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SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS5 E11: The Five-Nine Feisty Lady!Season 5 Episode 11: Desperate Measures
Jack’s real bestie is back in town baybee! Hutch. Or Starsky. Carter cannot literally not even catch a break! She is kidnapped leaving the gym, a fantastic reason to never work out. Or leave the house.
Anyhoozle, that Jolinar schtick really bites her in that ass this week. Ultimately the Gate Gang comes out on top in this one. Wild, I know.
Also, HAPPY 100 EPISODES TO US! Help us celebrate by joining our Patreon! ComeTrya!!!!
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00:00 - Intro
6:27 - 24 Seconds
2023-12-051h 28SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS5 E10: Boring Boren’s Iron-Boring Barn!Season 5 Episode 10: 2001
Hey y'all, remember in the Episode "2010" when the note that got through the gate was O'Neil's. Not Daniel's, not Sam's, but Macguver's quite minimalistic, "DON'T GO HERE!" followed by the planet number.
Well, turns out it would have been nice if he had added the word "Ashen People", "Sterility," "Fuck these Assholes," ANYTHING, because we almost GET what happened in 2010 come to pass because, turns out, OTHER people know them, introduce them to us, and we think they're GREAT!!
Just. . you know. . .be a bit more thorough, O'Neil.
Also...
2023-11-211h 29SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS5 E9: Help us SG-1 KenobiSeason 5 Episode 9:
Can you even?! These sanctimonious Tolan dicks (who let’s not forget know how to separate gooooolds from hosts but keep it to themselves and help like, um no one) continue to demonstrate that they are selfish little twats.
They try to sell out Earth to that huge prick Tanith. Narim is the best Tolan and probably Sam’s best boyfriend in the series, so it is a huge bummer that he chooses to stay behind on a doomed Tolana at the end. Honestly, I think more people should come back to Earth. It’s...
2023-11-081h 31SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS5 E8: McNeil Versus McComradeSeason 5 Episode 8: The Tomb
In this Fraggle Rock/SG-1 crossover from Hell, the Gate Gang and their Russian pals get chased (and in some cases horrifically killed) by the grossest Fraggle.
Luckily one Russian survives to prove that SG-1 didn’t do a whole bunch of murders on the Russians. So yeah, post-Cold War relations are probably leading to a pretty great future of abundance and cooperation. Mostly though, THAT IS NOT A PYRAMID.
Oh, and subscribe to our PATREON! Love you!
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00:00 - Intro
5:54 - 24 Seconds
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2023-10-311h 25SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS5 E7: Some of My Best Friends are Domesticated!Season 5 Episode 7: Beast of Burden
Sooooo, remember in like episode four of this whole entire series when Daniel Jackson was like maybe rape is just part of their way of life and we definitely shouldn’t intervene in this one happening right in front of us? Yeah, he’s equally squishy on at least race-based slavery.
These white saviors plus Teal’c get some Unas killed during their rescue only to get to the gate and find out the Unas actually wasted their lives rescuing SG-1 because they obviously need to stick around to liberate their p...
2023-10-241h 17SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS5 E6: Electric COVIDSeason 5 Episode 6: Rite of Passage
Remember that little alien kid who is also human and was also a big bomb that only love could disarm? Somehow she is 16! What! What’s the passage-of-time sitch on this show? Very soap operatic at the moment.
So Cassy kissed a boy, Dominic, and I guess hated it? She’s sick as fuck now. I guess her horny teen hormones have activated some goooldy science experiment Janet failed to detect. Side note to the once horny teen girlies out there: How much did you not need an actual kiss to g...
2023-10-101h 14SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS5 E5: Are the Amish Cowboys Quakers or Vikings?Season 5 Episode 5: Red Sky
WOOF, did the Gate Gang ever fuck up. They’ve punched a whole in someone’s sun and now the whole planet of like 30 people is dying but refusing to relocate. I mean, more people would fit in a city bus, but OK sure, stay and die.
Those annoying Disneyland-esque Hall of Viking God’s holograms are in this one, hooray for sure. Oh! MacNeill literally almost chokes a man to death. The Asgard do bail them out, but they are absolutely insufferable about it.
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00:00 - Intro
2023-10-031h 21SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS5 E4: Whose Friend is Imaginary Now MacNeill!!Season 5 Episode 4: The Fifth Man
Remember last week when MacNeill acted like Sam was loonsaroony for having an invisible stalker? Ha! Now he’s risking his whole life for his good buddy who isn’t really real but should be because ay ai ai, have you seen this man?
I mean, it does turn out he is not even half as fine as his profile pic, but I guess that’s pretty typical. He’s a benign liar whom they would have helped out anyway and they save him in the end.
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2023-09-201h 10SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS5 E3: Fun-Sized GateSeason 5 Episode 3: Ascension
Can we talk about this situation with Sam’s boyfriends? Like, super advanced, super down to die for her, super fucking creepy. This one is the most.
Meanwhile her true lover boy MacNeill is treating her like she’s cray because he somehow cannot believe, after all they’ve seen, that she has an alien stalker. Stalkerman does go all human for her, but like who even asked him to? Also he builds a cute little stargate in her basement with shit he ordered from Amazon. On Sam’s credit card. Without asking.
2023-09-121h 22SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS5 E2: Has Anyone Ever Told You You Should Smile LessSeason 5 Episode 2: Threshold
Yikes. Mean Teal’c is one grinny mother fucker. He pretends to be back to his old cool self just to try to take out MacNeill, LOL!
Hold on to your britches, because this is a fucking Bra’tac episode, hooooray. It’s one of those "gotta kinda kill him to save him" situations, but calm the eff down; Teal’c does live to try to bestie up with MacNeill another day.
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00:00 - Intro
6:31 - 24 Seconds
7:34 - Episode Debrief
1:00:39 - Were We Comfo...
2023-09-051h 16SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS5 E1: Toto, I Don’t Think We’re in Beautiful British Columbia AnymoreSeason 5 Episode 1: Enemies
So check it, all of the gate gang plus Papa of the Year J-Mac are stranded in the…unspecified quadrant of some different galaxy! Shit snacks! Apop is there as well, obvi, but dude has lost his rizz! What a fucking dork.
He dies (finally) but leaves a parting gift of Teal’c acting like a total douche. Everyone makes it back to Earth and I guess Teal’c is a problem for another week. Who will be MacNeill’s bestie now?
Also, we got a PATREON now: https://patreon.com/user?u...
2023-08-291h 11SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E22: I am Tannith, Hear Me Smirk!!Season 4 Episode 22: Exodus
Get ready for some action in a galaxy far, far away as Daniel Skywalker, Jack Solo, and Princess Carter plan to do some real wack shit to the Empire of Apophis. From blowing up stars, to resettling whole populations of Tokr'a, the gang got this on lockdown.
Until the writers realize this ain't Star Wars, and have Teal'c get captured by Tannith for Apophis, and the gang get warped to a whole new galaxy! Cliffhangers aplenty for this season finale!
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2023-08-081h 03SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E21: McNeal on McReal ViolenceSeason 4 Episode 21: Double Jeopardy
Hey, y'all remember Gang 2.0? Remember them? We left them with Harllo. Well, they got bored of solitaire and orgies, and decided to start roaming around the galaxy like their flesh and blood counterparts.
Well, that was going t bite them in their robot asses at some point, and well, here we are, as they're all promptly "dead-ed' off. Especially Daniel, who through a morbid, childhood wish self-granted by his actor, Michael Shanks (who directs this episode), gets his head BLOWN THE F*#K OFF!!
The McNeil's fight each ot...
2023-07-251h 28SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E20: I AM MAJOR, MAJOR GPT!Season 4 Episode 20: Entity
Move over Chat GPT, because actual AI rolled onto Earth in 2001. It took over our friendly Malp Robot, and proceeded to "The Thing"-itself into a nightmare pile of cables and circuits at the Base. After realizing it's too big for the floppy drives and emergency lighting battery, it decides that Sam Carter 's brain is just the right size for it's zip file!
O'Neil and General Daddy play hardball with the robo fucker inside Same, but they all call each other's bluff. Suffice to say, it's a fight to the brain death...
2023-07-051h 17SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E19: What The Frack Was This Mission!Season 4 Episode 19: Prodigy
So we got two disparate stories going on here. One is Jack and Teal'c babysitting a team of scientists on what appears to be Tinkerbell's sociopathic cousin's moon home. The other is Good Will Hunting, except with women in the air force academy. They bring the two together, but we personally don't understand the point.
But, we do get to see one dude die a horrible death by kamikaze sprites. And Teal'c gets to shoot O'Neil. So a couple of W's in there. ----more----
00:00 - Intro
5:19 - 24 Seconds
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2023-06-201h 23SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E18: Death By Horizontal SPLOOSH!Season 4 Episode 18: The Light
It's pretty obvious at this point that Daniel has an addictive personality. Sarcophagi, boy light, and now a sweet lava lamp has his dopamine firing on all cylinders. The gang go to the planet (aka one room) where this lava lamp is, and to be fair to Daniel, this lava lamp is pretty goddamn sweet. They all forget their D.A.R.E. Training for this one.
Alas a man child is there, and when he relates his situation of being the neglected child of lava lamp addicted parents who are...
2023-06-071h 16SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E17: Big Long Wick EnergySeason 4 Episode 17: Absolute Power
The SG Gang find the Golden Child and bring him back to base. Very Child-Centric Episode until Daniel is given some Boy-Light and proceeds to become Giga-Chad of the early aughts, fucking over the Tokra AND the rest of the world with his new found knowledge.
Actually, don't worry about the summary. This episode don't have a point, other than the producers giving Michael Shanks lots of air time to convince him to stay. That's our theory.
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00:00 - Intro
6:02 - 24 Seconds
7:14 - Episod...
2023-05-231h 20SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E16: It Almost Passes the Bechdel TestSeason 4 Episode 16: 2010
Come with us to the year 2010, where Sam has married some douchebag, Teal'c leads a cult, Dr. Fraz has literally nothing to do, Jack is a mountain man, and Daniel is. . .Daniel. Some time travel shenanigans occur, but the real star of the show is Glasses, who has the most lines he's ever had. But even that kind of sucks, because he's basically a Narc.
Listen to the episode for further analysis
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00:00 - Intro
6:38 - 57 SECONDS
9:01 - Episode Debrief
1:04:03 - Were We Comf...
2023-05-091h 26SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E15: Tropical Maybourne BarbieSeason 4 Episode 15: Chain Reaction
We finally get to see Special Forces McNeil use his Special Force-fulness as he tries to help Daddy from being blackmailed into retirement by those F&%K-Wads at the NID. He needs help though, and who better than our favorite slime pustule, MAYBOURNE!
After cashing in some favors, O'neil gets Maybourne a hall pass from federal prison, they hack some back doors, give the slip to the NID, and crash Senator Kinsey's party. Eventually, they get Daddy reinstated.
Oh, and meanwhile, Daddy's replacement, General Stepdaddy, almost radiates the entire god...
2023-04-251h 19SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E14: It’s All Phoenician To Me Sir!Season 4 Episode 14: The Serpent's Venom
The Gang go all Intrigue Noir as they set up an incredibly dangerous plan to set Apophis and Haru'ur against(?) each other? Or with(?) each other? The plan is as messy as the electron cloud of mines surrounding the planet they fly to in J-Mack's ship to pull it all off.
Meanwhile Teal'c foments revolution, but is betrayed and captured. Despite this, (and being hellishly tortured) he is able to propagandize the turncoat Jaffa onto his side because Teal'c is the real Top G.
Well, they ALL meet at the...
2023-04-111h 18SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E13: Field Work for FrazSeason 4 Episode 13: Absolute Power
The Golden Child Part 2 opens with said Child, the Harsesis, meeting the Gang, and being taken to the mountain, where he gives Daniel some Boy Light to the forehead, injecting him with hidden knowledge, and starting him on that Sigma Grind Set to building some sweet alien tech to beat the Gou'ldies.
Cut to ONE WHOLE YEAR LATER and Daniel is Top G, with full control over the weapon, and decides to blow up the Kremlin instead, and be a real dick.
Or did he. . .he. . . he. . . he. . .
2023-03-281h 32SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E12: Hammond’s HummerSeason 4 Episode 12: Tangent
Pushing the Envelope, and keeping Joy On The Burn, the Gang split up, O'Neil and Teal'c enjoying a balmy vacation in a hybrid Gou'ld Ship taken over by Daddy Apophis, and auto piloting back to his car garage.
Sam and Daniel join Sam's father, now to be called J-Mac, as they go to interrupt the boys space night, and bring them back to the boring world of the U.S. Air Force.
Major Davis cries alot inside, too.
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2023-03-141h 27SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E11: How’d You Get This Number?Season 4 Episode 11: Point of No Return
Some dude from Sex and The City is here, knowing WAY TOO MUCH about the Stargate from some Netscape Conspiracy Chat rooms. O'Neil goes to see what his deal his, while Sam and Daniel play I Spy, and Teal'c wears a shit ton of hats and chills on a Sex Bed.
Turns out, however, that the dude is pretty much right about everything, and is also an alien who landed here with three of his compatriots who seem to despise his ass, and have been keeping him on amnesiac meds...
2023-02-281h 26SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E10: Burlap and Cracker BreadSeason 4 Episode 10: Beneath the Surface
The Gang has joined a Cult! Rules: No one can be friends, Carter gets no bread, and Burlap tunics are the acceptable meta.
PLOT TWIST!: The Gang had their memories erased by some douchebag, and they need to dream of the glowing puddle, and have Gotcha "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" epiphanies to remember themselves. Then they can go home, and perhaps begin the revolution of their fellow, prolateriat workers. Will they: Yes.
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00:00 - Intro
7:28 - 24 Seconds
9:36 - Episode Debrief
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2023-02-141h 24SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E9: Don’t be such an En-Karen!Season 4 Episode 9: Scorched Earth
We got a real bind on our hands here. Jack's solution is to blow it up. Daniel's solution is to talk to it. Carter follows Jack's orders. And Teal'c stands in LITERALLY the same spot of grass the entire episode, surrounded by a bunch of hippies who have never heard of Visine Eye Drops.
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00:00 - Intro
8:14 - 24 Seconds
9:57 - Episode Debrief
1:06:26 - Were We Comforted
1:07:32 - Yeh Neh or Meh
1:11:28 - Next Episode
1:12:27 - ComTrya!
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2023-01-311h 18SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E8: Steve Unas: Quality MaleSeason 4 Episode 8: The First Ones
You remember that movie Enemy Mine? That movie was the shit.
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00:00 - Intro
1:58 - Early Were We Comforted
2:59 - Back to Intro
5:42 - 24 Seconds
6:59 - Episode Debrief
1:07:31 - Yeh Neh or Meh
1:12:13 - Next Episode
1:15:17 - ComTrya
1:16:06 - Get To Know Your Hosts
1:20:44 - Outro
2023-01-171h 22SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E7: Sub-TerfugeSeason 4 Episode 7: Watergate
The "Vertical Watering Hole" Moniker becomes canon as the gang travel to balmy Siberia to shutdown the Russian Stargate, which is connected to another one under water. . .supposedly. We got Cold War Intrigue, Popsicle Maybourne, Deanna f%*king Troi is in the Ruskie house. This is a good one Comrades!
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00:00 - Intro
6:45 - 24 Seconds
8:18 - Episode Debrief
59:43 - Were We Comforted
1:00:55 - Yeh Neh or Meh
1:04:07 - Next Episode
1:05:59 - ComeTrya!
1:08:06 - Get to Know Your...
2023-01-101h 15SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E6: Goould-Hog DaySeason 4 Episode 6: Window of Opportunity
Let’s do the time warp again!
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00:00 - Intro
5:03 - 24 Seconds
8:07 - Episode Debrief
47:25 - Were We Comforted
49:59 - Yeh Neh or Meh
56:49 - Next Episode
58:38- ComeTrya!
1:00:00 - Get To Know Your Hosts
2023-01-031h 05SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E5: Xanax DetectorSeason 4 Episode 5: Divide and Conquer
So Za’tarcs seem like a pretty big deal and a very good Gooooldy weapon that can easily infiltrate the SGC. But do these supercharged sleeper agents remain a concern after this? Nope.
There wasn’t a better way to get Sam and ‘Gyver to admit their forbidden feelings for each other? Also, do those two even have actual chemistry? Also, how are they allowed to stay on the same SG team after this? Does this mean Sam has finally entered in the running for the title of Jack’s Best Frie...
2022-12-271h 08SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E4: Teal’c’s Ex-Girlfriend and The Big WhoopsieSeason 4 Episode 4: Crossroads
Teal’c and his ex are convinced that her Gooooldy baby is a good Goooooldy and try to get it into the Tok’ra. The Tok’ra are secretly sure this is a spy plan by the Gooold, but keep that to themselves, and let the motherfucker run free in his totally fucked over host so he can murder the uninformed, previously discussed ex-girlfriend slash high priestess.
Listen, if you don’t think the Tok’ra have a benevolent-faced supremacist culture, you’re watching a different show; those guys are dicks.
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2022-12-201h 15SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E3: I Swear it’s Definitely, Probably, Possibly SafeSeason 4 Episode 3: Upgrades
So a Tok’ra named after the flavor of Jagermeister brings some superhero armbands that must be tested on humans? And then they agree on SG-1? Those most valuable human asset of the SGC? What? And they let Daniel do it even with his history of alien tech addiction? OK, sure.
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00:00 - Intro
10:09 - 24 Seconds
12:03 - Episode Debrief
1:00:17 - Were We Comforted
1:01:14 - Yeh Neh or Meh
1:05:01 - Next Episode
1:07:39 - ComeTrya!
- Get To Kno...
2022-12-131h 13SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E2: Oopsies, we’re Nazis.Season 4 Episode 2: The Other Side
Immediate allegiance to whomever the Gate Gang meets first on a world finally goes very wrong when they willy-nilly participate in someone else’s war.
Everyone is good with it except Daniel, so I guess he’s improving. Anyway, they do a racism on Teal’c and MacGyver finally says fucks these guys. (As if the US Government has some kind of strong anti-Nazi policy *eyeroll*)
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00:00 - Intro (and early Comfort)
7:10 - 24 Seconds
8:43 - Episode Debrief
1:06:03 - Were We Comfort...
2022-12-061h 22SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS4 E1: A Very Aliens ChristmasSeason 4 Episode 1: Small Victories
You wanted Lego for Christmas? You’re in luck! This Thor foe is really the gift that keeps on giving with one survivor left on earth after the explosion of Thor’s ship at the end of Season 3.
For some reason this Lego spider turns into the Alien queen and starts spurting out spiders made of off-brand shit that aren’t as good, so they're pretty easy to kill.
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00:00 - Intro
6:20 - 24 Seconds
8:42 - Episode Debrief
1:09:51 - Were We Comforted
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2022-11-291h 22SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E22: This LegoLand Suuuuuucks!Season 3 Episode 22: Nemesis
Daniel Jackson obviously has the worst appendicitis in modern medical history, requiring lengthy care in the infirmary. Everyone else, but especially Samantha Carter, has to look at, and even touch an ailing and extra gross Thor.
Thor really needs fast help from the Gate Gang to save his ship, Earth, and probably his own world. But he’s still a weird and cryptic mother fucker, so, whatever that’s about. He’s about as helpful as Daniel. Oh, Lego Bionix are trying to kill everyone.
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00:00 - Intro
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2022-11-221h 13SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E21: Big Pyramid. HUGE!!Season 3 Episode 21: Crystal Skull
Daniel (and sure, the rest of the Gate Gang) enter a rejected Indian Jones set. Daniel tries like crazy to find a nice dress to wear out of phase, but gets made fun of by the shop ladies. He still makes it to the opera with Richard Gere, but his grandfather comes to pick him up early. And there's a Crystal Skull in there somewhere.
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00:00 - Intro
7:46 - 24 Seconds
11:36 - Episode Debrief
1:27:07 - Were We Comforted
1:29:09 - Yeh Neh or Meh
2022-11-151h 37SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E20: AP TelekinesisS3 E20: Maternal Instincts
Naturally Daniel is quick to believe that he can do telekinesis after a super fast and shoe-free lesson that only his special self gets to attend.
For some reason Bra’tac is in this episode, but at least he brings Chief Galen Tyrol who will certainly come up again in our teased spin-off, Stargate BSG-Fun. Listen, it makes more sense than Daniel.
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00:00 - Intro
6:50 - 24 Secondes
9:29 - Debrief
1:09:06 - Were We Comforted
1:10:33 - Yeh Neh or Meh
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2022-11-091h 20SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E19: WTF Mallin!!Season 3 Episode 19: New Ground
Two archaeologists, a Stargate, and the Gate Gang walk into an intercontinental war. The first archaeologist says, “Let’s be scientists about this cool shit.” The second archaeologist rats everyone else out to the authoritarian dogmatic government.
Then the Gate Gang says to the first archaeologist, “Hey, do you want to come home with us while your government most likely murders your snitchy colleague?” LOLOLOLOLOLOL.
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00:00 - Intro
7:03 - 24 Seconds
9:19 - Episode Debrief
1:01:17 - Were We Comforted
1:05:34 - Yeh Neh or Meh
2022-11-031h 17SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E18: SOG-50Season 3 Episode 18: Shades of Grey
Miraculously predating some commercially successful Twilight fan fic, Daddy takes it to the next level when he introduces the Gate Gang, Glasses, and Dr. Frasier to his love dungeon after making them sign a creepy contract. It’s a wild misuse of power.
Also Jack goes undercover as a true bad boy and Tory is very distressed until the big reveal at the end.
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5:41 - 24 Seconds
7:50 - Debrief
1:00:17 - Were We Comforted
1:02:18 - Yeh Neh or Meh
2022-10-181h 16SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E17: Love Island - Edora EditionSeason 3 Episode 17: A Hundred Days
The Gate Gang accidentally strands Jack on Love Island, P5C768 where he begins his new life as a deadbeat dad (because obviously they find a way to rescue him after 100 days of getting Lara pregnant).
Mostly thought Teal’c comes very close to saying, “Well actually” back at Daniel and that is super satisfying. Teal’c also turns the tables on Daniel by answering questions directed at Daniel. Haha. How’s it feel, Daniel?
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00:00 - Intro
4:17 - 24 Seconds
5:45 - Episode Debrief...
2022-10-111h 29SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E16: Google Glass Goes Too FarSeason 3 Episode 16: Urgo
IDK why the AI always want to live so badly, but that’s the case here as Urgo the Hitchbrainer asks MacGiver to save him from death row using only a banana peel, a toothpick, and the full annoyance power of SG-1 all talking at once.
It’s totally different from last week’s episode except also a tiny bit the same. To their credit, the Gate Gang wins a much harder case this week.
Oh, and Dom Deluise is the shit.
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00:00 - Intro
04:25...
2022-10-041h 17SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E15: Off Brand Starfleet CaptainSeason 3 Episode 15: Pretense
Everyone knows all of the Starfleet Captains are also the winning-est of lawyers, but did you know MacGyver can get a friend off (basically) death row with just two matchsticks, a hardened wad of chewing gum, and a single archaeologist? Well he can and he did.
The other team had a pretty stupid argument though, so maybe it was an own goal. Also they tried to blow up all of the judges and the judges’ whole planet, so. . . . .
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00:00 - Intro
6:37 - 24 Seconds
8:58 - Epi...
2022-09-271h 27SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E14: Sam’s Back Baby!Season 3 Episode 14: Foothold
Jolinar to the muther f*^&king rescue! There’s a total invasion of the body snatching aliens at the mountain, but Sam and Teal’c have that Goooldie mojo and see right through all the terrifying bullshit.
But F#$*king Maybourne's in the mix, and the Gate Gang saves the day in spite of this doofus. Quick quesh: If the human body turns over all its cells into new cells of a seven year period, will we stop hearing about Jolinar and her “remnants” by the end of this series?
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2022-09-131h 13SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E13; This is some Rescue!Season 3 Episode 12: The Devil You Know
The last episode might not have totally done it for Sam since she, Jack, Daniel, and even rescuee Pappy Selmak were actually all captured by the alive and imprisoned Apophis. The dream is over, Sam.
Also the nightmare is on because they’re all in discredited Recovered Memory Therapy, where they have to drink devil’s blood and spill their business. And it seems Sokar is a person and a place, kind of like Paris Hilton. Anyway, Teal’c to the rescue.
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00:00 - Intro
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2022-09-061h 01SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E12: Sam Carter’s Favorite Fucking EpisodeSeason 3 Episode 11: Jolinar's Memories
Oh shit! Jacob/Selmak is in Hell/Sokar! The only one to ever escape Sokar is…wait for it…wait for it…yes! That’s correct! JOLINAR.
Did Sam mention she was Jolinar for a hot second? This is a dooblay win for Carter as she doesn’t have to keep reminding everyone about her Jolinar bullshit, and she gets to use said BS to save Papa Selmak who’s been a real shit of dad to her. Like, he oozes “I never think about you but if I did it would be with...
2022-08-301h 15SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E11: Vorlix? More Like Whorlix, Am I Right?Season 3 Episode 11: Past and Present
Just kidding; slut shaming is for losers. So everyone on some planet has amnesia, right? But there’s a couple from the planet on the show, right? And is that a good idea? Just hooking up without knowing your base relationships with other people? Hey, I’m just asking questions.
The Gate Gang’s main contact, Ke’ra, seems to get it as she’s gearing up to shoot her shot with Daniel.
PS: Dr. Frasier finds something physically wrong with Ke’ra, so that’s pretty groundbre...
2022-08-231h 14SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E10: Oh Yeah! *That’s* Why Daniel is on the TeamSeason 3 Episode 10: Forever in a Day
OK, so for some reason two Goooldies having a human sex-made baby creates some fucking magic. And for some reason they’ve never tried this or oopsied this before Apophis and Sha’re?
Anyhoozles, that’s what’s up and now she’s dead and Daniel is searching for her magic baby instead of for her, so he’s around honoring this dying wish of hers. Sarah won’t miss TV Sha’re’s tremulous cries to Daniel every time she shows though. Like, bye Sha’re. (Tory dropped some tear, tho). ...
2022-08-161h 09SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E9: Coachella ApophisSeason 3 Episode 9: Rules of Engagement
Hashtag False God Apophis got real desperate for soldiers and Earth destroyers before he died, leaving a band of child warriors for the Gate Gang to stumble into. To be fair, half were dressed like SGX, a totally non-existent thing, and so like, a totally perf trap.
Say, did you all know corn and cotton are indigenous to North America? That knowledge may save your life one day. Anyway, Sarah somehow avoids talking about the problems with both of those crops. Amazing.
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00:00 - Intro
2022-08-091h 11SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E8: The One Where They Both Drink GinSeason 3 Episode 8: Demons
“They” is Sarah and Tory and good listeners, you will hear that gin is a one-at-a-time recording juice for these two goons.
The question of this one is To Savior or Not to Savior for Jack. Jack saviors in the end, but for some reason is reluctant about it this one time. This one time when he practically gets to be Jesus.
OK. Hey, real quick, did you all know Sam also was Jolinar? Tory and Sarah almost forgot.
Also, more apologies for the intermittent publishing. Real Life, yo.
2022-08-041h 15SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E7: Boba Fett: A Star Gate Story:Season 3 Episode 7: Deadman Switch
OK, so the Gate Gang waltzes (they are so casual all the time) right into bounty hunter 1980s Flash Gordon’s trap!
Flash is funny as hell, sort of super rogue Jack O’Neill, making this episode extra fun. They’re supposed to nab a Goooldy in exchange for their freedom, but dude is Tok’ra! But guess what? They devise an Everybody Wins in the End scenario, the end.
P.S. Sorry for the break in our regularly scheduled programming. Real Life stepped on our digital feet last week!
...
2022-07-191h 08SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E6: Short Hair is for BOYS!Season 3 Episode 6: Point of View
Yikes! Sam Prime meets Other Dimension Sam and their biggest problem with all of that is Sam Prime’s unladylike short hair. Long hair makes Sam Part Deux all kinds of weepy. (To be fair, her husband COLONEL MUTHERFUCKING JACK O’NEILL just died in battle.)
Interdimensional (still) evil Teal’c has a soul patch, in keeping with what we all know about Interdimensional evil twins. Teal’c evils like a boss and Daddy gets collared, literally.
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00:00 - Intro
5:55 - 24 Seconds
8:16 - Episod...
2022-07-051h 13SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E5: Earth Savior Complex:Season 3 Episode 5: Learning Curve
Jack bonds with yet another kid and takes this shit next level with a kidnapping and hanging out on an elementary school playground. He also tests just how far subordination can stretch and finds it can go all the way to major crimes without snapping. He is a very slow learner. But also, the script gives him a win with an indirect saving of their souls. Wow.
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00:00 - Intro
5:05 - 24 Seconds
7:07 - Episode Debrief
1:14:43 - Were We Comforted
1:16:43 -Yeh Neh or M...
2022-06-281h 28SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E4: That Hair Cut Would Drive Anyone Mad, ReallySeason 3 Episode 4: Legacy
Daniel somehow ends up with Ma’chello’s marbles and it makes him actually seem to go mad, all padded room style.
Turns out it’s just some pandemic in the making that Sam and Fraij solve or kill or cure. (Where are these two geniuses at now and like, in 2020?) Too bad they destroy this virus that Ma’chello made to pandemmy all over the Gooolds, huh? That’s a pretty short-sided thing to do.
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00:00 - Intro
5:00 - 24 Seconds
6:40 - Discush
1:10:57...
2022-06-231h 19SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E3: Nah! More Like, Unfair GameSeason 3 Episode 3: Fair Game
Something like three spicy Gooolds show up for a Gooold-to-hoooman treaty party hosted by the Asgards (who are reprehensible in their application of the Prime Directive. Like, Thor is just using it to fuck with Jack.)
Since the Gooolds engage in foul play against each other, the hooomans win this one and Earth will not be annihilated. Phew! (Asterisk: they are officially denoted slave and host material for the Gooolds, but OK.)
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00:00 - Intro
6:14 - 24 Seconds
8:20 - Discush
1:25:03 - Were W...
2022-06-141h 36SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E2: Yanni and Linda EvansSeason 3 Episode 2: Seth
In a true art imitates life situation, a Fabio-haired, mustachioed man leads a cult just outside of Seattle and some people take him seriously. (You have Google if you need it.)
Women under Seth’s spell are all sex slaves while men get all kinds of jobs but also their nuts hacked off. So.
Coincidences abound and SG-1 manages somehow to be anti-Fed with the Feds already on the job.
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00:00 - Intro
5:05- 24 Seconds
6:25 - Debrief
1:03:28 - Were We Comfo...
2022-06-071h 19SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS3 E1:Teal’c Turns to ToastmastersSeason 3 Episode 1: Into the Fire
Early Retirement Teal’c is bored of golfing and seeking his second chapter via rabble rousing, but he really sucks at inspiring through speeches. So like two people sign on to his Kill the False Gods Brigade.
But hey! At least Daddy came to see him speak…and to rescue SG-1 after all. Hathor dies an Emperor Palpatine death, so like, maybe she’s only mostly dead.
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00:00 - Intro
6:12 - 24 Seconds
8:20 - Recap
1:06:32 - Were We Comforted
1:08:35 - Yeh Ne...
2022-05-311h 23SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E22: DANIEL WENT TO SUPERCUTSSeason 2 Episode 22: Out of Mind
I mean, Daniel’s hair may not be the first thing we see in this episode, but it certainly the most notable.
Teal’c tells a joke and learns he has no friends at all when no one even gives a charitable guffaw. Or maybe that happens in the first episode of season three, the conclusion of this episode. This two-parter is a blur for me.
The gang relive some weird shit via the magic of TV Recap episodes, thinking it's a future SGC asking. But it's Hathor back...
2022-05-241h 02SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E21: Hey Man, The Military Isn’t Cool ManSeason 2 Episode 21: 1969
Teal’c wears plush purple bell bottoms and he wears the hell out of them.
The Gate Gang is thrown back in time due to a solar flare and amazing timing. They have to journey their way out of this mess; but, get a load of this, DADDY HAMMOND KNEW ALL ALONG. What the ever-loving shit is that? He gives Sam a piece of paper he’s just been carrying around while waiting to see her embark with an injured hand??? Glad he wasn’t sick that day or whatever.
Timey-wimey, wibbly...
2022-05-171h 28SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E20: See You Never, Fozzy BearSeason 2 Episode 20: Show and Tell
First and foremost, they did get another mention of the episode “Spirits” into this one; they’re obvi proud of that one. But don’t worry, it was just used to illustrate what a good guy Jack is. Kind like a savior.
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00:00 - Intro
3:49 - 24 Seconds
5:39 - Recap
58:11 - Were We Comforted
1:00:06 - Yeh Neh or Meh
1:04:11 - Next Episode
1:05:44 - ComeTrya!
1:07:05 - Get To Know Your Hosts
2022-05-101h 14SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E19: Goddammit, Still With the “Primitives” TropeSeason 2 Episode 19: One False Step
Jesus Jumping Christ, I don’t know about you, but this season has WAY too many of this episode. Don’t upset the “primitives,” whom you don’t understand, Gate Gang.
Amazingly, Dr. Frazier *doesn’t* find “some kind of virus,” but she suspects one, of course, even though she can find “nothing physically wrong.”
Sam saves the day without making a whole thing of it. Again. At least that’s how I remember it. If I got that wrong, ping me at verticalwateringhole@gmail.com and maybe we’ll play your clarifi...
2022-05-031h 26SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E18: Deniable ComplicitySeason 2 Episode 18: Serpent's Song
Yeah, that shit really *is* pretty dark. I mean, the Gate Gang condemns two lives in one to perhaps an eternity of horrible torture and repeated death, but kind of in an oopsie doodles sort of way. But let’s not dwell in the shadows:
This episode is amazing to watch! Like a little movie. Apophis is a huge dickhead, but then so is “good guy” Lantesh. Humans (read here: Americans) eat a lot of shit sandwiches, but could probably use the humility points. Oh yeah! Daniel tries his best to be men...
2022-04-261h 21SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E17: Daniel Gets WorseSeason 2 Episode 17: Holiday
So in this one Daniel finds out what it’s like to be entered without consent.
They go to this world with one guy on it, a very old man who's been sleeping in a Michael Jackson machine waiting for some idiots to show up. He tricks Daniel into changing bodies with him, but no one believes Daniel until they do and they chase this guy down, but not until he acts like a first-day-out robot instead of the seasoned warrior he really is. It’s pretty silly.
Anyway, he figur...
2022-04-191h 16SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E16: Have You Tried Turning it Off and Then On Again?Season 2 Episode 16: A Matter of Time
SG-10 is toast, getting eaten by a big black hole on their first mission as a team!
Jack makes this all about him because he cannot stand to let the team go. It turns out he recommended their commander for the post, but also that the commander reminds him of Sam. Ohhhhh, what! No way, Sam likes Dianne? I mean, Jack likes Sam? That’s Air Force Illegal!
Anyhoozle, the time warp extends through the gate and they can’t shut it off or close the iris, even...
2022-04-121h 21SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E15: The Horror FlowerSeason 2 Episode 15: The Fifth Race
Is Jack Special Forces or Gomer Pyle?
He derp-a-derps his way over to a horror flower, stays after it moves toward his face, and gets face-sucked by it. And like everyone in the Gate Gang is fuh-reeking out.
Dr. Frazier continues to give compromised people the medical all-clear, but even so, Jack is soon speaking an unfamiliar language and playing Mr. Wizard…or actually MacGyver! Yeah, so Jack has all the knowledge of The Ancients and uses it to MacGyver an E.T. machine to phone the grays and...
2022-04-051h 09SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E14: Stargate-GateSeason 2 Episode 14: Touchstone
This one has it all: secret government agencies doing evil shit, Krippendorf’s (problematic) Tribe, and instantaneous catastrophic climate change!
As a bonus, they somehow slip in even more anti-indigenous racism despite this episode’s affected tribe being lots of white people. Also, Teal’c goes to his podcatcher of choice and gives us five stars and a glowing review.
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00:00 - Intro
5:33 - 24 Seconds
7:07 - Recap
1:06:56 - Were We Comforted
1:08:56 - Yeh Neh or Meh
1:14:55 - ComeTrya
1...
2022-03-081h 21SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E13: O’Neill Sniffs His Hands Too MuchSeason 2 Episode 13: Spirits
Oh my stars and Holy Hannah why didn’t we just skip this one?
In summary, Hard Racism. And O’Neill does pointedly smell his hands a couple of times; weird. Please support Federal Recognition for the Duwamish Tribe; and, especially if you live on Duwamish land, consider paying them rent at www.realrentduwamish.org
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00:00 - Intro
4:30 - 24 Seconds
5:17 - Recap
59:46 - Were We Comforted
1:01:04 - Yeh Neh or Meh
1:04:25 - Next Episode
1:06:33 - Nonexistent Spons...
2022-03-011h 12SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E12: Thank God Jacob’s Not Allergic to ShellfishSeason 2 Episode 12: The Tokra Part 2
Oh! Did I mention last time that the Gang is being held by the Tok’ra until they can safely make it off-world to their next hiding place?
Sam’s dad might die without saying goodbye, the smartest Tok’ra’s host is also dying, and the Tok’ra evacuation is interrupted by Goa’uld attack! In conclusion you probably guessed that Jacob becomes the new host, the Tok’ra are cool with diplomatic relations, the mole is found, and everyone makes it home. Maybe this could have been a one-part episo...
2022-02-221h 16SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E11: Hey, Did I Tell You Guys About That Time I Was Tok’ra?Season 2 Episode 11: The Tok'ra part 1
Oy vey, Sam still won’t shut up about how cool she is now that she’s got Tok’ra memories and shit and a little bit of superpowers.
The Gate Gang goes to a planet based on her memories and finds the Tok’ra, a group of (WE ARE NOT) Goa’uld who claim to be Team Resist with all voluntary hosts. Sam is about to get it on with her Tok’ra’s mate when Daniel, clearly sickened by all the consent in the air, interrupts with disdain.
The U.S...
2022-02-151h 25SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E10: Where’s YOUR Symbiont Now Moses?Season 2 Episode 10: Bane
Teal’c loses his shit a little bit–like a little probably came out–when a giant bug lands on his back and delivers a dose of zika virus on a gajillion steroids and his DNA starts changing…think Brundle-Teal’c.
Meanwhile Jack threatens a fellow Air Force Colonel with assault and murder several times, no big probably, because that guy is a certified douche knuckle. Sam is like, OBSESSED with making sure everyone knows she has been a To’kra, even though it isn’t really helpful. Daniel is probably also there, but busy...
2022-02-081h 06SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E9: BlarfSeason 2 E9: Secrets
Sam and O’Neill are off to DC with Daddy Hammond because they won a prize from the president! Probably a plaque or small piece of etched glass or even one of those ribbon pins they wear.
We find out Sam has a dad. He’s trash. Teal’c is bored so he goes to Abydos with Daniel and proceeds to bear witness to a real low point for human men. Daniel is a self-centered shit show. Mostly tho, this episode is about men having meetings to make decisions on behalf of specif...
2022-02-011h 25SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E8: Mmmm, We Don’t Know Her:Season 2 Episode 8: Family
The Gate Gang rush off to save the son of Teal’c, only to find that his wife has been replaced by a whole nother lady! No worries!
Teal’c is still DTF and almost gets the whole gang killed for it. But all’s well that ends well if you consider getting that bratty little kid back from Apophis to be “well.”
Also, it’s convenient that the false wife of Teal’c is freed up by the death of her second (treacherous) hubs. Is Teal’c a “cuck” now? Call and let us...
2022-01-251h 18SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E7: Why Does Daniel Argue Like a Seven Year Old and Keep Getting his WaySeason 2 Episode 7: Message in a Bottle
Anyone else have a Sting song stuck in their head now? This episode is really cool! It bests this plot as attempted by other shows, it looks cool, MacGyver cries like a real human man person, Teal’c proves to be hella more solid a friend than Chewbacca.
Hey, should we start posting our descriptions on IMDB? Let us know at VerticalWateringHole@gmail.com or in the text of your glowing five-star review.
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5:41 - 24 Seconds
7:17 - Recap
57:43 - We...
2022-01-181h 08SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E6: I Think Gairwyn was Fixin’ to Leave Her Husband AnywaySeason 2 Episode 6: Thor's Chariot
Yep, the Gate Gang destroyed Thor’s Hammer, a planetary protection device, to save their own asses, and then peace'd the fuck out without any thought given to consequences.
This episode could be called Consequences Suffered by Less Privileged People that are a Direct Result of Actions of Privileged People to Benefit Themselves Only. I just feel like the Federation would have thought to make sure the Cimmerians would be safe. But I guess this show is about 20th Century People, notable for being total trash.
Also Gairwyn stands ove...
2022-01-111h 08SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E5: An ABC After School SpecialSeason 2 Episode 5: Need
The gate gang is captured because of something Daniel does, then forced to mine un-obtainium or dilithium or whatever it’s called on this show, without food or rest while D acts like a real D by trading his teams’ lives for coke, a side piece, and fancy digs. He betrays fucking everyone, even his wife, who isn’t even there. A real Judas sitch.
Episode ends with insufficient closure for the team and viewer alike and a detoxed Daniel looking like total shit. Don’t do drugs, I guess. Or at least sta...
2022-01-041h 14SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E4: White People Learn Nothing From Horror Films, and Three of Them Drag T’ealc Down With ThemSeason 2 Episode 4: The Gamekeeper
If you love a good time loop, or any time loop really, then this episode's for you!
Jack gets gaslighted as Teal'c observes, Problematic Daniel has his childhood trauma exploited for entertainment as Sam wears a weird blazer, and at some point archeologists used gas station carabiners to hoist large, stone-made shit. Someone--we’ll call him Fuckface McGee--has his own people and SG-1 hooked to VR machines for his own entertainment and power. He is a real dick. They talk their way out of it, the end.
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2021-12-211h 02SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E3: The Gate Gang Would Actually Team Up with Timothy McVeigh if it Meant Saving Their Own Asses From a Gruel-filled Future:Season 2 Episode 3: Prisoners
What heroes! Imprisoned after a huge bullshit of a trial (for life!), the gang teams up with an inter-global sociopathic, uber evil doer to escape. They vet her less than McCain vetted Palin before giving her access to their entire base and computer system, leading to both her escape and her renewed reign of terror. Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool.
TBF, that prison did super suck.
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00:00 - Intro
6:07 - 24 Seconds
8:46 - Recap
57:21 - Were We Comforted
01:00:04 - Yeh N...
2021-12-141h 14SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E2: In the Line of Booty, Am I Right!Season 2 Episode 2: In the Line of Duty
Sam makes out with a dying villager and he “bites her tongue” which I guess is some old fart slang for “inserts full crawdaddy into her face orifice” which I guess could be seggsual enough to just be my boring retitle.
It’s good crawdaddy tho, because Sam is literally possessed by it. That’s at least one more than obsessed. Long story short, the crawdaddy dissolves into her body and is basically gone and Sam is bereft beyond consolation, the end.
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00:00 - Intro
2021-12-071h 08SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS2 E1: Dick Measuring IN SPACE! (And on the Ground)!Season 2 Episode 1: The Serpent's Lair
Oopsie Doodles, Sarah Compressed this Episode Into the Last Episode’s Description
I mean, it’s fine. Just read the last one. Or remember it? It was just last week. Do people read these? Sarah never reads these on pods she listens to. Should she? Is she missing out big? Email her at VerticalWateringHole@gmail.com to advise.
Oh, and we made it Season Two! Hurray!!!
----more----00:00 - Intro
7:40 - 24 Seconds
9:59 - Recap
1:08:35 - Were We Comforted
1:09:06 - Yeh N...
2021-11-301h 17SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1 Finale: Butterfinger is Overrated! STARGATE THE MOVIE!!! (MST3000 Style)SARAH WATCHES STARGATE THE MOVIE FOR THE FIRST TIME!
Join your intrepid hosts Tory and Sarah as they Mystery Science Theater 3000 about half of this movie before getting wasted on Gin, Jiffy Pop, and 5th Avenue bars and forget what they’re doing!
Play and pause instructions given, so watch along with us the best Kurt Russell and worst James Spader movie ever!
We'll be back with Season Two next week!
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00:00 - Intro
5:17 - Movie Commentary Track
2:05:21 - Were We Comfort...
2021-11-232h 10SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1 E21: Gosh, Without the SGC, the Writers of Seasons 2 - 10 Must Get REEEEAAALLLLYYYYYYYY CreativeSeason 1 Episode 21: Within the Serpent's Grasp
Oh no but also thank gawd, Apophis chose someone the Gate Gang knows to host his son; because otherwise this show would be 100% over.
Oh no but also thank gawd, Sam set the timer for a way too long 24 hours (woot!) giving the Gang just enough time to achieve the very best outcome.
Oh no but also thank gawd, Problematic Daniel must be left behind on one ship but I think ends up doing a thing essential to the overall mission success from said ship?
T...
2021-11-161h 22SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1 E20: OOOOHHH! It’s That Admiral from the best (2 part) Episode of Next Gen ever!!!Season 1 Episode 19: Politics
This’ll be good, even if, as The Real Title Suggests, It’s Bad:
OK, so for no apparent reason other than tension and a ballooning future budget and program, someone wants to shutter the SGC. Senator Kinsey gets all up in the SGC biz like he’s the only senator in the world, like he’s Joe Manchin, like he’s Kyrsten Sinema. That kind of vibe. It really plays against Daniel’s batshit-sounding assertions that he’s dimension traveled and the world will end without our fearless Gate Gang.
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2021-11-091h 01SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1 E19: What’s the Deal with Interdimensional Space Travel?Season 1 Episode 19: There but For the Grace of God
Trapped in an alternate dimension, Dr. Daniel Jackson learns that everyone there has more hair. Everyone except for Baby Brother Hammond.
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00:00 - Intro
4:20 - 24 Seconds
6:04 - Recap
56:51 - Were We Comforted
57:19 - Yeh Neh or Meh
1:01:23 - Next Episode
1:02:43 - Nonexistent Sponsors
1:03:22 - Get To Know Your Hosts
2021-11-021h 06SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1 E18: How to Make Friends, Literally!Season 1 Episode 18: Tin Man
Cumtryah Mother Fuckers!
The Gate Gang is being all weird. Turns out they’re robut copies of themselves. Creepy.
This show is major on body horror, because the robuts think they’re people, LOL! Anyhoo, that’s not even the amazing or unbelievable part. The real suspension of disbelief comes in when we’re all asked to accept that these robut doubles are left functional next to a functional gate. Robuts programmed to be just like SG-1 promise not to use the gate. What could go wrong?
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2021-10-261h 27SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1 E17: Sexy Time Far, Far Away from the HR OfficeSeason 1 Episode 17: Solitudes
OOOOOooooo! We’re surprised that ice cave isn’t turned into a steam cave!
Sparks fly between Captain Doctor Carter and MacGyver because they think they’re about to die on a mysterious ice cave planet with a dial home device buried in summa that ice! O’Neill is too wounded for things to get out of hand with is a good thing, because they’re on the ice-cavey part of EARTH!
Boom! TWO Stargates! And yeah, America secretly takes this one too.
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00:00 - Intro
4:17...
2021-10-191h 14SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1 E16: How to Dump Your Dumb Cat for GoodSeason 1 Episode 16: Enigma
The Gate Gang saves a group of highly advanced human-looking aliens. In an effort to “alienate” them, Carter gives the sexy one a cat*. But then he introduces her to his people’s custom of lip pressing, but she already knows that one! Anyway, they’re like, our first useful ally. But they are rude as hell.
*J/K, we here at SG-Fun love cats and dogs equally.
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00:00 - Intro
4:44 - 24 Seconds
6:08 - Recap
1:13:32 - Were We Comforted
1:15:28 - Yeh Neh o...
2021-10-051h 30SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1 E15: How to Get Away with MurderSeason 1 Episode 15: Cor-Ai
Oh snap! Teal'c is going to have to answer for his war crimes as the First Prime of Apophis! Wait though, hasn’t he been clearing brush and painting pictures of horses and war veterans?
Shouldn’t we just forgive, forget, and let him go? Loyalty to a loved character vs. loyalty to ideology all wrapped up in this one.
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00:00 - Intro
2:21 - 24 Seconds
4:19 - Recap
50:33 - Were We Comforted
53:12 - Yeh Neh or Meh
55:19 - Next Episo...
2021-09-281h 04SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1 E14: Can We Femme Up Captain Carter Please?Season 1 Episode 14: Singularity
So we strike the balance here with Carter being just girlie or motherly enough to bond with and save a rather uncharismatic little girl, but not so much that she doesn’t seem beast enough to soldier on with the Gate Gang. Hoo-mother fucking-ray.
This is a child actor-heavy one, folks.
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4:09 - 24 Seconds
5:52 - Recap
1:07:47 - Were We Comforted
1:09:59 - Yeh Neh or Meh
1:13:03 - Next Episode
1:15:12 - Nonexistent Sponsors
1:15:41 - Get To Kn...
2021-09-211h 18SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1 E13: We’re Gonna Have to Yuck this YumSeason 1 Episode 13: Hathor
Deja Vu on the Dangerous Deity Pumper sitch.
We learn all the men of Cheyenne Mountain are straight…and so are all the women (who think men are such ding dongs that they barely take seriously Goa’uld Hathor’s drugging, subjugating, and violating of the menfolk). Daniel breed giant prawns with Hathor, and good for him, as “maybe this is just how sex works in their culture.” That’s right, we still see you Daniel.
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00:00 - Intro
3:10 - 24 Seconds
4:30 - Recap
5...
2021-09-141h 05SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1 E12: Why Wasn’t Catherine at the Service?Season 1 Episode 12: Fire and Water
Probably too busy fucking her new pet, old man fiancee, Dr. Catherine Langford doesn’t even show up when Daniel is presumed dead on a confusing planet that is both fire and water.
Daniel's in a real pickle with his team mistaking brain-tampering-induced PTSD for grief while he’s trapped by a tiny sea monster looking for his wife WHO HAS BEEN MISSING FOR 1000 YEARS. Damn, Daniel's people gave up on him after what, a week? They literally cleaned out his apartment, read his diary, and held a funeral/BBQ.
2021-09-071h 26SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1 E11: Oh Dang! That is *Not* F. Murray AbrahamSeason 1 Episode 11: Bloodlines
Talc has a son? And a wife? And he can sneak back to his planet to see them but never has? What a dick. His wife does not stay mad enough, even after stabbing him. Also, never drink Daniel’s coffee.
Also, SG Fun has Evolved! Now with ACTUAL Audio Equipment! No more wondering if Tory and Sarah are talking through Casio Compact Headsets through Phone Modems from 1994. Enjoy!
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00:00 - Intro
6:23 - 24 Seconds
8:50 - Recap
1:04:25 Were We Comforted
1:06:18 Yeh Neh or M...
2021-08-311h 15SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1 E10: Can Betches Puh-lease Stop Complaining About Being Left Out of Their Life’s WorkSeason 1 Episode 10: The Torment of Tantalus
How long must one be trapped in a wave-crashed cave before one becomes an Always Nude, a naturalist? How long, really, before one throws oneself into the sea? Longer than we’d think! Something like 50 ridiculous years! Catherine, please accept this naked and confused old man as a token of the SGC’s appreciation for fucking completely off forever.
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1:48 - 24 Seconds
3:55 - Recap
58:13 - Were We Comforted
1:00:54 - Yeh Neh or Meh
1:13:16 - Next Episode
1...
2021-08-241h 09SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1E9: Even More Whites in Space, Now With a Pretty Mediocre ExplanationSeason 1 Episode 9: Thor's Hammer
The Team seeks to build a group of planets united against a common enemy, The Goooold; A federation of sorts, if you will. It doesn’t go great, especially for Talc, of course.
WILL OUR HEROES ALL MAKE IT OUT OF THOR’S SHITTY DISNEYLAND LABYRINTH RIDE ALIVE AND FULLY INTACT?
Alternate alternate title: Thor’s Hammered. Your hosts got pretty wasted, pretty fast for some reason. Editing took a bit…please forgive any related delay in the release schedule!
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00:00 - Intro
2:27 - 24 Secon...
2021-08-181h 33SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1E8: What *IS* the Age of Consent for a 100 Day Life Span?Season 1 Episode 8: Brief Candle
Some of the team gets their fuck on, others on the team suck their teeth in jealous disapproval. It’s babies having babies all over the place and also Jack catching the literal worst STI yet discovered. We can’t believe this doesn’t happen ALL THE TIME in SciFi!
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00:00 - Intro
3:52 - 24 Seconds
5:19 - Recap
1:03:10 - Were We Comforted
1:05:32 - Yeh Neh or Meh
1:10:45 - Nonexistent Sponsors
1:11:11 - Get To Know Your Host
1:13:49 - Next...
2021-08-101h 16SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1E7: The Gang Can’t Believe These Hippy Assholes Have Better Tech:Season 1 Episode 7: The Nox
Quark from DS-9 shows up with his new pals to repeatedly condescend to the dumb hooomans, but it’s cool: the dumb hooomans are too busy condescending back to even notice. Will our heroes save the Nox, or will the Nox save them?
Also, new segment: GET TO KNOW YOUR HOST! If you stick around after our sponsor segment (currently made up of a plethora of non existent, but soon to be corporate love bombs), Tory and Sarah answer a question from Talking Points, a game for couples to learn about thei...
2021-08-031h 17SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1E6: The Gang Gives Zero F*^KS About Jack!Season 1 Episode 6: Cold Lazarus
Jack is acting weird AF upon return from a mission that DEFINITELY is finally not just the forest in Vancouver, BC. But no one cares. At all. He just goes home. And stalks his ex. And also is a bomb. Oh my star(gate)s! We hope the team can save him and the show!
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00:00 Intro
5:40-24 Seconds
7:48-Recap
1:02:22-Were We Comforted
1:08:05-Next Episode
2021-07-271h 11SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1E5: Who Doesn't Shoot Their Ex With a God Complex?Season 1 Episode 5: The First Commandment
Wow, this shit is WILD! Like, does the SG program even screen people for the job?
Talking points: Is it a coincidence that the first character killed in this one is called Frakes? I guess that’s why this is SG-9, or the A, B, C...I Squad. And why even have ranks if there’s no real chain of command?
----more----00:00 Intros
4:50 24 Sec
5:43 Recap
1:19:58 Were We Comforted
1:21:53 Yeh Neh or Meh
1:21:55 Next Week
2021-07-201h 26SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1E4: Inverse Kevin CostnerSeason 1 Episode 4: The Broca Divide
Ummmm I did not think this show would immediately nose dive to even more deplorable plotlines after last week, but they’re GOOD in that writer’s room.
Talking Points: Dr. Jackson is hard to like after this one. Sam Carter is the goat. It’s pretty fun to watch the cast devolve, but was it more fun on StarTrek: The Next Generation?----more----00:00--Intro
3:17--24 Sec
4:53--Episode Recap
01:14:20--Were We Comforted
01:16:43--Yeh, Neh, or Meh
01:20:52--Next Week
2021-07-161h 23SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1E3: When You're the Only Woman Who Works HereSeason 1 Episode 3: Emancipation
Well ain’t this some shit?
What’s that? Your male colleagues are minimizing your sexualization in the workplace again? Oh well! That’s why God made rose and bubble baths, am I right ladies LOLOLOLlllllllzzzzz.
Talking points: Does it seem like Not James Spader and MacGyver are actually enjoying this? Enjoy seeing Asian representation on this show, it’s going to be a very long time before you see more. And nobody puts Captain Doctor Carter in a corner.
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03:37 You got 24 seconds
04...
2021-07-021h 04SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1E2: A Fistful of HydrocodoneSeason 1 Episode 2: The Enemy Within
Oh my god! Gross! Body Horror! Nobody liked Kawalsky Anyway!
Talking points: Wait, How do you pronounce Goa’uld? If you do a murder whilst harboring a...Goold (?), should you be arrested? And should someone who trades sides over just seeing a Casio really be on the team?
----more----00:00 Intro
04:35 You got 24 seconds
09:26 Episode Recap
42:25 Were You Comforted
49:10 Yeh Neh and Meh
51:35 Outro
2021-07-0252 minSG Fun: A Stargate PodcastS1E1: The Dangerous Deity PumperSeason 1, Episode 1: Emancipation
Sarah and Tory review the Pilot, two part episode of Stargate SG-1.
This is a movie! This is good! I am excited to see more!
Talking points: The power of a Casio, that ain’t James Spader, and always ALWAYS build your hang out zone around the dangerous deity pumper.
----more----00:00 Intro
00:10 Episode Recap
01:40:38 Were We Comforted
01:42:52 Yeh Neh and Meh
01:45:00 Outro
2021-07-021h 47SG Fun: A Stargate PodcastWelcome to the Vertical Water HoleA quick hello from Sarah and Tory, your two favorite podcasters from a previous podcast you probably didn't listen to. We welcome you to join us on our journey through the Stargate-Verse (of which we are relative newbies). If this sounds like your bag, PRESS PLAY!!
2021-06-2901 min