Creaturecrunch - Podcast Details

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Creature CrunchComics Crunch Episode 16 - He Has A Creepy Cralwers Bugmaker Oven In His Tummy. Would That We Were All So Lucky.Hosted by yet another bug: Chris. Maggots are gross. This is a universal truth. Our subject today, isn't. He's actually kind of rad. He just got the raw end of the deal in many regards. Advice to players: C O N S U M E Stat Blocks Patreon Email Bluesky X (Twitter) Tumblr Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers" by Kirby Krackle 2023-12-0148 min

Creature CrunchEpisode 53 - Howard the Duck (1986)The end of this episode is real bad in the audio department and if we continued to try and fix it, it might never air. So apologies for not only the delay, but also the quality of the last 20 minutes. Maybe we'll try to make up for it in the new year... This week, we dive back into the 80's for a quotable mess that we love. We also welcome back guest and good friend, Mike. Spoilers ahead. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Bluesky X (Twitter)2023-12-011h 47

Creature CrunchHalloween 2023Happy Halloween! In our continued effort to actually do something unique for this, the spookiest of holidays, we jump into an even shorter media than the 22-minute episode we covered last year. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Bluesky X (Twitter) Tumblr Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Music: "Thriller" by Michael Jackson 2023-10-3131 min

Creature CrunchEpisode 52: The Tomorrow War (2021)This week, we check out the straight-to-streaming blockbuster that probably shouldn't have. We also welcome our second guest and good friend, Mike, to talk about this sci-fi shlop. Spoilers ahead. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Bluesky X (Twitter) Tumblr Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "The Future Soon" by Jonathan Coulton Background music: The Tomorrow War Soundtrack 2023-10-271h 38

Creature CrunchCritter Kibbles 51: The Alien 3 (1992) EpisodeJust like last year, we're celebrating our anniversary by bringing you a whole bunch of nonsense inspired by the movies of the previous season. This time around we really started thinking outside of the box and have some fun things in store, including a whole mess of player options! If you enjoy this, please consider supporting us on our Patreon for more! The episode is a little late due to some technical difficulties. Advice to players: Now your DM has a method of lighting any and every monster you fight on fire. You're...2023-10-181h 12

Creature CrunchEpisode 51- Alien³ (1992)Two years seems like too long to be stubbornly releasing these still and yet here we are. It's been a bumpy year and we're already off to a rocky start for year three with a late release but that won't stop us! We're going to keep on trucking with Alien³! Spoilers ahead. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Bluesky X (Twitter) Tumblr Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "Fury Oh Fury" by Nico Vega Background music: The Alien 3 Soundtrack 2023-10-131h 27

Creature CrunchComics Crunch Episode 15 - Perhaps Our Itchiest Episode To DateHosted by actual spider... or maybe not? Chris. Spiders. They're everywhere. You'll find them in your home, in bushes and trees, in attics and basements, and sometimes, you'll find them poured into a man suit. In rare instances, they're not spiders at all, but weird red lizard men. Nature is wild, isn't it? Advice to players: Remember to always relocate unwanted spiders to the outdoors instead of killing them. Unless they punch you in the face or trap you in an endless cycle of living out your worst nightmare in a perpetual web of dreams...2023-10-0143 min

Creature CrunchUNLOCKED Critter Kibbles Episode 48: the ”The Host” EpisodeThe anniversary episode is taking us a little longer than anticipated, so here's a favorite Kibbles of ours in the meantime: Matt took a crack at this whole "background" thing and we think it turned out pretty good! We also have a Creature Crunch guarantee to uphold and a magic item to bash into the heads of your noisy goblin neighbors. Advice to players: If it's too hard, it's probably not worth doing! Unless, of course, your family is in peril. 2023-10-0114 min

Creature CrunchEpisode 50 - The Dark Crystal (1982)We watch and outline one of the only live-action movies to feature no human people: The Dark Crystal. Join us as we discuss the anatomy of some puppets, fail to get past the wet-noodle properties of the protagonist, and welcome Creature Crunch's first guest. Then, stick around as we crunch up a couple creatures that really should have stayed ghosts: the Skekler and the Uler! Spoilers ahead. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by G...2023-09-151h 38

Creature CrunchEpisode 49 - The Relic (1997)We watch and outline a movie that we both remember being a lot better than it actually is: The Relic (1997). Join us as we take a journey through a poorly-lit museum, lament the fact that we can't see the cool monster when it looks the best, and marvel at how horrendously insane the fire suppression system is in this death trap of a museum. Then, stick around as we crunch up a creature that'll eat your hypothalamus: the Kachunka! Spoilers ahead. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr 2023-09-011h 20

Creature CrunchComics Crunch Episode 14 - Siryn Deserved BetterHosted by a multitude of entities crammed into one: Chris. Mutant powers are weird and frankly, I don't think we talk about the existential crisis created by some of them nearly enough. Today, we talk about a man (men?) who really exemplify the true need for therapy and give us an example of why it is so important. Advice to players: If you ever find yourself the parent of some kind of baby with powers, at the very least, leave them a note or something in case you die. Stat Blocks St...2023-09-0155 min

Creature CrunchEpisode 48 - The Host (2006)We watch and outline South Korea's highest grossing film: The Host. Join us as we follow the Park family's tribulations in the wake of a monster of a virus, learn us some Korean culture, and then laugh as Matt just can't say a simple line. Then, stick around as we crunch up a creature that'll put you right in quarantine: the hypochodricarp! Spoilers. Crunch begins around 01:06:30. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" b...2023-08-181h 15

Creature CrunchEpisode 47 - Call Girl of Cthulhu (2014)We watch and outline a wild take on the Cthulhu mythos: Call Girl of Cthulhu. Join us as we are charmed by some charismatic (if bad) actors, marvel at how sex-positive a movie like this can truly be, and really strive to make this a not family-friendly podcast. Then, stick around as we crunch up a creature that is totally in the public domain: the Door of Cthulhu! Spoilers. Crunch begins around 54:00. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris...2023-08-041h 05

Creature CrunchComics Crunch Episode 13 - Tears For Fears Warned Us About ThisHosted by weaponized sound: Chris. Screaming is a hell of a drug. Wait, what? Advice to players: PUNCH SOUND. DO IT COWARD. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers" by Kirby Krackle 2023-08-0147 min

Creature CrunchEpisode 46: Tremors 2: Aftershocks (1996)Whoopsie, the audio screwed up during the crunch on this one and we didn't bother re-recording it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ We watch and outline another classic monster movie: Tremors 2: Aftershocks. Join us as we yet again imagine what this movie could have been, celebrate the movie we got, and make a m̴͕̃į̵͠s̵̰̕t̶̥̚ä̷̺́k̵͙͋e̶̱̽ ̵̠̆í̵͚n̸̹̓ ̷̟͂ṫ̴͕h̸̤̀e̵̙͌ ̷͉͒c̶̤͆r̶̿͜ǘ̵̢ñ̶̠c̵̻͒h̸̜̆. Then, stick around as we crunch up a creature that absolutely breaks the 5e system: the Heat Screamer! Spoilers. Crunch begins around 01:09:00. Audio bad times: 01:11:30 - 01:17:25 Stat Blocks Patreon Email Tw...2023-07-211h 21

Creature CrunchEpisode 45: A Monster in Paris (2011)We watch and outline a unique take on the Phantom of the Opera: A Monster in Paris(2011). Join us as we bask in Sean Lennon's angelic voice, pint out the plot holes in a children's movie, and question what the hell Thomas and Martha Wayne are doing in Paris. Then, stick around as we crunch up the just the sweetest flea: the Heartfelt Strummer! Spoilers. Crunch begins around 54:38. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme...2023-07-071h 02

Creature CrunchComics Crunch Episode 12 - The Unbeatable Master of Stilts, Invincible in His One Very Specific DomainHosted by telescoping unknowable being: Chris. Shoot for the moon, because even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. Or just get a pair of stilts. You know, whatever works. Advice to players: When you wear stilts, your head is always in the clouds. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers" by Kirby Krackle 2023-07-0236 min

Creature CrunchEpisode 44: Monster Hunter (2020)We watch and outline a movie involving Matt's current obsession: Monster Hunter (2020). Join us as we educate on our limited knowledge of the video game series, restrain ourselves from gatekeeping a Hollywood director, and watch a two hour trailer for a sequel that'll probably never happen because of China. Then, stick around as we crunch up the most iconic of Monster Hunter monsters: the Wrath of the Sky! Spoilers. Crunch begins around 1:13:30. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris...2023-06-231h 25

Creature CrunchEpisode 43: The Tingler (1959)We watch and outline the oldest movie on our show so far: The Tingler (1959). Join us as we contain our own screams, get an education in some solid science, and drown in everything Vincent Price. Then, stick around as we crunch up the most spine-tingling creature yet: the Vibrator! Crunch begins around 54:00. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "Spine" by They Might be Giants Background music: M...2023-06-091h 06

Creature CrunchComics Crunch Episode 11 - And Then He Made A Million Gwen Stacies, Each One Even Gwen Stacier Than The LastHosted by Chris. Hopefully, the real one. What's furry, green, and looks like a goblin? The Jackal of course! This man does a lot of cloning and no apologizing, so strap on your Spider-man pointing at Spider-man meme and jump on in! Advice to players: Just let the copies duke it out. Only the real one will win. *wink* Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers"...2023-06-0156 min

Creature CrunchEpisode 42: The Lake (2022)We watch and outline the Tai kaiju movie: The Lake. Join us as we puzzle over the decisions made, puzzle over the details of the plot, and puzzle over the absolutely pointless edit of one version to another. Then, stick around as we crunch up a cool-looking yet underwhelming monster: the Empath Creature! Crunch begins around 1:00:00. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "Lake Monsters" by They Might be G...2023-05-191h 09

Creature CrunchComics Crunch Episode 10: We Command You To WankHosted by disc-shaped human: Chris. Captain America has a really cool shield. Now you can have a really cool shield. There isn't much more to say. Advice to players: Really cool shield. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers" by Kirby Krackle 2023-05-0135 min

Creature CrunchEpisode 41: C.H.U.D. (1984)We watch and outline the source of an American slang: C.H.U.D. (1984). Join us as Matt finally gets a 25-year-old joke, marvel at some of the progressive themes of this movie, and get cheated out of anything resembling a twist and satisfying ending. Then, stick around as we crunch up your newest internet insult: the M.I.S.T.! Crunch begins around 54:50. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister I...2023-04-281h 05

Creature CrunchEpisode 40: Arachnophobia (1990)We watch and outline the Jaws of arachnids: Arachnophobia. Join us as we discuss Matt's history of his own arachnophobia, dodge some bogus and wild spider facts, and feel quite a bit of relief at how few spiders were actually harmed in the making of this film (none). Then, stick around as we crunch up the deadliest spider you'll ever face: the spider commander! Crunch begins around 49:00. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by G...2023-04-071h 00

Creature CrunchComics Crunch Episode 09 - He Of The Massively Astonishing Superlatives!Nope! It's no April Fool's joke: we're finally releasing a new Comics Crunch! Originally released January 1st on our patreon. Hosted by resident swarm of lizards: Chris. Today we learn about one of the more prolific of the space dragon genus. He shifts a shape, he drives a space ship, and he commands an army of exactly 72 lizards (we counted)! It's Fin Fang Foom! Advice to players: In soviet Marvel Comics, smoking an herb makes dragon chase you! Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon 2023-04-0154 min

Creature CrunchEpisode 39: Death Kappa (2010)We watch and outline the kaiju parody film: Death Kappa. Join us as we bask in the greatness that is the dubbing of this movie, get confused as to who is actually the focus of the movie, and frankly get way too excited about action figures on fire. Then, stick around as we crunch up the originator of sumo: the Fierce Kappa! Crunch begins around 54:20. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister 2023-03-241h 03

Creature CrunchEpisode 38: Carnosaur 2 (1995)A week late because of problems! We watch and outline the smash sequel to the blockbuster about a killer dino: Carnosaur 2. Join us as we re-record the episode due to technical difficulties, relive the good times from Aliens via dinosaurs, and uncover the evil plan of Dr. Iguana. Then, stick around as we crunch up yet another dinosaur, but... with a twist? Crunch begins around 49:50. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by G...2023-03-0356 min

Creature CrunchEpisode 37: From Beyond (1986)We watch and outline another practical-effects-driven weirdo movie: From Beyond. Join us as we explore the sexcapades of a weird old man and his chest hair, see more of our actors than we ever thought we would, and peek at some otherworldly fish using our pineal glands (and also mispronounce pineal throughout the episode as an added bonus!). Then, stick around as we crunch up a weird goopy worm monster: the Ephemeral Worm. Crunch begins around 01:10:20. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter 2023-02-101h 19

Creature CrunchEpisode 36: Godzilla vs. Megalon (1973)We're back after nearly a month! We recorded this episode just before the OGL thing exploded, so we don't touch on that topic here. If you want our two cents on the topic, you'll have to wait until the next episode where we delve into it before the movie proper. But for now... We watch and outline the first Godzilla film I owned as a kid in good old VHS: Godzilla vs. Megalon! Join us as we muddle about in the weird (and contradictory) history of this weirdo movie, discuss some monster designs and child wardrobe decisions...2023-01-271h 20

Creature CrunchUNLOCKED Critter Kibbles 25: The Killer Klowns from Outer Space EpisodeDue to a series of unfortunate scheduling issues and illnesses, we've been unable to record the new episode and it will have to be delayed until further notice. In the meantime, please enjoy this sampling of what lies beyond the paywall! If you'd like more content like this, please consider supporting us over on our Patreon. In this episode we bring you a pit full of clowns. I wish I was kidding. Oh, also, a giant clown. And a clown car. And baby clowns. We're sorry. Advice to adventurers: avoid clown dungeons. 2023-01-0612 min

Creature CrunchComics Crunch Episode 08: And Then He Walked Into The Ocean For 30 YearsOriginally released last month on our patreon. Hosted by a unicorn in disguise: Chris. When we get right down to it, what do any of us really know about unicorns? Today, we discuss one of the more unique instances of these majestic creatures in the form of a man with way more muscle than brains and an insatiable third eye for some reason. Advice to players: If you're going to walk to Russia from the U.S., you'd better take a real big breath. Stat Blocks Stat...2023-01-0138 min

Creature CrunchChristmas 2022Merry Christmas! I have no idea how we got here. It's Beauty and the Beast: the Enchanted Christmas. Join us as we question exactly who's fault this is, discuss the juicy gossip about who might be involved with Mrs. Potts, and of course, point out the existential horror that the Beauty and the Beast universe has to offer. Then, stick around as we crunch Tim Curry as an organ: the octavio. Crunch begins around 53:30. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter 2022-12-251h 02

Creature CrunchEpisode 35: Annihilation (2018)We watch and outline the mind-bending sci-fi/horror film: Annihilation. Join us as we take a stroll in a living prism of a world, get a little bit personal, and of course, talk about a bear. Then, stick around as we crunch the infamous horror bear: Upsetting Bearform. Crunch begins around 01:09:00. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "Beware!" Bear Ghost 2022-12-231h 23

Creature CrunchEpisode 34: Jeepers Creepers (2001)Trigger warning for brief mentions of sexual abuse towards a minor. We watch and talk about the Labor Day weekend box-office smash of the early 00's: Jeepers Creepers. Join us as we try our hardest to not think of how much of a bad man the director is, puzzle (and complain) about the complete lack of forethought put into this flick, and wish we lived in the universe where this was a better movie. Then, stick around as we crunch the enigma that is the Blind Stalker. Crunch begins around 01:08:00. Stat Blocks 2022-12-081h 18

Creature CrunchComics Crunch Episode 07: Just a Horrible Smoothie Made of the Worst Excesses of the ’90sOriginally released last month on our patreon. Hosted by the very sanguine combustible, Chris. In this episode, we dive deep into a dark part of Scott Summers' family tree and bring back a monstrosity that only the 90's could create. Advice to players: don't get cut- he'll explode your blood. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers" by Kirby Krackle 2022-12-011h 02

Creature CrunchEpisode 33: Big Trouble in Little China (1986)We watch and talk about another John Carpenter joint: Big Trouble in Little China. Join us as Chris schools Matt in movie plots and stat blocks, gush over two prolific Chinese actors, and get caught up in the absolute madness that is Chinatown in the 1980's apparently. Then, stick around as we crunch an atomized sorcerer who is but a dream: the Cursed Immortal Sorcerer. Crunch begins around 01:10:15. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter 2022-11-251h 23

Creature CrunchThanksgiving 2022Happy Thanksgiving! Continuing our tradition of covering kid-friendly movies for Halloween followed by nobody-friendly movies for Thanksgiving, we watched Troma's Poultrygeist (2006). Join us as we endure the sleaziest humor the mid 00's had to offer, enjoy some really creative self-referential and generally great humor, and say a lot less of what this movie has to offer. Then, stick around as we crunch two creatures that are NOT werechickens: the Chickfector and the Chickfected. Crunch begins around 47:00. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email 2022-11-2452 min

Creature CrunchEpisode 32: Underwater (2020)We watch and talk about the last movie we saw in Theaters before the pandemic: Underwater (2020). Join us as we lament this movie's box-office takings, lament Kristin Stewart's bad rap, and lament T.J. Miller's existence. Then, stick around as we crunch a new member of the Beach Hunter family: the Deep Hunter. Crunch begins around 59:30. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister I...2022-11-111h 12

Creature CrunchComics Crunch Episode 06: That One Time The Silver Surfer Fought a Cyborg Pirate Ghost to Get One Over On the DevilThis episode features Mephisto, the Silver Surfer, and Galactus. We don't make stat blocks for any of them. Instead, we look at a pirate ghost cyborg who is evidentially the Silver Surfer's Achilles' heel. Advice to players: cry for me. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers" by Kirby Krackle 2022-11-0151 min

Creature CrunchHalloween 2022Happy Halloween! It's that time of year again, and since we cover almost nothing but monster movies year-round, we have to reach in a slightly different direction for the 31st of October. And so, we watch and talk about the second Halloween special episode of the 90's hit show based off/inspired by Japanese super sentai: Power Rangers: Trick or Treat. Join us as we travel back to a time of radditude and goopy comic relief, raise many questions about America's most popular game show, and get down with our inner 90's family-friendly rap demons. Then, stick...2022-10-311h 11

Creature CrunchEpisode 31: Lifeforce (1985)We watch and talk about the bizarre Space Vampire story: Lifeforce. Join us as we are taken through a wild ride rife with nudity, witness a moment in history with Patrick Stewart's first on-screen kiss, and completely fall apart in the third act. Then, stick around as we crunch Chris' most complex monster yet: the Astral Vampire. Crunch begins around 1:18:00. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" b...2022-10-281h 36

Creature CrunchEpisode 30: Prey (2019)We watch and talk about Prey. Nope, not that one. Join us as we learn some questionable therapy tactics, draw some obvious comparisons, and question the career of one soda-drinking man in Hollywood. Then, stick around as we crunch the worst ghost you've ever seen: The Clufftrogeist. Crunch begins around 1:05:00. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Tumblr Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "Island in the Sun" b...2022-10-141h 16

Creature CrunchCritter Kibbles 30: The Aliens (1986) EpisodeIn honor of our first anniversary, we decided to not only do a much longer Kibbles episode, but also upload it to the main feed! We combed through our first year and touched up on some things we skipped or overlooked the first time around. So here's a collection of lair actions, magic items, feats, a subclass, and, yes, some stat blocks. If you enjoy this, please consider supporting us on our Patreon for more! Advice to players: Beware of monster lairs, especially if the monster has a gun. Stat Blocks ...2022-10-021h 23

Creature CrunchComics Crunch Episode 05 - Teacup Monkeys From Florida and the Mail-Order Flying Guillotine KickOriginally launched last month on our patreon. Hosted by Mephisto's most questionable agent: Chris. CW for people being horrible to animals in the ‘60s. Skip the 29:30 to 36:35 to avoid brief mentions of animal cruelty. It's a different kind of episode today inspired by capitalistic greed and marketing to children! Huzzah! Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers" by Kirby Krackle 2022-10-011h 07

Creature CrunchEpisode 29: Aliens (1986)It's our anniversary episode! Naturally, we watch and talk about the sequel to the first movie we covered: Aliens (1986). Join us as we reveal details about the life cycle of the Xenomorph, gush over the awesomeness that is Ellen Ripley, and share a horror movie with Matt's 6yo daughter. Then, stick around as we add another member of the xeno family: the Xenoregent. Crunch begins around 1:38:00. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter ...2022-09-301h 58

Creature CrunchEpisode 28: Life (2017)We watch and talk about the not-at-all tie-in to Venom: Life (2017). Join us as we discuss the misleading nature of the trailer, suspend our disbelief, and wonder if Margaret Wise Brown would really approve of her book being in sop many horror movies. Then, stick around as we crunch one of the most complicated monsters we've done so far: the Persistent Lifeform. Crunch begins around 52:00. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme...2022-09-161h 10

Creature CrunchEpisode 27: Jaws (1975)Just in time for it to hit Imax, we watch and talk about the movie that launched Spielberg's career, Jaws (1975). Join us as we discuss the story behind a malfunctioning shark, a malfunctioning actor, and a malfunctioning production. Then, stick around as we crunch into the creature almost as hard as it crunched into Chrissie with the Even Greater White Shark. Crunch begins around 1:11:30. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "M...2022-09-021h 19

Creature CrunchComics Crunch 04: Despite The Title, He Never Actually Met Fred and BarneyEDIT 10/21/2022 - I accidentally uploaded the wrong file for this episode, whoops! Sorry for any confusion. Originally launched last month on our patreon. Hosted by The Thing in disguise: Chris. How much do you really know about Johnny Storm's ex-girlfriend, Darla Deering? Oh. Well. Here she is. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers" by Kirby...2022-09-0141 min

Creature CrunchEpisode 26: Godzilla 1985 - AKA: The Return of Godzilla (1984)My finger slipped and this became an almost two hour episode. Oops. We watch and talk about the most important movie of Matt's life, Godzilla 1985 (AKA: The Return of Godzilla). Join us as we get very granular about the differences between the two versions of this movie, marvel at the intensity that is Raymond Burr, and honestly just bask in Matt's unfiltered passion for this movie. Then, stick around as we do our best to represent the greatest monster to ever exist in a simple one-page stat block: Daisuma the Invincible. Crunch begins around 1:34:00. 2022-08-191h 52

Creature CrunchEpisode 25: Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)This week is international clown week so here is the totally planned-out, not at all coincidental thematically appropriate episode of Creature Crunch! We watch and talk about Killer Klowns from Outer Space. Join us as we travel with our leads in their journey self discovery, marvel at the supremely gay undertones of this film, and deep dive into the life cycle of a Killer Klown. Then, stick around as we crunch up an insane weirdo: the Coulrophobite. Crunch begins around 1:09:00. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon 2022-08-051h 21

Creature CrunchComics Crunch Epi 03: But I Don’t Want To Cure Cancer, I Want to Turn People into Stat BlocksOriginally launched several months ago on our patreon. Hosted by vampiric dinosaur: Chris. In this episode, we explore the history behind the pteranodon-man in that one comic panel you've absolutely seen, and then reduce him into a simple, two-column stat block. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Great Lakes Avengers" by Kirby Krackle 2022-08-011h 01

Creature CrunchEpisode 24: Rogue (2007)We watch and talk about the ausploitation giant croc flick: Rogue (2007). Join us as we learn some new things about crocodiles, learn some new falsehoods about crocodiles, and watch a movie with not a whole lot of crocodiles in it. Then, stick around as we make a standard stat block and make it legendary: Sweet Tooth. Crunch begins around 51:00. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister I...2022-07-221h 06

Creature CrunchEpisode 23: Predator (1987)We watch and talk about a bunch of muscles trekking through the jungle and occasionally fighting an alien: Predator (1987). Join us as we consider the use of rescue bullets, discuss where manly tears come from, and cringe at Matt's really bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. Then, stick around as we crunch the greatest hunter in the galaxy: the Xenojaw hunter. Crunch begins around 49:00. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by G...2022-07-081h 05

Creature CrunchComics Crunch Epi 2: Oh Dang! It’s a Man-Thang!Originally launched several months ago on our patreon. Hosted by our own resident swamp thing, Chris. This episode is all about the evidentially prolific catalyst for so much of the Marvel universe: Man-Thing. Then you can enjoy our creative process as we crunch this swampy heap into a teleporting, fear-inducing weirdo that will be unwelcome in any D&D adventure! Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "...2022-07-0156 min

Creature CrunchEpisode 22: The Thing (1982)We watch and talk about one of the greatest horror films of all time: John Carpenter's The Thing (1982). Join us as we celebrate the film's 40th anniversary, lament the vitriol it received when it first released, and discuss the various fan theories that have surfaced over the years. Then, stick around to hear our take on a tricky shapeshifting monster: the Unnameable Horror. Crunch begins around 1:19:00 Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter 2022-06-241h 36

Creature CrunchEpisode 21: Psycho Goreman (2020)We watch and talk about the wild ride that is Psycho Goreman (2020). Join us as we puzzle over the rules of Crazy Ball, admire some awesome suit work, and contemplate the true power of love. Then, stick around to hear our take on the greatest evil in the universe: the Otherworldly Decimator. Crunch begins around 1:05:00 Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "The...2022-06-101h 15

Creature CrunchComics Crunch 01: Spidery Man and His Wippity WebsWe launched this episode three months ago over on our patreon and we liked it so much that we decided to make it a monthly show! Hosted by our friendly neighborhood Spider-Chris. Our first episode is all about that man they called Spidey and the webby goop he shoots, just, all over. Then endure our creative process as we crunch those web shot doohickeys into a magic hoozit that you can use in your own game! 2022-06-0147 min

Creature CrunchEpisode 20: Pacific Rim (2013)Happy Mayllermo del Toro! For our finaldel Toro movie, we hit up one of the most important movies to us: Pacific Rim (2013). Join us as we send out the month by celebrating this impossible movie, bring up James Bond more times than we expected, and jam out to the awesome music. Then, stick around to hear Matt's first kaiju stat block in the Shippodachi. Crunch begins around 1:13:30 Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter ...2022-05-271h 31

Creature CrunchEpisode 19: Hellboy (2004)Happy Mayllermo del Toro! our third del Toro movie brings us to the comic-adapted Hellboy (2004). Join us as we man-crush over Ron Perlman yet again, question the logistics of Nazi super-science, and fall in love with a monster we frankly don't crunch. Then, stick around while we bring you one of the more unique mechanics in a D&D monster out there in the Antikytherian Assassin. Crunch begins around 1:06:00 Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter 2022-05-201h 20

Creature CrunchEpisode 18: Pan’s Labyrinth (2006)Happy Mayllermo del Toro! For our second del Toro themed movie, we watch and talk about Pan's Labyrinth (2006). Join us as we *faun* over this beloved movie, connect with del Toro's hatred of horses, and discuss Dwayne Johnson for some reason. Then, stick around to hear our take on the actual featured monster of the movie: the Homcabo. Crunch begins at 1:00:00 Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters"...2022-05-131h 14

Creature CrunchEpisode 17: Cronos (1993)Happy Mayllermo del Toro! To kick things off, we watch and talk about Guillermo del Toro's first movie: Cronos. Join us as we question Ron Perlman's sterilization precautions, wish our protagonist wouldn't lick up blood off the floor, and give some sage advice in regards to mimes dressed as clocks. Then, join us as we explore a new skin on a classic monster: the marbled vampire. Crunch begins at 55:30 Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter 2022-05-061h 08

Creature CrunchEpisode 16: Pitch Black (2000)We watch and talk about the movie made for all the spacey edgelords out there: Pitch Black. Join us as we cringe to the early 00's, discuss the similarities between Riddick and Droopy Dog, and speculate the universe in which Riddick was a space barbarian woman fighting alien ghosts. Then, join us as we take evolution's least favorite mistake and throw it at your players: the Spearhead. Crunch begins at 57:00 Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter ...2022-04-291h 09

Creature CrunchEpisode 15: Little Shop of Horrors (1986)We watch and talk about the greatest musical featuring a giant plant and Rick Moranis ever made, Little Shop of Horrors. Join us as we groove to some catchy songs, discuss currency in the 80's, and Steve Martin all over our Bill Murray. Then, join us as we hand a man-eating plant a gun: the Chlorobastard. Crunch begins at 54:00 Edit: I'm not a bright man and repeated the same mistake I did two weeks ago. So NOW I've uploaded the proper episode and will endeavor to be better in the future. -Matt Stat...2022-04-151h 11

Creature CrunchEpisode 14: The Monster (2016)April Fools. Here's the real episode We actually watch and talk about the SEO nightmare that is 2016's The Monster. Join us as we muscle through a second recording of this one because technical difficulties was the April Fools joke on us. We also beg forgiveness for the audio quality issues here as Chris was still very sick and there was a problem with the mic that we didn't notice until editing, and oh gosh this was all so tied into our April Fools joke so we had to do it forgive me father for...2022-04-0258 min

Creature CrunchApril Fools 2022: MonsterW̸̼̰͎̋̑́̾̚͠e̷̡̛͙̩͈̺̝̻̲̬͎͗̓̇̔̽͌̏̔̕͠ ̴̨͚͇̩̋̎̓̍w̸̫̫̱̺͖͍̍á̸͈̳̱̒̊t̵̡̥͊͊͑͑̅̀͘͝c̸̹̟̃̽͒͌̈́̓̽̅͂͝͠h̵͉̗̖̩͇͌̑̎̀̆͠͝͝͝ ̷̧̡̢͉̖̜̥̝̣͗̊̈́̔͛̄͋͌͊̑̄̎͜͜a̵̛͙͍̦͔̰̭̍́̋̽͛ͅn̵̨̧̨͖̜̗̣̝͆̏̾̈́̈́̉́̄̇͝ͅd̶̗̮̩̪̫̲̟̣̝͗̍̃͒ ̵̡̡̣̲̗̝̲͓̜̗̂͑̓̂̿̈̓͋͝͝t̴̢̅̈́͊̑̌́͜a̴̰͓̥̬̞̥̹̲̤͍͊̿̀̐͛̈̋̽̕͠ĺ̸̡͖̜̳̙̘̞̜̏͒̐͐̋̐̾̿͘͘͜͠ḱ̴̨̛̯̜̯̹̹͎͉̃̎̐́̃͠ͅ ̵̼̯̃̈́̃̽̌͋ạ̴̘̫͔̭̖̺̘̞͂̓̒̚b̵̛̼͈̻̭̙̓̇̈́̿̐̊͛͠ͅô̷̝͇̯̗̘̤̝̘͒̃̎̃̒̋́̀͝ů̷̻̗̣͓͚͈̭̪͑̃͛̑̽͊͂͜͝ͅṱ̴͙͆̅͑͑̆̄̂̀̒̔ ̸̛̗̮́͗̾Ṁ̵̢̢̫͓̭̥̱͕̩͍͎̜́̆͋o̸͚̳̞͒̓̆͠͝n̶̡̡̙̬͉͕̠̂̌̈́͘̕ͅs̴̡̩̗̮̰̼͛͗̕ͅt̵̰̫̍͆́̇͜͝e̸̻̹͈̥͍̊͒̓r̴̞̄̇̔̐̇.̸̟͔̱͇͙̣̺̣̣͓̱̀̿͝ ̵͔̪͇̜͑̒͛̍̈̀̑͗͘W̷̞͋͌͊̿͗̾̐̌͝ȩ̸̧͇͕͉̰͈̗͉̒̇̈͌́͊̇̚ ̷̢̢̢̳̪̤̠̊̔̆̅̃̈̈́̅̿̚w̷̳̣̝̤̰̣̝̾̏̓á̶̗̬̯̠̪̱̄̇̔̓̓̂̐͐t̴̯̬͒̀̆̿͂͛̇̉̽͌͠͝c̷̰̥͓̞̋̉̀̏̾̇̇̈́͠͠h̶̛̛͖͔̫̪͙͂́̈͌̔̂̔̉͜ͅ ̴̢̛̞̜̳͔̑̽́̉̈̂̂̿͝a̷̡̢̡̛̪̳͎̤̱͓̲̭̰͆͋̊͐̎̔̔͝n̶͙̲̟̼̟̞̺̔̾̏͊͑̂̄͘̕d̸̢̨͈̪̗̰͍̜͉͙̗̾͆ͅ ̵̡̪͉̺͍̣̹̺̬͎̿̿̀̈̇̓̽̚̚ṱ̷̺͖̰͖̲͛̉̄̉̏́a̷͎̪̭̯̦̝̼̰̤̓̌͛́̈́̋͝l̶̢̲͇̅̄̇̄̇̽͠͝͝k̵̨̨̤̓̈́̊̊͋̊̾ ̴̩̩͇̻̗̣̹̜̈́͗͘a̷̛̗̠̲̣͈̮̮̹͐̐̈́͛̎̌̏͂̅͝͝b̴̢͙͖̜̫͗̈͊̽̊̽͐̿̓̈̚͠ò̵̢̫̈͗̎̓͐́͝u̸̧̪̯͑͜͜t̵̹̙̼̗̣̬̜͍̱̝͙̔̃̐̍ ̶̬͚͋M̸̡̺̰͓̪̟̓͑̓̾͊̏̚o̸̬͍̘̳̝̺͓͇̞̟̊͜ņ̸̨̳̦͖̦̲̘̲̘̗͚͑̈̎͊̚͝͝s̶̡̟͓͕̜͙̈́͝ţ̷̡̠͙͈̰̪̪̹̳̱̳́́͊̈́́ë̵̢̛̻̭͓́̅̈͑̓̇̄͒̈́͐͜͝ͅr̴̤͛̇ͅ.̷̛͉͍̗̀̄̎̆̑̃̈́͂̕͘͝ ̵̧̧̖̜̤͖̤̟̑̃̿͋̅͌̚̚ ̵̡̨͈̻͙̯͇͍͙̥̟̪͊̈͆̀͆̓͝J̸̢͓͖̪̤̜̙̝͋̍̈́̊̀̌̍̓͜͝ơ̷̰̠̪͚̫̯̩̝͒̇͛̈́̊̓̍í̴̤͇́̑͊̀̌͗̌͊̕͜ņ̶̧̝̲͙͎̥͔̬́̉̒͐̈́̐̾͆̚ ̵̛͕̈́̒̀̓͜u̷͎̼̬̿̀̍s̷̮̙̙͈̥̫͗͂͋ ̶̨̢̜͖̰̭̯͙͉̐̏̅̊̀̒͑͌͌͘͠ȁ̷̠̩̤̘s̶̡̛̛̹̖̠̳͖̘̦̝͉͑̊͠ ̵̧̲̖̖̞̘̫̟͉̎̉͗̋͊͐̆̇̿̎̉͝ͅw̶͕̉ȩ̸̲̭͕̩͖̥͌ ̶̤̯͉́̒͛̏͠w̷̢̛͓̭̲̻̝̦͎̥̼̲͙̅͋̈́͆̊̕͠a̴̛̤͗͌̈́̓̽͗̚̚͝t̶̛̹͓͔̥͚̳̃̽͑͑̈̈́̍̚c̴͚̮̬̭͍̺͖̱͍̫̯̽̋̎͗̃̌̃͗̀̑̚͠h̷̬̫̤̙̬͚̥͚̠͆̃̓͒ ̷̫̱̄̈́͌̾̈́̐͆̚͝͠ȃ̴̬̜̬͍̌͘n̵̰̜̫̘͇̋̈̈̈́̈́͗̐̂͐͒͘͝d̶̘̺̖͚̱̠̥͔̖̠̱̉̍̀͌̍̕͜ ̸̧̻̫͔̼̞̠͈̥̯̤͉͊̔̇͒́͝t̸̛̙̜̦̝͙͑͛̀͝ả̷̯̪̩͐͛̃̒̚ļ̷̟̲̥̟͒̓͑͐͝k̴̢̨̠͖̜̫̟͔̬͎̗̖̔͊̋́͊̂̋̉̄͒̋̕ ̷̧̗̬͌̈̋a̴̬̐̉̃̈͐̔͊̿͝͠b̸̺̲̼̺̩̼̞͚̹̳̼̆͗͌̔̽̐̏̿͆̕ó̸̧̢̞͎̙̱̪̞̫̺̃̈́́u̵̡̡̱͉̙̯͚̦͕̞͍̣̒́́͊͋̐̇͐̀̑͠ẗ̸̢̹̮́͌́̊̽͌͘ ̸̛͓̼͚͍̹͆̊͛̏́̀̇͝M̶̨̢̧͚̮̣̮̙̞̜͋͗͂̋̎̈́̇̄̀͜ͅơ̸̯̊̽̑̒̇͐̊͝͝n̶̤̗̜͙̳̥̹̠̠̗̝̞̾̄s̴̪͍͓͙͚̗̈́̀̽̅͜t̷̰͔̫̍͊͛̈́̉́̂̐e̶̮̱̼͚̐̈̉͋͊͆͂́̌͘̕ͅr̴̨̡̩̙̥̫̮̓̈́́̍́̂̈̀͝,̴̨̛̥̰͇͙̼̖̫̮̺̙̈́̊̍ ̶̛̪͍̥͍͚͋̅̈́͋̃͆͗͠d̸͚͇̦̈́̋̋͐̉̑̈̃̃i̶̢͌̑͗̂s̶̡̧̲͍̖͇͓͖̹̱̬̙̽̇̍́́͌́̇̈́̇͊̕c̴̢̤͈͓̤̪̣̺̰̯͉͌̽͂͌̒̏̆̋͘͝ͅú̸̡̝̪̗̣̩̜̤̇͐̋̉͑̏͐̚͠͠s̶̛̯̞̯̒̀̈́̿̑̅͆͝ş̶̳̳̦̣̜̩͉̬͍́͒͋͒͑̋̆̏̀ ̷͔͚̦͍̖͈́̀̆́̐̋̈́̒̉̈́͗̔b̷̡̧̲̙̼͈͍̲̰̎̅̉̈́͊̆͆̇̽͘e̵͖̻̭̦͚͔͑̊́̈́̓͑̎c̴̨̦̜̺̫͙͋o̸̖̬͉̭͇̖̫͈̞̩̐͗̀̊̈́̊͂ͅm̵̝̦̞͚̺̝̝͎̦͒̇̽́̍̓̾͋̓̚i̴̢̛̮͒̐̓̑̐͂͝n̶͉͖̙̾̾̓̆͝g̷͕̩̥̼̩̳͈̜͈̩̘̓̄̾̓͝ ̴̛̝̞̍́̃͋͂̾Ć̵̡̧̮̼̮͕̟͎̍͗̉͛̐̈̐͆̀͘͜ͅḩ̸̬͙̣͓̲̭̜̪̯̏͆̍̆̎͒͂͊͊̚͘͝ŕ̴͎͚i̵̭̰̣̹̲̺̭̖̤̼̻͚͐̋̍͝s̶̰̔̄͑̔̕t̸̖̥̗͚̣͌į̷̜̟̦̤͈̝̘̼͕͔̋͗͛́n̵͓͓̹̰͍̫͋̏̾͑̓͆͒̕͜͝ā̴̡̛̛̪̹̞͚̉͋͗͑͛̕ ̷̨̭͉̤̺͎̯̮͓̦̮̾̉̔R̴̨̠̮̤͉̃̈́̾͌̈́̒͊͒̐͑î̴̢̼̟̺̜̫̪̑̿̈̿̆̀̐̐̀͗͘č̴̤͍̂̓̓̅̎̇͆̃̓ć̸̛̫i̷̘͙̟͒̒͒̍́̀́͘ ̵̡̧̞̺͓͕̪̰̲̊̇͐͆̒̒̀̅̉̚͜͝i̸̧̋̋n̴͓̩̼͒̾́̄͋͐̅͊̔͘͘ ̴̛̫͙̲̘͍̬̜͉̺͕̋̑́̾̀̓̏͂͑͌͠M̵̙͇̹̬̼̳̯̣̃̆̉o̵͕̣̰͉̩̅́̓̈́̂̚͘̚͠͝͝ņ̷̭̽̌s̶̢͍̰̗̜̞̤͍̮̠̘͋̂̃͐͊̒̾̉ṭ̸̜͚͉̞̺̄͒̋e̶̛͙̗̺͑͑̌̿̓̈́̀̀̍̽͝ͅr̵̨̢̡͙̥̪͓͓̮̀̏̐̆̒,̴̦̪͎͈̹̼̙̔̄̾̂́͛͂̆͂̽̆͆ ̸͍̓͌͝r̵̛̟̲̠͉̓̓̎̌̿͗̂i̴̝̙̤̾͊̈́̇̽͛̅̎̄̎͘p̶̨̢̖̰̰̹͙̥̻̰̱̆͆͑̋͘̚ ̸̢̼̙͖̺̗͓̮̗̼͌́̀͒͌̈́̌̈́̕͝ǫ̶̹͚͓̻̿͒̕f̸̥̺̰̱͖̋͛̈́͂͊̀̔̋̃͘͝͝ͅf̸̢͓̖̰͚̺̼͔̦̣̤̆͊͜ ̴̣͔̯̫̪̥̳̤̥̠͊́͌̈̈͂̐͌̌͋̄̑t̵͚̰̠̄̆͂̆̅h̸̢̧̯̯͈̠̣̻̉̋̚ȩ̵̛̟̩̀̀͑̽̚͘͜͠͠ ̶̡̬͚͎̥̜͓̘͊̋̚c̵͙͈̰̣̅͑̊̽̂̓̅̾͠á̸͕̈́̀̑s̷͓̲̜̓̐́̾̓͂̓̅̀͐̀̚t̴̢̫̮̲̹̻͉̹͙̣̓͝,̷̬̾̄̌͒̈́͑̇̎̋̃͑̇͜ ̸̧̨̻̣̬̱̳͕̲̇̑t̵̨̥͖̐͒̇̎̄̐̽̆̂ḛ̶̫̰̊͝͝á̷̡̫̌̈́̈́̾̒̑́̑͋̏ŗ̵̡̧͓̝̟̬̳̺̗̹͎̀̊̃͑ ̸̤͙̘̼͉͉̰̖̉͗́͑̇̈́̎̑́̓t̶̡̡̡̖̲̘̜̂̑̑̏͒̌̓͌͗̀̈̑h̷̼̬̹̹̙̮̱͔͖̦̠̦͑́̑̋͆̿̿̅̀̒͊͘ą̵̜̦̱̜͖̿t̶̻̗͚̠̦̦͈̣̖͉̭̙̆̑̈́̾̽͝͝ ̸̩̺͎͈̣̰͗̾̔́͗̚ő̵̙̮͓̳͖̘̝̀̄͗̀͘p̸̬̬̫̥͕͇̗̙͂̈́̇ͅͅe̷͈̦̓̓͛n̸̡͍͙̪̿̈́͝ ̵̡͉̼̘̭̬̈́į̷̡̮̝̖̟̭̯͚͉͓̊̌̽͂̌̿̎͋̚͜͝ǹ̴͇ ̸̖̺̜͙̪̜̮̬͍̈́̄̾̒͂̓͂M̶̧͖̠͉̣̀̊̇́̽̅͊̄̏̚o̸̮̊̆n̵̠̳̞͗̐́̋̄͂s̴̭͓̈́̀̇͐̑̎͒̕t̶̝͂͋͂̿̊͘͠͝͠͝͝ê̴̱͕̽́̃ŗ̴̩̬̗̱̣̪̪́̀̑̅̃.̷̤̠̞͕̗͉͙̗͋͌̏̉͘ ̶̢͓̭̪͔̪̝̳͊͊̇́͑́̆͊̄͜Ţ̶̧̡̛̱̼͍̞̮́̒̇̂̀̐͊͠a̸̛̛̞͇̹͖͑̓̐̚̚̕ĺ̶̠̖̰̃̎̚ḳ̴͖̙̰̰͗̀̍̍͑̈́͐͑͐̆̀̕ͅ ̷̢̦̠̭͉̫̘̦͍̙̰̠͗̽́̓͂̈́̕͘ṳ̸̡̟̂́̍͑̊͘̕s̵͓̍̂́ ̷̛̝͊̍̾̍̋́̀̑ą̵̡̻̯̰̦̘̋̊͗͗͌͐͑͝s̷̨̧̡̢̩̯͙̖͉̩̃̈̆̈́̈̒̚͜͠ ̵̨͇̙̰̜̻͇̆ẘ̶̪̠̖̹̰̩͕̌̓̐̏̑̉̄̕ȅ̶̡͚͉͕̰̙͔̘̪̜̲̬͒̒̂̀͌͘ ̸̲͓̺̈j̴͙͎͖̪͖̦͆͆͜o̷̧̙͇̭̔̄͗̈́̍̓̆̾͐̒̚͝į̶͈͓̀n̷̢̡̨̧̺̪͓̰̅̆̒̅̑͘ͅ ̵̨̗̥̦͙͑͋̿̍̈́͂̈͋͗̈́̽͠Ṃ̶̤̞͙̪̰̄̆̚ỏ̷̫͕̙̈́͑͒̄̚͘͜͝n̵̤̯͈̠̔̐̉̀͝ṣ̷̌ṭ̸̛̛̤̼̠̩̙̳̾̌̾́̌̓̂̉̀̓é̶͍̪̘͇̤̭̞̺̣̇̈́́̈͂͠ͅr̷̨̫̗͍̄̀̽̽͊̀̆̄̈́̑͘͝.̷̧̢̥͔̳̖͓͍͖̣̰͓̅̀̀̋̃̄̋͋ ̸̢̨̨̛͉̬̠̲̳͚͎̳́͌̍͛̕͠T̸̨̖̗̜͔̼̈́̅͝ͅh̴͓̭͍͕̺͓͇̼̗̗̪́̂ͅę̸̨̧͚͈̺̠̹̻̺͎̟̋̔̑͌̎̾̈́̽̋̕ņ̷̧̢̨̮͕̯̳̭̠̊̃̿̕,̵̤͔͕̣̝͚̹̦̯̬͍̉̃̆̒̐͜͠ ̸̛̘͚̯̐̀́̉ẃ̴̳̇͌̈̐̄̌̈́ą̷̱͔̘̝̬͇̆t̴͙͖̀̉͐͐̾͗̓͌̕c̸̛̻̻̰̅̒̇̿͛̿̈́͂̒̊͝ḥ̶̺͓͐̐̈͆́̒͂̃͋̆̕͜͝ ̷̨̰̜̝͔̹̝̹͛̀͐̄̄̚a̵̩̰̅̈́͆͌̈́̄͜͠ş̴̻̥̗̱͖͕̖̍͛͊͛͠ ̶̡̝͇̯̟̹̏̇͝w̴̧̢̛̛͕͎̰̹͛̂͂͒̋̓̅̊͂̚ẽ̷̤̤̖̘̖̮̫̤ ̵͕͚̫̰̥̱̏w̴̗̭̝̞͕͒̀̒̋̄̒a̴̡͚͛̽̚t̶̨̥̘͕͛̈͊͐̊̑̍͋̕͝c̴̛͗̿̍̾̔͘͝͝2022-04-0141 min

Creature CrunchEpisode 13: Attack the Block (2011)We watch and talk about the kick-start to John Boyega and Jodie Whittaker's career: Attack the Block. Join us as we parse through a thick load of slang, touch up on some important social topics that we're in no way qualified to talk about, and perhaps even discover the profound effect marijuana can have on a simple0minded man. Then, join us as we create a creature made of vantablack and screams, the Otherworldly Shrieker. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's...2022-03-181h 10

Creature CrunchSt. Patrick’s Day 2022: Leprechaun (1993)Happy St. Patrick's Day! We watch and talk about the movie synonymous with St. Patty's Day horror: Leprechaun. Join us as we talk about the casting and character choices, puzzle through Leprechaun lore, and honestly, probably give Thankskilling more credit than it deserves. Then, join us as we create the most annoying monster we could think of: the Greelin. Edit: Had to tweak the audio files I pulled as they came off a bit too loud. My bad! Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon ...2022-03-171h 12

Creature CrunchEpisode 12: Tremors (1990)We watch and talk about the 90's classic, Tremors. Join us as we laugh at Kevin Bacon and all his Kevin Bacon-ness, discuss the population of the smallest town in the Nevada desert, and fight through being sick for like, three weeks. Then, stick around to get acquainted with our own giant underground monster: the Screamy Worm. Stat Blocks Stat Blocks on D&D Beyond Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "Graboid Shuffle"...2022-03-041h 20

Creature CrunchEpisode 11: Metamorphosis: The Alien Factor (1990)We watch and talk about the obscure, direct-to-video horror, Metamorphosis: The Alien Factor. Join us as we get a healthy dose of science, gripe about Brian, and sludge through some goopy creature designs. Then, stick around to get a glimpse of our take on a uniquely designed monster, the Unearthly Shambler. This was a slightly longer episode than intended. Oops! Also, I'm aware that I only recently started including the movie soundtracks as background music for these episodes, but I couldn't find the score for this flick anywhere to save my life. Edit...2022-02-181h 31

Creature CrunchValentine’s Day 2022: The Shape of Water (2017)Happy Valentine's Day! We watch and talk about one of the greatest love stories ever told, Guillermo Del Toro's The Shape of Water. Join us as we continue to fanboy over Del Toro, discover another really sweet story from behind the scenes of another fish-man movie, and brush against some hard-hitting social injustices that we are in no way qualified to handle. Then stick around to hear our take on cinema's most romantic creature: the Icosaphibian. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter 2022-02-141h 17

Creature CrunchEpisode 10: Mimic (1997)We watch and talk about Guillermo Del Toro's first American fail, Mimic. Join us as we lament the existence of the Weinstein brothers, throw shade at pandemic stans, and lose ourselves in the weeds of a fictitious pandemic. Then, stick around to learn what walks like a man but is actually just a roach man, the Termanch. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "Cockroach King" by Haken 2022-02-041h 22

Creature CrunchEpisode 09: The Fly (1986)We watch and talk about a sci-fi horror classic, The Fly. Join us as we analyze what is the Jeff Goldblum, discuss Veronica's questionable kinks, and fall in with society's fear of the flesh. Then, stick around to hear our take on the man-turned fly: the Flymanoid. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "Help Me" by Or3o 2022-01-211h 17

Creature CrunchEpisode 08: Big Legend (2018)We watch and talk about one of the many Big Foot horror movies, Big Legend. Join us as we question survivalist techniques, groan at the very concept of Eli, and wonder what the future of cryptids holds . Then, stick around to hear our attempt to make yet another bigfoot monster interesting with the Big man. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "Bigfoot in My Backyard" by Ate Bit 2022-01-071h 16

Creature CrunchChristmas 2021: GremlinsMerry Christmas! We watch and talk about the objectively best Christmas movie made: Gremlins. Join us as share our love of this classic, have the same discussion every fan of this movie has, and giggle at "Milk Duds". Then stick around to hear our take on the marquee monsters: the Mischief Goblin. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: Gremlins Theme Interlude music: "Gremlins Everywhere" by Creature Feature End theme: "Monsters" by Gothminister 2021-12-251h 17

Creature CrunchEpisode 07: Christine (1983)We watch and talk about the John Carpenter-directed Stephen King story, Christine. Join us as we show how little we actually know about anything, discuss the wide range in age high schoolers can be, and question exactly what Alternate Universe Jonah Hill is actually doing with his life. Then, stick around to hear our take on Creature Crunch's first car: the Wicked Wagon. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "Cars" by Gary Numan 2021-12-241h 24

Creature CrunchEpisode 06: Love and Monsters (2020)We watch and talk about the 2020 straight-to-streaming apocalyptic monster movie: Love and Monsters. Join us as Matt gets a weird hang-up about payouts on early concepts, we rave about the creature designs, and just generally have an OK time with this pretty decent film. Then, stick around to hear our take on a variation one one of the many monsters in this movie: the Unstoppable Crab. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "Love...2021-12-101h 14

Creature CrunchEpisode 04: Carnosaur (1993)The original publish of this episode somehow vanished from the host, so we had to re-upload it. We watch and talk about the Jurassic Park mockbuster, Carnosaur. Join us as we follow a murderous dinosaur chicken, question what any of these companies and orginizations actually do, and wonder why so many scenes of Clint Howard eating were necessary. Then, stick around to hear our take on a maybe deinonychus: the Biosaur. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters"...2021-12-091h 11

Creature CrunchEpisode 05: Anaconda (1997)We watch and talk about the 1997 thriller: Anaconda. Join us as we gush over this star-studded cast, delight at Jon Voight DEVOURING the scenery, and grapple with the concept of the movie taking place in its own universe where snakes are serial killers. Then, stick around to hear our take on a variation of the giant constrictor snake: the Screamaconda. PSA: We talk a lot about how much we like Jon Voight in this flick, but make no mistake, it's his character that we love. We don't condone or, frankly, even respect the man himself. ...2021-11-261h 23

Creature CrunchThanksgiving 2021: ThanksKillingHappy Thanksgiving! We watch and talk about the small-budget cult hit, ThanksKilling. Join us as we complain about nearly every aspect of this film, explain why this isn't really a movie for us, and talk about the comedic masterpiece it could have been. OK, maybe that's going a bit too far. Then stick around to hear our take on the titular Turkie and his various incarnations plus a few extra bonuses: the Hell Turkey. Side note: when we recorded the crunch, there was an issue with Chris' mic and we didn't catch it until it...2021-11-251h 18

Creature CrunchHalloween 2021: Ernest Scared StupidHappy Halloween! We watch and talk about the 5th movie in the Ernest franchise, Ernest Scared Stupid. Join us as we reminisce about this classic from our childhood, delight at Jim Varney's honestly enjoyable performance, and cringe at some racist caricatures. Then, stick around to hear our take on the gooey and large-headed monster of the film: the Snot Goblin. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: Ernest Scared Stupid Intro Interlude music: "Haunted by the Ghost...2021-10-311h 06

Creature CrunchEpisode 03: The Blob (1988)We watch and talk about the 1988 remake: The Blob. Join us as we revel in this films impressive practical effects, discuss the morality scale of an amorphous ooze, and discover a cool story about one of the movie's background characters. Then, stick around to hear our take on a stomach-turned-inside-out: the Rosé Blob. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister 2021-10-291h 25

Creature CrunchEpisode 02: Sweetheart (2019)We watch and talk about the 2019 straight-to-streaming movie, Sweetheart. Join us as we cover the simple plot, talk about love behind-the-scenes, ponder the history only hinted at, and discuss the finer details of a fishy monster man. Then, stick around to hear our take on the monster in our stat block: The Beach Hunter. Stat Blocks Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister Interlude music: "Happy Together" by the Flobots 2021-10-151h 09

Creature CrunchEpisode 01: Alien (1979)We watch and talk about Ridley Scott's 1979 sci-fi horror landmark: Alien. Join us as we faun over this classic movie, talk about the misconception of a particular scene, question the need for a drippy room, and discuss the basic strengths and weaknesses of one of the most iconic horror monsters of all time. Then, stick around to hear our take on the monster in our stat block: The Xenodrone. Please forgive the poor audio quality in this episode. It gets better in episode 2. I promise! Stat Blocks Patreon Email ...2021-10-011h 03

Creature CrunchEpisode 0: IntroductionsWe introduce our goof-ass selves and show everybody that we truly don't know what we're doing. What we're TRYING to do, however, is watch some monster movies, talk about them, and then make a stat block in D&D 5e for the featured monster! You know, something completely original and not at all played-out! Also, pardon the audio quality, it gets better in episode 2, I promise! Patreon Email Twitter Matt's Twitter Chris' Twitter Theme music: "Monsters" by Gothminister 2021-10-0129 min