Shows
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 36 - That's What I Listen to While Eating Peanut Butter Pickle SandwichesThis week the guys are joined by Almost Positive conspiracy expert Klaus Neuhaus, who tells them about the Joe Biden body double and the first CIVD vaccine test patient. They are also joined by Evey Winters a trans woman and connoisseur of kindness (and hot sauces) who educates the gentlemen on biological sex, gender, and peanut butter pickle sandwiches. Last but not least the guys are joined by Jairo aka Jamal aka Tyrone aka Our Friend David, aka Ury and now aka Mr. Never On Time, who was not prepared for a Destination Unknown segment, instead, joining the gang...2020-12-154h 25Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 35 - How Many Dates Before A Guy Can Cry In Front Of A Woman?This week the guys have Luis aka Dishwata, Layne, and Etti. They discuss Christmas date-rape song "Baby it's cold outside", perverts in wrestling, straight edge lifestyles, and the power of stickers to inspire the human spirit. The gang also shares some sad stories before getting into some hot video game talk, where we learn that after 6 months, Dishwata has yet to finish The Last Of Us 2 like he promised he would last time he was on the show. He also gives the audience some advice on how to make the hard PS5 or Xbox Series X decision. The guys...2020-12-082h 49Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 34 - American Turkeys and Undead PriapismThis week the guys talk turkeys and post mortem boners. Sir shares his recent experience in Mexico, as well as a fact about turkeys, then Van shares his new word of the week. They are joined by author and returning guest Toby Nixon who teaches the gentlemen new words and shares a few stories that will leave you in a state of amused befuddlement. They are also joined by Ulysses, co-founder of RiseRevolt Clothing, who shares some new music he is working on with his new band End Path. They also play a round of India or Mexico before...2020-12-022h 57Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 33 - Women who make the world go around, like Cocaine Connie and Methany2020-11-192h 51
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 32 - Four Social Workers Walk Into A Bar...This week we have a social worker extravaganza! First, we have Miss A a local Chicago social worker who focuses on youth. Jairo, aka Tyrone, aka Jamal, our friend David, aya Hydro, aka Uri, who brings in some golden internet morsels! We have Tony B making his triumphant, he discusses the failed Illinois fair tax act.
The gang discusses Sean Connery, the recent election results, open borders, guiding the youth through these tumultuous times, the school landscape with the added social dynamics of LGBTQ+ lifestyles, being a COVID tracker, Melanotan injections, rendering your food, vaginal steaming, Hegelian p...2020-11-113h 35
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 31 - The Almost Positive Great Debate, The Privilege RainbowThis week we have a special episode, The Almost Positive Great Debate: The Privilege Rainbow!
The guys are joined by the greatest minds that have ever graced their measly podcast. The new voice of Almost Positive Carlos Townsend joins and refuses to give advice to the children. Our Chihuahua expert JC joins, only to be yelled that when his facts were too strong to bear. Royce, the cannabis expert is in-studio to compel people to feast on male genitalia. Last but not least, Gaby is in-studio to remind everyone that they are victims and should celebrate that fact.2020-11-052h 46
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 30 - The Real Spookies, Normies, and QueensThis week the guys are joined by cryptozoology experts Yakov and Klaus Neuhaus of the Skinwalker Tapes, who bring in a top 10 list of all the cryptids that matter. The gentlemen are also joined by Dotty Spartans, host of the I Spit in Your Mouth:
An Ooky Spooky Podcast who is in to discuss the spooky life, being a fabulous drag queen, and how he gets in touch with his feminine side. In the second half of the show, the gang is joined by Emma Von Rollington to discuss which planets are in retrograde, the history of Halloween...2020-11-032h 59
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 29 - Are Women The True Oppressors Of Mankind?This week, in what can only be described as a sausage party, the guys are joined by future American politician, Tony B, who shares his insights on the fair tax. They are also joined by returning guest Andy who tell us about a traumatic event he survived as a child. As if this wasn't enough, published author and expert in the true nature of women Peter Nolan joints the gang to tell the story of Ogg, and how the matriarchy is the true oppressor of mankind. In the news they discuss the final debate, the Trump Tower Dangler, Hunter...2020-10-285h 22
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 28 - Opinion, Conviction, Bullsh**t, and Trump's Dreamy SmileThis week, in yet another blatant disregard for social distancing the guys are joined by a gaggle of fascinating characters. At the top of the show, they are joined by local Chicago tattoo artists and power-couple, Nena and Keef. Also in-studio are Sir Rollington's barber Jon and one of his clients who came along for the ride (a diamond in the rough) Mauly. They discuss parenting, barber-life, college radio, the radical left, tattoo life, and why it takes to women to lead, apparently, one cant do the job (according to Mauly). Halfway through the show Jon and Mauly take...2020-10-214h 25
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 27 - The Science is in! Men are Stupid (and other dating advice)This week the guys are joined by Jairo, aka Jamal, aka Tyrone, aka Hydro, aka our friend David, aka Ury for another sexy Destination Unknown. They are also joined again by Steff, one of Sir Rollington's spicy Facebook friends with a great theory: Men Are Stupid! In the audience is also Steff's friend Abby, who chimes in with sprinkles of additional feminine insight. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!! Almost Positive's first-ever Gen-Z guest Layne who was in-studio for some commentary about dating people with kids and she has a few profound questions for the room. The gang discusses dating etiquette, se...2020-10-133h 12
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep.26 - Just a beef Patty and Peanut Butter, it was DeliciousThis week the guys are joined by long-time friend and first-time guest A.J. a former veterinarian turned budtender who has known the guys since high school. They also joined by Albino Alien, the mother of previous guest Larson. And as if this wasn't enough Alexis (from Ep. 22.5 - Never Forget the Atlantians of 9/11). The gang discusses being a veterinarian, cannabis, having a squirrel as a pet, parenting, and what it means when chicks have cracked nail polish. The gentlemen take a deep dive into the debates before the news where they partake in all sorts of hot Trump-Talk.2020-10-063h 10
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 25 - Almost Positive, A Good Choice for You, But Not for MeThis week the guys are joined by Nerressa, finally making her triumphant return to continue the Tupac conversation. They are also joined by Sugar, a professional online troll and long-time Facebook friend of Sir Rollington's. As if that wasn't enough they are also joined in-studio by Axel, another long-time friend of Sir's with many a hot take. The hand talks Ginsburg's passing Roe vs Wade, what the choice sounds like, the most recent Terminator movie, and interracial relationships. Nerressa shares some of her experiences in social work and her interpretation of Black Lives Matter, the organization, and the movement...2020-09-282h 56
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 24 - A Hero Is A Hero, Floor Mattress Or NotThis week, live and direct from the kitchen studio, we learn that apparently the men are no better than the women. The guys are joined by the unofficial 4th member of the show: Carlos. Long time friend, local business owner, and renowned Chicago metalhead Ulysses joins the show. At the top of the show, they discuss a riveting list of 12 gender differences with special gues: Angie (Sir's girlfriend) and they also revisit the FLOOR-MATTRESS topic.
First, Carlos takes the floor to discuss his and Van's failed wrestling podcast, Sir Rollington's selfish practice of smoking blunts by himself...2020-09-213h 00
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 23 - Is It Better To Read 10,000 Books Or To Do 10,000 Podcasts?This week, for the unlucky 23rd episode the guys bring together a gaggle of champions of industry from across the globe. At the top of the show Jairo aka Jamal aka Tyrome aka Hydro, aka Our Friend David aka Uri and discuss mammals, being lied to about vagina by one's parents and they send out a message to show-friend Layne.
They are then joined by the rest of this week's roster; coming in from somewhere in the south Etti Purselane, from Australia Andrew Jennings, and from Alaska Richard Sheffield! After a hiatus, a much-needed dose of Destination U...2020-09-152h 41
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 22.5 - Never Forget the Atlantians of 9/11I this Special Edition Episode (riddle with major technical difficulties, thanks to Homeland Security and Zucc) the guys explore 9/11. First, they speak to George, who believes the official story and provides a unique perspective as someone who saw the moon landing and Kennedy get assassinated. HE also Shares his perspective on conspiracies and why people gravitate toward them.
After George, the guys take a deep dive into the full spectrum of conspiracies about 9/11 and beyond with expert theorists Klaus Neuhause, Etti Purselane, and Alexis Rabe. Klaus provides his insights as someone who was in the military at t...2020-09-123h 02
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 22 - Imagine Fisting Frozen Turkeys and Making Rich Men SquealThis week the guys go in DEEP. First, the guys are joined in-studio by Layne, bass player extraordinaire, and Almost Positive’s first ZOOMER!! And Andy, Van, and Sir’s long time high school friend, as well as this week’s diversity quota guest. First, Sir makes a public service announcement for ladies thinking about opening Only Fans pages, then they talk about selling socks and panties, when the gang discovered porn, what it can be like coming out as gay to your parents, white conquerors, and then they ask gay questions.
As if that was not enough t...2020-09-073h 00
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 21 - At Least Adolf Would Be Old Enough To Consent!In what might be one of the most insightful episodes thus far the guys embarked on a journey that takes many strange turns this week. At the top of the show, the guys are joined in-studio by Royce who is making his first in-studio appearance. They discuss and further examine last week’s floor mattress comments and compare it to one of Sir Rollington’s high controversial theories that claim women with chipped nail polish have bad hygiene. They also talk about Van losing Facebook friends, why Biggie is considered to be one of the best despite his limited cata...2020-08-313h 04
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 20 - Floor Mattresses and Kung Fu GripThis week Almost Positive gives into the raving demands for more female presence on the show. The guys are joined by Sir Rollington’s girlfriend, Angie, and mutual friend of Sir and Van’s, Nerressa (two for one diversity guest!). They are also joined by local metalhead and man well versed in psychology Jose Sanchez. They get into the empowerment Jukebox, shining a light on more intellectual stimulating female MCs, Sir confesses he is being made to watch all the Twilight movies (yes, the teenage vampire love stories), then they discuss “Cuties” an apparently French Netflix series that has been cau...2020-08-252h 47
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 19 - Democracy Sounds Like Macaroni In A PotThis week's episode is all about female empowerment. We have the stars of episode 13, the infamous lost episode, Tony B and Dishwata. They are also briefly joined by Angie (Sir Rollington's girlfriend) and her sister, who share their opinions about the modern-day feminist anthem WAP. The guys also play a few more jamz in this week's Hoodrat Jukebox. After some intense political talk, the guys discuss the return of DrDisRespect (a topic they discussed in the lost episode) and engage in some more political talk. Tony B shares what his podcast The Existentialists is about before a round of...2020-08-192h 03
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 18 - Abolish Deadbeat Dads, Defund Big BrotherThis week we get the sequel to Episode 11: "Yay! We're All Victims Now!!". In-studio we have Jairo aka Jamal, aka Jerome, aka our friend David aka Ury, we have Emma gracing us with her insights for another week in a row, and Gaby returns to reveal her privilege level via her DNA ancestry test results. The guys play a few bonus tracks from the Pedo Jukebox, they share the joys of getting COVID tests, and Van shares some anecdotes about how dying his hair silver has been for him. Then Gabby and Van share their ancestry test results, turns...2020-08-102h 32
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 17 - The Adrenochrome BoogieThis week the guys dive deep into conspiracy land one-mo-gin. They are joined by Friendly Neighborhood Bruja Emma, who is making her return and as if that wasn't enough, they are also joined by conspiracy correspondent Leo. who is also making a victorious return! They discuss Sir Rollington's recent vacation and spend all their nickles on the jukebox in an effort to expose some of the creepy stuff that seems to be rampant in the music industry. They also get into Pedo-Gate, Q-Anon, Shane Dawson before they play a round of India or Mexico. In the news, we learn...2020-08-062h 42
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 16 - Aryan Paleteros Be Gone!This week the guys have a full house. At the top of the show, the gentlemen discuss Sir Rollington's toxic masculinity, Van Rollington's new blonde hair, and his recent professional fulfillment. The guys are joined by conspiracy connoisseur Klaus Neuhaus and watcher of elite bloodline watcher Etti. They tackle Aryan bloodlines, subliminal video-game priming, and an explosive conspiracy that aims to explain what happened on May 25, 2020 with George Floyd. Toward the tail end of the conversation, they are joined by show-regular Carlos to play a round of India or Mexico. Carlos then unleashes a hail of fire and brimstone...2020-07-271h 56
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 15 - Bean and Porn Salad, with Justice DressingThis week the guys are joined by Youtube mash-up legend Bill McClintock and audience favorite JC. They talk Will and Jada drama, Snoop Dogg drama, and the fundamentals of a good mash-up. They also revisit centrist hell and play a round of India or Mexico, after which they get into the news. In the news, we find out that genocide and conquest are OK, but liking Trump is where the line is drawn for Luis Gutierez. We also learn that Nick Cannon was not immune to a certain brand of cancel culture, despite being melanated, and that Pornhub is so...2020-07-203h 45
Almost PositiveAlmost + Ep. 14 - Margaret Sanger, What It Does?This week the guys really felt the true meaning of the number 13. We learn that the night before they recorded what might have been Almost Positive's greatest efforts, only for it to be deleted in one of Van's stoner stupors. Jairo aka Jamal aka Jerome aka Our Friend David aka Hydro joins us in-studio along with special show-friend Carlos Townsend. They talk about Kanye's 2020 presidential run, and Sir demands that Van stop playing games with the audience's emotions and take his DNA test already.
The gentlemen also do a hillbilly flavored Destination Unknown, they get a...2020-07-132h 24
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 12 - The Greatest Country On God's Green EarthIn this episode Almost Positive celebrates America! The gentlemen are joined in-studio by show-regular Carlos. Sir shares some stories about growing up wanting to come to America and Van talks about his recent deep dive into the Terminator movies. After a well deserved tribute to the U.S.A. Angie, Sir's girlfriend calls to educate the guys on how non profits work, and what is actually behind recent political movements. Before the news Van share an India or Mexico (a tribute to Germany or Florida) story to see if anyone can guess where the story is from. In the n...2020-07-062h 54
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 11 Yay! We're All Victims Now!!This week we're all victims at Almost Positive and it feels so good! The guys have a jam-packed episode filled with all sorts of light brown bodies in-studio. The show kicks off with best-friend of the show Jairo aka Jamal, aka Jerome, aka our friend David who brings us an unforgettable Destination Unknown. We also get a heaping dose of Gabby our expert in-house sociologist. And as if that wasn't enough flavor our friendly neighborhood witch, Emma joins us to hunt down pedophiles and shape-shifters.
At the top of the show there's an exploration of Black Lives...2020-07-013h 34
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 10.5 - Real American HeroFor this episode the guys have long time friend and manliest man they know, the legendary Drano. A special edition episode that explores what it was like for him growing up in the far west side of Chicago, in a Hispanic neighborhood, where his white privilege wasn't accepted currency. He tells us what it was like being in fist fights every day on his way to and from school. We learn how he turned his life around from being a self professed (and third party confirmed) scumbag to an exemplary American. He tells us how he came to find...2020-06-251h 53
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 10 - Cannabis InfusedThis week the guys get toasted, just in time for 4/20. At the top of the show they talk about wrestler New Jack, the recent shooting of Rashad Brooks and how social workers will soon save the world! Then the gentlemen are joined by 2 very special individuals; Melinda Meme, long time (online) friend of Van and Sir but most importantly a cannabis expert and fellow shit poster! In addition the man, the legend, Royce joins the conversation. We get the scoop on the latest acts of Corporate solidarity, we learn about Nancy Green, a woman whose legacy deserves to be r...2020-06-222h 34
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 9 - Will The Justice Seekers Ever See The Light?This week the guys see the light. At the top of the show the guys wonder if the Democrats are just continuing Charles Manson's Helter Skelter plans. Sir Rollington shares his recent experience at a local "protest" that involved finger foods, Jesse Jackson and VIP passes. Then Van shares a story of an interview he was part of where his experiential data was not valid. The first guest this week is James Saenz, host of From The Dust Podcast a show where people who've had life changing experiences share their stories and testimonials. James share his experience through going cov...2020-06-142h 57
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 8.5 - XXXtra Spicy Clown World and Epstein Didn't Kill HimselfIn this special edition of Almost Positive Coast 2 Coast Edition they guys talk fellow meme war veteran Leo. They discuss the Existence of Kek, the malevolent Moloch as well as the true omnipotent nature of order and chaos. In addition they reveal highly compromising information about Jeffrey Epstein and a global cabal of pedophile perverts. The gentlemen also discus mental health, Nickelodeon, the Joker, Clown world and pizzagate. Take an unadulterated look into a place in the culture, in the internet that few have seen.
2020-06-101h 38
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 8 - No White Guilt AllowedThis week the guys break records with an almost 4 hour long episode. The rants are towering infernos of nothing but flames and fire. Social justice fills the air and unity illuminates the path forward as special guest and local entrepreneur (Check out RiseRevolt Clothing) Ulysses joins, in-studio, to help sort through the mess of the riots and protests in Chicago. First everyone shares a few stories about the riots. Then they have a new guest, Trey Johnson, co-host of NintenDomain Podcast, where they get into all things Nintendo. He shares insights into podcasting, some Nintendo news and his own e...2020-06-073h 39
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 7.5 - Violence Is (Sometimes) Never The AnswerThis week we get a special edition episode! The guys have Carlos Townsend, long time friend of the show and even longer time friend of Van and Sir Rollington. In addition this is Almost Positive’s first in-studio session! Social Distancing be damned. At the top of the show Carlos shares his thought on the murder of Geroge Floyd at the hands of police officers Derek Chauvin, Tou Thao, J. Alexander Kueng and Thomas Lane. Carlos then gets moving from Milwaukee, WI to Cicero, IL, where he was one of the only black kids in a town (at the ti...2020-06-041h 42
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 7 - The Language of The UnheardThis week the guys get into the tragic incident that took place in Minneapolis where four police officers took the life of unarmed George Floyd. We then find out that Almost Positive has been crossing borders throughout the world, or maybe just being listened to through VPNs. The gentlemen then talk to an insightful southern woman of mystery who goes by Etti Purselane. She walks the guys through the history of an ancient lineage of of people that have been holding secret knowledge through out human history and are still reaching havoc on the people of earth. They also...2020-05-312h 26
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 6 - If You Don't Like Almost Positive, You Ain't BlackThis week the guys are joined not by one guest, not by two, but by 3 brilliant minds. At the top of the show they get into Joe Biden's peek behind the Democratic machine's mindset about black people, after which they talk about the situation that unfolded in Brunswick, Georgia where a couple good ol' boys shot Ahmaud Arbery while he was either out for a brisk jog or robbing houses. After the sobering conversation about death and destruction they touch on ASMR and show-favorite, Cardi B's fascination with weird sounds. The gentlemen also pour out a cool 40 oz for "D...2020-05-252h 40
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 5 - If Only The Government Could Have Bought Me A FatherThis week the guys pay tribute to one of the greats, Little Richard, a bad ass who never gave a shit and is now with our lord and savior! Van tells a story about him and his friend buying wieners and beer while violating Chicago's new Mormon-COVID-19 restrictions. Van also informs us about the nuances of animal consent. After that the guys welcome first time guest Uriel, Almost Positive's IT consultant to discuss remote meetings, increased productivity while working at home and administrative boomer demise due to the burden they are on the young, beautiful, and computer literate. After...2020-05-182h 11
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 4 - The future Is Progressive-Female, Unless Mom Shows UpThis week the gentlemen are all about inclusion and diversity. In yet another ill-advised PR move they try to bring in some new perspective. First they share the good news that Van Rollington does not have the coof and then they play a sad song for the poor people that are just now, in 2020, finding out that the two party system is a sham. Then they talk to Gaby, a political statistics expert who is also sociologist and long time friend of the guys. They touch on environmental injustices, red lining and prison reform, until Gaby has an unexpected...2020-05-101h 35
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 3 - Two Knuckles DeepThis week the guys get into the letter Donald Trump sent every American that got Stimulus money, and why it was translated in Spanish on the back. They also get into the strange decisions one has to make when in positions of power and how things become less black and white. In Destination Unknown we learn proper rectal hygiene from Cardi B, how to transport cadavers in lieu of a refrigerated truck, and we learn about Portland drive-through strip clubs. In the news the gentlemen Talk about Joe Biden’s apparent speech impediment. In a surprising turn of events it...2020-05-031h 55
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Coast 2 Coast Edition - Boomer RemoverThis week's episode is a special bonus episode. A leaked classified broadcast where the guys take a deep dive into a few conspiracies. First they talk about Skinwalker Tapes a reputable source for all things Cryptozoology and conspiracies. After that they shed some light on Chinese involvement with Zoom, the cloud video and audio conferencing app that has taken over work, school and personal communications for many people throughout the nation. Since all roads in 2020 lead to China, they tackle the COVID-19 pandemic and the possible involvement of Bill Gates in the matter, as well as the possibility of it...2020-04-291h 00
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 2 - Feminist Sex DollsThis week Van and Sir Rollington are joined (FOR THE ENTIRE SHOW) by Jamal, aka, Jarome, aka Jairo who graced us for an entire hour and forty minutes with immersive background noise, the likes of which very few men can make so enjoyable. They also discuss their first shout out by long time internet comrade Klaus Neuhaus who is a frequent guest on The Skinwalker Tapes, a podcast where they discuss cryptids and conspiracies while getting intoxicated. The gentlemen also talk about screwdrivers, condom bombings, and the untimely murder of a homeless man by a very high nurse. They...2020-04-261h 45
Almost PositiveAlmost Positive Ep. 0 - The RamdalamToday's Almost Positive is our final testing phase episode. Essentially what people should expect, for better or worse. We discuss positive body image and the fact that Ken should also be made with different body types to be inclusive like Barbie. Van shares some lessons he learned from the Tiger King himself Joe Exotic. At some point, there’s a call made to a very grumpy and uncooperative Carlos Townsend, a long time friend of Van and Sir Rollington. Jamal aka Jarome, aka Jairo, calls in to share some enriching internet content in this week’s Destination Unknown. He brin...2020-04-261h 42