Shows
Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love063 - The Lasting Effects of Betrayal TraumaThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:My husband is making great progress in his recovery, attending group sessions and trauma counseling, but I’m struggling to catch up. I’ve had trouble finding a counselor and don’t have a group, though we both attended an intensive. He sometimes dismisses my concerns, like he did with his mom, and it’s making me hesitant about a trip we have planned. Should I push through and go, or is it okay to...2025-08-0519 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love062 - Finding the Hard Answers to Healing & RecoveryIf you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:My group was excruciating tonight—hearing others’ victories while I’m drowning in pain felt unbearable. I’m exhausted from picking myself back up after every setback, asking why healing comes easily for some but not for us. I know God has a plan, but it s...2025-07-2913 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love061 - Finding the Support You Need for HealingThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:In the new edition of Betrayal & Beyond you took out the part about "forgiving yourself." I am happy you did because I don't agree with that concept. I believe in God's forgiveness, but I wonder why you decided to take that part out of the new edition?Each time my husband relapses, I feel completely lost—especially now, four years in, after his first relapse in a long time. The longer the gap...2025-07-2215 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love060 - How Addiction Recovery Impacts RelationshipsIf you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: As my husband and I walk through recovery—he’s in Seven Pillars, I’m in Betrayal & Beyond—I’m nearing the end of my group and preparing for full disclosure. I wish there were clear resources to help our Christian parents, includin...2025-07-1519 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love059 - Masturbation, Sexual Health, & SinglenessThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:I’m 26, single, and struggling with porn addiction. While I have filters in place, I’ve turned to sexually explicit romance books as a substitute. It feels less harmful since the characters aren't real, but I know it still impacts me. Can reading these books damage my future relationships, or will marriage truly make the cravings disappear? I'm 46, still single, and always thought I’d be married by now. Over the years, I’ve felt...2025-07-0815 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love057 - Communication, Spiritual Bypass, & Self-EsteemThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:How does one communicate needs in a marriage when one partner is stuck in the shame spiral of addiction? My husband gets defensive when I express my needs, which deepens my emotional wounds. How can I safely share my feelings and build trust and intimacy when he reacts this way?Could you talk more about spiritual bypass? It seems like people sometimes use faith or spiritual practices to avoid addressing deeper emotional or...2025-06-2424 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love056 - Navigating Passion, Sex, & Physical TouchThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:Our sex life confuses me. My husband expects me to engage instantly, even after disconnection, yet refuses intimacy unless I’m fully enthusiastic. I’m willing, even when not interested, but he won’t proceed unless I’m all in. We feel like we live separate lives—could that be affecting our intimacy?My sex-addicted husband won’t have sex, even after 5 months sober. He avoids it, can't perform without porn or escorts, and e...2025-06-1714 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love055 - What to Do After Decades of BetrayalIf you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:After 29 years, my husband had an affair, quit his job, filed for divorce, and left—refusing counseling or reconciliation. I still love him and believe in restoration, but he’s enamored with someone else. Am I pitiful for hoping? How do I find peace when...2025-06-1012 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love054 - Recovery is Not a 'One Size Fits All'l ProcessIf you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:- My husband has nearly 9 months of sobriety. He finished Seven Pillars and now attends a men's group for ongoing support, but he's growing tired of the 30-minute drive. How much sobriety and healing should he have before stepping away from group? When i...2025-06-0317 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love053 - When Leaders Ask Hard QuestionsThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:I recently joined Pure Desire. Is it okay for a woman to discuss with her pastor her sexual issues with her husband in their home? What responsibility does the pastor have in this situation? In what environment should he accept this responsibility and offer guidance? I'm a therapist with a newly married client who struggles with low sexual desire despite loving his wife. He abstained before marriage, avoids porn, and they share aff...2025-05-2713 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love052 - Forgiveness, Empathy, & TriggersIf you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:I'd love to hear you discuss forgiveness. We're often warned against forgiving too soon or improperly, but rarely told how to forgive the right way. When is the right time? What does forgiveness look like without reconciliation or trust? Can unforgiveness lead to bitter...2025-05-2022 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love051 - Recovery & RelapseEmail your questions to unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:I am wondering if a husband is supposed to tell his wife about relapses after full disclosure? My husband doesn’t want to cause me “more trauma” and says, “I am acting like an accountability partner.” When I tell him it’s to help restore trust with honesty, he says he has been honest because I’ve known about his struggle. But I don’t know about...2025-05-1318 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love048 - Getting Through Your Husband's Prostitution, Affairs, & LiesEmail us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.In this episode, we answer these questions:- I’m 27 and married for four years with no kids. Six months in, I discovered my husband’s porn addiction and his solicitation of a prostitute. Over the years, he’s continued deceptive behavior, including porn use on a hidden phone, and refusing counseling. In February 2025, he received a threatening call from the 'cartel' (not the first time in our marriage). Though he pro...2025-04-2221 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love047 - Emotional Betrayal, Trauma, & HealingEmail us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.In this episode, we answer these questions: In 2006, I found out my husband had a pornography addiction. He later worked at a church and grew close to a female coworker. In January 2021, he admitted relapsing and revealed that this coworker helped him stop, claiming to be in love with her. I saw it as an emotional affair and asked him to stop texting her. Four years later, he still texts he...2025-04-1523 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & LoveHealing from Betrayal with Dr. Barbara Steffens | Guest EpisodeEmail us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.When we experience betrayal, it seems as though our world has been turned upside down. This type of trauma can leave us feeling paralyzed and alone, unsure of what’s happening to us and if healing is even possible. On today’s episode, we are honored to have Dr. Barbara Steffens as our guest. She is the author of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal and the founding Presiden...2025-04-0844 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love046 - Is It Possible For My Husband To Achieve Sobriety?Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:- Is lifelong sobriety possible? My husband has been addicted to pornography since he was 12-13. He has gone through a 12 step recovery program and gained 2 years of sobriety and good recovery. Recently, he has started relapsing over a 6 month period and has reached a point where he quit his job and checked himself into a 30-day inpatient addiction recovery center. I am trying to...2025-04-0118 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love045 - Menopause, Addiction, & Reintegrating SexEmail us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.In this episode, we answer these questions:Do you have any suggestions on menopause and the effect it has on sexual intimacy? How to work through it, as well as just how important is sexual intimacy in a relationship? I know emotional intimacy is key but what about the physical?I would be interested in hearing a talk about the challenges of sex after menopause, especially when porn was in our...2025-03-2518 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love044 - Unique Forms of BetrayalEmail us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.In this episode, we answer these questions:The language often used by Pure Desire is for married couples, but what about the seriously dating couples who are moving toward marriage? What counsel do you have for young Christian adults in committed dating relationships who are close to engagement/marriage when porn addiction comes into the light?When a husband asks his wife to perform sexual acts he’s seen in porn, is...2025-03-1811 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love043 - The Complexity Of SexEmail us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions: How do I tread the line between being a trigger for my husband and still being sexy and flirty? I used to love wearing lingerie type nightgowns and throughout the day send messages to my husband about plans for our sexy time. But now I’m scared that if I send him a text like this, it will make him have sexual thoughts and he will hav...2025-03-1115 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love042 - How Can an Addicted Husband Lead?Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:I'm the addict spouse, and I've had a porn addiction since I was 11 years old (I'm 26 now). I've struggled with sexual addiction well before my wife and I met. I'm in recovery and making progress, but it’s still a very present struggle. How do I lead in my marriage when I feel like I'm not good enough in this area? Or perhaps from my wife's pe...2025-03-0420 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love041 - I think I'm Done With This MarriageEmail us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.In this episode, we answer these questions:I’m 62 years old and found out about my husbands porn addiction over 6 years ago. He had disclosed to me that he had been masturbating and using porn since he was 12 years old. It was devastating. We’ve sought help in many areas: from our church, groups, and counseling. The problem: my husband has never been able to achieve sobriety, ever. He has never stop...2025-02-2517 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love040 - What Do I Do After An Affair?Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:How do I start a discussion with my husband? He's now bringing up that he thinks I was unfaithful to him 10 years ago. He is currently texting with a girl that he used to text with in a sexual context 4 months ago. He says it's no longer sexual, just small talk and he's shown me some of the messages.I felt neglected when he was deep...2025-02-1817 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love039 - How Do I Support My Addicted Husband?Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:Do I have to have sex whenever he wants it to keep him from temptation?My husband is working on his recovery, but he says he needs me to be more supportive. I’m crushed and angry. How can I tell him I am unable to cheer him on right now?Is it true that men only feel intimacy through sex?Resources:Find Al...2025-02-1114 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love038 - Let's Talk About Control & Manipulation Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:What is the difference between being controlling and setting boundaries?We are 6 years into recovery from my infidelity. My husband still associates my drinking with me being unfaithful. We've had to work through his controlling tendencies and unintentional manipulation in our recovery process. He is definitely more important than alcohol, but if I say I’m not going to drink, I feel like it’s giving into...2025-02-0417 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love037 - The Do's and Don'ts of Marital Sex (What's Not Okay?)Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:Over 30 years ago, an elderly woman met with one of our pastors to tell him that the Lord had told her that oral sex is a sin. He took it to heart, and preached a whole sermon about its evils. Is oral sex a sin?If both husband and wife agree, is masturbation okay?Is there a sexual act in the marriage bed that's wrong? I've...2025-01-3010 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love034 - Navigating Anger and Lack of Attraction During SexEmail us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.In this episode, we answer these questions: I feel rage every time I have sex with my husband. I am angry about how he took advantage of me all these years by having sex with himself and stealing my sex. I do NOT want him to feel any pleasure because he has already stolen enough pleasure for a lifetime through abusive behaviors. How can I possibly move forward in this relationship? A...2025-01-0917 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love033 - Handling Unique Betrayal SituationsEmail us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On this episode, we answer the following questions:I'm in a Betrayal & Beyond group and it's been great for healing BUT my question is, where do I fit in as the girlfriend? How do I approach a Safety Action Plan when I'm not a spouse and don't really know about relapses or anything in that space?We just had our 31st anniversary—second one since disclosure. It was rather miserable for me...2025-01-0214 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love032 - Rethinking Sex: Answering Your Unique Sex QuestionsEmail us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.orgThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.On this episode, we answer the following questions:My husband has cancer and is unable to have an erection without viagra. He's offered to help me achieve orgasm in other ways, but this feels selfish. What do I do?How do you deal with your sex drive after your spouse dies? You ladies talked about prior marriages but does it work the same way with the death of a spouse?How...2024-12-2615 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love031 - Is Abstinence In Recovery Biblical?Email us your questions! - unfiltered@puredesire.org Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:In porn/sex addiction recovery resources, most of them seem to recommend a celibacy period of at least 90 days. My husband, who is a recovering porn addict, uses 1 Corinthians 7:5 to say that is unbiblical, saying that if we "deprive each other" then we will be more likely to fall into temptation. If the celibacy period is truly something that is worth doing to speed up recovery, how do...2024-12-1912 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love020 - Women, the Church, and ShameThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On this episode, we answer these questions:I went to my church for help and left feeling more confused and ashamed. What should I do now?If I’m a woman who struggles, how do I know if I can go to my church for help? What can churches do to create safe environments for women who need help whether it's their own sexual struggles or betrayal from someone else?If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfil...2024-10-0315 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love019 - I Relapsed Last WeekendThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex & Love, with Ashley and Heather. On this episode, we answer these questions:I relapsed last weekend and feel so much shame. How do I pick myself up off the floor?Who do I tell about my relapse?What tools can I use to get back to restoration? If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org or simply reply to this email. We can’t wait to hear from you!ResourcesFull Episode On Youtu...2024-09-2611 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love018 - My Marriage Is A FacadeThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On this episode, we answer the following questions:Everyone thinks he’s the ideal husband, but I’m miserable. Where do I find help if nobody sees the problem?Why is it so hard to walk away from someone causing me pain?My husband and I are in counseling, and the counselor thinks I’m the one overreacting. What can I do?If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wa...2024-09-1913 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love017 - Mom Life - Part 2: As a Struggling MomThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex & Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions: How much do I share with my kids?If I tell people about my struggles, will I look like a bad mom? How do I avoid hurting my kids while I’m recovering? Will I be able to raise secure kids when I’m such a mess?If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!Resour...2024-09-1224 minUnfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love016 - Mom Life - Part 1: As a Betrayed MomThanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions: Since discovery, I can’t seem to function like I did before. I’m crying one minute and angry the next. How long will this last?As a betrayed mom, what steps can I take to begin healing and ensure I don’t take out my pain on my kids?How much do I share with my kids?P.S. If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us a...2024-09-0515 min
Pure Desire Podcast113 - Women & SexWe have a surprise for you on today's episode. Two guests take over the podcast and talk through frequently asked questions from women regarding sex. This is an episode you won't want to miss!RESOURCESContact Info:Heather Kolb heatherk@puredesire.orgAshley Jameson ashleyj@puredesire.orgSEX DURING RECOVERY – EPISODE 057MOMS & SEX BLOGUNRAVELED: MANAGING LOVE, SEX, AND RELATIONSHIPS
GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSc...2019-09-0336 min