You don't have to follow a charismatic leader to a tropical forest and drink Kool-Aid to have cultish ideologies. All you need to do is believe that someone else has "the answer" to your pain and the solution to your fear.2022-03-1456 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Relationship KillerOf all the troubling and trouble-making dynamics we encounter in relationship, this is the one that does the most harm. It's denial. Denial is the wall that stands between our issues and our growth. It's the narrative we tell ourselves when we can't face the truth. This week, we unpack what it is and how to come out of it.2022-03-0750 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Healing Space: Brad Ramsey, Principal Designer at Brad Ramsey InteriorsIn this month's interview, we explore how to create healing spaces with Brad Ramsey, a Nashville-based interior designer. Brad is known for the depth and richness of his design. His palates are calming, earthy, and soothing to the soul. But how does he create that? Brad takes us on his own journey of coming out, starting his own business, and finding his "voice" in the design world. We learn about the elements of space that make it a healing space. In everything he does, Brad serves as a mirror for the clients he services. He wants every room to...2022-02-2855 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleA Subtle but Devastating WoundWhen we think of abandonment, we imagine it means leaving something or someone physically. An abandoned house, an abandoned dog. It's something of value that no one's taking responsibility for. But abandonment doesn't have to mean a physical abandonment. Sometimes abandonment is as subtle as a quiet withdrawal. Abandonment is scorching when someone storms out on someone, but it can be just as devastating if we are left wondering what the truth is when someone withholds it from us. This week, we look at abandonment in all of its forms and ask ourselves: was I abandoned, even in small ways...2022-02-2159 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleA New Definition of LoveWe all want love and we want to love others. But sometimes the love we're giving isn't what is needed, wanted, or even liked. This week, we unpack how we love. And we ask ourselves some honest questions: Why do I love the way I do? Is it what others want? If not, how will I know?2022-02-1448 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleTrust the ProcessThis week, we dive into the process of transformation from pain to pleasurable outcome. What fills the middle? The process, yet this is the part of growth so many of us struggle with. The pain can be easy to identify. We want out of it. The outcome, when it comes, is sweet. But the process is where we meet ourselves: our strengths, our weaknesses, our desire, our perseverance, and everything inside us that wants to quit. If we can learn to trust the process and see it through, we have the power to direct our energy toward the outcomes we...2022-02-0751 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThat Gut Feeling: Liz Sanfilippo, NTPLiz Sanfilippo joins us this week for a deep dive into holistic nutrition. She's a nutritional therapy practitioner (NTP), a holistic nutritional therapy master, a certified gluten-free practitioner, a member of the National Association of Nutrition Professionals. And did I mention she's also certified to teach yoga? Yeah. Liz is a healer. Listen this week for life-changing information, not just on how to nourish your body, but how to nourish and invigorate your relationship with your body. Liz walks us through how and why we can start listening to our bodies and get all the other noise out of the...2022-01-3156 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleAll Things SelfThe first mirror is dated to around 4000 BC, and today our society is flooded with "selfies," images of the self. For thousands of years, humans have been obsessed with their own image. Our greatest artists - poets and painters - gave us works of art that centered around their faces, perspectives, desires, and flaws. We all seem to be looking at ourselves and then sharing what we see. So how do we form a relationship with ourselves that healthy? If the relationship with the self is foundational and constant, how do we nurture it? This week we look at...2022-01-2452 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Gentle PathSetting goals and pursuing growth is healthy and normal. We all need to be aware of our growth areas, and making a plan to address them and grow is part of being a dynamic human being. In this week's episode, I address two paths we can take: the Harsh Path and the Gentle Path. They may both direct us to the same goal, but the process and the experience are going to be a lot different. As we settle into a new year, let's step back and take a book at the "how" of growth, not just the "what."...2022-01-1747 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleConnect MoreThe source of our relational pain is not disagreement; it's disconnection. This week we dive into the dynamics of connection. We'll learn to improve how we communicate so that when we do, we are getting the connection we seek. We explore different ways we can communicate with greater efficiency and effectiveness. We are all trying to get connected and stay connected, but we need to know how. Share this with someone you feel connected to, or someone with whom you want to connect.2022-01-1053 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleBring It InHappy New Year! This week we tackle how to bring what we want into our lives. How can we expand our minds and hearts to allow in that which will bring us further down the road of mental and emotional growth? Whether it's more beauty, more truth, more courage, more peace, more love, or more friendship, we have the power to expand our lives to allow it in. We need to know what we want, and we need to own our power. We can bring in what we want and we can leave what we don't want out. It's...2022-01-0345 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleRead the RoomThis week, we explore our own energy and how we interact with others' energy. We need to learn if our relationships are a drain or a source of replenishment and renewal. This means we need to feel our feelings and come out of denial. Once we're committed to living in reality and not denying our feelings, we'll know which relationships are sucking the life out of us and which bring us back to life. We'll know where our boundaries need to be. Share this episode with someone who lifts you up!2021-12-1449 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe WorkWe hear a lot of talk about doing "the work," but what does that really mean? This week, we explore what it means to do our work inwardly and outwardly in our every day lives. Inner work requires patience, time, and self-examination. Outer work is the result of our inner work.2021-12-0639 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Yearly InventoryIt's that time of year again - time to start reflecting on 2021, take some inventory, and noticing where we are in our lives and in our growth process. As the old saying goes, "If you shoot for nothing, you hit it every time." Taking an inventory gives us an opportunity to stop and check in with ourselves. What were our goals for this year? What was our desired path of growth? What did we accomplish? What derailed us? What do we want to be able to say about ourselves at this time next year: "I've grown in this area"...2021-11-2942 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Cost Benefit Analysis of Doing Your WorkThis week, we explore the pros and cons of doing our work. What will it cost me to pursue mental and emotional health? What are the benefits? Does one outweigh the other? We answer four questions: should I go to therapy, do I have to process trauma/revisit my childhood, do I have to feel my feelings, and do I have to take responsibility for myself. Sometimes, we need information about why we are doing what we're doing. The "why" gives us motivation. This week's episode is a great one to share with anyone who might be sitting on...2021-11-1544 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleLove GrowsThis week, we take a dive into the very nature of love itself. Love IS a feeling, but it's much more than that. Love is a way of relating to others in which we see them for who they are, not for what they do for us. When we see people this way, we can accept them, and this acceptance is love. The flip side of accepting people for exactly who they are means accepting that sometimes, they won't meet our needs. This means we have to grieve the ways our needs aren't met. This process of owning our...2021-11-0840 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Real IssueCouples fight about the same things: kids, money, time, religion, sex, families/in-laws, and jealousy. What makes some couples successful and others break down in smoldering ruin? It can't be what we're fighting about. We're always fighting about the same things. It's something else... In this week's episode, we take a deeper look at the real reason we fight and why our fights separate us as they do. We need to understand how our egos are at the center of our conflicts and what to do about it. 2021-11-0139 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleQ & AThis week, we take a break from our usual format to address questions that you, my listeners and clients, have asked. Here are the questions: "How do I know if I'm growing?", "What is your favorite book on mental health?", "Which is your favorite episode of the podcast?", "How can I heal my relationship with my adult child?", "How can I get my spouse to go to therapy?", "How can I develop self-esteem?", "How and when should I get off medication?", "Why is it so hard to change?", and "What do I do with regret?" 2021-10-2547 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleCore BeliefsCore beliefs are the deep down, sometimes hidden, beliefs we have about ourselves. They are literally driving every decision we make in our lives because they form the basis for how we feel about ourselves, how we perceive ourselves in relation to others, and how we perceive ourselves in the world. Underneath every action and every reality we claim to live in are our core beliefs. Positive core beliefs result in people who live with endless possibilities for their lives. Negative core beliefs are extremely limiting. When they are negative, we have to fashion a life within the parameters of...2021-10-1845 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleTime Takes TimeIt took time for us to develop our coping mechanisms and turn them into habits. It took time for us to figure out how to hide ourselves from the world and still function in plain sight. It took time to create false belief systems that would protect us from the pain of others' abandonment, neglect, or cruelty. All of this took time. And it takes time to undo it. This week, we explore the time it takes - realistically - to heal and grow. Too often, we're way too hard on ourselves, putting unrealistic and impossible expectations on ourselves and...2021-10-1141 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe House of MirrorsMirroring - the act of reflecting back another person - begins in infancy and lasts throughout the life span. We need accurate, loving mirroring as long as we're alive. This week we look at the various mirrors in our lives, starting in childhood. How did our parents mirror us? Was their reflection of who we are accurate? Like a house of mirrors in a carnival or funhouse, some reflections of us are wildly distorted and confuse us. Every relationship in your life is a mirror. You will be seen and reflected through the eyes of another. If their eyes...2021-10-0442 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleWhy We Need BoundariesAre you exhausted? Do you feel disrespected? Disempowered? Do you consistently give more than you get in your relationships? Do they feel out of balance? If the answer to any of these questions is "yes," it's time to look at our boundaries. Boundaries are the relational tool we use to identify, preserve, and maintain our individuality and unique self. Boundaries are how we say yes and no in relationships, and if we feel we can only say yes and never no, we are in a fear state. We know we want and need relationships that satisfy us, but in...2021-09-2744 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleSubstance Over AppearanceThis week, we take a deeper look at the False Self, the Authentic Self, and the True Self. Authenticity is the path from False Self to True. Authenticity is what gives value to our relationships, but we are conditioned to act in ways that value appearance over substance. We are often content to appear as something rather than do the work to be the thing. The effect on our mental and emotional health is splintering. We have to ignore or deny parts of us to serve our need for approval. We have to ignore our thoughts and feelings in...2021-09-2050 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleLiving NumbTHIS. IS. YOUR. LIFE. Today we explore what it means to live a vitalized life and why we numb out. It all comes down to how we process our own pain. If we cannot or will not feel our pain, we are easily controlled and manipulated by those who promise to take our pain away. Living vitalized means we are feeling all emotion, thinking critically, and actively engaged in the direction of our own lives. It's time we stop numbing out and come back to life! This week, we discuss how.2021-09-1350 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleRead the SignsWhen we aren't in denial, our eyes are open and we can see the signs all around us. Our attention to these signs - physical and relational - helps us to direct our lives with intention and care. Ignoring the signs usually means we learn lessons the hard way. In today's podcast, we examine everything from the signs we are in a codependent relationship to the signs that we are truly loved. You'll finish this episode feeling more empowered, more aware, and more savvy. Our ability to read the signs around us means we don't waste our time convincing...2021-09-0647 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleGet Your Heart BackIn this episode, we explore the most foundational and fundamental piece of your mental health: the health, protection, and resilience of your heart. We'll discuss what happens when you lose your heart, why you lost it, when you lost it, how we function without our hearts, how to get them back, and how to live with your heart again. Share this episode with someone who's had a broken heart, someone who needs to remember that their heart was, is, and always will be precious. 2021-08-3048 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleTen Unavoidable Truths Part IIThis is our second week of facing 10 Unavoidable Truths. This week we look at the following:
#6: You are the the only one who can create the space necessary to hold all that you are.
#7: Therapy is not a magic bullet. Some people don't grow. They just talk.
#8 You cannot have control over another person unless you plan on abusing them.
#9: Certain behaviors will drive people away. These are generally behaviors that destroy trust.
#10: Trauma, abuse, brokenness, hardship, mistakes, and all the other things that weaken us and change us d...2021-08-2352 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleTen Unavoidable Truths Part IWe avoid pain. We mostly avoid the uncomfortable, disorienting truths about life because they cause cognitive dissonance, and we don't like that feeling. We don't want to experience the discomfort and pain of realizing that what we thought was true isn't. We'd rather just avoid the whole affair, but the acceptance of these truths is where we actually grow, mature, and acquire wisdom. It is through the acceptance of reality that we become free. This week, we explore the facts of life that we don't want to face and we discuss what we need within us to actually face them...2021-08-1641 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Five Stages of Waking Up: AcceptanceWelcome to the final week in our series called "Waking Up," the process by which we become aware of our conditioning and begin to make conscious choices about who we are and how we live. Acceptance is the final stage of this work. This is when and where we stop resisting what is and learn the all-important skill of surrender. We admit we are powerless, and instead of that fact frightening us, we see it as empowerment. Our options become visible when we step into reality and accept life for what it is. This is the stage of growth...2021-08-0946 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Five Stages of Waking Up: SadnessWelcome to week four in our series called "Waking Up," the process by which we become aware of our conditioning and begin to make conscious choices about who we are and how we live. Sadness is one of the the hardest stages of this work. This is when and where we come into direct contact with our pain. Our work is to learn one of the most essential processes of life: how to grieve. We must learn it, allow it, and eventually come to embrace it. Grief is how we integrate our losses. We don't let them go... rather...2021-08-0242 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Five Stages of Waking Up: BargainingWelcome to week three in our series called "Waking Up," the process by which we become aware of our conditioning and begin to make conscious choices about who we are and how we live. Bargaining is what we do when we aren't quite yet ready to face who we see in the mirror, the choices we've made, and the consequences we've incurred. Bargaining is how we lessen the blow. Through bargaining, we are able to take small steps forward with what we perceive to be our "dignity" intact. Our work through this stage of Waking Up is to slowly...2021-07-2634 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Five Stages of Waking Up: AngerWelcome to week two in our series called "Waking Up," the process by which we become aware of our conditioning and begin to make conscious choices about who we are and how we live. Anger is the essential, terrifying step of the journey in which we finally allow ourselves to feel our self-worth and the assaults we've experienced against it. Some of those assaults came from others and some from us. This week, we're going to take a good look at anger: what it is, what it's not, how to use it, what it's for, and why it's such...2021-07-1939 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Five Stages of Waking Up: Denial"Waking up" refers to coming out of the coma-like sleep we live in when we aren't conscious of who we truly are, what we do, and why we do it. All of us have been conditioned to think and act a certain way by teachings we've received or experiences we've had. Waking up is about noticing our conditioning, questioning it, looking within, and becoming our True Selves. The five stages of waking up are: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance. If we know anything about death and dying, we might notice that it's the same process, the same stages...2021-07-1235 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Mechanics of ChangeSometimes we look back on our lives and see how far we've come, and we're mystified by it. "How did I get here?" Sometimes we set our minds to change something, determined to stop the pain and suffering we've been living in with conscious effort. Sometimes the consequences of our actions become so dire, so painful, that we simply must do something different. Whatever the path, we change. We grow. Some more than others. This episode breaks down the process, whether it's happening consciously or not. The more we know, the more choices we have. When we understand the...2021-07-0543 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Trip of a LifetimeSummer brings with it increased desire and ability to travel. We visit family, beaches, parks, and places of interest. We look at weather forecasts and itineraries and think to ourselves: what should I pack? What will I need? The greatest trip any of us will ever take is the trip of our own life. So we ask the same questions: what should I bring with me on this journey called Life, and what can I leave behind? What will I use and what is dead weight? In this week's episode, we talk about the mindsets and beliefs that weigh...2021-06-2853 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe FoundationOf all of our relationships, this one looms the most important and telling. This singular relationship will affect every other relationship throughout our life span. Today, we dive into the dynamics and facets of this all-important relationship: the relationship we have with ourselves. This isn't selfish; it's self-love. We discuss the difference between the two and how to cultivate an authentic, growing, self-honoring relationship with ourselves. This brings us into an intimacy and depth with others like nothing else can.2021-06-2149 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleGet Out of Your Own WayThe path of mental health, growth, and wellness is a tough one, for sure. It requires that we face ourselves and our lives with radical honesty and consistent courage. What stops us? What slows us down? This week, we look at the five most common roadblocks on the path of mental and emotional wellness and how to get around them. Everyone can trip and fall into these common potholes, but if we know they're there and understand them from the inside out, we have a much better chance at not getting into these mental health quagmires. We've got to...2021-06-1445 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleConnect the DotsMental health is a process, not a static place or a destination. It's about connecting what we learned earlier in life with what we currently do. It's about increasing our knowledge of what humans need, what we needed, and then addressing how those needs are being met or stifled today. Much of "the work" of the journey of mental healthy is about connecting the dots, and the dots are (1) what we needed vs. what we got and (2) what we are doing today to meet our needs. Is it healthy? Unhealthy? The truth is that all behavior comes down to...2021-06-0758 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Power of Personal AccountabilitySome qualities stand the test of time. They're the human characteristics we point to when we see that some people stand out and seem to stand stronger and taller than others. But what does character have to do with mental health? Are virtues simply for the philosophers, poets, and sages? Or do we, every day people in pursuit of lives we can live with dignity and peace, need qualities that comprise character? Today we look at personal accountability. We need to ask ourselves what this means for us in our lives. It's time to face the connection that exists...2021-05-3149 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Cave You Fear to EnterWe have to admit it. It's universal. It's human. It's humbling. We all suffer the same sickness, and it's a pandemic. Our real problem is: FEAR. Instead of denying it, avoiding it, masking it, or suppressing it, let's try understanding it. Fear serves a normal, essential human function when it's warranted. When it's not, it literally changes our reality. Most importantly: we need to know the difference. This week, we'll gain understanding of its function and how we can differentiate between useful fear and perceived fear. Fear's effect on physiological and mental health is not small. Simply put: it's...2021-05-2446 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleConnected, Not HappyThe most universal human desire is the desire for happiness, yet so many of us spend our days in such misery. We believe we'll find happiness in relationships, success, achievements, property, or wealth. We look ahead from milestone to milestone, goal to goal, and believe we'll be happy when we get _____. But it's elusive. We spend our lives chasing a carrot. One industry points us here, the churches point us there, and our hearts stay in the pursuit, not the pleasure of happiness. Today we're going to talk about what happiness is really all about, what's in our control...2021-05-1741 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleNo, you're not crazy.It's a question I hear often in therapy. "Am I crazy?" "I sound crazy, right?" Or just a statement of fact, "I know. I'm crazy." Labels don't serve those who seek mental and emotional health and wholeness. They're arbitrary names that doctors thought up to describe a cluster of symptoms, but they certainly don't heal, and I'm not quite sure they help. We'd do much better understanding ourselves than we do labeling ourselves. This week, I focus on an important part of mental health: the relationship you have with all of the parts of you. Yes, you read that correctly...2021-05-1040 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleWe Need To Talk About Depression... DifferentlyThe beloved Buddhist monk Ticht Naht Hanh said, “When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well.” For too long, professionals in medicine and the field of psychology have blamed depression on a chemical imbalance in the brain despite an absence of proof. This is essentially blaming the lettuce: blaming the brain of the person who suffers. The time has come, and we are already late: we need to start talking about depression differently, and that means talking about our environment as children, as adul...2021-05-0335 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Nearly Impossible Job of Being a Human BeingIt's a tough gig this "being a human being," isn't it? Our lives start out in a way that is totally out of our control, and yet that early imprint - called childhood - is what habituates our relationship patterns and expectations for the rest of our lives. If the imprint was healthy, we pursue health by and large. If the imprint was unhealthy, dysfunctional, or even traumatic, we live out these patterns unless or until something comes along to interrupt the negative cycles. How do we change the cycles? What do we do with our past? Can we...2021-04-2642 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Importance of AuthenticityWe hear this word "authenticity" a lot, but what exactly is authenticity, and how do we cultivate it? Is it something we should just intuitively know, or is it learned? What are the implications for mental and emotional health?
Today we'll explore how we can be supported on the path of authenticity or manipulated away from it. You'll learn what the biggest threat to authenticity is and three ways you can become more authentic today.
Authenticity, like integrity, is a non-negotiable, essential quality in a mentally and emotionally healthy person. We can't afford to get t...2021-04-1937 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleThe Importance of IntegrityWe don't talk about it enough, but we need to. We need to talk about what integrity is and how the presence or lack of it affects our mental and emotional health. Integrity is indeed a virtue and a desirable quality in character, but it goes far beyond being simply praiseworthy. Our integrity is directly related to how we connect with ourselves and others, forming the basis of our support systems and communities. Our level of integrity determines our inner peace and is a potent antidote to anxiety. It's too important to not talk about. This week is all...2021-04-1246 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleLove Matters Part IINow that we've got a working definition of love, let's talk about what love means in adulthood. How do we know if what we are giving and receiving is the real deal? Hint: real love doesn't cause harm. But... so often we think we are giving love, and what we are doing is actually in the best interest of ourselves. Some of us really struggle with receiving love, and we live in chronic loneliness. We need a clear understanding of how love works and what actions demonstrate real love. It isn't always easy, but it's always in the best...2021-04-0542 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleLove Matters Part IThis week, we tackle the psychological concept and behavioral reality of Love. What is love? What does it mean to be loved? What happens inside of us when we are loved well? What ideas and beliefs do we form about ourselves when we receive love, good love? What happens when we hear "I love you," but the actions we witness or experience aren't loving? What message is communicated then? Love isn't just a subject for theologians and poets; it's an essential concept for everyone who wants to live a healthy life, mentally and emotionally. Human beings need love throughout...2021-03-2935 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleWe Have to Face Our PainPeople seek therapy because they are in pain - emotional or psychological. They form addictions to substances and processes because they are in pain. We seek comfort, consolation, and company because we find ourselves in pain. Pain is the universal human woe, but so few of us understand what to do with it or how to understand it. Today's podcast unpacks the subject of Pain and gives you an understanding of where you can apply your energy to transform the pain in your life and find your power in it.2021-03-2256 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleWhat is Emotional Health?Let's unpack Emotional Health. It's a thing. A distinct thing. It has its own markers, and it is work that spans our entire life. We'll take a look at how emotional health is formed, nurtured, encouraged, or stymied in childhood. Then we'll look at what an emotionally healthy adult looks like. How do emotionally healthy adults handle their emotions? Emotional health is inextricably linked to overall mental health. Today's topic is an important one to get under our belts.2021-03-151h 02
Break Concrete: Black Women At WorkThe (In)Visibility of Black Muslim Womanhood with Vanessa Taylor“As a Black Muslim woman, it gets very exhausting to exist in a world that projects onto you.” In this episode, Vanessa Taylor, a Philadelphia-based writer and the founder and editor-in-chief of the Drinking Gourd, a Black Muslim literary magazine, discusses the paradox of Black Muslim womanhood - being simultaneously hypervisible and invisible. Within that nuance, Black Muslim women carve out spaces where they embrace their multiple identities as Black, Muslim, and women while resisting the impulse of others to reduce their multi-dimensionality. Vanessa chats about this spirit of resistance: how Black Muslims challenge anti-Blackness within the Muslim community and...2021-03-0929 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleWhat is Mental Health?Mental health is often defined in the context of mental illness, but mental health has its own markers, just like physical health does. Let's take a look at what those markers are. 2021-03-0845 minSubstance, not PsychobabbleGrowthListen today and learn about the principles, practices, and particulars of mental and emotional growth and how growth is different than change. If we want to grow, we need to create the conditions for growth. 2021-02-2833 min
The Simply Human Podcast#216 Vanessa Lech Interview & Tae Kwan Do Talk On today's show it's Vanessa Lech, host and founder of the Unraveled: Addiction & Anger Management podcast. She's a Certified Telebehavioral Health Practitioner, has a Bachelor's Degree in Health Care Management, a Master's of Science in Health Sciences with a Concentration in Public Health (MSHS), and a Master's Degree in Social Work (MSW). They talk to Vanessa about where she’s from, North Carolina, NBA players peeing on themselves during a game, a military background, behavioral health clinician, physically sick vs mentally sick, burn out vs laziness, coping, mental health symptoms, and cycling. Before the call, Mar...2020-01-0658 min
The Simply Human Podcast#216 Vanessa Lech Interview & Tae Kwan Do Talk On today's show it's Vanessa Lech, host and founder of the Unraveled: Addiction & Anger Management podcast. She's a Certified Telebehavioral Health Practitioner, has a Bachelor's Degree in Health Care Management, a Master's of Science in Health Sciences with a Concentration in Public Health (MSHS), and a Master's Degree in Social Work (MSW). They talk to Vanessa about where she’s from, North Carolina, NBA players peeing on themselves during a game, a military background, behavioral health clinician, physically sick vs mentally sick, burn out vs laziness, coping, mental health symptoms, and cycling. Before the call, Mar...2020-01-0658 min
Fit Fierce and Fabulous PodcastLiving in Your Truth and Discovering Who You Are with Vanessa JohnsonWelcome to Episode 51 of the Fit, Fierce and Fabulous Podcast where self-professed ‘spiritual junkie’, certified fitness trainer, behavioral change specialist and #FFF Founder Courtney Violet Bentley interviews Ayurvedic Counselor, Yoga Teacher, Meditation Coach, Shaman, Bodyworker, Herbalist, Energy Healer and Self-Love Advocate, Vanessa Johnson. Join Courtney as she chats with Vanessa about how she came to use ancient tools in modern times and what it means to be a healer and messenger of love for the physical, mental, and emotional Selves. If you have a fear of the unknown, the idea of revealing your true gifts scares you, or th...2018-01-2200 min