Shows
Proxy with Yowei ShawTaelor Doesn't Want to Have SexThe case of the asexual woman who wants romantic partnership with no sex. Taelor wants a partner who wants what she wants: closeness, commitment, emotional intimacy, a life together. Just not sex.But years of dating as an asexual woman has left Taelor wondering if what she wants is too specific to find. Does she keep trying? And if love without sex isn’t possible for her, how does she cope? How do you grieve a life you still want but aren’t sure you’ll get?In this episode, we find Taelor a proxy...
2026-06-301h 00
Proxy with Yowei ShawSam Doesn't Know How to Be RichThe case of the progressive rich guy who doesn’t know what to do with his money.Sam grew up middle class, built a company, sold it, and suddenly found himself with more money than he ever expected.But instead of feeling free, Sam feels stuck. He doesn’t want to become the kind of rich person he used to judge. He doesn’t want money to change his relationships. He doesn’t want to hoard it. He doesn’t even want to talk about it.In this episode, we find Sam a proxy: Dav...
2026-06-1658 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawAlex's Husband Is Too StraightThe case of the person who worries their husband still sees them as his wife. Alex is nonbinary, and their husband Henry is a straight cis man. Henry has been supportive through every step of Alex’s transition — pronouns, testosterone, top surgery — but Alex worries: if Henry is straight, does that mean he still sees Alex as a woman?In this episode, we find Alex two proxies: Elvis, a trans man who transitioned inside his long-term relationship, and Ryan, Elvis’s straight cis husband. Together, they talk about labels, desire, dysphoric sex, and the tender, terrifyin...
2026-06-0250 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawYowei Can't Speak BroThe case of the podcast host who can't speak bro.For the past twelve years, Yowei has been trying — and failing — to have a normal conversation with her husband's best friend. It's not for lack of goodwill. But somehow, every time, they can't find a rhythm. Yowei's theory: he speaks bro, and she doesn't know how. In this episode, Yowei finds a proxy bro and gets a crash course in bro banter — the hidden rules and emotional logic behind the joking, shit-talking, and conversations that can last for hours without a single life update.
2026-05-1951 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawJane Doesn't Like Her DogsThe case of the dog trainer who stopped feeling close to her own dogs. Jane's whole life has been dogs. Doggie daycare, animal rescue, behavior modification, fostering, training — dogs were the place she felt most at home. Which is why Jane is so disturbed by what's happening now. She still takes care of her two dogs. She still loves them. But the feeling is gone. In this episode, Yowei finds a proxy who helps Jane investigate the emotional aftermath of animal caregiving — the burnout, anticipatory grief, and compassion fatigue that can make even love start to fee...
2026-05-0550 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawCaitlin Lost the Voice In Her HeadThe case of the writer whose inner narrator who disappeared. For most of her life, Caitlin Myer had a narrator. A voice that told stories, shaped sentences, kept her company, and made writing feel less like work than a way of being alive.Then, after a concussion, the voice disappeared.Caitlin could no longer write the way she used to. She couldn’t hear the music of her own sentences. And even as she slowly regained the ability to read, work, and move through the world again, she was left with a terrifying que...
2026-04-211h 02
The DreamProxy Podcast Take Over!This week we are bringing you one of our favorite episode's from one of our favorite podcasts: "Proxy" - hosted by Yowei Shaw.-- Nicole is an organizer who's good at channeling her anger. The problem is she can't always downshift. From the episode: •Learn more about Deborah Gould, a Professor and Chair of Sociology at UC Santa Cruz•Read Debbie's book Moving Politics: Emotion and ACT UP's Fight Against AIDS•For liner notes and reading recs from Debbie and Nicole, sign up for our newsletter by becoming a free m...
2026-01-2956 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawNicole Can't Stop Being AggroThe case of the organizer who's afraid to stop being angry. Nicole knows how to be mad — and channel that into her work as a labor organizer and activist.The problem is, Nicole’s aggro mode doesn’t always stay in her political work. Sometimes it spills onto friends, family, and strangers. And underneath the anger, Nicole suspects there’s a feeling she’s afraid of: grief over the horrors she's fighting. against. In this episode, Yowei connects Nicole with Deborah Gould, a former ACT UP activist and political theorist who has spent decades stud...
2025-12-0253 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawBob and the Forgiveness SpellThe case of the woman who wants to forgive her mom, but doesn't know how. Erin wants to forgive her mother. Not because her mother deserves it. Not because Erin wants a relationship with her. But because Erin is tired of feeling so angry. The problem is, forgiveness feels like science fiction. How do you release resentment toward someone who hurt you deeply? How do you stop being mad without pretending what happened was okay?In this episode, Yowei connects Erin with Robert Enright — a psychologist who helped pioneer the science of forgiveness.Toge...
2025-11-0445 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawYaroslava Can't Go HomeThe case of the teenager who can't go home.Yaroslava was 16 when she woke up in Ukraine to the sound of explosions and had to flee her town in Ukraine. Now Yara is 19, living in New York, studying digital marketing, arranging flowers, and doing better. But her grandma is still back home. Her friends are scattered. And every time Yara starts to enjoy her life here, she feels guilty for not being back home. In this episode, Yowei hosts a proxy conversation between Yaroslava and Sariyah Abuzant, a filmmaker from Palestine who also ha...
2025-10-2141 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawHow This Introvert Ally Gets Along with Introverts (Plus Campaign Update)How close are we to getting to 1000 paying Patreon members so we can cover the costs of making a year two?!Plus, a conversation with introvert ally (and extrovert) Jennifer Kahnweiler on the changes she's made to get along better with the introverts in her life. To listen to the full exclusive premium episode, consider joining our Patreon starting at $5 a month. You’ll get ad-free episodes, exclusive premium episodes, access to the chat, and other goodies. To just get our newsletter, join our Patreon for free 🍏
2025-10-1410 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawThe First Ever Extrovert-Introvert Cage MatchThe case of the introverts and extroverts who love each other, but sometimes can't stand each other. Why do some friends need constant contact, while others need three to five business days to text back? Why does one person’s “fun hang” feel like torture to another? And why does it hurt so much when the people we love have different ideas of what connection should look like?In this special Proxy conversation, Yowei brings together comedian Aparna Nancherla, extrovert Ryan Letts, and introvert-extrovert expert Jennifer Kahnweiler for a historic summit on introvert-extrovert relations. Together, they in...
2025-10-0744 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawAn Estrangement MysteryAn Emotions Beat episode about the reasons that keep going missing. In family estrangement, there's a strange pattern that shows up again and again: adult children say they've explained why they need distance, while parents say they have no idea what went wrong. So where do the reasons go? In part 2 of our estrangement series, reporter Kim Nederveen Pieterse talks with two therapists who work on opposite sides of family estrangement: Becca Bland, who is estranged from her own parents and now helps families navigate this, and Joshua Coleman, who became an expert on e...
2025-09-3041 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawJC's Kids Won't Talk To HerThe case of the mother whose kids won’t talk to her.JC’s adult children have cut off contact with her. They’ve told her why. But JC still doesn’t understand what happened — or what, if anything, she’s supposed to do now.So reporter Kim Nederveen Pieterse finds JC a proxy: Chess Dugas, a woman who cut off contact with her own parents and now talks publicly about estrangement on her YouTube channel, The Scapegoat Club. Together, JC and Chess have the kind of conversation neither of them can have with their own families...
2025-09-231h 00
Proxy with Yowei ShawAlex and the Impossible AskThe case of two podcasters who hated asking for money.Alex Goldman used to host Reply All. Yowei used to host Invisibilia. Now they both make independent podcasts — Alex with Hyperfixed, Yowei with Proxy — which means they now have to ask listeners for money all the time. The problem, is they hate doing this. In this episode, Yowei and Alex investigate the the great emotional conundrum of independent media: can you ask people to support your work without feeling sleazy, annoying, pathetic, egotistical, or like a scared telemarketer?With help from fundra...
2025-09-0955 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawSandy and the SilenceAn Emotions Beat investigation about what silence sounds like when your rights are under attack. After Trump’s reelection, Sandy Ernest Allen watched attacks on trans rights escalate — and waited for more cis people to say something. Check in. Show up. Make noise. But mostly, he heard silence.Then Sandy did something counterintuitive. Instead of asking why people didn’t care, he asked cis people what made them start caring about trans rights. Hundereds of people answered.In this episode, Yowei and Sandy investigate what’s hiding inside the silence: overwhelm, shame, fear of saying...
2025-08-2631 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawHow to Cope with NowAn Emotions Beat episode about how to keep caring without falling apart.Anya Kamenetz was having trouble coping with the state of the world. So she decided to report on those feelings. In this episode, Yowei talks with Anya about what she's learned from scientists, activists, psychologists, and thinkers about how to live through crises upon crises. Together, they investigate compassion fatigue, psychic numbing, fear, denial, burnout, joy, collective action, and why coping with now doesn't mean looking away — it means moving through the hard feelings to keep taking action.Fro...
2025-08-1237 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawProxy Conversations with Sexual Offenders?A conversation with Dr. Alissa Ackerman about her restorative justice work on the frontlines of Me Too, using proxy-like conversations. This is a Patreon exclusive premium episode we're releasing on the main feed. If you want to hear more conversations like this, consider joining our Patreon, starting at $5 a month.Proxy is an independent podcast and we rely mostly on listeners. To support emotional investigative journalism™️ and help the show keep going, consider joining our Patreon starting at $5 a month. You’ll get exclusive premium episodes, ad-free episodes, and access...
2025-07-2930 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawZakiya Used to Be So FunThe case of the people person who fell out of love with people. Zakiya Gibbons used to love strangers, nightlife, and somehow always ending up on a boat. Then lockdown happened. And somewhere in that solitude, Zakiya discovered something alarming: she loved being alone. And when the world opened back up, the things that used to light her up — parties, small talk, new people — made her anxious instead.Zakiya wants to know: is this just who she is now? Or can she get back to the open, exuberant, people-loving version of herself?In...
2025-07-1539 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawHow to Break Out of 'Narrative Autopilot' [TEASER]Yowei doesn't have an internal narrator telling stories about her life - at least a voice she can hear in her head. She talks to psychology professor Jonathan Adler about what this means and what anyone can do to strengthen their self-narrator, if they wanted to. To listen to the full exclusive premium episode, consider joining our Patreon starting at $5 a month. You’ll get ad-free episodes, exclusive premium episodes, access to the chat, and other goodies. To just get our newsletter, join our Patreon for free 🍏From the episod...
2025-07-0812 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawAmanda and the Nonstop NarratorThe case of the writer whose inner narrator will not shut up.Amanda Montell is very good at telling stories. So good, in fact, she can’t seem to stop telling them — even to herself.Amanda has what she calls a “Storymaker” in her head: an internal narrator constantly shaping her life into scenes, arcs, jokes, metaphors, and meaning. Most of the time, it’s fun. It makes life feel cinematic. It’s useful for her writing.But lately, Amanda has been wondering if the Storymaker is doing too much. Is she actually living her l...
2025-07-0154 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawDecoding the Feelings of People with Alzheimer's [TEASER]When someone with Alzheimer's gets upset about something that isn't actually happening, it can be easy to dismiss their feelings. But what if we approached those feelings not as problems to get rid of, but mysteries to solve? Psychologist Claudia Drossel unpacks the feelings of people with Alzheimer's and how to decode them to use as a guide to give better care.To listen to the full exclusive premium episode, consider joining our Patreon starting at $5 a month. You’ll get ad-free episodes, exclusive premium episodes, access to the chat, and other goodies. To ju...
2025-06-2412 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawBrian Can't Stop Fact-checking His Mother-In-LawThe case of the reporter who can't stop fact-checking his mother-in-law.Brian’s mother-in-law has Alzheimer’s and lives with his family. He loves her. He knows she can’t help misremembering things. And still, when she says something that isn’t true, he corrects her. In this episode, Yowei connects Brian with Claudia Drossell, a psychologist who works with caregivers of people with dementia. Together, they investigate the emotional reality of caregiving: grief, resentment, shame, and how to accept his anger so he can protect the time his family has left. From the episod...
2025-06-1751 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawIs it time to break up the band?The case of the bandmates who can't finish their record and don't know why.Evan and Chris are best friends, bandmates, and creative partners. Years ago, their band The Superweaks was on the verge of breaking out. Then Evan's brother Corey — the band's bassist — died suddenly, and the band never recovered. Now they have a record that's almost done. Just a few vocals left. But it's been stuck for years, tangled in grief, burnout, ADHD, resentment, lack of leadership, and silence. In this episode, Yowei connects Evan and Chris with Ryan Dusick, founding drumme...
2025-06-0355 min
The Superweaks Superweekly SupercastGold Star with Yowei ShawWe have a real podcaster in the studio! That’s right, its Proxy’s own Yowei Shaw. This week on the pod we talk autotuning crying for the Gold Star music video, the joys of therapy, Yowei’s podcast hero’s journey from Studio 360 to Invisibilia, tango dancing parents, banter as currency, a surprise guest, and Yowei makes us a very interesting pitch!If you have a unique conundrum be sure to reach out to Proxy at proxythepod@gmail.com!Hosts: Chris Baglivo, Evan Bernard, Mikey TashjianEditing...
2025-05-291h 25
Proxy with Yowei ShawAparna and the Self-Loathing IntrovertThe case of the introvert who keeps waiting for personality puberty to hit.For most of her life, Yowei saw her introversion as a character flaw to fix. Then Yowei read Unreliable Narrator by comedian Aparna Nancherla and realized she wasn't the only one who felt this way. In this episode, Yowei talks introvert-to-introvert with Aparna about self-loathing, performance, the extrovert ideal, Asian woman stereotypes, why “be yourself” is terrible advice, and how to take up space without trying to become someone else.From the episode: — Aparna Nancherla, author o...
2025-05-2041 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawMic Chooses the Wrong LifeThe case of the man who can't stop regretting the life he didn’t choose.Mic Nguyen was supposed to be a doctor. Becoming a doctor meant stability, respect, and making his parents proud.Instead, Mic became a comedian and advertising creative. He loves his life. But whenever money feels tight or work feels uncertain, the old question comes back: did he mess up by not going to medical school?In this episode, Yowei connects Mic with regret researcher Amy Summerville to investigate why regret hurts, why our imagined alternate lives can feel so...
2025-05-0645 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawBisexual Wife GuyThe case of the bisexual wife guy who got dumped.George was married to a woman he loved. Then she came out as bisexual and left the marriage. George is happy for her. But he's also heartbroken, confused, and stuck with questions he doesn’t feel allowed to ask.In this episode, Yowei connects George with Hanna Rosin, who has lived a version of this story from the other side. Together, they investigate late-in-life queerness, divorce, closure, performative okayness, and how to move forward when you feel like a minor character written out of someone el...
2025-04-2251 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawAlternate Realities (from NPR's Embedded)Conspiracy theories have been gaining traction all the way to the highest seats of power. So, are there emotional dynamics at play that we could understand to be able to do something about it? Last year, Zach Mack’s dad sent him a strange email, asking to bet $10,000 to settle once and for all who was correct and who was the brainwashed one. From NPR’s Embedded podcast, this is episode 2 of the Alternate Realities series: Down the Rabbit Hole. From the episode:
Listen to the rest of the Alternate Realities...
2025-03-0635 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawPresenting: "Stings for Our Enemies. Honey for Our Friends." (from Our Ancestors Were Messy)For as long as she can remember, Nichole Hill has had a complicated relationship with Black history. Then in 2020, she stumbled on a digital archive of pre Civil Rights era Black newspapers and got obsessed with the scandalous stories she found. Our Ancestors Were Messy is her new podcast that explores Black history through the lens of gossip and drama. In this episode, Nichole tells the story of a Victorian era love triangle that rocked the elites of DC. From the episode:
Listen to Our Ancestors Were Messy
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2025-02-261h 07
Proxy with Yowei ShawPresenting: I felt too seen. Um, dragged. (from Basket Case), Plus an UpdateBasket Case is a new show about mental health. In this episode, host Nicole Kelly (NK) takes on perfectionism, an issue that Yowei has personally struggled with. Plus, some breaking news about Proxy. From the episode:
Basket Case is a show from Molten Heart and iHeart Podcasts, created and executive produced by Jasmine (JT) Green, and hosted by Nicole Kelly (NK)
Listen to Basket Case podcast
Learn more about NK
Proxy is an independent podcast and we rely on listeners. To support emotional investigative journalism™️ and help the show keep going...
2025-02-0639 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawPresenting: An Evil Man (from Little Devils), Plus a Year-End RecapWhen Yowei heard about the new podcast Little Devils, she was like: finally, someone being honest about a thing we all do. On Little Devils, Jasmin Bauomy interrogates the snap judgments she makes of other people, to find the story behind that annoying thing they do. In this episode, we share a story from Little Devils and we toast 2024 with a year-end recap. From the episode:
Listen to Little Devils
Support the show
Follow @littledevilsshow and @jasminbauomy on Instagram and BlueSky
Proxy is an independent podcast and we rely on lis...
2024-12-3045 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawThe Group That Gets ItAn Emotions Beat episode about why we suffer alone — and what happens when we don’t.For years, Jason Yu struggled with skin picking in secret. He didn’t have a name for what was happening. He didn’t know other people dealt with it too. And he felt like if he just had more willpower, he should be able to stop.Then, after eight years of shame and isolation, Jason found a support group.In this episode, Yowei talks with Jason about body-focused repetitive behaviors, the strange magic of being understood by stranger...
2024-12-0352 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawIs there anything we can actually do about polarization?An Emotions Beat episode about why we hate the other side — and what that hate does to us.A week before the election, Yowei talks with social psychologist Jay Van Bavel about political sectarianism: the emotional force that turns political disagreement into disgust, fear, and moral certainty that the other side is not just wrong, but evil. The question is not whether politics matter. They do. The question is whether our anger is helping us act — or just pulling us deeper into the outrage machine.In this episode, Yowei and Jay investigate out-group hate...
2024-10-2941 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawSo many tears but what do they say?An Emotions Beat episode about why we cry — and what other people are supposed to do about it.After Yowei got laid off, she cried a lot. In bathrooms, at conferences, at birthday parties, and in moments when she desperately did not want to cry in front of other people.So what is actually happening in that moment — when your eyes burn, your throat tightens, and your body starts sending a signal you did not approve?In this episode, Yowei talks with poet Heather Christle, author of The Crying Book, about what emotional tear...
2024-09-2624 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawThe Mechanics and Magic of RitualAn Emotions Beat episode about why rituals work — and what they have to do with Proxy.When Yowei first started pitching Proxy, ritual was part of the concept. Proxy conversations, proxy rituals, “proxuals” — it was a whole thing. She eventually ditched the ritual component because no one understood what she was talking about.But after making a layoff music video in a Kleenex box costume, Yowei still had a hunch: maybe rituals and proxy conversations are doing something similar.In this episode, Yowei talks with Mike Norton, author of The Ritual Effect, about why huma...
2024-08-2123 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawPsychodrama: The 2nd Oldest Psychotherapy You've Never Heard Of, But Have Definitely TriedAn Emotions Beat episode about the surprisingly real feelings that can come from acting. Yowei has a problem: she’s making a show built around proxy conversations, but she still doesn’t totally know how to explain what’s happening inside them.So she turns to psychodrama — an experiential therapy that uses role play, theater, and psychology to help people say the things they didn’t get to say, hear the things they needed to hear, and practice new ways of responding to old emotional loops.aIn this episode, Yowei talks with psychodrama...
2024-08-1539 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawConnor Ratliff's Dead EyesAn Emotions Beat episode about Dead Eyes, Tom Hanks, and why proxy conversations work.Yowei is still trying to answer a basic question about her own show: why would talking to a stranger who wasn’t there help someone get unstuck?So she calls Connor Ratliff, the actor and comedian behind Dead Eyes — a podcast about the time Tom Hanks fired him from Band of Brothers for allegedly having “dead eyes.”Before Connor finally talked to Tom Hanks himself, he had dozens of proxy conversations: with actors who had their own rejection stories, showrunn...
2024-08-0636 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawSurvivor, Meet Proxy OffenderContent note: This episode discusses sexual violence.An Emotions Beat episode about proxy conversations, restorative jusice, and the questions we may never get to ask. Yowei has a problem. She's having trouble explaining the show to people who don't get it. She knows proxy conversations work. But why would talking to someone who wasn’t directly involved in your situation help you feel less stuck?For the first stop on this quest, she turns to a much higher-stakes version of proxy conversations: vicarious restorative justice. Alissa Ackerman, a criminal justice professor and co-founder of A...
2024-07-241h 00
Proxy with Yowei ShawExploding the Myth of Meritocracy with Ofer Sharone [TEASER]An in-depth interview with UMass Amherst sociologist and professor Ofer Sharone about the stigma trap that laid off workers can fall into and how the myth of meritocracy impacts even people who don't think they believe in it.To listen to the full exclusive premium episode, consider joining our Patreon starting at $5 a month. You’ll get ad-free episodes, exclusive premium episodes, access to the chat, and other goodies. To just get our newsletter, join our Patreon for free 🍏 From the episode:
Learn more about Ofer Sharone and his work
O...
2024-06-0709 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawThe Layoff Trilogy 3: HR by ProxyThe case of the couple who want answers from HR.Months after Elliot was laid off, he and his husband Miles were still angry — not just about the layoff, but about the way it happened. The smiling HR rep. The severance paperwork no one explained. The desk he wasn’t allowed to pack up. The coffee spilled all over his belongings.They had questions they couldn’t ask the actual HR person without risking Miles’s job. So Yowei found them a proxy: Catie Maillard, a veteran People Operations professional who has conducted hundreds of layoffs...
2024-05-2346 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawThe Layoff Trilogy 2: Danger DayPlease note: This story contains brief mention of suicidal ideation. If you or someone you know may be considering suicide, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing 9-8-8, or the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741. After Elliot was suddenly laid off, his husband Miles kept working at the same company — in the same office, with the same HR rep, under the same threat that he might be next.Then Miles heard a rumor: more layoffs were coming on the third Thursday of the month. Danger Day.In this episode, Yowei fol...
2024-05-2341 min
Proxy with Yowei ShawThe Layoff Trilogy 1: Layoff GirlWhen Yowei got laid off from NPR, she knew all the rational things. It was a business decision. It wasn’t about her performance. She had savings, severance, and support.So why did it still feel like getting rejected by the entire life she’d built?In the first episode of Proxy, Yowei investigates why layoffs can feel so emotionally devastating — even when you know, intellectually, that it’s not your fault. Along the way, she talks with experts about the history of layoffs, unemployment stigma, the American hiring process, and why losing a job can make...
2024-05-2341 min