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Crafting Solutions to ConflictFamily Business Mediation:Family Business Mediation helps families and their businesses, large or small, to deal with conflicts effectively. Family businesses are certain to face challenges, by their nature. Typically, these include: a mix of emotions and money; individuals who wear multiple hats;long-term relationships, expectations, and memories; power imbalances; and a multi-generational time horizon. This episode provides a brief overview. If you would like to dive deeper, please join Richard Lutringer, Jack Wofford, Natalie McVeigh, and me at the virtual annual conference of the Greater New York Chapter of the Association for Conflict Resolution. On Thursday, June 3, we will of...
2021-05-2705 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictBryant Galindo on startups, disagreements, and the new middleDisagreements can happen in any business relationship. Startups may face challenges unique to their nature, including issues surrounding the value that each partner is bringing to the venture, when they hope to achieve their goals, and how to onboard employees in the startup environment. Bryant describes how he came to work with these businesses, and others that attract millennials. We also discuss Bryant’s upcoming book, “The New Middle: Disagreeing with Heart and Mind When it Matters Most.” In it, he reflects on themes that have arisen in his work in conflict resolution, including the need to treat each other wit...
2021-05-2024 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictThe Mediator who became a PoliticianGary Friedman, a highly-respected and deeply-experienced mediator, ran for local office in the small Northern California town where he had lived for 40 years. Recently, tensions had flared in town meetings over a few local issues. Amanda Ripley, author of High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out, wrote about his foray into politics in her article, “I Got Obama’d”.https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2021/05/01/conflict-resolution-politics-amanda-ripley-excerpt-484786Starting out with a goal of including everyone, Gary soon fell into the trap of divisive politics, and tensions escalated. He and his allies lost power. He then re...
2021-05-1307 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictRestorative Justice: its growth in use and applicationUse of Restorative Justice in criminal justice and its application in other areas have both grown in recent years. Restorative Justice has a focus beyond punishment of offenders that includes the needs of the victims. In addition to broader use in the criminal justice arena, Restorative Justice has grown in application to include schools, religious institutions, and societies at large.Howard Zehr, a Restorative Justice pioneer, offers these questions to consider if a process is accurately described as Restorative Justice. Are the wrongs being acknowledged? Are the needs of those who were harmed being addressed? Is the one w...
2021-05-0605 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictAmy Kay Watson on coaching and Internal Family Systems TherapyInternal Family Systems Therapy allows an individual to support one’s own contradictory parts.Amy is a certified leadership coach who has pulled together a range of professional and personal experiences that help her serve her clients. One aspect of her coaching work is the application of Internal Family Systems Therapy. The IFS model accepts and welcomes the various parts that we each hold within us. You can learn more about IFS here: https://ifs-institute.com/ Learn more about Amy and her work at her website, https://careerleadershipalignment.com/ Facebook, https://www.facebook.com/AmyKayWatsonCoach/ and LinkedIn https...
2021-04-2922 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictShocks and aftershocksWhen a bad conflict ends, consider carefully how to deal with any sudden and severe shift to your foundation. There is a shock. A shock to you. A shock to the other person -- or people – and a shock to the relationship itself. And it’s predictable that those shocks will have effects. What they are and when they will occur is less predictable. Often, even less predictable are the aftershocks. Don’t be thrown by the shock. Whether it’s a shock or an aftershock, try hard to avoid a knee-jerk reaction to lash out and hurt others in the r...
2021-04-2205 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictMisunderstanding estrangementTruly understanding estrangement is quite tough; clearing up some misconceptions is easier. There’s often a tilt to the misunderstanding of estrangement. A tilt to the negative, the hopeless, a belief in a guaranteed increased hardening as time goes on. There can also be a misunderstanding about how the two “sides” view the estrangement itself, even if they agree about how they started on the path to estrangement. It’s common to believe everyone chooses anger, reciprocal rejection, or a genuine effort to forget about those on the other side. That’s not always the case, as demonstrated by the words o...
2021-04-1505 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictMarguerite Lorenz on independent trustees and preventing harmful family conflictFamilies can benefit if they leave the work of fiduciary duties to a dedicated professional trustee and focus on being a family. Marguerite describes the duties, including obligations of ethics and fairness, that trustees must fulfill. Communications with all the relevant people are essential, while also preserving the agency of an aging person. If a family member -- and not a professional -- is acting as trustee, communication is even more important because of real, imagined, or potential conflicts of interest. You can learn more about Marguerite and Lorenz Private Trustees at https://www.mytrustee.net/ . Her book, Ethics fo...
2021-04-0828 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictEmbracing Reconciliation Day as a catalystReconciliation Day, April 2nd, can serve as a catalyst to start to heal an estrangement. The late advice columnist Ann Landers created the day as a time each year to extend an olive branch of reconciliation over hurts caused by words or actions. You can learn more about its origins in the April 2, 2019 Reconciliation Day episode: https://bit.ly/2PnuhMO.Reconciliation Day can serve as a catalyst: an arbitrary day to make the first step toward ending an estrangement and reconciling. Think through how best to approach the other person. Use the fact of Reconciliation Day explicitly – it...
2021-04-0106 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictDirectness and Intensity in Expressing DisagreementBoth the directness and the intensity with which we express disagreement influence the solution. A paper titled “The Directness and Oppositional Intensity of Conflict Expression” explored combinations of high or low directness and high or low intensity in expressing opposition. The best approach, according to the paper, is high directness/low intensity. In that case, the clear expression of opposition leads to a clear understanding of it. And a low intensity approach allows those involved to focus on the problem they are trying to solve and to avoid getting caught up in personal attacks or defenses. Say what y...
2021-03-2505 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictJames Grubman, PhD, on family wealth, differences, conflicts, and negotiationJim shares insights from his deep experience with legacy families – and shares a secret tip. Jim noted a few key points. Not all differences are going to lead to damaging conflicts. When families work to manage conflicts, it’s not just about communication; negotiation will be necessary. Families will help themselves when they work to improve skills that promote effective negotiation. Families can then carry forward a new template for their interaction, one that will better serve future generations.You can learn more about Jim and his publications at http://jamesgrubman.com/. You can reach him at jim@j...
2021-03-1827 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictDesmond Tutu quote on persuasionWise words from Desmond Tutu: “Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument.” Increasing your volume isn’t likely to win over anyone, and it might make matters worse. Improving your argument doesn’t mean make your language nastier, use big words where smaller ones would be better, or say everything twice.Instead: find the weak points in your argument and make them stronger, make the vague points clearer, be specific, and think through the likely objections of the other person. The point of all of these thoughts is that you can more effectively attempt topersuade someone else to see things...
2021-03-1105 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictComes in like a lion and goes out like a lambMarch weather in some places can be like the participants in a mediation.In some parts of the world, the month of March starts cold and blustery and ends in a milder, gentler manner. The same can be true in the mediation process. People may start out frozen in their positions and feeling aggressive. By the end of the process, they may be willing to find a more temperate and more nimble way forward together.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict...
2021-03-0404 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictRicha Singh on conflict, governance, and “cleansing”Enterprising families can prevent nasty conflicts by embracing governance and “cleansing”Richa describes how families can adopt governance processes that fit their own situation, at the current time, and adapt them as circumstances change. Having these processes in place to address challenging issues can prevent nasty conflict from occurring. In some cases, a family benefits from a “cleansing” to bring to the surface underlying, ongoing conflicts before building a new foundation for family and business success.Learn more about Richa at https://www.linkedin.com/in/richa-singh-831396b1/. Contact her to find out more about a complime...
2021-02-2524 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictPlanning ahead for a prenup talkTalking about why a prenup makes sense before a potential life partner is involved prevents unnecessary conflict.The idea of a prenup can cause hurt and anger in the person who is asked to sign one. A large part of the problem is the feeling that that being asked to sign one means that the spouse or, more likely, the intended spouse’s parents “don’t trust me!” or “don’t like me!” If the parents discuss their feelings about the benefits of a prenup before their offspring are likely to meet a potential life partner, then it becomes obvio...
2021-02-1805 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictOpting out of “insanity”Approaching conflict the same way repeatedly and expecting different results is “insanity”.Three different perspectives on handling conflict effectively suggest that taking the same approach to conflict over and again and expecting different (and, implicitly, better) results is “insanity”. Dr. Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler’s Optimal Outcomes Method, Cinnie Nobles’ CINERGY® Conflict Management Coaching Model, and The Mediation Training Institute’s Conflict Dynamics Profile ® all encourage first recognizing and then working to change the conflict habits that aren’t serving us well. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about co...
2021-02-1105 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictJennifer Goldman-Wetzler, PhD, on Optimal Outcomes and freeing yourself from conflictWhen situations resist resolution, the Optimal Outcomes Method teaches us conflict freedom.An Optimal Outcome maximizes our imagined future and reality. The method helps us to understand the conflict loop, to break the conflict pattern, and free ourselves from the loop. Learn more about Jen’s book, Optimal Outcomes: Free Yourself from Conflict at Work, at Home, and in Life at https://jengoldmanwetzler.com/the-book/. Multiple free resources are available at https://jengoldmanwetzler.com/resources/.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict reso...
2021-02-0426 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictUnity and unanimityUnity of values or purpose can overcome a lack of unanimity on details. If unity requires that everyone is in unanimous, complete, agreement on every detail, then unity will be impossible to achieve in all but the smallest or the most rigid of groups. Better to have unity of values or unity of purpose and then live with the lack of unanimity on the smaller points. But one thing is crucial: We all can more easily embrace unity and live with a lack of unanimity when the process for making decisions is thought to be fair.Do y...
2021-01-2806 min
Crafting Solutions to ConflictHumble in victory and gracious in defeatChristopher Earle coined an excellent phrase about winners and losers.Be humble in victory and gracious in defeat. Conflict often ends with some as winners and some as losers. The current winner can become the loser next time – and vice versa. The choice we make – and it is a choice – about how to behave should reflect our own sense of honor. It’s true, too, that others will notice how we conduct ourselves and remember it in the future.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or confl...
2021-01-2105 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictTsitsi Mutendi on her work with Nhaka Legacy Planning and African Family FirmsResearch and support for family firms is relatively new in Africa, a key motivation behind Tsitsi’s work. She knew about the work of family firms from an early age – both those that thrived and those that failed. An entrepreneur at heart, Tsitsi has become passionate about helping African family enterprises network, learn, and receive the recognition they deserve. She recently earned Certificates in Family Wealth Advising and Family Business Advising from the Family Firm Institute. You can learn more about her consultancy work here: https://www.nhakalegacy.com/and the organization she co-founded here: https://www.africanfamilyfirms.org/. Her pod...
2021-01-1428 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictThe meaning of Dovetail ResolutionsDovetail Resolutions, LLC: high-quality, customized approaches to conflict that fit. The concept of dovetailing is well-known: things fitting together well. A dovetail joint is highly valued in carpentry: a custom creation, where the two pieces form a strong, interlocking connection. Resolutions sometimes represent conflict resolution of the mediated agreement type. Other times, a resolution is a commitment: the people involved agree to a plan of action, or to a change in tone, or to undertaking some sort of activity that will serve them better than fighting. And a bonus meaning: the word “dovetail” comes from the image of a dove’...
2021-01-0705 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictObservations on 20202020 provides some useful takeaways for dealing with conflict effectively.This year has been full of challenges and many are happy to put it behind them. As we turn the page, we can benefit from remembering a few lessons. First, many individuals reached across differences to help each other – these successes can be lost in the scope of the challenges. Second, when grappling with the issue of racial inequality – and other issues, too – we do well to remember that we are all individuals, and worthy persons. Third, as Damian Barr stated, we are in the same storm, but not th...
2020-12-3105 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictTodd Cherches on visual leadershipA focus on visual leadership helps leaders more effectively imagine, communicate, and inspire.Visual images are proven to help us conceive of ideas, express those ideas to others, and encourage people to join us on a journey. You can learn more about Todd on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/toddcherches/. His personal website includes tips and information on his new book, VisuaLeadership ®, Leveraging the Power of Visual Thinking in Leadership and in Life, through his website. https://www.toddcherches.com/. His company training website is http://www.bigbluegumball.com/.Do you have comments or sugg...
2020-12-2430 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictWhat harmony isn'tHarmony is about differences coming together, not everything being the same.We understand harmony in music to be different parts combining in a positive way. But we sometimes think of human harmony as a group without differences. In fact, human harmony mirrors musical harmony: the differences create the depth of the sound. You can experience the NYC Virtual Choir and Orchestra demonstrating lovely human and musical harmony here:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLPP3XmYxXg&ab_channel=ThePoddBrothers Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An ide...
2020-12-1005 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictSarah Peyton on scapegoatingScapegoating is a pattern of behavior that can harm not just the target, but the others in the group as well. Sarah Peyton is a Nonviolent Communication trainer and neuroscience educator. She uses her knowledge and experience to explain why our brains can embrace scapegoating (when we are not the target). We discuss how groups, especially in the workplace, get involved in scapegoating and how to break the pattern. You can learn more about Sarah and her work at https://www.yourresonantself.com/ , where you can also find free guided meditations for developing self-warmth and resonance.Do y...
2020-12-0326 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictOne hundred episodes of gratitudeI am grateful for the 100 weekly episodes of Crafting Solutions to Conflict published to date.This episode is the 100th weekly episode of the Crafting Solutions to Conflict podcast. I am thankful to Seth Godin and the coaches and peers who supported me through the second run of the Podcasting workshop, starting in October 2018. And to the Old Hands who were part of that group and continue to help me alone the journey. I am grateful for the guests who have graciously shared their insights. And, most of all, I am grateful for the listeners to this...
2020-11-2607 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictThe OrangeFisher and Ury use The Orange as a vivid illustration of a key conceptIn the book Getting to Yes, Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, Roger Fisher and William Ury tell the story of the orange. It is a vivid illustration of the difference between interests and positions. When we state a position, it’s a proxy for our interest. If we focus on the interests behind positions, we may more easily find creative solutions to conflict. that we should focus on our interests and not our positions. Do you have comments or suggestions about a top...
2020-11-1905 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictHoward Ross on the impact of bias on our perspectiveOur unconscious bias shapes our perspective in ways we don’t easily recognize or accept.Just days after the 2020 election in the U.S., we discuss how we all are affected by bias – in ways that we find hard to manage and hard to believe. Our emotional reactions are so fast and our commitment to our rationalizations so strong that it is difficult for us to change our own minds or to see that others may have their own values and perspectives that seem completely legitimate to them. The first steps to communicating with each other are acce...
2020-11-1225 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictLet me count the waysThe day after Election Day in the U.S. is featuring a number of factors that encourage conflict.Today’s challenges include uncertainty, high emotions, exhaustion, a highly significant outcome, and lots of noise. All of these can contribute to negative, destructive conflict. Yet we have also seen an absence of conflict that had been feared by some: violence and disruption in the voting process. There have also been instances of positive conflict: Republican leaders contradicting a president of their own party. As the future unfolds, we should avoid holding our breath, both figuratively and unconsciously literally. In...
2020-11-0506 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictVik Kapoor on peer conflict coaching at the UNVik Kapoor on a UN Office of the Ombudsman pilot peer conflict coaching programVik describes a pilot peer conflict coaching program underway in over 40 countries, as part of the work of the UN Office of the Ombudsman. Vik notes that the views he expresses are his own and do not reflect the views of the United Nations or the U.S. Federal Government in any way; any errors and omissions are his own. The Office of the Ombudsman for United Nations Funds and Programmes' site is https://fpombudsman.org/Vik also tells us about his...
2020-10-2927 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictHidden threads of conflictBoth inside the group in conflict and outside it, threads of conflict may be hidden below the surface.Hidden Threads of Conflict is the title of a presentation next week for the annual global conference of the Family Firm Institute (FFI). I am part of a panel of three, which is part of a larger group, which is itself a subset of the FFI Mediation Virtual Study Group. It’s been great to work with Jack Wofford, Richard Lutringer, Ann Begler, Natalie McVeigh, Kathleen Hoye, Amy Wirtz, Susan Kaye, Chen Seft-Feiglin, and Marc Silverman.Families, in...
2020-10-2206 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictConflict Resolution Day is October 15Every year, The Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR) celebrates Conflict Resolution Day. This year it’s on October 15th. ACR is an international, professional organization enhancing the practice and public understanding of conflict resolution. Members include mediators, arbitrators, educators and other conflict resolution practitioners. ACR’s Mission: ACR gives voice to the choices for quality conflict resolution.ACR’s Vision: All people know their choices for conflict resolution. The key word is choices: we make choices about how we will handle conflict. In recognition of Conflict Resolution Day, ACR shared some qu...
2020-10-1505 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictChuck Howard, International Ombudsman Association’s Executive DirectorAn ombuds helps individuals and groups to resolve conflicts and concerns.Chuck explains how the term ombudsman comes originally from the Swedish and means “representative”. Today you may hear ombuds, ombudsman, or ombudsperson. According to the International Ombudsman Association: “Ombudsmen work in all types of organizations, including government agencies, colleges and universities, corporations, hospitals and other medical facilities, and news organizations. There are different types of ombudsmen with different roles, functional responsibilities, and standards of practice including organizational ombudsman, classical ombudsman, and advocate ombudsman.” The organizational ombuds may be the most frequently encountered. As Chuck n...
2020-10-0827 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictWhat am I missing?Considering what we’re missing can clarify why someone disagrees with us.When we are in conflict and can’t understand how someone can hold the position they do, we can consider if we are missing something. Do we have partial information? Or outdated information? Does the other person have a perspective we don’t grasp? We ask ourselves what we’re missing. We can also ask the other person – with genuine curiosity. Even if no minds are changed immediately, channels of communication may be opened or strengthened.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or...
2020-10-0104 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictNonviolent Communication – a brief introductionNonviolent Communication: communicating with clarity and empathy.Dr. Marshall Rosenberg developed the concept of Nonviolent Communication – or NVC – and founded the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC). Very generally, the NVC approach can be broken down into four parts: observing a situation -- without evaluation or judgment; noticing the feelings the situation brings to the surface; understanding what need or value is causing those feelings; and requesting concrete actions that you would like taken that would better meet your needs. You can learn more about NVC and the Center here: https://www.cnvc.org/Do you have...
2020-09-2404 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictJoseph Kuo, of Abundance Wealth Planning, on Motivational InterviewingMotivational Interviewing helps people resolve inner conflicts and make changes that help them reach goals.Joseph discussed his work as a financial and life planner and how he uses Motivational Interviewing to help his clients better understand how to match their behaviors to the goals they identify for themselves. Motivational Interviewing was developed by clinical psychologists William R. Miller and Stephen Rollnick in the area of addiction treatment. Its principles apply much more broadly and can help people resolve ambivalent or contradictory feelings and move to positive change.You can learn more about Motivational Interviewing...
2020-09-1726 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictMediation or facilitation -- what's the difference?In mediation, a trained neutral helps with conflict resolution; in facilitation, there is less or no focus on conflict.Unlike facilitation, in mediation there is always an active dispute. In facilitation, there may be one brewing, one resolved but the resolution not yet implemented, or no dispute at all – just an interest in considering a topic or topics with care. You can learn more at the American Bar Association’s Dispute Resolution Section webpage, in the public access section: https://www.americanbar.org/groups/dispute_resolution/resources/DisputeResolutionProcesses/mediation/andhttps://www.americanbar.org/groups/dispu...
2020-09-1006 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictGoing to the balconyWilliam Ury’s idea of going to the balcony helps in a challenging conversation. In his book Getting Past No he sets out the idea of Going to the Balcony. Trying that strategy can help you three ways: 1) you avoid a knee-jerk reaction; 2) you can a wider perspective; 3) you take a pause – of whatever length is best – in engaging in the conflict. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me a...
2020-09-0305 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictPaula Oleska on the Brain Upgrade and Natural Intelligence SystemsBetter recognition of our body’s role in emotions will help us to use them as an asset.Paula talked with me about how she came to learn about the importance of addressing our body – and not just our mind – when dealing with emotions and stress. You can learn more and reach Paula at paula@brainupgrade.biz, phone: 646.554.346, or https://www.naturalintelligencesystems.com/.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more abo...
2020-08-2726 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictReinhold Niebuhr on acceptance, courage, and wisdomThe Serenity Prayer provides insights on both personal and interpersonal conflict. Many know the poem credited to the American theologian, Reinhold Niebuhr, and that’s how we hear about the inner conflict in trying to follow its hopes. A different challenge lies in the interpersonal conflicts of different perspectives about what is impossible to change, and the courage to change what can be changed. It may take true wisdom to convince someone else to change their perspective to yours.God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,courage to cha...
2020-08-2004 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictSame storm, different boatsWe’re all in a global pandemic, but we aren’t all in the same situation.Damian Barr’s poem is full of wisdom:I heard that we are in the same boat. But it's not that.We are in the same storm, but not in the same boat.Your ship can be shipwrecked and mine might not be.Or vice versa.For some, quarantine in optimal: a moment of reflection, or reconnection.Easy, in flip flops, with a whiskey or tea.For others, this is a desperate crisis...
2020-08-1305 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictDr. Nate Regier on the Process Communication Model ®and his new book, Seeing People ThroughSeeing People Through describes how business and organization leaders can profit from the Process Communication Model®.The Process Communication Model® (PCM) is a behavioral communication model that teaches people how to assess, connect, motivate, and resolve conflict by understanding the personality types that make up a person’s whole self, which is the key to leveraging personality diversity. Seeing People Through focuses on helping leaders unleash their potential through PCM. Learn more about the book at https://seeingpeoplethrough.com/. Learn more about Nate and his work at Next Element at https://next-element.com/Do you have c...
2020-08-0626 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictPositive building blocksWhen we build on positives, we can deal more effectively with conflict. In the midst of conflict in an ongoing relationship, it’s easy to focus on the points of disagreement. Instead, an effort to focus on the areas of agreement, even a number of small ones, can help us handle the negative part more effectively.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and...
2020-07-3005 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictInner conflict and purposeful pivotsA positive inner conflict can be the catalyst for a purposeful pivot. If you have outgrown your role, achieved a goal, or experienced a significant shift in circumstances or priorities, you may feel an inner conflict that leads you to choose to make a major change. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and h...
2020-07-2305 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictBill Treasurer on courage, feedback, and conflictCourage in giving and receiving feedback can prevent negative conflict. Bill Treasurer, Chief Encouragement Officer, joins me to talk about courage in giving necessary and valuable feedback and having the courage to accept it without being defensive. Understanding how feedback will work best in a relationship, especially in the workplace, is best done before it goes south – and it is an ongoing process. You can learn more about Bill and his work at https://www.giantleapconsulting.com/ (couragebuilder.com) or https://billtreasurer.com/ You can reach Bill at btreasurer@giantleapconsulting.com.Do you have comments or suggestions abou...
2020-07-1624 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictWhat to do about microaggressions Template for Show Notes: Title: What to do about microaggressions Episode Summary: Helping ourselves and others to avoid microaggressions reduces negative conflict. Episode Notes: Helping ourselves and others to avoid microaggressions reduces negative conflict. Microaggressions, everyday slights that are based on stereotypes, can create unnecessary conflict. Comments, gestures, and other expressions, whether intentional or unintentional, can feel like insults to the person on the receiving end. When we feel that we are about to say something that constitutes a microaggression – an observation or question – we can embra...
2020-07-0905 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictWhat are microaggressions?Microaggressions, everyday slights that are based on stereotypes, can create unnecessary conflict. Comments, gestures, and other expressions, whether intentional or unintentional, can feel like insults to the person on the receiving end. The first step is to be aware of what we are saying – and, especially, how it might be received. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach...
2020-07-0206 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictDenise Logan, The Seller WhispererSelling a business is not just a transaction, but a transition; support in that journey can help. In fact, the involvement of someone who works with the seller to address the emotional impact of a potential sale can help get the deal over the finish line. That person can also help the seller move forward without seller’s remorse.You can learn more about Denise and buy her book, The Seller’s Journey, at http://deniselogan.com/. As Denise phrases it: “I keep people and deals from falling apart.”Do you have comments or suggestions about a...
2020-06-2526 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictPressure cookers and pressure valvesWe can work to prevent pressure cookers when possible and to have personal pressure valves ready when we need them.Pressure cookers can easily create or aggravate negative conflict for ourselves and others. Some pressure cookers are inevitable and beyond our control. Other times, we can prevent them or minimize how severe they are. Either way, we can prepare to deal with pressure cookers by having our individual pressure valves primed and ready to help us let off steam.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about...
2020-06-1806 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictReflecting on silenceSilence can be as powerful as words. We usually think about words we use and how we say them when we consider conflict. Silence, too, matters. It can be damaging, hesitant, or a vehicle for acknowledgement and learning. We should think through what motivates our silence and how it can affect another person.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified C...
2020-06-1104 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictJeremy Pollack, of Pollack Peacebuilding Systems, on handling conflict through respect and humilityApproaching conflict with respect and humility allows people to engage with each other productively, not defensively. We discuss Jeremy’s involvement in martial arts, coaching, and how confidence can eliminate the desire to act with aggression. I talked with Jeremy in February 2020. We didn’t know what the next few months would bring. This episode, Number 75, is published on June 3 (in the U.S.) Our conversation would be thought-provoking at any time -- and perhaps even more so in the tumultuous circumstances we are now in. You can learn more about Jeremy and his work at https://polla...
2020-06-0424 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictLocation, location, location – family and friendsChoosing the best location, including a neutral playing field, can help the odds of a challenging conversation being productive. Considering where –home? a certain spot in the home? – to have a tough conversation can help as part of a recipe for success. If one person is especially unenthusiastic about the discussion and/or especially important (and they easily may be the same person), picking the best spot for that person may be a wise move.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resol...
2020-05-2805 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictLocation, location, location -- workplaceThe location for a challenging conversation can affect how productive that conversation will be. Consider where a tough workplace conversation might best take place: in a private place, off-site, somewhere else? It’s one factor in setting up for success.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebed...
2020-05-2105 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictDennis Jaffe, PhD, on enterprising families managing conflictFamilies that successfully pass on family businesses also handle conflict successfully. Dennis explains that enterprising families that succeed over generations accept that conflict will happen and take steps, in advance, to manage it effectively. Policies, codes of conduct, and plans to allow individuals and family branches to leave the family are among the tools families can adopt. His most recent book is Borrowed From Your Grandchildren: The Evolution of 100-Year Family Enterprises. The book is available through Amazon or Dennis’s website: https://dennisjaffe.com/. His website also features resources of interest to enterprising families. Do you hav...
2020-05-1425 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictConflict coaching insight – practice helpsPracticing what you will say in a difficult conversation can lead to a better outcome. When you know that a difficult conversation is coming, you can prepare for it by practicing – out loud – how you will start your part of it. And if the words don’t roll off your tongue, try some others! Then try out what you might say as the conversation continues. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can lear...
2020-05-0705 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictConflict coaching insight – learn from experienceCINERGY ® Conflict Management Coaching includes a smart idea: think about what you know about past conflict experiences with another person. If you can think, in advance of a difficult conversation, how you can avoid the pushing the hot buttons of someone you know, you will set yourself up for a more productive conversation.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a C...
2020-04-3005 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictCinnie Noble on CINERGY ® Conflict Management CoachingCINERGY ® Coaching builds conflict intelligence and makes conflict an opportunity for strengthening relationships. The CINERGY ® Model combines executive coaching, neuroscience, and conflict management principles. Cinnie described the seven stages of the CINERGY® Model of Conflict Management Coaching: C, Clarify the goal; I, Inquire about the situation; N, Name the elements; E, Explore choices; R, Reconstruct the situation; G, Ground the challenges; Y, Yes, the commitment. As a CINERGY® coach works with a client, confusion about conflict is reduced, and the client gains confidence and competence around conflict. Cinnie is based in Toronto and works globally with individual clients and trai...
2020-04-2325 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictReflecting on a recent conflictAfter a conflict has ended, we can benefit from some healthy reflection on it. We can learn from mistakes and also reinforce actions and words that were helpful. In this episode, I reflect on a recent encounter with a customer service rep, by phone. Some things went well – and I have room for improvement!Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Cer...
2020-04-1605 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictSWOT analysis and conflictThe SWOT analysis used in business can also be used as an approach to look at our perspective on conflict. A SWOT analysis considers Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats. When using it to better understand our individual perspective on conflict, it’s important to resist the temptation – especially if you are risk-averse – to see only your weaknesses. You likely have strengths and actively looking for them can boost your confidence in dealing with conflict.Let’s keep shipping, TPF alumni, #createforKate.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question...
2020-04-0905 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictDr. Gleb Tsipursky, CEO of Disaster Avoidance Experts, LLCRational planning and overcoming cognitive biases is always important – even more so when a pandemic is stretching across the globe. Gleb has been focused on good decision-making, and how to help business leaders and others do it, for many years. He shared some helpful tips in moving past our savanna-based instincts and more effectively facing the challenges we face today, including the current COVID-19 pandemic. His books include Never Go With Your Gut and The Blind Spots Between Us. You can learn more about his work and find free resources at https://disasteravoidanceexperts.com/ and his Li...
2020-04-0228 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictVUCA and conflict, part twoVUCA, or volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous conditions provide fertile ground for conflict.We can’t change these conditions but can accept them and acknowledge the effects they have. Then we can make adjustments to deal with them as effectively as possible to minimize negative conflicts.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and ht...
2020-03-2605 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictVUCA and conflict, part oneVUCA, or volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous is a concept that is tailor-made for these times.As COVID-19 spreads across the globe, even one of the four ideas embedded in VUCA would invite conflict. All four is even more challenging. We can start to meet the challenge by acknowledging how turbulent these times are for ourselves and others. Then, let’s try to be a little more patient and calm – not that it’s easy. But it is worth the effort. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or questio...
2020-03-1905 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictDr. Nate Regier on conflict and compassionDr. Nate Regier talks about the true meaning of compassion and its role in conflict. We discussed the core competencies of compassion and their role in leadership in the workplace. You can learn more about Nate’s work at https://next-element.com/ and https://thecompassionmindset.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and htt...
2020-03-1227 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictMeditation, mediation, and arbitrationMeditation, mediation, and arbitration are all valuable processes – but they are not the same.Fortunately, it’s been a while since I had a conversation with someone who confused meditation and mediation. Mediation and arbitration, however, are confused on a regular basis. They have similarities, but also important differences. The most important distinction is who determines the outcome in each dispute resolution process: in arbitration, it’s the arbitrator and in mediation, it’s the people involved in the conflict themselves.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question...
2020-03-0505 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictCan you really mediate that?!Mediation can be a positive and practical solution to conflict in many more situations than most people realize. Divorce mediation for couples who want to end a marriage is the best-known use of mediation. Mediation can also be an effective option in schools, workplaces, extended families, public policy disputes, and many more areas.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified C...
2020-02-2705 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictCharlie Pillsbury on Mediators Beyond Borders InternationalCharlie Pillsbury discusses the vision and work of Mediators Beyond Borders and his path to involvement with the organization. We hear first how Charlie came to the conflict and dispute resolution arena and then to MBBI. Charlie is currently MBBI’s Treasurer (in addition to his other work outside MBBI).The vision of MBBI is “Building a more peace ‘able’ world”. And its mission states that “MBBI builds local skills for peace and promotes mediation worldwide.” You can learn more about MBBI at https://mediatorsbeyondborders.org/. You can reach Charlie Pillsbury at Charles.Pillsbury@quinnipiac.edu or 203-582-8145.
2020-02-2027 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictAligning expectationsExpectations out of alignment – mine with yours – or mine with reality – cause conflict. Seeing a vast selection of Valentine’s Day candy caused me to think about expectations. When they are not in sync, in a workplace, an extended family, or in a family enterprise, conflict can easily arise. The answer? Candid conversations.Speaking of Valentine’s Day, check out my friend Heidi Frei’s Valentine’s Day episode of The Single Soul Circle podcast, the voice for the joys and challenges of the single life. You can listen on the major listening apps or here: http://si...
2020-02-1306 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictTales of wise planning and resilience at the IFG conferenceThe Institute for Family Governance (IFG) conference last month highlighted how extended families can stay together through wise planning and resilience. IFG describes its mission as implementing strong governance that endures, by empowering beneficiaries through inter-generational planning. The fourth annual IFG conference in New York City brought together advisors, consultants, and the families they serve. Though we attendees heard some familiar cautionary tales of what can go wrong when families fight, we heard encouraging stories too. Families can prosper with resilience in challenging times and wise planning that addresses tough questions and allows for flexibility ov...
2020-02-0604 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictBhaj Townsend on understanding money stories to keep families connectedUnderstanding individual perspectives on money can help families who value their legacy to stay connected for generations. Bhaj speaks from her personal experience and her work with families to find ways to help them forge their own paths forward as they seek to preserve their family and their wealth through generations.You can learn more about her work at https://www.focusandsustain.com/ or https://www.linkedin.com/in/bhajtownsend/. You can reach Bhaj at bhaj@focusandsustain.com or 425.823.0984.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about con...
2020-01-3026 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictReact, reply, or respondWhen someone raises a concern or makes a suggestion, we can choose to react, reply, or respond. It’s worth the effort to think through whether we want to react quickly and briefly, offer a slightly more thorough reply, or an even more thoughtful and engaging response.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com a...
2020-01-2306 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictThe only constant is changeChange is one thing that we can count on to occur. In interpersonal conflict, changing conditions can provide an opportunity to move past an impasse or stalemate. Priorities, people, outside conditions, and factual information can all change – and the chance to revisit the impasse opens up.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and ht...
2020-01-1605 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictJürgen Strauss on innovation and cross-cultural communicationJürgen Strauss, of Innovabiz and the Innovabuzz podcast, offers experienced-based insights on innovation and cross-cultural communication. Jürgen’s work in the corporate world included managing teams across different cultures and countries in Asia and Australia. That experience and his ongoing interest innovation enrich his current work, helping small businesses to embrace transformational marketing. You can learn more about his business (based in, but not limited to, Melbourne, Australia) at https://innovabiz.com.au/. You can access his podcast, Innovabuzz, on the major apps or at https://innovabiz.com.au/innovabuzz/.Do you have comments...
2020-01-0930 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictLooking back at 2019 and looking forward to 2020The inaugural year of the podcast was great; more insightful guests and helpful tips are on tap for 2020! Join the global audience and enjoy.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
2020-01-0205 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictThe Golden Rule across world religionsThe concept of Christianity’s Golden Rule can be found in major religions around the world. Treating others as we wish to be treated is a universal principle in world religions and considered by some to be an ethical bedrock. In the context of interpersonal conflict, it’s important to remember that the idea is about how we behave in relationship to one another. It’s not that everyone agrees with us or that we convince everyone to see things our way. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about c...
2019-12-2604 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictShirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generationsA proverb about family wealth proclaims that it won’t last over the generations. The U.S. version is “shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations”. Other countries use other language, but the idea is universal and of long-standing: a family can build wealth but will not be able preserve it over generations. This possibility – some claim it’s a near guarantee – causes stress and conflict over measures to try to prevent it, as well as stress and conflict if it does occur. Additionally, thought leaders in the field are now expressing their own conflicting view of the way the concept has...
2019-12-1904 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictArielle Nóbile of Legacy Connections Films on preserving family storiesArielle Nóbile of Legacy Connections Films talks about how families can become closer by preserving family stories. We discussed how family films can bring families together, through the process of making them, viewing them, and having them preserved for the future. In some instances, families can heal a rift and move past a conflict that has plagued an earlier generation. You can learn more about Arielle’s work with families at http://legacyconnectionsfilms.com/. To learn more about her work in the public documentary arena visit: https://www.belongingintheusa.com/. As you might expect, but websites inclu...
2019-12-1227 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictLet it GoAt times, we can handle conflict better when we let some things go. The release of the movie Frozen 2 has brought to life the song from the original Frozen, “Let it Go”. In situations of potential, active, or even past conflict, we can sometimes serve ourselves and the relationship we care about if we just Let it Go. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a media...
2019-12-0505 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictGiving thanks and good intentionsWe benefit when we give thanks for the good intentions behind others' conduct, even if we don't always appreciate the conduct itself.When we don’t like the conduct, we may assign a negative motivation to it, when in fact good intentions are the source. We may be able to avoid damaging conflict if we can try to focus on the positive intention. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more...
2019-11-2805 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictPhyllis Weiss Haserot on the challenges of the multi-generational workplacePhyllis Weiss Haserot champions the power of cross-generational conversation and collaboration. Phyllis focuses on addressing knowledge transfer, succession planning, and attracting and retaining clients and employees of different generations. In our conversation, she provides some tips and ideas, and explains the terms “GENgagment ™” and “collaborageism”. You can learn more about Phyllis and access free offers at https://www.youcantgoogleit.com and http://www.pdcounsel.com. She welcomes feedback at pwhaserot@pdcounsel.com on the challenge she laid out at end of our conversation.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question abo...
2019-11-2127 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictDifferent, not necessarily inferiorWe can easily think that our preferred way is superior. That’s not necessarily so and we can avoid negative conflict when we keep that in mind. Our own preferred way, the familiar way, the easy way, the default isn’t always better. Keeping that in mind can help us see conflict as good, not necessarily bad.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediat...
2019-11-1405 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictWelcoming committee, not selection committeeWhen our role is to welcome a person, and not to select, we would do well to remember that. It can be hard to keep our opinions to ourselves about the choices, especially personal ones, that someone else makes. Yet we can avoid unnecessary, and often futile, negative conflict when we do. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Con...
2019-11-0704 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictSusan Schoenfeld, with a hard look at the soft (human) issuesThe so-called soft issues are the human ones –those that can keep caring family members awake at night. When advisors to wealthy families focus only on the “hard” issues – investment returns, tax strategies, and other purely financial concerns – they may fall short on client service. Susan discusses a more comprehensive approach to addressing issues that truly matter to these families. Susan mentions a “single family office”. According to Investopedia: “Family offices are private wealth management advisory firms that serve ultra-high-net-worth (UHNW) investors. They are different from traditional wealth management shops in that they offer a total outsourced solution to managing the financ...
2019-10-3127 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictOne year into the podcasting adventureIn October 2018, I started to learn how to produce and host a podcast, and the Crafting Solutions to Conflict launchpad was built. My original idea evolved to one that would allow me to share some of the useful tips I have learned over the years, the insights of interesting guests, and a few observations on topics about conflict. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a m...
2019-10-2406 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictCelebrating Conflict Resolution Day!Every year, The Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR) celebrates Conflict Resolution Day. This year it’s on October 17th. ACR is an international, professional organization enhancing the practice and public understanding of conflict resolution. Members include mediators, arbitrators, educators and other conflict resolution practitioners. ACR’s Vision: All people know their choices for conflict resolution. ACR’s Mission: ACR gives voice to the choices for quality conflict resolution.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can lear...
2019-10-1704 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictJamie Forbes on empathy and trustThrough his two businesses, Jamie Forbes brings empathy and trust to the forefront of his work, encouraging communication and healing. We spoke mostly about his work with Forbes Legacy Advisors, Jamie helps families align values and priorities with how they use their money. https://forbeslegacyadvisors.com/ Through Hadley Rock Advisors, Jamie helps schools and survivors navigate the challenges that come with sexual misconduct investigations. https://hadleyrock.com/You can reach Jamie at jforbes@forbeslegacyadvisors.com or jforbes@hadleyrock.comDo you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or quest...
2019-10-1022 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictWho makes the first move?We tend to hesitate to address conflict, but there are important advantages to taking the plunge. If we care about the relationship, we don’t want negative conflict to start, to escalate, or to continue. We really can’t do much to get the other person to make the first move, but we can control our own behavior. And, who knows, maybe you will find you are fascinated by conflict, as I am. If so, we should connect – there aren’t many of us!Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or quest...
2019-10-0305 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictCommitting to address a conflictMaking a commitment to address a conflict together is an important, and often overlooked, step in a conflict resolution process. A commitment to work together reduces the stress of the conflict, establishes some common ground and a first agreement, provides some momentum when the going gets tough, and demonstrates that you value the relationship.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a...
2019-09-2604 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictScott Perry and the Creative on Purpose communityScott Perry is the person behind the Creative on Purpose community, newsletter, blog, broadcast, and coaching program. Scott captures the flavor of his work succinctly. The Creative on Purpose Vision & Mission: Vision - Creative on Purpose makes things better by helping aspiring and advancing difference-makers enhance their lives through endeavors that elevate the lives of others. Mission - Creative on Purpose encourages and enables those ready to lean in and contribute to making things better through work that matters.You can learn more and reach Scott through the Creative on Purpose website: https://www.becreativeonpurpose.comD...
2019-09-1925 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictAretha’s estate planning: part two, the better optionsA few simple ideas can help minimize the risk of conflict over an estate: get professional help, avoid misleading your loved ones, and use common sense. Last time, I talked about some of the late Aretha Franklin’s estate planning blunders. All of us can benefit from working with a competent lawyer. If we feel we can’t bring ourselves to inform loved ones about our estate plan, we can at least avoid misleading them. And – as in all things – we can use common sense and follow the applicable rules.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic...
2019-09-1205 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictAretha’s estate planning: part one, the blundersEven the best estate planning doesn’t guarantee prevention of all conflict over an estate. But some actions and inactions can significantly increase the risk that conflict will break out. Aretha Franklin was an outstanding musician and a lousy estate planner. She nearly guaranteed that her family would fight over her estate by refusing to work with attorneys to create a plan, allowing her loved ones to believe that she had left no will, and creating three wills of questionable validity that were discovered after her death. Next time, a few thoughts on better options, for celebrities and those wh...
2019-09-0505 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictCarolyn Kaas, Esq., on Quinnipiac Law’s innovative Dispute Resolution CenterCarolyn Wilkes Kaas, Esq., Co-director, Quinnipiac University School of Law Center on Dispute Resolution, discusses the Center’s comprehensive and creative perspective on dispute resolution. Carrie is also Associate Professor of Law and recently became Associate Dean of Experiential Education, a reflection of the Law School’s commitment to that teaching philosophy. The Center’s innovative approach to law is clear from its mission and vision statements. Mission: “To partner with diverse communities in developing creative and compassionate approaches to resolving conflict”. Vision: “Re-imagining law as a healing profession”. Learn more about the Center’s role in the School of Law, training...
2019-08-2928 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictExpanding Pies (with a nod to Fisher and Ury)As William Ury has phrased it: “Try to expand the pie before you divvy it up.” When a potentially damaging conflict is about dividing resources, think creatively about how big the pie can be. Getting to Yes, a bedrock book in the world of conflict resolution, was published by Roger Fisher and William Ury in 1981. It is filled with ideas and suggestions related to finding effective ways to reach agreements. One concept set out there is the idea that the “pie” we first envision might become bigger, to everyone’s benefit.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a to...
2019-08-2205 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictHitting the pause buttonAlthough we value speed in many contexts, hitting the pause button can serve us well in managing conflict. We can benefit from taking a breather in an ongoing attempt to address a conflict, from thinking deliberately about when to raise a difficult issue, and when stopping for a moment before spewing a snarky comment or reacting instinctively to a statement that pushes our own hot button. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more...
2019-08-1505 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictSteve Legler, family legacy advisorSteve Legler, family legacy advisor, shares his insights as a facilitator, mediator, and coach. Steve is based in Montreal. He has a personal perspective on family enterprise transitions and a commitment to education to help him serve families effectively. You can learn more about Steve, his books, and his blog at his website: https://shiftyourfamilybusiness.com/about/ Steve is on LinkedIn here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/steve-legler-259065a/.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com...
2019-08-0830 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictCollaboration, Creativity, Compassion at PPI Rendezvous: Embracing collaboration, creativity, and compassion allows us to handle conflict more effectively. The Purposeful Planning Institute (PPI) held its annual Rendezvous in Denver, Colorado last week. In a keynote address, founder John A. Warnick spoke of the value of Collaboration, Creativity, and Compassion as cornerstones of the work that PPI members do. Those three ideas can also be effective tools, taken together, for addressing conflict effectively. You can learn more about PPI at www.purposefulplanninginstitute.com.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let...
2019-08-0105 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictAndrew Karlen, Esq., counselor to business ownersAndrew Karlen, Esq., provides counsel to serve the legal and human needs of his client business owners. Business owners should be clear about their ultimate business goals as early as possible, and put those goals in writing. They should plan for a business exit that allows them to achieve their financial, family, and community goals – recognizing that the implementation of the plans they make with a collaborative team of advisors will likely take much more time than the planning itself will. Andy recommended the book Finish Big, by Bo Burlingham. You can reach Andy at andrew@akarlenlaw.com or hi...
2019-07-1829 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictThe dangers of declarationsDeclarations in interpersonal relationships, such as ultimatums, can do unexpected lasting damage. Ultimatums, threats, and lines in the sand are hard to walk back, can cause a loss of face, and can lead to stalemate. It’s smart to think through the risks and rewards or the costs and benefits of declarations – before issuing them.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Cert...
2019-07-0405 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictDr. Vanessa Avery on religious diversity, conflict, and the Sharing Sacred Spaces InitiativeDr. Vanessa Avery shares insights on religious diversity training, conflict in religion, and her role as Consulting Director to the Sharing Sacred Spaces Initiative (SSSI). Vanessa shares her academic and professional path, including her interest in René Girard, the late French historian, literary critic, philosopher of social science, and author of Violence and the Sacred. Her work with SSSI has a tangible effect on those who participate in the program. Vanessa’s other work, including religious diversity training and consulting, is both practical and inspiring. You can reach Vanessa Avery by phone at 203.500.0166 or by email at Vjavery222@gmail.com...
2019-06-2729 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictManaging conflicting memoriesManaging conflicting memories of a past event can be essential to preventing and undoing damage in interpersonal conflicts. At times, it’s possible to have a civil conversation about those conflicting memories. In other cases, it’s best to agree to disagree and move on. Managing the potential damage to the valued relationship is the key. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Cert...
2019-05-3005 minCrafting Solutions to ConflictJeff Savlov: Family Business, Siblings, HealingJeff Savlov provides insights and inspiration from his work with two brothers selling a business. Jeff’s experience in family business and wealth consulting allowed him to both skillfully assist these siblings and to recognize that they exhibited a powerful collection of positive traits that helped the process. Disclaimer: though wonderful, it is highly unusual to see, in one situation, all the traits Jeff identifies here. Typically, one or two of these traits might be present, but not all! Families and their advisors shouldn’t be discouraged when they face conflict and challenges that are not so easily solved. Inst...
2019-02-1432 min