Shows
Conflict Owner's Manual81 How conflict competence impacts loneliness for the betterConflict competence improves quality of relationships. Building community improves quality of life. In this era of loneliness, where friends are so important, are your relationships dependent on your friends having opinions you agree with or like? Here are some strategies for sharing conflicting points of view (POV) without it causing conflict. Improve your conflict competence, have friends, build community, improve quality of life.Show notesEpisode 64: How is self awareness a conflict competency?Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of...2025-07-1308 minConflict Owner's Manual80 What conflict competencies might have helped my 20 year old self?No one is born conflict competent. Babies don't negotiate, they demand. Over time, we grow up and learn people skills. The quality of our relationships improves. For some, with homes that nurture learning these skills, conflict competence comes early and easy. For some, like me, home wasn't a calm and conflict competent environment. My learning conflict competence was a long, slow and deliberate undertaking. After breaking up with my family at 20, I learned to appreciate them using my conflict competencies. Now, we're close and loving. Learning conflict competencies improved the quality of my relationships with dozens of family members...2025-07-0903 minConflict Owner's Manual79 Do you and your roommates (or family) need a conflict management plan?If you find yourself sharing space, whether with a partner, roommate, family, or stranger, it's a good idea to agree with them on a conflict management plan. But, if you didn't have an agreement on how to resolve conflicts before you have a conflict, it isn't too late to invite the discussion. Here are some suggestions.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love...2025-07-0612 minConflict Owner's Manual78 How do you use and practice conflict analysis?The conflict competency I use most often is conflict analysis. You want to answer the right question and resolve the correct conflict, which means analyzing what's really going on. Look beneath the surface, and dig deeper than motives and personalities. These two novels demonstrate the types of analysis that get to the heart of the conflict.show notes:The two novels are:The Man Who Saw Seconds, by Alexander Boldizar. (2024)Blue Ticket, by Sophie Mackintosh. (2020)Other episodes about conflict analysis are:Episode #8, What is a conflict analysis?Episode #10, How integrating...2025-07-0305 minConflict Owner's Manual77 How to ask good questions that invite conversationsThis is the third episode on what makes a good question in conflict situations. We look at the purpose you want your question to serve in the conflict you’re having. The conflict competence is to use good questions as an invitation into a conversation. We show you how. Show notesEpisode 72: what’s a good question when you’re calm may not land the same way on someone you’re in a conflict with. Here are suggestions for asking good questions in conflicts.Episode 74: what’s a good question at the start of a conflict ma...2025-06-2908 minConflict Owner's Manual76 How do you know when to quit trying dialogue?Are there times when trying dialogue is wasted time? A listener mentions our polarized political climate, and asks if dialogue is always the way to approach emotionally charged differences in opinion. If it's time to stop trying, how would you know? How would you quit trying? Here are some examples of conflict competent responses when dialogue isn't helpful.show notes:Episode 38. What's more effective than calling out someone you disagree with? I discuss Dr. Loretta Ross's book, Calling In: how to start making change with those you'd rather cancel.Send us a text. We...2025-06-2605 minConflict Owner's Manual75 What movie, show or book shows conflict competence done well?It's an accepted truth of the creative community that conflict is story. No conflict, no story. No conflict is boring, not drama. Or no dramatic story that anyone wants to read or watch. What are the conflict competencies we can learn from rewriting the script of the conflicts in stories so the characters talk to each other before the conflict becomes the story? We rewrite Romeo and Juliet so that it ends in a wedding rather than funerals.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with...2025-06-2209 minConflict Owner's Manual74 What makes a good question the right question?A good question is the right question for the conflict you’re having. You’ve heard the expression: there’s no such thing as a silly question. But, in conflict, some questions keep a conflict going, escalate the conflict and/or inflame hard feelings. Here are examples of good and not-so -good questions.show notes:Episodes 58, 60, and 72 discuss how to ask, use and follow up good questions. After listening to episode 74, browse to the others. Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with de...2025-06-1804 minConflict Owner's Manual73 Why describe your conflict in story or simile?We remember stories better than we remember lectures. Stories entertain, comfort, explain, build bonds, persuade, and teach, among other connections. How you tell the story of your conflict reveals your point of view. We discuss how differing points of view are integrated to make a more complete story of the conflict. We suggest you find a role model who inspires your conflict competence.show notes:Watch John Paul Lederach @ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiP_mQamUoc. Read his 28 books, including The Moral Imagination: The Art and Soul of Building Peace (Oxford University P...2025-06-1510 minConflict Owner's Manual72 What is a good question?A good question increases your chance to get good answers. How you think about a good question and its answer is different in the heat of conflict than how you think about questions and answers in calm conversation. What are those differences and how can you navigate from calm convo to questions that don't provoke more conflict? Here are some examples.show notes:AI offers this list of components of a good question, edited for brevity: A good question is • clear • open ended. • fit for the intended purpose. • thought-provoking: • fair • unbias...2025-06-1105 minConflict Owner's Manual71 Do you have a mediator's mindset?Having a mediator's mindset is a valuable skill in any job, not only in the job officially known as mediation. Conflict management is hard and a soft skills to add to your resume. We discuss the ways you can grow your conflict competence with your approaches to relationships, to conflict, and to life.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions...2025-06-0809 minConflict Owner's Manual70 Three steps to being a better listener, (even when you're upset in the heat of conflict)You already have conflict competencies like good listening. But do you use your best listening skill in the heat of conflict? Here are three steps to help you bridge the gap between knowing how to listen, and using the listening skills you have.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for...2025-06-0504 minConflict Owner's Manual69 How to build trust in yourselfPerhaps you've taken the course on how to have have difficult conversations. You know how to do it. But now, in real life, do you trust yourself to actually have those difficult conversations? We discuss self-trust building, the role of power imbalances that make it hard to communicate, and the risk of communicating your needs when the stakes are high. Self-trust will help you find the courage to raise issues important to you in relationships you care about. Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with d...2025-06-0107 minConflict Owner's Manual68 where did your conflict mental map come from?Everyone has at least one conflict mental map; a picture in your mind about how you believe conflict should be conducted, and what you expect of those in conflict with you. But where did you form this conflict mental map?show notesShoalts, Adam, A History of Canada in Ten Maps: Epic Stories of Charting a Mysterious Land. Allen Lane, 2017, ISBN-10: 0670069469Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please...2025-05-2905 minConflict Owner's Manual67 Is trust a necessary ingredient for managing your conflicts?"Trust exists in relationships in different types and amounts. Maybe your friendships have a comfortable, lasting trust between intimates. Or, maybe you don't trust a person at all but have to deal with them. Trust is nice to have, has to be rebuilt when it's broken, and can't be bought. We discuss trust building measures that you can apply to improve the quality of your relationships and to manage your conflicts.show notes:"Whatever matters to human beings, trust is the atmosphere in which it thrives." Dr. Sissela Bok.Fundamental attribution error/rule. Dr. Lee...2025-05-2511 minConflict Owner's Manual66 How your self-beliefs grow your conflict competenceWhat you tell yourself about your conflict competencies is what you believe is true. Are you telling yourself information that will grow your skills? On the conflict competence continuum of skills, where you put your pin will influence and inform how you do conflict.show notes. These scholars research how our beliefs shape our choices in life.* Michael Rousell: Surprise! How Your Brain Secretly Changes Your BeliefsTEDxSalem • January, 2019https://www.ted.com/talks/michael_rousell_surprise_how_your_brain_secretly_changes_your_beliefs* Doug Lipman: As powerful as stories are, th...2025-05-2104 minConflict Owner's Manual65 What life experiences inform your conflict competencies?Everyone experiences conflict, and has ways of dealing with it but some ways are better than others for improving the quality of your relationships. It's never too late to learn more and better ways. Tyson and Deborah share how they learned conflict management, what tools they use most (spoiler - for Deborah, it's conflict analysis), when they began their life's work in managing conflict, and in what ways their backgrounds in family and faith inform their practices.show notes:Ishmael, by Daniel QuinnBantam/Turner Books, USA, 1992, 266 pages.Send us a text. W...2025-05-1812 minConflict Owner's Manual64 How is self awareness a conflict competency?"Know thyself!" comes to us as philosophical wisdom from antiquity. Self awareness is a conflict competency that increases your adaptability. The self you know is a learning, growing being who strives for quality relationships. Self awareness can prevent conflict, make you more adaptable to manage different kinds of conflict with different strategies, and improve the quality of the relationship you have with yourself. The more we are able to adapt, the more opportunities we have to be conflict competent.Here are three ways that you achieving self awareness improves your conflict competence.Show notes:Myers...2025-05-1403 minConflict Owner's Manual63 Is your frame big enough to picture your whole conflict?Everyone has a view of how the world should work according to themselves. Your view is a frame that your holds, among other things, your beliefs, concerns, values, and hopes. But sometimes, your frame rubs wrong against someone else's frame, and oops, conflict happens. That's when a reframe adds a valuable conflict competence. We describe user-friendly ways to look at frames and reframes.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like...2025-05-1107 minConflict Owner's Manual62 what's in a name? Quite a lot when it's a conflictYou have habits, everyone does. Habits are patterns of how you behave. Once you recognize how you usually or often react in a conflict you have identified your conflict pattern. Name your reaction pattern, the emotions driving that pattern, and the pattern you'd rather have. Name it, own it, improve it.Show notesJuliet spoke to herself (Act 2, Scene 2) on her balcony, unaware that Romeo was hiding below, watching her rest her cheek upon her hand while she thought of him.‘Tis but thy name that is my enemy;Thou art thyself, though no...2025-05-0704 minConflict Owner's Manual61 how to use opportunities to change your conflictConflicts unfold over time to become patterns. We discuss the many opportunities to manage, shift, change and reframe conflict patterns. When you change the pattern you improve your conflict competence.Tyson refers to adrienne maree brown: https://adriennemareebrown.net/2015/02/02/trust-the-people/ "if you do not trust the people, they will become untrustworthy." Lao Tzu, Tao Te ChingSend us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, l...2025-05-0412 minConflict Owner's Manual60 How do you show curiosity without sounding judgmental?Does your attachment to your point of view make your good questions sound like judgments? Here are four steps to showing that your curiosity comes from your good intentions.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2025-04-3003 minConflict Owner's Manual59 How do conflict competencies affect politics?It's election 2025 tomorrow in Canada, and we discuss conflict competence as a skill in every interaction, as well as necessary for democracy, electioneering, voting, and governing. Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2025-04-2708 minConflict Owner's Manual58 What does it mean to ask "good questions"Defaulting to curiosity rather than judgement is conflict competent. But, what if that curious question still sounds judgemental? We show you how to ask conflict competent questions, so you can diffuse conflict.The article the explains better questions than starting with the word "why" at this link: https://deborahsword.com/a-conflict-analysis-of-why/Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions...2025-04-2405 minConflict Owner's Manual57 What conflict competencies help overcome biased thinking?A bias can make decisions easier. You don't have to think hard if you already know your bias for herbal tea and against caffeinated tea. But when biases cause conflict, or stop you from enjoying the company of friends who hold perspectives you don't share, you'll want some conflict competent hacks to overcome biased thinking. We discuss four of the most common.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it...2025-04-2014 minConflict Owner's Manual56 What's the disconnect between your intention and the impact?Have you made a comment that you intended as helpful and been criticized rather than thanked? Depending on how you respond in the situation, the cycle of defensive reaction either escalates or is diffused. You can decide if a conflict happens or not. We discuss two useful conflict competencies and how to use them.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask...2025-04-1705 minConflict Owner's Manual55 How do you express vulnerability in your conflicts?You have choices about how and when you let the person you're in conflict with know that you're feeling vulnerable. Since your sense of your vulnerability influences the decisions you make in conflict, it's a conflict competence to be mindful of how vulnerable you feel, and how you choose to express or hide that vulnerability.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments...2025-04-1307 minConflict Owner's Manual54 What's on your conflict mental map?Everyone has a mental map of what conflict does or should look like, how it unfolds, and your ideal ending. Not everything on your conflict mental map is conflict competent. What may be on your conflict mental map as one of your strategies may not optimally belong there. Deborah discusses 'deflection' as one strategy that you might want to delete from your conflict mental map.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our...2025-04-1004 minConflict Owner's Manual53 How shame impacts your conflict competenceFeeling shame doesn't leave you much room for dealing with conflict. Shame fills a lot of space, crowding out empathy and perspective taking. How can you be conflict competent when you're beating up on yourself in shame? We give a few tips.Show notes:Brené Brown, in Rising Strong, writes that vulnerability is “the birthplace of many of the fulfilling experiences we long for—love, belonging, joy, creativity, and trust” (p. xviii) and that “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no con...2025-04-0608 minConflict Owner's Manual52 When conflict competence doesn't 'work' for youHave you taken a conflict course and then not used what you learned? Here's what you're missing when you have the knowledge and don't use it regularly.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2025-04-0304 minConflict Owner's Manual51 Four benefits of doing the work to be more conflict competentMaya Angelou said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Pretend you have a private studio audience cheering you on when you make people feel good. Even if people don't reciprocate your efforts to understand them, you still benefit in many ways from listening to them, showing empathy, and having conflict competence. We discuss the benefits that accrue to you.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with deca...2025-03-3007 minConflict Owner's Manual50 What you miss when you respond the same to every conflictYou may be comfortable avoiding conflict, which is one of the many responses available to you in conflicts. Avoiding would be your pattern and it can work well. Similarly, you may regularly default to one of the other responses, and that would be your conflict pattern. But, if you encounter a new situation, you will want more options. Here are some of the ways that having more conflict responses benefits you.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.2025-03-2706 minConflict Owner's Manual49 What to do with conflicts stuck in past experiences, present anxieties, or future fearsThe words people use can provide insights into what keeps a conflict going. It's a conflict competency to notice the past, present or future tense of words, including your own. Listen to people's word spacers, such as 'er' and 'um' and what words they emphasize or repeat. Even silence or pauses between words can be significant, such as Tyson's 7 second pause while he considers his words. Listening to the actual words, and how they're spoken, raises curiosity about whether something in their past, or context about their present, or concern about their future contributes to the reason(s) the...2025-03-2308 minConflict Owner's Manual48 The difference between presenting issues and real issues in conflictPerhaps you know how to say what you want as an 'I message' rather than a 'you message' to avoid antagonizing the other person. I suggest additional strategies that deepen conversations and also go below any superficial presenting issue to the issue underneath. Communicating about the real issues can deepen the relationship, not just avoid antagonism.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love...2025-03-2006 minConflict Owner's Manual47 Train your brain for conflict competenceYour brain uses your senses to collect data, interpret the information, make a risk assessment, and report to you at the speed of thought. Your brain predicts what is happening, and what might happen, so that you can react. For your reaction to be conflict competent, start with observing your brain do this in real time.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love...2025-03-1609 minConflict Owner's Manual46 How to decide whether to engage in, ignore or avoid conflictYour values and many other factors influence your decision to engage with conflict, how you engage, or if you won't engage. You have more choices than you know. In making your decisions, ask yourself, How Is This About Me (H.I.T.A.M.) and Why Am I Talking (W.A.I.T.). Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions a...2025-03-1305 minConflict Owner's Manual45 How empathy mapping builds conflict competenceWhen you understand another person, conversations can flow. Perhaps you've heard the expression: 'meet people where they are' and wondered how to do that. We describe empathy mapping and conversation analysis, which are two conflict competent approaches to holistic understanding where people are so you can meet them there.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd...2025-03-0911 minConflict Owner's Manual44 How to fix talking past each otherSome conversations just miss; you aren't on the same wavelength, no one seems to listen, and you feel verbally attacked. There are two conflict competence skills that get those heated debates back on track.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2025-03-0605 minConflict Owner's Manual43 What conflict competent tools deal with bullies?Bullies exert power over someone, perhaps to achieve a goal, and perhaps that goal is simple intimidation for selfish rewards. The bully's target has little control over an uneven and unfair conflict that the bully instigates. But, the targeted person can use conflict competent strategies that might change the bully's behaviour.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest t...2025-03-0210 minConflict Owner's Manual42 How assumptions, beliefs and intentions interact in conflictsIntentions are invisible. We predict and assume what someone intends, and then act as if what we believe is true. Game on for conflict. There are conflict competent approaches to clarifying someone's intention before we react as if what we assume is true.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for...2025-02-2603 minConflict Owner's Manual41 How to be conflict competent when provokedThere are many common statements that trigger conflict. We give strategies for how you can respond when someone pushes your buttons.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2025-02-2413 minConflict Owner's Manual40 Are any ghosts haunting your conflict?If someone is trying to insert themselves into your conflict, they're like a conflict ghost. They aren't parties to the conflict, but they want to influence it anyway. Here are suggestions for conflict competent strategies to exorcise the ghost who wants to tell you how to run your conflict.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd...2025-02-2004 minConflict Owner's Manual39 Why you might be reluctant to apologizeIs there a downside to apologizing? What if your apology isn't accepted? We discuss the conflict competence you gain when you take a chance to offer an apology.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2025-02-1606 minConflict Owner's Manual38 What's more effective than calling out someone you disagree with?It's fast and easy to call out someone for an opinion or action, but is it effective? There are more conflict competent and effective steps than calling out. Deborah recommends Dr. Loretta Ross's new book, Calling In: how to start making change with those you'd rather cancel.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to...2025-02-1305 minConflict Owner's Manual37 What if you are given an "either this or that" forced choice?Sometimes only two options exist, and neither is ideal. Sometimes, you can expand your choices. If you want better options, can you make the options better? We discuss how.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2025-02-0909 minConflict Owner's Manual36 How do gossip and conflict relate to each other?Gossip may never interact with conflict, or it may cause it conflict and conflict may cause gossip. What are conflict competent responses when conflict and gossip interact in a feedback loop?Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2025-02-0605 minConflict Owner's Manual35 What are the goals of a Conflict Owner's Manual?A listener asks about Conflict Owner's Manual goals, and we answer with goals, definitions, examples, personal stories and more about conflict competencies that enhance relationships.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2025-02-0208 minConflict Owner's Manual34 Can you trust your judgment in the uncertainty of conflict?Being in a conflict can make you doubt yourself. Conflicts thrive in that uncertainty. Here are 3 tips for trusting your own conflict competence, because what you know may be enough.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2025-01-3004 minConflict Owner's Manual33 When who is to blame becomes the conflictConflicts often start about one thing and spiral into blaming, with brittle words like "you always" and "you never" and "but you do it too only worse." We discuss whether taking responsibility can change the pattern of blame.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2025-01-2608 minConflict Owner's Manual32 Three conflict competencies from Matthew BellasSome people are so gifted at getting along that it's a pleasure to know them. Matthew Bellas was one of the those special people. Deborah gives three conflict competency tips she learned from Matthew's maxim in life.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2025-01-2305 minConflict Owner's Manual31 Is conflict competence a "soft" skillConflict competence is on almost every top ten list for success at work, for relationships and in life. Is conflict competence a hard skill, a soft skill or both? Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2025-01-2004 minConflict Owner's Manual30 What is the role of context in conflict?When conflict happens, it may look like a simple, one or two issue problem between two or three people. Often, there's more going on than appears on the surface. Context is the environment in which conflict moves.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2025-01-1606 minConflict Owner's Manual29 When conflicts outgrow their original boundariesSome conflict start small, like you helpfully mention that someone didn't wash a dish, and whoa, it blows into a contest over who never cleans up and who always leaves a mess everywhere. Maybe you weren't looking at the conflict the same ways from the beginning.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear...2025-01-1206 minConflict Owner's Manual28 What's the problem with agreeing to disagree?When persuasion and arguing haven't helped heal a disagreement, you might "agree to disagree" and change the subject. Is there a downside to leaving an argument this way? Deborah suggests trying conflict competent options.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2025-01-0805 minConflict Owner's Manual27 Are pessimists more conflict competent than optimists?Both pessimism and optimism have strengths and weaknesses in conflict. There's power in pessimism and value in optimism for the conflict competent.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2025-01-0505 minConflict Owner's Manual26 Is aggression a conflict competency?It's tempting to be aggressive to achieve the conflict outcome you prefer. Deborah demonstrates that there are other approaches that are more likely to get results you want.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2025-01-0204 minConflict Owner's Manual25 Are your conflicts complex, uncertain and heavy with variables?As much as people in conflict want to know the consequences of their decisions before they decide, the answer to most conflict questions is: it depends. There are ways to deal with uncertainty, and improve your conflict competence.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2024-12-2905 minConflict Owner's Manual24 Who is correct when opinions differ? This simple exercise helps you know.Sometimes, when people quarrel about whose opinion is correct and who is wrong, I use a simple easy demonstration. Afterwards, they still might not agree who has the best opinion, but they will agree that each of their opinions depends on where they get their viewpoint. Try this at home, work, socially, or wherever you want to practice your conflict competence.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share...2024-12-2604 minConflict Owner's Manual23 What should you do when the other person's opinion is 'wrong'Conflicts over disagreeable opinions get personal so fast, and, too often, they get insulting. How can you hold such a wrong opinion, you may ask them? Here's an alternative that lets the discussion over opinions stay civil instead of turning into a fight that heats the house.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to...2024-12-2307 minConflict Owner's Manual22 Three ways to change your conflict patternConflicts follow patterns. Changing your conflict patterns improves your conflict competence. Here are three different approaches to changing your conflict pattern. Try all three. Use whichever works for you. You’ll be glad you did.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2024-12-1903 minConflict Owner's Manual21 If you dread the family dinner, try these for funClose friends and family members can trigger your heated reactions even when you like or love each other. They think they know you even when you've grown past their image of you. You defend yourself even when you want to not react. We offer a simple (hard) technique to change the script so you can have a peaceful conversation. Our holiday gift to you.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast...2024-12-1505 minConflict Owner's Manual20 How to turn conversation competence into conflict competenceConflict overwhelms your calm conversational skills that connect you to the other person. So, how do you stay in touch with your calm conversational competence, to carry it into conflict competence? Deborah shows you how to hack your conversation competencies for conflict competencies. Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for l...2024-12-1203 minConflict Owner's Manual19 Whose permission do you need to be conflict competent?It's great to have norms, manners, policy and structure that foster healthy relationships. But - if those aren't supporting your efforts, you can give yourself permission to be a role model for conflict competence. Here's how.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2024-12-0805 minConflict Owner's Manual18 How to lower the heat with your conflict scriptChange your conflict script; change your conflict. Here's a creative way to rewrite your conflict script to skip the conflict part of the script. Deborah shows her method for changing the future conflict by changing the present script.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2024-12-0503 minConflict Owner's Manual17 Are disappointed expectations causing your conflicts?When you expect something and it doesn't happen, who's to blame? What better ways are there to have your expectations met to your satisfaction? We discuss how to prevent conflict from disappointed expectations.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2024-12-0105 minConflict Owner's Manual16 Does bias influence your decision making in conflict?Conflict drops a lot of decisions on you, and there's no perfect decision that guarantees the outcome you prefer. Your decisions in conflict depend on many factors, some of which are out of your control. When you think about bias limiting or helping your decisions, you increase your conflict competence. Deborah discusses how that works.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments...2024-11-2803 minConflict Owner's Manual15 Has that conflict really ended your relationship?When does a relationship end? At the breakup over a conflict? Or when you stop reliving it in your mind? After the breakup, do you go over what happened, supplying all the dialogue with brilliant responses you wish you had at the time the conflict got bad? Deborah and Tyson discuss some strategies to let go of that tightly coupled ended relationship you carry in your mind.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe t...2024-11-2405 minConflict Owner's Manual14 How to get your conflict competence to riseTaking emotional risks in conflict is like a leavening agent that helps your conflict competence rise. In this mini-cast, Deborah discusses how you can combine your skills like ingredients in a recipe.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2024-11-2102 minConflict Owner's Manual13 What common expressions are conflict competent?Words we use show others how we view the world. If common expressions use fighting and battle language, what does that say about our mindset, and what common words would convey peace instead? Deborah and Tyson have suggestions.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2024-11-1705 minConflict Owner's Manual12 Try this easy exercise to expand your conflict competenceThere isn't one perfect way to get the result you want in a conflict, so it's helpful to have options. Here's an exercise that can give you more strategies for defusing situations, and managing conflicts. Deborah shares an entertaining and easy strategy.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2024-11-1403 minConflict Owner's Manual11 What is Dialogue in conflict?Dial down conflict heat with Dialogue as a process. When high emotion makes dialogue for resolution seem impossible, try process Dialogue. Deborah and Tyson discuss how that works.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2024-11-1009 minConflict Owner's Manual10 How does integrating ideas help manage conflict?Integrating subjective and objective ideas helps the conflict analysis of your thinking, your assumptions, the context, and other variables that affect your conflict. Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2024-11-0703 minConflict Owner's Manual9 Conflict when the goals are the sameEven when you agree on almost everything, you can still have conflict over the details. You may all want the same thing and disagree over how to accomplish your goal. Deborah and Tyson discuss what to do about it.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2024-11-0409 minConflict Owner's Manual8 What is a conflict analysis?Analyzing your conflict ensures you answer the right question and solve the right problem. Deborah gives tips for conducting your conflict analysis.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2024-10-3102 minConflict Owner's Manual7 How thinking affects your thinking in conflictSend us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2024-10-2707 minConflict Owner's ManualHow do you define "conflict"Conflicts are different than disagreements, so it's helpful to define the word. Deborah offers a useful definition that also shows you where you can change the conflict dynamic.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2024-10-2402 minConflict Owner's ManualHow to change the other person in a conflictYou have more power and opportunity to change a conflict situation than you might believe. Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2024-10-2007 minConflict Owner's ManualWhy is our logo a dandelion?Conflict is like a dandelion. A weed is unwelcome and hard to eliminate, but also has a use. In this mini-cast you will hear tips for managing and for using conflict.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2024-10-1703 minConflict Owner's ManualYour conflict patternWhat you most often do in conflict becomes your default pattern, and gets stronger than conflict strategies that you don't choose as often. It's a choice.Send us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2024-10-1309 minConflict Owner's ManualHow to develop your conflict competenceSend us a text. We love hearing from you.Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.2024-10-1308 min
Storytelling PodcastTyson Bankert | The Storytelling PodcastThere are artists who can produce a work of art, be it a painting, a sculpture, a film, theatre, and then there are those whose creativity leads them unknowingly into the arts. Art can take many forms, and for Tyson Bankert, his creativity is expressed through his ability to build community, convene people and encourage others to embrace their own creativity and whimsy through his project, Recess Calgary.2024-09-1023 min
In The MixNick Talks Inspiration, Magical Moments and Finding Hope In the Midst of TragedyThis week, Nick and the rest of the "Morning in America" team share what inspired them to get into the crazy business of television, he shares the story of Tyson Bagent, who was tapped by the Chicago Bears over an experienced veteran, and introduces you to a New York City businessman who didn't just watch the news of the Hamas attack on Israel unfold, he hopped on a plan to help. Start your day with "Morning in America," NewsNation's live three-hour national morning newscast hosted by Adrienne Bankert and Markie Martin. Weekdays starting at 7a/6C. Find your channel...2023-10-2834 min
Native CalgarianTyson BankertTyson Bankert has been working and volunteering in supporting neighbourhood life for as long as he can remember! His interest in community comes at the intersection of justice and community development, and his work is based on equity, wellness, and agency. His personal slogan is, Promote Justice, Edify Others and Befriend the Lonely. Join Tyson on Jane’s Walk here: https://janeswalk.calgarycommunities.com/walks/neighbourhood-asset-mapping-in-hillhurst-sunnyside/
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2023-04-241h 30
The Struggle is Real with Justin PetersHow Can I Have Fun as an Adult Again? | E60 Tyson Bankert2023-02-1448 minThe Struggle is Real with Justin PetersHow to Have Fun as an Adult by Channeling Your Inner Child | E60 Tyson Bankert2023-02-0148 min
FI Minded: Achieve Financial Independence & Have Fun Doing ItHow Can I Have Fun as an Adult Again? | E60 Tyson BankertMy childhood was filled with a constant need for play. I remember playing a lot of backyard sports and fictional quest games that we made-up on the fly.
I always had a sense of adventure. As I got older, I found myself losing touch with that. I’m all about high achievement activities but I also wanted to allow myself to do things for the simple fact that they put a smile on my face.
I found getting back to this baseline of play and adventure way more challenging than I thought it would be. Sp...2022-04-1148 min
Excuses to Connect7: Recess for Adults: The Importance of Play and Inclusion with Tyson BankertDo you remember recess as a kid? Tyson Bankert has created a version of recess for adults. He is the founder of Recess Calgary, which is an inclusive space for adults to come, forget about their responsibilities for a while, and just have fun! Tyson’s personal slogan is: “Promote Justice, Edify Others and Befriend the Lonely.” We explore how he embodies this slogan in all the community development work that he does, such as with the Community Development Learning Initiative. We also talk about how unconscious bias and systemic barriers relate to the ability to connect with others. This i...2021-08-2346 min
the Unlearning ChannelBlack Leadership Alliance Council (BLAC) P2Here is the second half of the discussion between host MelVee X and fellow BLAC members, Ariam Wolde-Giorgis and Tyson Bankert, when they address the ultimate panel, final question: how can we help?2021-06-3050 minthe Unlearning ChannelBlack Leadership Alliance Council (BLAC) P1Join MelVee X for this conversation with fellow members from the Black Leadership Alliance Council (BLAC), Ariam Wolde-Giorgis and Tyson Bankert, as they discuss anti-Blackness, sharing Black spaces, and what community care looks and feels like.
This is the first half of two episodes, funded by CommunityWise Resource Centre.2021-06-3055 min
Growth Minds with Sean Kim61. Fame, Saying No, and Believing in Yourself｜King BachKing Bach (Andrew Bachelor) is an actor, content creator, and internet personality. He blew up on Vine with over 11 million followers, creating funny skits, and has transitioned that audience and talent to garner over 20 million followers on Instagram.
If you enjoyed this episode, you'll also want to check out:
Louis The Child: The Value of Persistency
Adrienne Bankert: How to Say No Gracefully
Subscribe: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/growth-minds/id1482999379
If you enjoy the podcast, would you please consider leaving a short review on Apple Podc...2020-11-2540 min
Growth Minds with Sean Kim37. How to Say No Gracefully & Balancing Kindness With Strength｜Adrienne BankertAdrienne Bankert is an Emmy-award-winning journalist, news correspondent, and author of Your Hidden Superpower. Her interviews can be seen on all of ABC platforms, including Good Morning America, World News Tonight, Nightline and ABC News Live, where she's spoken with recognized names such as Will Smith, Lady Gaga, Brad Pitt, Dwayne Johnson, and more.
In this conversation, we talk about the importance of kindness as you become more successful in your career, how to be kind without showing your weakness, saying no gracefully to new opportunities, and much more.
Enjoy!
2020-06-1048 min